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I would like to know

Mistress Legacy

Mistress Legacy

Star
Joined
Aug 7, 2011
Location
Bakersfield, CA
I would like to know, from everyone that reads my posts and/or threads I have made with other people.

What do you think of my writing style? I'm slightly changing it as I go because I'm still working on how I use detail. but I need to know, what do you think? What do you think I need to improve on? What am I doing right and what am I doing wrong.
 
Alright, the one thing that stuck out the most is the fact that you repeat yourself frequently. This can, unfortunately, sometimes be misinterpreted as illiteracy. Also, cut back on the similes and type, not like how you speak, but how you want others to read your work.
 
I would actually disagree on the typing as you speak. If you can get a very good conversational story tone then you are very likely to draw people in. Though I think you also need to step back and and think more about your word choice as you tend to start every sentence the same way. It disrupts the narrative.

You should try to start each sentence in a paragraph with a different word, not a hard rule of thumb; but a good one.
 
I'll be honest, I only read the first paragraph and one thing I noticed is the super fast pace of the stoytelling. Be more descripted. Imagine your readers as blind people. Make them see the picture without them seeing it. The way you write, it's like you're just showing the movie sequence and not showing the movie itself. Constructive criticism only my friend :)
 
Thanks for all the good advice. I'll take this into concentration. But do also read my other work. That little thing I wrote was just some little blur that I work. Go though my threads and tell me what you think. Thanks
 
I tried to edit your three paragraphs down to a more digestible form. I couldn't do it. The most important advice I can give you at this point in time is write every post and then read it to yourself out loud. As the others have said, you have lots of repetition, poor use of poetic devices (mostly simile), and for heaven's sake typos.

After reading it out loud, edits should be apparent. If it reads satisfactorily to you, run it through a spell check. Many players consider this an issue of manners. It is unlikely you will put much care into your posts if you don't even bother to spell check.

Reading other player's posts help to some extent. Form RP posts tend to be individualistic and conform to different conventions. Still, reading is the cornerstone to solid writing.
 
If there's one thing I notice, it's that you don't really put a lot of detail into your own character's state of emotion. You seem to simply state what they're doing and not really emphasizing how it's making them react/feel. From my own experience, this creates a lack of dimensionality in a character.

Just my two cents.
 
I'll let you know in a bit. Wish to narrow down the field to any period of time?
 
Alright. May I ask if your stated dislike for playing older partners means that you wish to play the younger males vignette in your list? Also, are there any minks you currently have for m/m that one should know about?
 
When it comes to girls, I'm always the younger one because I can't stand being with guys that are younger than me. When I play males I can do both because I know what a girl wants when it comes to sexual role plays and I read a lot of yaoi
 
If this is going to turn into a discussion where you guys are determining an RP, please take it to PMs instead as it no longer is pertinent to ConCrit then. Thanks.
 
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