Charlotte was just so effortlessly beautiful. Even with her hair slightly frizzy and a mess from not brushing it the night before. Chase admired the relaxed look on her face, the sweet smile that she gave him after he wished his sister a good morning. Chase couldn't help but brush the hair from her face, he wanted to see every feature, even if the gesture was no so brotherly like. He managed to resist the temptation to kiss her soft pink lips, even though they looked so inviting. Chase swallowed hard as he moved the hair from her face, holding back the urge to say or do more.
When Chase got back to his room and grabbed his bag, he noticed that Charlotte had made the bed. It made him smile and let out a chuckle. She was much tidier and more considerate than he ever was, he admired that about his sister. She was just so kind and gentle, completely the opposite of Kate. He wasn't surprised when he returned to the kitchen to see that Charlotte had already started and finished her oatmeal. He chuckled again as she apologized.
"It's okay! I'm glad my cooking skills haven't suffered. Lately, I haven't been cooking much, just eating in the cafeteria at the school because of the extra hours I have been putting in." He watched Charlotte eat for a minute before starting on his own breakfast, glancing up at his sister between bites of food and sips of water.
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Chase spent his first full day at home trying to reconnect with his sister, asking her question after question, a lot like their mother actually. Chase continually pressed her, against his better judgment, but he had missed out on so much of her life and wanted to catch up. Chase also just loved to hear Charlotte talk, her cheerful and chipper voice was music to his ears, and it didn't matter what she talked about. He was surprised that Charlotte still didn't have a significant other. She was cute, smart and kind. Anyone, boy or girl, would be lucky to be with her. But he was also relieved to hear it as well, a part of him was glad that she was unattached, he wouldn't have to fight for Charlotte's attention and time. He had always wondered if Charlotte was interested in Tessa, since she never showed much interest in any boys, but didn't press that issue at the moment. He listened intently and made mental notes to himself. He found her interests cute. Though Chase had never been fond of video games, he did understand her passion for roleplaying and fictional characters. He had dabbled in both and enjoyed his fair share of shows, books, and other media. Every time Charlotte asked about him and Kate, Chase sidestepped the question or answered her question with another about herself.
As the week continued, Chase got better at dodging the questions from his mother, distracting her by asking what chores he could help out with while the two parents were at work. She was all too happy to give him a list, which kept Chase busy during the day while everyone was out doing their own things and gave him something to talk about with his mother other than the broken engagement. The family meals were nice too, but Chase was disappointed, even a little sad on the days when Charlotte decided to take some evening shifts. Her presence calmed him, grounded him, made the awkwardness between him and their mother more bearable. He tried to assure himself that Charlotte wasn't doing it to purposefully hurt him. She probably was just helping out a co-worker, or maybe she just wanted space from him and his incessant questions. She had also been spending a lot of time in her room, more than he had remembered she used to, enjoying her hobbies no doubt. Chase would often find himself outside her door, trying to work up the courage to knock and ask to come in, never doing so because he didn't want to push his luck and make her feel even more crowded, after all, his return had been sudden.
By Friday though Chase was nearing his breaking point again. Since Charlotte had taken his phone and he wasn't answering Kates many missed text and calls to it, she had begun to email him and message him on Facebook. It was getting harder and harder for Chase to keep himself occupied so he didn't open them and read Kate's scathing words. He tried to distract himself at first by looking through his Facebook feed, but most of it was filled with pictures of Kate, out partying with various guys and girls, enjoying her newly single status. Then he looked at Charlotte's profile and clicked through her albums. Each picture he looked at made him realize just how much of Charlotte's life he had missed out on. He was amazed at how much she had grown in his three-year absence. She had gone from being a cute and awkward teenager to a breathtaking and graceful young woman.
One of the pictures he happened upon was also a thumbnail for one of her original songs, it was a simple black and white picture of Charlotte, sitting outdoors with his old guitar. The picture was elegant in its simplicity, and he wondered what kind of song prompted the composition choices. Tessa had posted a link to the video in the comment section and Chase clicked on it, being a curious guy. It happened to be a link to a song she wrote called
Desire. He must have listened to that song four times on repeat. The first time not even hearing the words or music, just watching his sister play so effortlessly as she emoted with passion. After the third listen through, he wondered if Charlotte had written the song about someone in real life or was just playing a character. The fourth playthrough he paid closer attention to her tone and pitch, the way her face and body moved as she sang, and her breathing. She was putting her whole heart and soul into that song, not acting, which made him wonder who she had written the song about, or perhaps, for. A few lines resonated in his mind, being played over and over.
'Baby, I wanna fuck you, I wanna feel you in my bones.' and
'I wanna feel you, I want it all.' The first one surprised him, it wasn't that Charlotte didn't curse, but the way she had sung that word, the inflection in her voice, it made his heart stop when he heard her say it and his whole body tingle. The other line was just so sincere in its utterance, passion dripping from every syllable. He felt a twinge of jealousy as that line was repeated like he wanted Charlotte to feel that way about him. Chase shook the thought from his mind and closed his laptop, deciding to take a break from his laptop.
Something prompted Chase to wander into his old room. Perhaps it was his curiosity getting the better of him, wondering how Charlotte had changed his childhood room to suit her own needs, or maybe the desire to find a clue about who that song had been for. He opened the door, the handle turning easily in his hand since Charlotte probably didn't think there was any chance that Chase would snoop while she was at work. He walked over to her bed, a larger king sized mattress which had been his before he moved out, and glanced around the room. His eyes traveled along the walls first, admiring some of her
fan drawings of an anime she liked. Chase wasn't familiar with the series, but there was something about the
pictures she had drawn that struck a chord with him. His eyes scanned over her desk but froze on the external drive that seemed to stand out from her otherwise clean and sparse desktop. Chase suddenly felt compelled to take the device and look through it, he had a feeling that there may be something on it that could answer his burning questions.
Without a second thought, Chase stood up and grabbed the external drive and went back to his room. He plugged it into his laptop and began to open various folders, examining the contents and skimming through what looked like journal entries, until he found an oddly named folder "Revolve". He was surprised at what he found when he opened it, pictures of him, and only him, hundreds of them. Chase looked through the thumbnails, a lot of them were pulled from his Facebook and Instagram or were ones that they had taken with the family camera or selfies they had taken together. Those weren't what caught him off guard. It was the pictures of him that he didn't remember being taken, the ones of him sleeping, doing various chores around the house, programming, and even some of him and Charlotte where his attention was elsewhere, clearly unaware of the photo being taken. This worried Chase a little but at the same time, made him feel guilty and happy. Worried because she had taken pictures of him sleeping, guilty that Charlotte felt she had to take pictures of them when he wasn't aware, and happy that she had kept all of them, like they meant something special to her, even if the pictures were not the most flattering of him. After seeing that folder, he decided to go back to the diary entries and read them more carefully, which only led to more bombshells.
After finishing an entry Charlotte had written about one of her suicidal phases, he decided to copy the whole drive to his computer. Chase hadn't been looking at the files in chronological order, just clicking through randomly, but after reading that heartwrenching entry, Chase decided he was going to read everything in order. He wanted, no needed, to know what had led his sister to that point. The entry had been vague and only mentioned that she was missing someone so much that she wanted to die rather than live on and continue hiding her feelings from them. Charlotte was even using gender-neutral pronouns, so Chase didn't know if she was talking about a guy or a girl. He looked at the clock in the corner of his screen and noted the time. Dinner would be any minute and his sister would be home a few hours later. This would give him time to read through them before she got home. He dragged everything from the external drive over to his desktop, placing it in an unnamed folder, and disconnected the drive once all the files had been copied over. Just as Chase set the drive back on Charlotte's desk where he had found it, his mother called him down for dinner. He feigned a smile and interest in his parent's work stories all through dinner, but once he had finished eating, he rushed back up to his room.
Once back in his room, Chase sat back down on the bed with his laptop, starting to read from the first entry and working his way to the one he had read earlier. As he read, Chase felt his heart ache as Charlotte confessed her feelings toward her brother, both emotional and sexual, and how the distance that resulted from his relationship with Kate had distressed her so much. He had been the cause of so much emotional pain and mental turmoil for his sister, so much more than he could have ever imagined, and she had kept all these feelings hidden for years. Through reading her inner thoughts, Chase slowly began to realize that he felt the same way toward Charlotte, but had ignored or pushed them away for just as long, if not longer. The revelation that his attachment and devotion to Kate had been fueled by his desire to be with his sister was something that Chase probably would not have made on his own. Kate was the closest, but also the furthest thing from Charlotte. In looks and talent, they were close, but Kate was cruel, cold, and uncaring while Charlotte was warm, kind, and full of compassion. Those qualities only proved to make Charlotte more attractive and more lovable. Chase hadn't noticed the tears streaming down his face and his labored breathing until his touchpad had refused to scroll because of how many tears had fallen on it. Unceremoniously, Chase wiped his eyes and nose with the bottom hem of his t-shirt and took a deep breath.
"I have to talk to her about this." He said softly to himself in the dark as he closed the lid of his laptop.
"Tomorrow. I'll do it tomorrow after she gets back from work." He promised himself, placing the laptop on his bedside table and crashing back into his bad. He fell asleep quickly, but it was a restless sleep, lots of tossing and turning as his mind tried to plan what he would say to his sister the next day.
Chase woke up after Charlotte had already left for an early weekend shift at the Starbucks. Groggily, he padded over to her room and wrote a note for her, sticking it on her keyboard for her to find when she got home.
"Meet me in the treehouse. <3 Chase" He wrote, rather sloppily in his sleepy state, but still legible. Chase then went to take a shower, get changed, and finish off a few more chores before setting himself up in the tree house with his guitar and
singing to pass the time until Charlotte came home.
"Will you listen to my story?
It just be a minute
How can I explain
Whatever happened here never meant to hurt you
How can I cause you so much pain
When I say I'm sorry
Will you believe me?
Listen to my story
Say you won't leave me
When I say I'm sorry
Can you forgive me?
When I say I will always be there
Will you believe, will you believe in me?
All the words that I come up with
They're like gasoline on flames
There's no excuse, no explanation
Believe me, if I could undo what I did wrong
I'd give away all that I own"
His voice was a little horse, but the sincerity behind the words was clearly heard. Chase never tried to write any of his own songs, he preferred to play covers of ones that spoke to him, and right now Daughty's Sorry was the song that was stuck in his head and his heart. His eyes were closed as he sang, so he wouldn't notice if Charlotte had arrived yet or not.
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