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Incendonocturne’s (Oft times) Incoherent Inscriptions

incendonocturne

A Land Unreachable, with Stone Walls.
Joined
May 30, 2018
Location
Purgatory
Greetings!

I figure and hope this will be easier than always posting on my profile. To let my RP partners know what’s going on and why there may be radio silence on my end.

On any given day, life may well throw a curve ball or ten, directly at my face. Usually work life is the cause of this to be perfectly honest. It’s a bitch but someone’s gotta do it as they say.

Sometimes, my muse plain and simple may be the cause of said silence. I will not come to you and say so because it’s not you, it’s me. I know, that old standard! But it’s true. Sometimes it just takes my muse some time to get in line and do what she’s supposed to fucking do. She can be a right bitch. She always comes around though.

Sometimes I’m feeling one of my others a little more than the others I have going. My tastes sometimes change like a raging sea. ;) (admittedly I have one or two going that I’m always on top of because of the tone of it and I absolutely adore my partner and the chemistry between characters and players is awesome.)

I know I leave some of you hanging for a week. My sincerest apologies on doing so BUT I want you to know that during that week, I have our RP up and am working on it, even if it’s a sentence or two a day, I AM usually working on them. I will not rush my muse nor my brain (in instances where it’s over stimulated by life occurrences). Why? For you. Simply for you. Because I don’t want to give you a rushed or half assed reply.

I am enjoying all of the RP’s I have going, even if it takes me some time. However, I understand if my making you wait, for whatever reason, is annoying to you. I would understand if you wanted to put it on a shelf either for a little bit or permanently. I would not be mad. And on the opposite side of that coin, if you are totally ok with my slow-ass responses.....I sincerely and greatly appreciate the understanding and patience.

Ok, with all of that being said! These past few weeks have been a fucking roller coaster. Technically the last month or so have been. Crazy shit at work that involves me kinda having to worry about whether I’m gonna still have a job or not. That seems to be waning though and I seem to be safe but....never know with the way shit goes in my life sometimes. There’s also been staff meetings. Fights with the boss (and my friend). Just General life stuff cropping up here and there.

The last week alone has been just a cluster fuck. Parents went on vacation and I had to rush to check on my nephew at one point and the dogs in another because my brother is an inconsiderate twatwaffle that decides to just fuck shit up as soon as my parents aren’t there to keep him in some symbolence of control.

Annnnnd at one point I cracked the back of my head against the freezer door handle at work. LMAO and I mean hard! I still have a small knot there and it’s still a little sore but...I have a hard head, so I’m good but....that’s how crazy shit can get around here.

Now, tonight! I’m actually going out for some fun! A friend of mine had an extra ticket to the 5FDP and Breaking Benjamin show and she invited me along. It’s been a while since I’ve been to a concert and just had some fucking fun, so hopefully tonight when I get home, my muse and just me in general will be in a much better place and can concentrate on those stories that I have yet to answer to.

e05bb1111c255e683b7e8d84b78b72f1.gif


Peace, Love and Chicken Grease!
 
Last night was awesome!

But then you realize you just may be getting too old for this shit! :ROFLMAO: And then you realize, you’ll still be that spunky 90 year old lady going to concerts because fuck that shit! That’s what Tylenol’s for! Lmfao
 
Not Laboring on this Labor Day!

Wing Dings, French Fries, Chris Pratt movies, thunderstorm outside, cats keeping me company and working on RP’s.

Love it!
 
@JayM1125 @Jack Stalker @True Grave @bodman54 @Campion @Starcaller @ForFluxRP @LocalFriendlyPsychopath @bigbadvoodoodaddy

Gentlemen, you are all so incredibly patient with me and I adore you for it! I hope the patience continues to be there.

Work has gotten incredibly chaotic. We have lost two staff when there wasn’t any wiggle room to lose even one of them. Which means, that with me being the only flexible schedule available, I’m getting thrown on for a lot of overtime and often times having to run medical appointments on top of that for any one of the clients. This schedule alone has me working my normal 80 hours (every two weeks) but almost 80 hours of OT also.....so in a two week period, I’m working an entire month of hours. So believe, your patience is greatly appreciated! :heart::heart::heart::heart: Working in the mental health field (as most of you know I think) can be mentally exhausting.

As I said above, if any of you guys are just tired of waiting, I would whole heartedly understand. Just let me know, please. I won’t be upset if you want to shelve a story. I know it can be frustrating to have to wait. But please know that even with all of those hours, I am often trying to work on replies.
 
Someone wanna stop the roller coaster? Lmao I wanna get off.

Oi! I haven’t forgotten anyone! I promise! Work has effectively stuffed my Muse in a box. I was able to get some replies out to some a week or so ago. I actually have tomorrow off.....after my nieces birthday party. I will try to work on some more replies, no promises but I will try!
 
So, I don’t often bitch and complain about anything but there are a few things in this life that really just fucking grind my gears.

One of them being people that are just absolute and inconsiderate dicks.

I mean I get it, no one owes anyone anything but honestly, how hard is it....how hard.....if someone messages someone else for that someone else to message back even with a simple “Thanks for the suggestion but I’m not interested.” A simple “No thanks.” fucking works too. Just something to let the other person know that it was received.

We are all adults last time I checked and most should be able to handle a nice polite response, even if it’s one to say not interested. Being completely ignored on the other hand is just a shitty thing to do to someone.

remember-being-a-dick-wont-make-yours-any-bigger-s-19688308.png


-steps down off my soap box-

Have a great day folks! :cool:
 
“Don’t give up. Apply constant pressure for as long as it takes. It will break before you do. Go get it.” — Chris Pratt

********

I needed these words today. I’m going to need them moving forward. I am not broken but I am cracked, right now.

My eyes hurt. My head hurts. But above all else, my heart hurts.

I have worked with developmentally disabled adults in their group home and their workshop settings for the better part of 10 years. I love the people I work with. They are some of the purest and most lovely people on this planet. In those 10 years I’ve made some mistakes, simple medication errors but never....NEVER NEVER NEVER have I ever laid a harmful hand on any of the mentally disabled people I have come into contact with over the years. I’d never even THINK about it, let alone do it. My record for that has always been clean. Always. Until yesterday.

A few months ago, one of the clients tripped and fell. I was behind her but not even within arms distance. My coworker was there and witnessed all of this. I did my job and checked her over to make sure she was alright, as did my coworker, as further witness. She was. However, she went to her workshop the next day and told them that I had pushed her and that I hurt her wrist. The workshop had to do their job and reported the claim to Recipient Rights. An investigation was opened against me. My coworker and I had to write up statements (which I was able to see my coworkers and it corroberated mine.) There is documented history on this girl, that states she has done the same thing, to the letter, same wrist, same ER, same freaking everything, just a different home she was in and a different staff member targeted.

I didn’t hear anything back on the investigation since the day mine and my coworkers statements were sent in, via the home manager. So we all thought it was good and clear.

I had to go to a meeting today with the company bosses. They had a RR substantiation on me we needed to discuss. I thought it was one of my medical errors from a few months back as well. Boy was I blindsided when I got there and they told me it was for the pushing incident and that I had to be terminated from a job that I love! Even though there was a witness and sufficient documented history that this has happened before. What’s worse is they classified it as Abuse Class 2 - Non Accidental. Which means not only did I supposedly do it but I supposedly did it.....on purpose. Anyone that knows me, knows better. This unjustly puts a black mark on my record. I can’t EVER work in this field again now because of it. Hospitals won’t likely hire me because of it. They’ll see it and think that I am a violent person and that I am that way with disabled people. My heart is absolutely crushed at the moment. I am absolutely going to appeal this ‘substantiation’. I’m going to fight this tooth and nail. Even if I don’t get my job back, I want that dark spot off my record because it does nothing but screws with my livelihood.

I’m gonna....”Go get it.” I’m just gonna finish crying a little bit first. ‘Scuse me and pardon my venting.

*************

Needless to say, some of my RP’s will once again and still suffer probably extended bouts of silence. My partners have been nothing but patient with me and have refused to totally give up on me and for that I am eternally and greatly appreciative. I am still here and will still reply, but I do greatly appreciate your continued patience while I deal with all of this.
 
So after a few phone calls. I’ve found out that I can’t get my vacation pay out, according to policy because I was terminated. Sucks. Not sure how they can do that, since I fucking earned it.

I also found out that the Recipient Rights investigator was supposed to interview me. She did not. Never spoke to them about this particular incident. I believe they were supposed to talk to the witness and the home manager as well. Not likely that they did. So hopefully that will aid me in my appeal on this bullshit.

Applied for Unemployment today. Letting them know that I am appealing this. So it’s all set up, so that if everything falls into place, I’ll be able to collect.

This is all just a clusterfuck of a situation. No matter how hard I fight against it, the depression is trying to sink in. I wanna go lay down and just hide from the world at the moment but I can’t. I know I can’t.

So, I’m gonna try.....try being the operative word here......to put my energies and feelings elsewhere and just slip into alternative worlds for a bit.
 
Unemployment signed up for. Talent Connect signed up for. Resume uploaded.

Check. Check. Check.

Hearing back from Office of Recipient Rights about an appeal. Yeah fucking right. I’ll have to call them again tomorrow. Seems they’re just trying to sweep me under the rug. If they purposefully didn’t call me back in the allotted time frame for me to make an appeal.....guess I’ll be going to a lawyer and labor board.

I refuse to let these assholes kick me in the fucking face and keep me fucking down.
 
So, I finally got an answer to the question I’ve been asking about filing an Appeal on the bullshit work substantiation/termination and I totally feel like I’m getting the run around after the answer they gave but alright....made the next call to HR.

I’m also still expecting a package in the mail for the last piece I bought for my StarLord costume. Forgot that my daughter had mentioned she sent me something, part of my Christmas gift.....

So....I get this package in the mail and not thinking anything of it, I open it up and........I’m crying. Just saying.....😭😭😭😭😭😭😭


I needed this boost today. I love my kid! She’s awesome and knows her momma so well. 💖

Le Note!

Le Present!
 
Astronomicon 2019 - Day One!

Ok so....I already had the Scooby and Shaggy.Bought Scoob at Toys R Us a few years ago. Shaggy I picked up at last years Astronomicon. I was talking to mom today and told her I was going to see if they had anymore of the set there and she said...”No! No Scooby Doo ones! Unless you find Velma.” 😂👌🏻 I caught on but anyways! I actually DID find Velma at Astronomicon and she was a heck of a lot cheaper than what mom had seen her listed at other places. So I got her and when I got back to moms house, she presented me with a couple boxes that had Daphne, Fred and Scooby Dum (I love Dum as much as I love Doo AND I didn’t even know they HAD a Dum Pop!) 🥰🥰🥰 My mom....is AWESOME! And I love her so incredibly much! Thank you, thank you, thank you Mom! 💖💖💖 Now all we need is to be able to find The Mystery Machine Pop for a decent price.

I also got me an Owen Grady Pop! 💕🥰💖

And....a Star Lord Magnet! 🥰

Star Lord, Trunks and Mya became Ghostbusters for a bit! 😂👌🏻

StarLord was part of The League of Enchantment for a quick minute! 😉

“I think your plan is good, except...it sucks....” 😂👌🏻

I couldn’t pass up the chance! Annnnd I had a little boy ask me why I was going to shoot Iron Man, I told him....”cuz his plan sucked.” 😂

John Kassir (voice of The Crypt Keeper) was a real Scream! A long running part of my childhood, teen years and adulthood! Was so excited to get to not only meet him but for my nieces to meet him as well. Mya asked him to sign her picture with “Happy Birthday” (cuz today is her birthday) and he happily obliged as well as signing another for a collector piece. All three of us girls got to take a picture with him. And my voicemail greeting will now be an absolute scream for all the boils and ghouls that call me! 🥰💖
 
Astronomicon Day 2 done and Epic! 😍 My nephew Chris went with us today and got to meet Kane Hodder, little man loves Jason, so this was an awesome thing. We took him early when we got there and he was geeked. As we were walking around, he found a hockey mask and when we got it for him, he asked me if we could go back to “Jason” so he could show him his mask. So we went and saw Kane again and he autographed lil man’s hockey mask to boot.

A lot of people were excited and wanted pics of my niece, Emma in her Trunks costume and she was just on cloud 9.

Mya got her Eleven Underwater Pop Vinyl And was very excited!

The vendor at the booth that sold us the Pop vinyl Eleven, said his son absolutely loves Star Lord, he told me what his son and wife were wearing and when I found them, I told the little guy that I heard he liked Star Lord and he nodded excitedly and said “Yeah!” and I asked him if he wanted a picture and even more excitedly nodded. He was so freaking cute! And speaking of cute.....lil Rainbow Brite! I stopped whatever I was doing just to snap that picture because 🥰 she was so precious.

Pic 1, should be able to swipe through the rest of them.

And below....a few pieces of wonderful art I picked up today!

How beautiful is this!?

And this is just! 😍🥰💖 It’s amazing and beautiful and different! I love the 8 year old Quill hand and his Mom’s hand....it’s just....I had to have it as soon as the artists agent showed it to me.
 
So....it’s been a bumpy ride since the end of November. Terminated from a field I’ve been in for ten years. All because the bitch that ran the company didn’t like me and was just looking for a reason to fire me. So they chose to go with a physical violence rap....in the field I work in, it’s labeled as like a Class 2 Abuse. I was certain my career in working with Mentally Disabled people was done. Found out that technically, it just means I can’t work for that company anymore. Because it wasn’t a criminal case, never went to court or anything like that.....it doesn’t show up when other companies do background checks. And technically I don’t have to tell any other company what it was all about, nor can anyone from the shit company that fired me.

In the midst of all of this, I was super excited and saving up for Astronomicon 2. Had almost everything I needed for my StarLord cosplay outfit except the blasters and the tickets to the Con......being terminated killed that hope and excitement, real hard and real fast. Bless my family! They knew it tore me up. My daughter bought me the blasters I needed to complete the costume and my sister bought me the tickets for the entire weekend of the Con.

I was lucky enough to get hired at another company, a little bit different work, it wasn’t mentally disabled adults, just physically disabled, a little less than a month later and I liked the company. The job started out strong, as it was the holiday season. So I was getting good hours! Things were looking up! Had a job again. Was going to be able to go to Astro 2. All was right with my world.....

Then it all started to slow down. And as of last month came to a screeching halt because they had no sites in my area to send me to. So....I had a job BUT I was out of work.

It’s been rough. I hate having to rely on others to pay my bills and feed me. I’m a fucking adult. I hate that helpless and hopeless feeling. Hate. It. With. A. Passion!

My parents, as always, come through in a clutch. But at what cost? I found out....bless their hearts....they have been helping me by using funds that were put aside for my sisters wedding later this year. That....fucking almost broke me. I really could have done without that information because not only was that having to ask and rely on them crushing me but....man that’s my sisters big day.....

So I’ve been a little bit left of center and things have just been steadily building inside of me. Some days were far better than others. I always had someone to talk to though and he knows who he is and he knows I adore him endlessly for it and countless other things. But still....some days were better than others.

To top it off, this entire last week or two has just been a clusterfuck of activity. All of it throwing my sleep schedule into a tail spin. Being worried about a friend. Worried about where my next meal is gonna come from (because ya know I hate asking! But I did eventually). Then my car broke down on me and we weren’t sure it would be able to be fixed. By the grace of some higher power.....the mechanic and his new technique....fixed my car. I was able to get my physical and TB test and various other shit I needed to do before I start work again. Yeah....I really wanted off this roller coaster ride of fuckery.

At any rate....long story short....too late, I know!

The company that terminated me did so out of pure spite because.....they were getting rid of the group home I worked at just a few months after they terminated me and they knew that months before they terminated me....so....yeah....out of pure spite, right before the holidays. Nice, eh?

This new company though....they’ve gone through the process of looking into my termination and they have graciously hired me back on. Back in the group home I was at before. So....as of tomorrow, I am back where I belong! I am gainfully employed once again. My car is fixed! No more worrying about anything.....except getting my sleep schedule (and life in general!) back on track.

That being said, if any of my playing partners are reading this.....work and getting back into the swing of it is going to be busting my chops but I will strive to get replies to you in a timely manner.

Except you, my King. You know you will always be top of the list, always.
 
You are my strength and my inspiration. It has been so hard and I know I lost a bit of hope recently and I'm still struggling to find it, I'm here for you, lovely. I am so glad that desperate, awful situation had a good outcome, as good as it did too! And your family is seriously full of champions pulling through for the con for you. My rockin, shockin star lord. 💕💕

😘 I’d say I am here for you but.....


View: https://youtu.be/qJEP5sWuDi8


Now and Always. 💕💕💕
 
Ok so...I’ve seen people saying Happy Mother’s Day and....it confused the hell out of me! I’m like....WHAT!? Did I somehow miss an entire freaking month plus!? Is it May 12th already!? What the fuck!? OMG I MISSED AVENGERS: ENDGAME! (<—Legit my last thought and it truly scurrrred me! 😭)

Turns out, it’s Mother’s Day in the UK....so....WHEW! I did not miss Endgame! 😂 We safe folks! Catastrophe averted! ABORT ABORT ABORT!

I’m ok. I swear! 😂

((Happy Mother’s Day to any UK Momma’s here though! 😘))
 
268.5 Pounds

Not only have I finally broken below the 270 mark but I’ve done so by a pound and half. 👍🏻 Finally! I was beginning to think that plateau would last forever. 😭 It’s taken me a year to drop 30 pounds but I’ve fucking done it! 💪🏻 20 more to the goal I set for myself.....and then I’m gonna break further past that goal. I’ve gotta look decent in my brides maid dress for my sisters wedding. 💕
 
I’ve got today off! Yay!

Feeling a little out of sorts but I will try to catch up with everyone today that I owe.
 
-grunts- Oi! Getting my eyebrows and chin waxed (and apparently my lip! First time ever!) kinda hurts! But I no longer look like a hairy troll. 😂. Go me!
 
Michigan weather blows. I’m freezing and while the three glasses of wine tasted real good and kept me warm and provided me with some much needed sleep.....it doesn’t seem to have settled entirely well with my stomach. -chuckles- Oi vey! But it felt good to treat myself regardless.
 
To all of my RP partners:

This last week has been a cluster fuck of activity. I have not been ignoring you, I simply have barely had the brain power to hold much more than a thought or three at once, so....I’ve been scarce.....

[BGCOLOR=rgb(25, 49, 66)]Easter Sunday dinner with family, an hour and a half worth of sleep, worked a midnight shift, upon clocking out at 8am (early at that) I had to go directly to a class needed for work until 3pm, went to moms for a bit. Had to force myself to stay awake even though I had the night off because I had the second half of that class at 8:30 Tuesday morning until 3pm, had to go to moms again and then directly to sleep once I got home because I worked another midnight shift Tuesday into Wednesday morning. Left work at 9am, went directly to moms house down the street to sleep because I had to work Wednesday afternoon from 2pm to 11pm (so I only got 2 hours of sleep between shifts, yay me!) after shift, went home and directly to bed because I had yet another class for work on Thursday morning for Recipient Rights and then had another midnight shift into Friday morning. Had nothing going during the day Friday but by that time I was super zoned out on top of being super excited for Saturday to get around so that I could watch Endgame. Conflicting emotions did me no favors in the brain department! I worked Friday midnight into Saturday morning, went directly to moms house again and then we sat through the 3 hours of the movie.....which emotionally exhausted me and I’m still processing from the movie. Not even gonna lie! It was a great movie. A culmination of great things and a great ending to what I grew up with.[/BGCOLOR]

[BGCOLOR=rgb(25, 49, 66)]I will get to you! Please be patient. More is going to be coming my way as well. More classes. I will also have to be doing things to prepare for my sisters wedding. Bridesmaid things, so ya know, important.[/BGCOLOR]

[BGCOLOR=rgb(25, 49, 66)]I thank you for your patience and I understand if you want to drop out and run for the hills as well. Just ya know, lemme know, please.[/BGCOLOR]
 
So despite not wanting to go out and be people-y today.....I ran up to Walmart for a couple of 2 liters of Diet Pepsi. I’m glad I did.

Standing in line, behind a younger white lady that had kind of a lot of groceries. I see a young black gentleman walk up with two other younger white ladies. Working in the field myself, I knew right away that the other two ladies were developmentally disabled.

I recognized the look on the staffs faces, wondering how I was going to react to these two ladies when they approached me with beautiful vibrant smiles and happy hellos. Gushing that they liked my shirt (I’m wearing one of my Avengers T-shirt’s.) and my LEGO land keychain. I asked them if they’d seen the movies yet. No but they were excited to do so when they could.

I answered with just as bright a smile and happy Thank You and told one of the girls I liked her Pikachu hat she had. The relief that washed over their staffs faces was a feeling all too well known and it filled my heart knowing that I could make a fellow DCW’s job easier with just that simple and kind reaction. The gentleman asked to see my Transformer tattoos and that excited the girls just as much when I showed them off. Sending one of them into an excited story about her brother having Transformers on his arms too. She also showed me the movie that she had bought and was excited to go home and watch it tonight.

This is the reality of the field I work in. Our people get looked down upon far too often because people just don’t understand or they are scared. They are us. They want the same things we do in life. Friendship. Happiness. Smiles. Love. Conversation. Compassion.

It is so hard to watch people look down their noses at the disabled community.

The female staff thanked me for talking to them. I told her I thoroughly understood because I work in the field as well. Whether you work in the field or not though, a smile and compassion are free and the feeling in your heart knowing you sent not only those girls home feeling better about themselves but their staff as well, it’s a great feeling and everyone should really try it some time.
 
What a wonderful experience. You're truly a ray of sunshine. ❤

I think that is definitely something lacking in our communities these days, is simple compassion. I think disabled people in particular can represent a certain archetype and blueprint for the rest of us, dictating our behaviors towards one another. Because nobody is truly 100% whole.

Exactly. No one is whole. No one is ‘normal’. No one is the same as the next person. Plain and simple.

Humanity/Society as a whole would be better off if they could embrace that mindset. Accept it. When it comes to the disabled community, I think people need to stop and think....”What if that was one of my children? One of my family members?” They might look at them differently instead of the way I’ve seen far too many people look at my people.
 
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