Is anyone else REALLY tired of being ignored?

[Xanaphia]

Hoesntly, it's not worth the headache to worry about people who don't respond. Honestly, most of the time, it's not even malicious. The few times I have done it, I got a pm and wasn't in a position to answer it at that moment, and then ended up forgetting about it until it was too late to warrant a response. I imagine many of the others on here are in the same boat.

Either you lost out on a person who wasn't interested enough to remember to respond, or wasn't courteous enough to bother. Either way, they aren't worth your time. Here is some advice that might help when it gets you down:

 

[Sync]

The few times I have done it, I got a pm and wasn't in a position to answer it at that moment, and then ended up forgetting about it until it was too late to warrant a response.

I have done that, I admit - forgotten a post, then lost track of it and lost momentum in the story and had to drop it.

I still gave my partners the courtesy of sending a message to admit it and let them know that I was the lame-arse one who let it go.

Good Manners aren't difficult to do.

 

[Xanaphia]

I have done that, I admit - forgotten a post, then lost track of it and lost momentum in the story and had to drop it.

I still gave my partners the courtesy of sending a message to admit it and let them know that I was the lame-arse one who let it go.

Good Manners aren't difficult to do.

I am not referring to rps here, but pms, mostly to discuss an rp or the occasional ooc chat from nonpartners. If I just remember after two weeks that I never turned down that approach that didn't catch my attention, sending a rejection at that point seems needlessly cruel.

Nevertheless, my original points stands, and I too may be someone unworthy of another's time, when I can't summon the attention to reply to their inquiry.

 

[Primeval_Exile]

I would prefer even a polite decline for whatever reason than an ignore. But it’s not that big of deal, such is life.
Honestly I think the worse scenario would be the other partner ghosting mid discussion about the plot.

However I can see why people are tentative to deny others. You never know how the other will react. But this is a relatively safe medium , unlike online dating involving exchanging phone numbers for instance .

My advice to those on the receiving end is take it with grace and move on. Don’t respond further. Plenty of fish out there. Learn from it and don’t obsess. Not everyone feels comfortable telling people no.

That’s my two pence.

 

[Lewd Tales]

I wouldn't think it's "weird" to be annoyed by the same methods that one occasionally ends up doing themselves. It's sort of just how it is.

Is it frustrating? Yes.
Is it annoying? Yes
Is it something that comes with the territory of RPing? Yes.

I'd prefer to be told, personally, if an RP isn't working out or if there's any other reason why replies end up slowing down. I get life gets in the way and I'm the type that if I don't hear from you in a while, I usually send a PM to ask what's up. If I never get a reply, I just politely tell them in a secondary response that I'm just going to have to officially drop the RP (I keep my PM Inbox nice and tidy) and leave it at that.

I'm more annoyed when someone just stops posting altogether in an RP with me, but they're active with others. It brings up that mentality that was spoken about, namely for me that's the "did I do something wrong?" mentality. It only infuriates me more when this happens only after one or two posts in an RP, but I have to get over it and hopefully find another partner.

This is pretty common when it comes to RWBY fandom RPs and I've found perhaps only one person that's willing to do Bleach with me.

My LFRP threads are also pretty specific, I suppose (particularly when it comes to fandom), so that's likely why I sometimes feel "ignored". Doesn't really help that outside forces also don't make a very happy camper, but that's neither here nor there.

TL;DR Version: I'd prefer being told if an RP isn't working out, if I'm honest.

 

[incendonocturne]

I'm more annoyed when someone just stops posting altogether in an RP with me, but they're active with others. It brings up that mentality that was spoken about, namely for me that's the "did I do something wrong?" mentality.

This hit the nail on the head. I don’t mind being ignored honestly. I’ve ignored someone myself at one time or another, tit for tat so to speak. -shrugs-

But that right there is the most annoying thing in the world but let me take it a step further because this just recently happened to me and it is beyond infuriating to be honest.

Had an RP going. Hadn’t heard from my partner in almost a month on the RP but I’d see them popping online for a bit, no reply. Would talk to them through messenger once in a while. Would message them through Pm to make sure they were ok because we got along fine (or so it seemed) OOC. I’d get the “oh yeah, just tired. Just busy. No time to write.” Spiel.

I took it at face value.

Life comes before RP for me and I’m understanding when it gets others caught up in its grasp.

So then, I saw the partner online and we were chatting in messenger and he seemed to be on for a good bit, said he was gonna go take a shower and then come back. I said ‘cool, maybe we can RP and catch up when you’re done with your shower.’ Got the “oh yeah most definitely.” Didn’t hear from him again for a while. I again took it at face value just figuring he got wrapped up with life or something. Ya know it happens. So I messaged him a day later and I got the spiel again of being busy and not having time to write. Once more for good measure, I took it at face value......Until.....I happened to see a thread come up in the ‘latest posts’ that had this partners name attached to it. I got curious and had a look.....this partner had been posting to this thread for DAYS, every day in fact for a week at least....even during the time that I’d been chatting with him and got the “too busy to write” excuse. AND....the replies were lengthy from this person.

So I checked them on it. Too busy with life, no time to write my ass. I don’t mind being ignored. I don’t mind a “This isn’t working for me” but what I can not stand....is bald faced being lied to....and that’s all that shit was. A flat out lie. And worse yet, that partner came to ME and I went out of my comfort zone for THEM.....only to be lied to.

Irritating AF.....just sayin’

 

[Lewd Tales]

Yep, that does sound awfully irritating. Sorry that you had to go through that, Incendonocturne. I don't like being lied to at all myself, personally. It does make it a bit worse if you decided to step out of your comfort zone for them (and they came to you first). I've had instances where I've tried to compromise, but something along the lines of just being dropped/ignored happens often when that occurs.

The 2nd most annoying thing to me is when it's clear they did not read the LFRP thread (and usually just end up mass sending out a PM about an RP request - had that happen a couple of times). Then when you try to point it out, they get agitated. I try to politely let the person know about that - as I expect to be told if I misread something on a thread and just have it explained to me "no, no, this is what it means or this is what I'm looking for". If it doesn't match, then I'd just apologize and be on my way.

 

[Yoga Princess]

I think if I start another roleplay and don't get a response, in the future, I will start a poll to guage interest in outing people that agree to a roleplay and then disappear after receiving a starter.

 

[loadedgunn]

Been RPing for a while, but you get used to it. Unless, however, it's from someone you've built a strong RP relationship with. I normally follow up to make sure everything is okay. If we've only been going back and forth for a few days or even weeks, it's not surprising to me if they ditch. I normally ditch when I notice the quality of replies regressing.

 

[Yoga Princess]

I just noticed that I'm not the only and won't be last who is ditched after a starter has been sent or posted. I haven't experienced that form of ditching elsewhere.

 

[Mr Quixotic]

I think if I start another roleplay and don't get a response, in the future, I will start a poll to guage interest in outing people that agree to a roleplay and then disappear after receiving a starter.

I've never ditched in my life and in the four years that I've been writing only had two partners disappear off the face of the earth without forewarning. Not once ditched without a word by anyone who's remained active on the boards. I put that down to only taking on stories with partners with whom I mesh with OoC and developing a mutual camaraderie and respect before the first word hits the page/screen. Later down the track if a scene isn't working for one of us, we can talk about it and amicably agree to either part ways or move on to another.

In regards to being ghosted in plotting, that has happened a few times and while it irks me on principle and as a matter of common courtesy, it's not something I particularly worry about. It tells me it wouldn't have worked anyway.

To be honest, if I came across someone calling for people who ditch to be outed, or naming names, it's not the so-called ditcher I'd be hesitant to write with. As The Goodman states, there could well be valid reasons. Also, because someone does it with one individual, it doesn't mean it's a habit or that they'll do it with the next.

In the end, if people are constantly getting ditched/ignored, there's one common denominator in that scenario and it might worth looking inwards to see if there are specific reasons why.

 

[Yoga Princess]

I know roleplays can end suddenly for variety of reasons but after one post or a start post is pretty bad. What is reasonable amount of time to expect the 2nd post? If one week is reasonable, I'd say crazy.

 

[Yoga Princess]

I should clarify what I consider ditching. It is start the roleplay and no further posts. So only one person has posted and then no reason given by other person. Maybe it is also called ghosting.

 

[Jables]

What I also hate is when you start something with someone or get really deep into planning the story with someone, and then they suddenly start ignoring you. That's even worse than being ignored from the get go. They're giving you false hope. It's even worse when you see them bumping their search thread the next day. That's the height of rudeness.

This happens to me quite a bit. I don't know why it happens, I figure that for whatever reason the other person just isn't enjoying the RP but I would like to know why so I can fix it if it's my fault. Just a bummer when I get ignored and don't know why.

 

[Gromnar]

Being ignored and people disappearing without rhyme or reason seems to the norm. Then there are those people who become entirely disrespectful in how they do treat you when they do chat with you, or simply ignore important aspects to talk about then completely crush you afterwards. I usually tell people how I feel then block/ignore them afterwards. Don't have time to associate with those who can't adhere to basic niceties.

 

[Chai]

I feel like this is kind of weird but...

I don't care when people get back to me. I don't care if they disappear indefinitely. I don't care if they come back months later and give me a reply. I don't care if they just keep going with their other roleplays, and I don't care if they even let me know they aren't interested anymore.

Writing sex stories isn't really a priority for me; it's mostly used as an escape or creative outlet from my "normal" life. I think there are better ways to channel my frustration than to be mad about some random person on the Internet who stopped talking to me over a roleplay. They're not my friend or anyone I know, so I don't really care what they think of me or my writing. Miss me with that buuuuullshit.

That being said, I'm 100% inclined to let them know if something's come up if they're the type of partner I talk to on an OOC basis. Then they're more like my friend, and I actually care what they think, lol.

Long story short: once you stop caring, roleplaying becomes so much better.

 

[CindyHarrison]

for me, certain writing partners can become so.....I guess the word 'special' kinda applies. We'll chat about other stuff besides our RP and before you know it, we begin to know each other. When these people vanish I have to confess it hurts a little

 

[Mela]

I have long stopped taking things personal. I have gotten ditched once or twice without a word and I have done it too, to all of my partners at one point. Ended up in hospital with a life threatening condition for several months. I went back later to apologize but found that most ignored the apologies. That is ok too.

Reasons for me ignoring someone are as follows. We discussed something before starting to play and then they make a 180 and present me with a scenario I have no interest in, I feel like I wasted my time plotting and it's kind of rude too. Especially when it adds elements from my hard no list.

I am not sure how often this happens but I had it happen more than once, my partners blur the IC/OOC line. Suddenly I am asked for RL pics, camsex or other stuff that I am not now not ever going to give them. I am very firm with my stance that IC is IC and OOC we can not ever be more than just friends. I don't want to be hit on every five minutes or asked for RL details beyond the ones that I volunteer. It will make me ditch and block/ignore so fast.

I don't want to see a list with naming and shaming though truly. One pairing may have not worked out or something happened, that very person that ditched you might become one of the best partners someone else has ever had for a story, as such let everyone make up their own mind.

 

[Talim]

Meh people have lives outside of RP so I can understand where they are coming from when they leave.

 

[Chai]

I am not sure how often this happens but I had it happen more than once, my partners blur the IC/OOC line. Suddenly I am asked for RL pics, camsex or other stuff that I am not now not ever going to give them. I am very firm with my stance that IC is IC and OOC we can not ever be more than just friends. I don't want to be hit on every five minutes or asked for RL details beyond the ones that I volunteer. It will make me ditch and block/ignore so fast.

Hahaha, dude, 100% this happens often.

I have no problem becoming friends over time with people I meet here, but occasionally you have those people who suddenly start wanting to sex you, the person behind the character. It’s absolutely not okay, and I normally tell those people to back the fuck up.

My personal favorite is when they start play-acting as some sort of “””””””dominant””””””” and start telling you things like: “You’d love if I picked out your clothes for you,” and start calling you “pet” or “kitten.” It makes me laugh; honestly it comes off as a bad Tinder conversation, and I also ditch those without a word.

 

[Talim]

XD omg so true I have run into a few like that.Sorry had to reply as that was relatable af.

 

[Raina Reader]

Hahaha, dude, 100% this happens often.

I have no problem becoming friends over time with people I meet here, but occasionally you have those people who suddenly start wanting to sex you, the person behind the character. It’s absolutely not okay, and I normally tell those people to back the fuck up.

My personal favorite is when they start play-acting as some sort of “””””””dominant””””””” and start telling you things like: “You’d love if I picked out your clothes for you,” and start calling you “pet” or “kitten.” It makes me laugh; honestly it comes off as a bad Tinder conversation, and I also ditch those without a word.

Definitely had this happen more than once. I'm pretty strict that IC is IC and OOC is OOC, but I have in the past developed bonds or friendships with long-term partners that started to blur the lines a bit. If Ive known them long enough / feel comfortable then it tends to be no big deal, unless they start flirting OOCly. Now, being gay and exclusively seeking FxF roleplay i've still had quite a few male partners which doesn't bother me if they can play the role right and give me the in depth emotional character im looking for since I completely separate OOC and IC. In my perspective, my partner and I are merely sharing in a co-operative telling of a story so if they're a solid writer, what ever, I don't care what you are behind the screen if you can deliver me that gay romantic goodness.

That said, Ive had a few guys over my 15+ years of roleplaying, start flirting with me or claim to have fallen in love with me and its awkwaaaaaaaard, because for one it immediately unbalances the neutral relationship I thought we had and two I no longer feel comfortable with the roleplay because for me, i was invested in the characters, the emotion and their relationship with no second thought to the typist behind the screen then suddenly they're hitting on me OOC and i can't handle it. 5 or so years ago I had to completely scrap an internet handle I used everywhere because it turned into a full blown stalker situation. Ever since I try to be a bit more guarded if I can help it.

 

[Tinkerer Nadia]

Quality over quantity. Find a really good, dedicated partner and form a special rp bond, rather then worrying about how many partners is my personal way to find victory.

 

[Helger]

Quality over quantity. Find a really good, dedicated partner and form a special rp bond, rather then worrying about how many partners is my personal way to find victory.

I have to agree with @NadiatheTinkerer she expressed the essence of the problem. When you are ignored this is the last stage of the "failed" relationship. Regardless how you behave with this person, you still come to the same "failed" point. Here you need to fight not with the person, who is already saving herself from you, but with yourself. First you need to honestly recognize who you are, what you want and most importantly what you can.

No need to be offended by a person, if after your second message he/she stopped communicating with you. He/She is probably more experienced than you are and already understood everything. You need to be grateful to him/her for saving you time.

 

[Helger]

I have done the whole ignoring thing various times. There isn't really a universal reason to it, it's mostly a case to case basis for me.

Sometimes I message somebody for an idea and during the plotting phase I might feel we are looking for different things, or aren't on the same wavelength. From there I have two choices then.

Either openly refuse, which makes me feel bad since I don't want to hurt any feelings, and also frequently results in my partner growing fed up or lashing out or getting stalky; or ignore and hope they simply forget and move on before we get too invested.

I have also left rps right after they began. Mostly if I, again, feel that the writing style isn't really mashing well. Because ultimately, when writing an erotic story, I want it to be a partner whose persona or writing I find attractive, inspiring and am willing to invest into. So if I feel we aren't compatible after it started, I rather slip out before we get too invested in it, because I don't really want to go ahead and be like "Hey sorry but your writing doesn't really appeal to me", which I find even more rude and arrogant.

Then there also are situations where I put up my own search thread but don't respond to some of the pms I get. Either because I saw their own search thread previously and already know we are looking for different things, or because I get an interest pm the complete opposite of what I'm looking for:

Me: "Hey folks, hoping for some emotionally complex non-con story rooted in the real world and more of the short- to mid-term length."

Potential Partner: "Hey, I saw your thread and have this plot of mine which is like a super awesome consensual epic fantasy long-term story you'd totally dig."

That's kind of missing the point of why I put up my own thread with the ideas I'm interested, in the first place.

The most selfish reason for when I ghost is when I feel really shitty irl and never actually have the energy for a rp to start with and just want attention and positive feedback for my ideas and opinions during the plotting stage.

Then there are also instances where I really adore a story and have a post perfectly mapped out in my head, but at the same time feel somewhat overwhelmed by everything I plan to touch on that I keep pushing the post ahead of myself with new excuses but never actually get to writing it. Lost much too many good partners that way.

So yes, I'm probably one of those ghosters people complain about haha. I'll say in my defense that, while I'm very cut-throat and selective about who I want to rp with, if I do get invested with a partner on the same wavelength as me, those rps tend to be fantastic with a possible long-term rp partnership forming.

Funnily enough, when I'm getting ghosted I get very irritated and start bugging my partners too. Hmm, I'm weird.

This is wonderful analysis. It should be published FAQ section with title "Why I am getting ignored?".