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AlluringEnigma
Wet Narcissist
- Joined
- Feb 25, 2016
- Location
- Madness Incarnate
You wouldn't know it by looking at this thread, but you've met a special brand of procrastination, mediocre writing, terrible humor, and incomprehensible tastes! Well, actually, I guess you would know that. I did just state it... whoops.
Well, I sure as hell don't believe in "editing" or "quality control" or even the backspace button. All communist plots by ex-KGB agents, if you ask me, so I'll go on as I mean to finish - haphazardly and not particularly well thought out!
Right, well this is supposed to be a request thread, I just realized. So ignore that. I'm an excellent writer, my jokes ALL land, I've never even heard of procrastination, and my tastes are exactly the same as yours! Yes, you! In the back, the one waving to me, yes right there!
Anyway, time to be mildly serious. Lemme just describe my assets (there's an "ets" following the fun bit, don't get too excited).
I've been told I'm a pretty good writer. Were the people telling me this high on some sort of fun designer narcotic? Who knows! Anyway, if you'd like to judge my ability, head over to my journal and read some of my threads. But don't look at my partner's posts. Most of them are significantly better writers than me and you might be tempted to contact them instead. Except for Haruchai. He's still learning to use two syllable words, but don't tell him I said that. He might beat me.
I've been known to post pretty slowly. Well I guess it depends on your definition of the world slow. I had partners who posted once a month, and by those standards Usain Bolt might wanna watch out. But yea, sometimes I post the next day, sometimes I post about a week after. It's not really dependent on how good the roleplay is, it's dependent on my life. A lot of the time, I have a good bit of free time, like lately, and post regularly. Sometimes, the bodies in my basement pile up and the survivor's screams are just a *little* too deafening, and so my schedule gets a little bit busy. So yea, fair warning. Don't expect rapid-fire posts, but do expect quality ones. More on this later!
I've been told I'm quite lovely to talk to. Beats me, man. I do my best to drive people off and some of them take that as "endearing" and a "good sense of wit". I really just hate everyone and write these request posts to try and insult more people. For some reason it keeps working. Maybe I'm not as witty as I thought? I was going for Blackadder-era Rowan Atkinson levels of backhanded wit, but maybe I've achieved modern day Adam Sandler levels. *shudders* Mildly serious persona again - I try my best to be as pleasant and fun as possible. I haven't gotten any complaints, but then again most people who don't like me just don't reply to my messages, so y'know, technically no complaints!
I can write a lot. I can also write a little. It all depends on the person and story. Grander, fantasy adventures tend to draw out the Tolkien in me and go Silmarillion levels of depth on people's asses. Y'know, until they tell me tone it down and I meekly nod. In more dialogue-heavy, interpersonal stories I tend to stick to 3 or 4 paragraphs worth. My point is length is not an issue for me *winks* (ugh puns, kill me).
I am a hapless moron when it comes to BBcode (don't let the recent design overhaul fool you, this took me a lot more time and blood and tears, mostly tears to be honest, than you would expect) or general forum post formatting, hence the reason this request thread is lists and not some grandly-orchestrated masterpiece. Wait. Shit. That's not an asset. Well, backspace key is for commies and all that, let's press ahead.
Right, so I've done my best to advertise myself. Looking back, wow. I didn't do a very good job, huh. Well, uh, that's my biggest weakness. Can't sell myself to save my life. Everything else is just an incredible strength and you'd be amazed at how wonderful and smart I am. Promise.
Well, now I should probably mention what I'm looking for. Don't want any weirdo's to message me; otherwise I'd just message myself amirite.
Be an inspired writer. Man do I hate the whole "literate", "literate plus" or whatever designation. It's a forum. I'm almost certain that if someone found themselves here they can read. If not, they're stupid and they smell of elderberries (I can say that cause they don't understand what I wrote. Hah, suckers). What I mean by inspired is be creative. Let's say we're roleplaying a Batman/Superman beach vacation. Suddenly, a gang of rabid Zack Snyders invade. If your first instinct, roleplaying as superman, is to punch every single one of them, then you're not an inspired writer. Find creative solutions to problems, write interesting non-plot based dialogue, etc. All of those are signs of an inspired writer. If you watched Rogue One and said "God damn, Jyn is an interesting character who responds to her environment (y'know the one with knights who wield laser swords and tiny little muppet men) in fun and unique ways" then kindly move along.
Communicate and plan. I absolutely despise all people. Can't stand them. "Happy birthday, we got you a cake!". Ugh. Who do they think they are. I asked for the keys to the kingdom, not a god damn cake. Anyway, you know what I hate more? Flying blind in a roleplay. Contrary to popular belief, roleplays are a collaborative effort. This isn't the same as writing a novel. I don't live in your head and I have no idea that the roleplay will eventually steer itself towards an interracial marriage between Aragorn and Jackie Brown. Y'know how I could be aware of that? Discussion. I'm sure we'll absolutely despise each other as we spend hours of our lives devoted to exchanging posts designed to impress the other, but planning, both before and during, is absolutely vital to a good roleplay. So you should be very comfortable with this.
Don't expect scheduled replies. Despite the insistence of my loved ones, I'm not a cold and distant robot. I have a non-traditional line of work, which means some weeks I'm working 10 hours a day every day to try and get things done and some weeks I'm so wide open that I might as well work at the whorehouse. What I'm trying to say is that I can only offer frequent communication, not frequent posting. In all seriousness, it's my biggest weakness as a partner and I'm hoping that by managing both mine and my partner's expectations better, I'll be able to overcome it. Oof, things got too real there for a moment. Something something dead baby joke. There we go. Anyway, you can expect quality from me always, but frequency is going to be all over the place. I, of course, will never complain about your frequency of posting in kind. I know, I'm just that nice.
Be generally fun to be around. So, if you couldn't tell, and I can't blame you this request thread is the equivalent of Lindsey Lohan's career, I like to playfully tease my partner. I don't mind playing with someone who's going to be the straight man to my unfunny shtick, or someone's who's going to outwit me at every turn. I do mind if you're a boring stick in the mud. For the record, this has literally never happened. I still find it important to mention though, just in case Bill Belichick comes across this thread. God my references are all over the place. Update: this has totally happened now. So I'll make this extremely simple for anyone who ever contacts me - nothing I say is serious. Really. And if it is, you'll know. And if you're unsure - ask. It really is that simple.
Grammar and such. Obviously I can understand the occasional mistake. Sometimes, when I'm using an apostrophe, I misclick and use a semi-colon instead. I fucking despise myself for this fatal flaw. Luckily, it;s my only one. Anyway, there's a spell check built in to the site. There's no excuse for sentences that make me question the language you're typing in. Oh, and I count paragraph spaces and such as part of this. If your post is one big paragraph, or is missing spaces between words, etc, just. I can't. I'm this close to washing away the world in the blood of the innocents, do you really want to be the tipping force in my decision? I thought not.
Let's talk sexual stuff briefly. I want partners who are open to a good bit. If I wanted vanilla sex, I'd stop paying my rent the traditional way. Not everything has to be extreme, there's a place for romantic sex in some stories, but generally speaking you should be open to themes of bondage, humiliation, dominance, and such. Oh, and every story I mention is open for FxF. The reason for this is because I'm very comfortable dominating female characters and at home being dominated by them. Some of them will not be open for male roles in the pure fact that I suck at dominating men. What can I say, they snap their fingers and I just instinctively start making sandwiches like I'm a damn Subway. So yea, in roles where the domination goes both ways, expect it to be between females. Addendum to this - I'm getting better at dominating men. That said, it's not my absolute favorite, and I have 0 interest in a plot focused around it. That said, if you're interested in a power struggle sort of roleplay, I think I'm at the point where I'm comfortable dominating men.
That's all I got for my list. I feel like I'm missing something, besides the screws in my head, but I'm sure you've got a good idea of what I'm looking for. Or you're just as lost as you were when reading about my assets. Either way, consistency is key so I'm satisfied.
Right, last section of this rambling, pointless piece of shite. Finish reading this part and I'll let your wife and kids go free. Pinky swear. This is my rough list of ideas. I like to do extensive customization with my partner (when I play games, I spend hours fretting about the size of my character's nose. yea I'm that freak. Side note- this is the first joke I'm worried about people taking as true, so I wanna emphasize I do not do this, and if you're the type of person who does, you should be ashamed of your actions). All of these are essentially jumping-off points. Broad sweeps of the brush that we'll refine based on our tastes, interests, and twisted/depraved/"special" minds. Oh and if you hate all of these ideas, and for some god-forsaken reason like me, feel free to message me with some of your own. Anyone far enough from God's light to like me is bound to have something I'm interested in. Without further padding, here we go.
Control - I've done this prompt twice now. Both times it failed. Ugh. I'm so pissed about this. This is my favorite idea I've ever had and the first time it fizzled out right in the thick of it, and the second time AFTER 3 POSTS. AGHHHH. Right, so if you contact me about this one, realize that I love it dearly and would like you to be serious about a commitment. I'm doing a variation on it currently, with VitaObscura, but that one is a little less grandiose and a lot more personal than how I envision this. So, the idea is based off those Guy Ritchie "Sherlock Holmes" movies. Y'know the good ones - not the terrible TV show. Anyway, the idea is two cunning and manipulative people are both vying for control of something major. My suggestion was a medieval feudal city. It could also work with an empire, an organization of some form, etc. The roleplay would play out through meetings. They'd get together and play their plans out verbally, until one was finally bested. Obviously, sexual dominance would correspond to the winner, and before then it would be a back and forth exchange. "You see, I killed the commander of the guards and replaced him with my man." "Ah, but you see, I paid off the head of the armory. Tell me how effective your corrupt guards will be without their weapons?" That sort of back and forth.
The thrust of this plot is the sexual action mirroring the rivalry - it works best when there is a back and forth. If you're not comfortable dominating and being dominated, this isn't for you. However, if you enjoy writing smart, interesting characters with a heavy sprinkle of dialogue PLEASE MESSAGE ME.
Artistic - I'd really like a roleplay where the main focus is the prose. I did this once and it went fairly well, but it's definitely not going to be for a lot of people. There's no specific story here. I just want a roleplay with posts that could be ripped out of a classic novel. I want to spend time crafting replies with flowery (not excessively, the Scarlet Letter remains my least favorite book ever for a reason) language and well-thought out descriptions and precise dialogue. I don't expect to hear any messages back on this one, but I figured I'd mention it just in case.
"But down these mean streets a man must go who is not himself mean, who is neither tarnished nor afraid.
The detective in this kind of story must be such a man. He is the hero; he is everything. He must be a complete man and a common man and yet an unusual man. He must be, to use a rather weathered phrase, a man of honor -- by instinct, by inevitability, without thought of it, and certainly without saying it. He must be the best man in his world and a good enough man for any world. I do not care much about his private life; he is neither a eunuch nor a satyr; I think he might seduce a duchess and I am quite sure he would not spoil a virgin; if he is a man of honor in one thing, he is that in all things.
He is a relatively poor man, or he would not be a detective at all. He is a common man or he could not go among common people. He has a sense of character, or he would not know his job. He will take no man's money dishonestly and no man's insolence without due and dispassionate revenge. He is a lonely man and his pride is that you will treat him as a proud man or be very sorry you ever saw him. He talks as the man of his age talks -- that is, with rude wit, a lively sense of the grotesque, a disgust for sham, and a contempt for pettiness.
The story is the man's adventure in search of a hidden truth, and it would be no adventure if it did not happen to a man fit for adventure. He has a range of awareness that startles you, but it belongs to him by right, because it belongs to the world he lives in. If there were enough like him, the world would be a very safe place to live in, without becoming too dull to be worth living in. "
That's all I got for now. I'll add more ideas when I remember some of my old ones, or when new ones come to me. Generally speaking, I'm looking for stories with either interesting angles or interesting rivalries. Plot isn't everything - but a good angle makes it a lot easier to have a good roleplay. I think that was the smartest-sounding thing I've ever said. Damn. Low bar though, so not that impressive.
I figured, in case my assets weren't enough to get you to message me, some testimonials would be more than enough. For the record, none of these are actual quotes - I'm sure if i asked for real ones they'd be even less flattering. So, without further ado.
"AE ranks somewhere in the top 50 partners I've had. Top 100 for sure."
- JuniorWizard
"Sometimes, AE is bearable."
- Haruchai
"If I had a gun with one bullet, and was in a room with Hitler and AE, I think I'd shoot Hitler. Probably."
-VitaObscura
"Alluring is like a cute fuzzy animal with an impressive roar " ACTUAL QUOTE
- Arclight1988
" I'll give your charming little RT a solid three and a half stars out of five. And you can add me to your quote section for that." ACTUAL QUOTE
-MissMayday
"We roleplayed together?"
- Dane Stalling
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