Hey!
People are generally here as a hobby, and some are quite busy irl
You would probably do better asking for beta readers on websites specializing in it, and hiring an (even cheap) editor...
OWO-1 : Not sure exactly what...
OWO-1 is suddenly cut in half in mid-sentence. RUNE gives NUTE a worried
look.
NUTE : What in blazes is going on down there?
RUNE : Have you ever encountered a Jedi Knight before, sir?
NUTE : Well, not exactly, but I don't...(panicked) Seal off the bridge.
RUNE : That won't be enough, sir.
The doors to the bridge SLAM shut.
NUTE : I want destroyer droids up here at once!!!
RUNE : We will not survive this.
INT. FEDERATION BATTLESHIP - HALLWAY - OUTSIDE BRIDGE
QUI-GON cuts several BATTLE DROIDS in half, creating a shower of sparks and
metal parts. OBI-WAN raises his hand, sending several BATTLE DROIDS
crashing into the wall.
QUI-GON makes his way to the bridge door and begins to cut through it.
INT. FEDERATION BATTLESHIP - BRIDGE
The CREW is very nervous as sparks start flying around the bridge door.
QUI-GON and OBI-WAN are on the view screen.
NUTE : Close the blast doors!!!
The huge, very thick blast door slams shut, followed by a second door, then
a third. There is a hissing sound as the huge doors seal shut. QUI-GON tabs
the door with his sword. The screen goes black as a red spot appears in the
center of the blast door.
RUNE : ...They're still coming through!
On the door, chunks of molten metal begin to drop away.
NUTE : Impossible!! This is impossible!!
RUNE : Where are those destroyer droids?!
INT. FEDERATION BATTLESHIP - HALLWAY - OUTSIDE BRIDGE
Ten ugly destroyer WHEEL DROIDS roll down the hallway at full speed. Just
before they get to the bridge area, they stop and transform into their
battle configuration. QUI-GON can't see them but senses their presence.
QUI-GON : Destroyer droids!
OBI-WAN : Offhand, I'd say this mission is past the negotiaion stage.
The WHEEL DROIDS, led by P-59, rush the entry area from three hallways,
blasting away with their laser guns. They stop firing and stand in a
semi-circle as the smoke clears. OBI-WAN and QUI-GON are nowhere to be
seen.
P-59 : Switch to bio...There they are!
The Jedi materialize at the far end of the hallway and dash through the
doorway that slams shut. The WHEEL DROIDS blast away at the two JEDI with
their laser swords.
OBI-WAN : They have shield generators!
QUI-GON : It's a standoff! Let's go!
INT. FEDERATION BATTLESHIP - BRIDGE
NUTE and RUNE stand on the bridge, watching the view screen as the WHEEL
DROIDS' POV speeds to the doorway.
RUNE : We have them on the run, sir...they're no match for destroyer
droids.
TEY HOW : Sir, they've gone up the ventilation shaft.
INT. FEDERATION BATTLESHIP - MAIN BAY
QUI-GON and OBI-WAN appear at a large vent in a giant hanger bay. They are
careful not to be seen. Thousands of BATTLE DROIDS are loading onto landing
craft.
QUI-GON : Battle droids.
OBI-WAN : It's an invisible army.
QUI-GON : It's an odd play for the Trade Federation. We've got to warn the
Naboo and contact Chancellor Valorum. Let's split up. Stow aboard separate
ships and meet down on the planet.
OBI-WAN : You were right about one thing, Master. The negotiations were
short.
INT. FEDERATION BATTLESHIP - BRIDGE
TEY HOW recieves a transmission.
TEY HOW : Sir, a transmission from the planet.
RUNE : It's Queen Amidala herself.
NUTE : At last we're getting results.
On the view screen, QUEEN AMIDALA appears in her throne room. Wearing her
elaborate headdress and robes, she sits, surrounded by the GOVERNING
COUNCIL and FOUR HANDMAIDENS, EIRTAE, YANE, RABE, and SACHE.
NUTE : (cont'd) Again you come before me, Your highness. The Federation is
pleased.
AMIDALA : You will not be pleased when you hear what I have to say,
Viceroy...Your trade boycott of our planet has ended.
NUTE smirks at RUNE.
NUTE : I was not aware of such a failure.
AMIDALA : I have word that the Senate is finally voting on this blockade of
yours.
NUTE : I take it you know the outcome. I wonder why they bother to vote.
AMIDALA : Enough of this pretense, Viceroy! I'm aware the Chancellor's
Ambassadors are with you now, and that you have beencommanded to reach a
settlement.
NUTE : I know nothing about any Ambassadors...you must be mistaken.
AMIDALA, surprised at his reaction, studies him carefully.
AMIDALA : Beware, Viceroy....the Federation is going too far this time.
NUTE : Your Highness, we would never do anything without the approval of
the Senate. You assume too much.
AMIDALA : We will see.
The QUEEN fades off, and the view screen goes black.
RUNE : She's right, the Senate will never....
NUTE : It's too late now.
RUNE : Do you think she suspects an attack?
NUTE : I don't know, but we must move quickly to disrupt all communications
down there.
INT. NABOO PALACE - THRONE ROOM
The QUEEN, EIRTAE, SACHE and her Governor, SIO BIBBLE, stand before a
hologram of SENATOR PALPATINE, a thin, kindly man.
PALPATINE : ...How could that be true? I have assurances from the
Chancellor...his Ambassaodrs did arrive. It must be
the...get...negotiate...
The hologram of PALPATIONE sputters and fades away.
AMIDALA : Senator Palpatine?!? (turns to Panaka) What's happening?
CAPTAIN PANAKA turns to his SARGEANT
CAPT. PANAKA : Check the transmission generators...
BIBBLE : A malfunction?
CAPT. PANAKA : It could be the Federation jamming us. Your Highness.
BIBBLE : A communications disruption can only mean one thing. Invasion.
AMIDALA : Don't jump to conclusions, Governor. The Federation would not
dare go that far.
CAPT. PANAKA : The Senate would revoke their trade franchise, and they'd be
finished.
AMIDALA : We must continue to rely on negotiation.
BIBBLE : Negotiation? We've lost all communications!...and where atre the
Chancellors Ambassadors? How can we negotiate? We must prepare to defend
ourselves.
CAPT. PANAKA : This is a dangerous situation, Your Highness. Our security
volunteers will be no match against a battle-hardened Federation army.
AMIDALA : I will not condone a course of action that will lead us to war.
There, since you enjoy reading so much I hope this wastes more of your time than you wasted mine.
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