Heroes on the Halfscreen (pods6827 and MMRS)

[MildmanneredRedSonja]

David Jacobson was dead. Of this there was no doubt.

And quite a few people were happy about this fact. Or thought they would be.

In life, David Jacobson had been a very rich man. And quite a few people expected to profit from the fact that David Jacobson was now dead.

And were quite disappointed when David Jacobson left his wealth to various charities and foundations. And did so with an iron clad will that couldn't be contested.

Oh, David Jacobson left just enough to his relatives to keep the Law satisfied, if not the relatives. But the big money, the big possessions, all went to various good causes.

There was one odd thing, though. One odd bequest. To a grandnephew to David Jacobson. It was an old but still in good shape portable black and white television and a tattered journal of random observations about the weather. Both were examined by greedy relatives who would have no problem stealing something from the grandnephew if they thought it was worth something. But both were exactly what they appeared. Worthless junk. And so they sent both items on to the grandnephew in question.

Who would discover that, just by touching the journal, the instructions in the journal would reveal themselves, as well as new worlds of opportunities.

 

[pods6827]

Steven Johnson hadn't quite been sure what to expect when he found out that he was named in his grand-uncle's will. While he'd visited the man semi-frequently over the years he wouldn't have said that they were very close. Closer than some of their relatives certainly, especially some of the more obvious kiss-asses, but it wasn't like that was much of an accomplishment.

He had gotten a laugh at the reading of the will though; it seemed like everyone with even a passing connection to the deceased had shown up hoping for a peace of the pie, and most of them had left with nothing but a poor mood. He on the other hand had managed to get a small sum; not enough to live on by any means, but enough to pay a few bills for a time, if he was frugal.

That said, he really didn't know what his grand-uncle was thinking when he gave him an old television. It was odd, even for him, though Steven supposed that it could have been one final joke at his relative's expense, making them expend so much effort looking into something that wouldn't give them so much as a cent in return.

Still, Steven had decided to bring the items home with him despite their apparent value. It would be nice to have something to remember the old man by after all. Idly he picked up the battered old journal it had come with, wondering if anything interesting had been written in it.

 

[MildmanneredRedSonja]

The cover of the journal went from blank to reading

Find somewhere private and then you can read me. And bring the television along with you when you do

And then the cover went blank again

 

[pods6827]

More than a little shocked at the sudden appearance of text on the previously blank cover, Steven nearly dropped the book, barely holding onto it as he looked at it in amazement.

Shaking his head, Steven did as was requested of him, finding a quiet, out of the way room and setting the television down in it. Picking up the journal once more, he wondered just what would happen next, or if this was somehow another elaborate joke by his grand-uncle.

 

[MildmanneredRedSonja]

Hello Grandnephew,

If you're reading this, then it means you've obeyed my first set of instructions. You're probably curious as hell. You might have even thought you were hallucinating. I don't know. I'm dead, after all. This journal acts as sort of a magical artificial intelligence.

That's right, I said magic. Or maybe it's really, really advanced technology. I don't know. You maybe come across the quote about advanced technology being indistinguishable from magic. Well, I'm calling it magic. And it's not the only magic involved.

And if it wasn't magic, how do you explain the cover. Oh, and you'll discover, if you try, that the magic words of this journal will only appear to you, and only when you're alone.

Okay, if you don't want to believe in magic, throw away this journal and that crap television I gave you, and don't look back.

But if you're willing to believe in magic, turn the page and prepare for the adventure of a lifetime.

 

[pods6827]

Steven couldn't believe what he was reading. That magic was real, or at least that it was sufficiently advanced technology...It boggled the mind! Part of him wasn't sure what to believe, but he had a feeling that if he kept reading he'd at least come closer to an answer than he was now.

So with that thought, he turned the page, wanting to see just what his grand-uncle meant by 'the adventure of a lifetime'.

 

[MildmanneredRedSonja]

That's my boy! I knew you'd be interested!

Okay, you already know some of the rules! When you use the magic of the journal and the television, make sure you're alone, and will be alone.

And yeah, I did say the television. I'll get to that in a second. And maybe you'll be able to fix the mistake that I made. Not that it was a bad mistake. I had a lot of fun. A lot of lot of fun. But I don't think it will be anything compared to the fun you can have. But I'll get to that in a second.

Okay, you ever see the movie Superman? Well any of them, when Superman goes to the Fortress of Solitude and talks to his father, or I think once it was his mother, maybe both? Anyway, they can talk to him, and interact with him, but they're not really there. Well, that's how this journal is. I can answer questions, but only if I thought you might ask them, and wrote my responses into the journal.

So if you have a question, just put your right palm on the page you're reading, ask your question out loud, turn the page, and hopefully I thought things out far enough to get an answer in there to you.

Now, why don't you flip the page, and I'll tell you about the television? Yeah, I know, you probably have some questions, but why don't you hold them and we'll get to the television first, okay?

 

[pods6827]

Of course Steven had questions, who wouldn't after coming across something like this? But as the first one that came to mind was about what the television was and it seemed like that was about to be answered. Mentally making a note of all the questions he wanted to ask of the AI of his grand-uncle he turned the page to find out more about what the television was for.

 

[MildmanneredRedSonja]

Okay, I know what you're asking. What's the television for? Well, the television isn't magic. Not exactly. But about forty years ago, when I began making my fortune, I found this...well, it's hard to describe. It was kind of like a sheet that was as flimsy but as strong as a spider web, if that makes sense. And I knew what it was.

See, for hundreds, or possibly thousands of years, you could put this web sheet thing over a painting, and then step into the painting. Or pull things out of the painting. With conditions, of course. There's always conditions.

See, as far as I can tell, some artists have a vision to actually see other worlds, and the talent to paint these other worlds. Well, from what I understand, if you put this sheet over a painting that is of an actual world, you open up a doorway to that world. One where you can pull stuff out of that world, or put yourself into that world. At least I think you can put yourself into that world.

You see, I made kind of a mistake.

Okay, I found this web blanket about forty years ago, and I wasn't the multibillionaire I was before I died. So I couldn't buy myself a home theater for just me or a projection screen for my own man cave or anything like that. Remember, this was forty years ago. We barely had cable.

Now, my thought was that there had to be some artistic type directors and writers and whatnots who could see other worlds, and wrote movies and television shows about them. So I bought a portable camping television, and I had the good sense to make sure I could plug it into a cable or satellite. Which was good thinking on my part, for reasons I'll let you know about later.

So I was right about there being television shows I could reach into, but like I said, I screwed up. Since I couldn't afford a giant television (hey, again, forty years ago), I bought the small television thinking...well, I don't know what I was thinking. But I could only pull things out, since I could only get myself elbow deep into a program. And whatever I pulled out was only a twelfth of the size of what it would be in the real world. You ever see that movie The Indian in the Cupboard? Yeah, it was like that. Except I found out there were rules.

So you're asking yourself, why not just get a bigger television, take the web sheet off the portable television and put it on a new television. Okay, I did have that idea. In fact, my drive to become superrich was in part so I could by a television I could step into and out of. And yes, before you ask, I did have some magical help, some stuff I hid, that this journal will tell you how to find.

But back to the web sheet. Yes, there is a way to take it off. But it requires an incantation. And only you, as the current own of this journal and the web sheet, can incantate. I think that's a word.

I can see the need for an incantation. I mean, if you step into an alternate world, and someone removes the websheet, you're kind of fucked, aren't you?

But the incantation is in the form of a riddle that I never figured out. Maybe you'll have better luck.

Hey, this page is getting long winded. Which do you want to hear about first? The riddle? What the television does work on? Or maybe some of my other magic stuff?

 

[pods6827]

Steven was starting to feel a bit overwhelmed by the words that were appearing on the page. A magic (or high-tech) device that let you access worlds that various works of fiction were based on? He was vaguely familiar with the series of books the AI mentioned, though he hadn't really thought about them in about a decade.

Thinking for a moment, Steven placed his hand on the page. "I'd like to hear the riddle first." If nothing else, he could think about possible answers even while he asked the other questions.

 

[MildmanneredRedSonja]

"Charlemagne rides to the North as Spring comes, bringing forth the Water of life. And thus each corner of the world sends forth its own herald in its own time."

That's the riddle. I can't make heads or tails of it myself. Maybe you will be able to. I always thought that maybe I could find someone in TVLand who could make sense of it, but so far no luck.

So what else do you want to know, kiddo?

 

[pods6827]

Steven examined the riddle carefully, thinking hard about whether he knew the answer or not, and came up blank. "No wonder it gave him so much trouble," he muttered, "Alright, lets put a pin in that for the moment. So tell me Journal, what does the television work on?"

 

[MildmanneredRedSonja]

First of all, don't pull out your wing wang. Trust me, that freaks out the girls you bring over. Seriously, they don't want to see a rocket ship as big as them. Remember, it's a small screen, so whoever you grab, comes over small.

Okay, remember when I told you I had the good sense to adapt the television on cable before I put on the web sheet? So now you can interact with anything you can get on cable or satellite. But I can't hook up a DVD with it, and the television won't accept anything saved on any other device. Won't even show an on demand show.

Next, when you pull someone out, it stops time. On whatever show you pull them out, and in our world as well. I don't know if that will be true if you can somehow get into another world. Like I said, the riddle and all that.

So the only place time is moving is wherever you are.

At least I think so. Haven't had a chance to check everywhere!

Okay, the maximum I have been able to keep someone from a television show is an hour. I don't know if it's because the reduced size or what.

As soon as they return, they lose all memory of whatever happened over here. It's like they never left the show.

They get that memory back if you take them out of the television, but only if you treated them decently. If you were good to them, they definitely remember.

Not all shows can be reached into. In fact, most shows can't. I had the playboy channel for awhile, and not one show could be reached into. Same for the cartoon network.

So far, the only shows I was able to reach into were science fiction and fantasy and superhero. Is superhero science fiction or not?

You can't make any recordings of any kind of anyone you bring over. Okay, confession time. I, uh, got Wonder Woman to, um, put on a little show for me, and I thought that maybe if filmed it, and then got in contact with Lynda Carter, maybe I could arrange...

Okay, not my proudest moment. Fortunately, the limitation that I didn't know about prevented me from running afoul of blackmail.

I don't know if anyone you pull over will have any memory of me. I think there might be a reset on the magic. And right now, you're the only one who can use it.

And I think that how we see these other worlds might not be how they really are. I don't know.

Because I reached in and got Julie Newmar from the old Batman show, and surely there isn't a world that's really like that.

Hey, don't judge me. Julie Newmar. Stupefying Jones. Google it. I think she could give Halle Berry a run for her money. So I was damn happy to see her Catwoman.

Oh, for some reason, I could reach into Gilligan's Island. Ginger and Mary Ann. Why choose when you can have both? And Ginger Grant must have been very adaptable on the casting couch. That's all I got to say.

What else? The TV fixes itself if something goes wrong. If you do something wrong, the TV will blow up, and you'll just have to wait for it to fix itself

Oh, and if you got somebody or somebodys out of one show, you can't pull anybody else from another show. Not until the first group return to their show.

And since you can't do anything like DVDs or on Demand or anything, you just have to wait until the show you want to try comes on.

So if and when you figure out the puzzle, make sure you have your new television set up before putting the web sheet on it.

Did I cover everything?

 

[pods6827]

"Well at least I don't have to worry about accidentally knocking over the TV and breaking it," Steven muttered, after facepalming at some of the things his relative got up to. "No cartoons either, so anime's probably out as well," he said, idly thinking about how easy it would be if he could bring back a set of Dragonballs to wish for the answer to the riddle as well as a giant TV.

And speaking of magic, "I believe you also mentioned something about magical stuff? So other than the occasional superhero striptease, what else did my grand-uncle pull out of that screen?

 

[MildmanneredRedSonja]

Well, I didn't pull anything out of the screen. I mean, some of the superheroines had magical stuff, like Wonder Woman, but it was too small of a scale for me to use it. I did, however, find some magical stuff when I found the journal and the web sheet I put on the television.

Oh, and it's not just some superhero shows and movies that I can reach into. Science fiction as well. Well, some science fiction. I could reach into a lot of Star Trek shows and movies, but not the Wrath of Khan and whatever movie came after that. And I really wished I could have watched episode 5 of the Incredible Hulk. Loni Anderson.

Seriously, grandnephew, you need to check out some classic babes.

And Quark. Quark's universe was reachable. I really don't want to think about a world where Adam Quark was real.

Anyway, I was a little worried about someone getting their hands on the rest of my goodies, so I gave them to Zatanna. She's the only one who doesn't seem to be effected by being pulled out.

 

[pods6827]

Steven made a mental note to look in on Zatanna once he had a bit more experience with the TV, as well as to look into some of the girls his grand-uncle was mentioning.

"Hmm, when you said that on demand shows don't work, does that include Netflix or anything like that?" he asked, curious as to whether David had checked that kind of thing out.

Once he received his answer Steven nodded his head, satisfied with what he'd learned so far. "I don't have any more questions for the moment, is there anything else that you need to tell me?"

 

[MildmanneredRedSonja]

Once you get the web sheet moved to another television, Netflix and the rest might work. But for some reason, unless you catch the show on a regular schedule, it won't let you reach into it.

Oh, and you can reach in and bring Zatanna out of any Smallville episode she's in. So you don't have to wait to see episde ex of season umpteen. Just be polite.

And confession time. Maybe I should have tried to pull out a supercomputer of some type. Like one of those artificial intelligences from Buck Rogers. The television show from back in the late 70s. You know, that's the last show I can think of where artificial intelligences weren't bent on human domination and annihilation. But I don't know if it would work. And to be truthful, every time I turned on the show, I found myself more interested in pulling out Princess Ardala rather than Dr. Theopolis.

You know, there are a whole lot of shows that might have been able to offer some help.

Oh, and when you reach into the television, if you pull something or someone out, you know the show is a reachable universe. And if you have an empty hand, well, it's not a reachable universe.

Anything else I could mention? Lot of shows out there are reachable. Just be careful what you try to pull out. Come back to the journal if you have any other questions.

Oh, and Jessica Alba can turn invisible. Something to keep in mind.

 

[pods6827]

Not having any other questions, Steven closed the journal, looking between it and the TV with a grin. Certainly his life would be a great deal more interesting from now on with it. He quickly picked up the TV set and, after saying goodbye to the few relatives who had stayed behind at the reading of the will, made his way back to his home.

Once there he went up to his room and set the TV up, placing it where it couldn't be knocked over (even if it would repair itself he didn't want to wait for that to happen if he didn't need to) and plugged it in. "Alright then," he said, turning the dial as he looked for shows he could pull characters or objects from.

The first few channels he passed were sports, the news, then cartoons, nothing he could or wanted to try out. Remembering his grand-uncle's thoughts on the possibility of bringing a supercomputer or something out, he started looking for a sci-fi show of some kind. Eventually he found a rerun of a show his grand-uncle had mentioned, Buck Rogers. Deciding to do what the previous holder of this television hadn't, Steven reached his hand towards the screen and thought about one of the high-tech computers that was present in the show, imagining himself pulling it out through the screen.

 

[MildmanneredRedSonja]

"Biddi-biddi-biddi-biddi...what the heck is going on here??!!" a clearly mechanical voice asked.

"It appears we have we have been detained by a giant hand, and have passed through an interdimensional aperture, Twiki," a more urbane voice answered. "I presume an answer why this event has occurred will present itself shortly."

 

[pods6827]

"It worked!" Steven breathed as he looked down at the metallic figure he had grasped through the screen. To be honest, some part of him had wondered if all this was some kind of elaborate joke on the part of his grand-uncle, or some of his other relatives, but the proof otherwise was finally in his hand!

At the robot's words he remembered just what he was doing and quickly placed Dr. Theopolis on a nearby dresser so that he was on eye-level. "Hello there. Yes, I do have an explanation for you." He paused for a moment, thinking of how to explain the situation. "I recently acquired a device that allowed me to reach into certain other universes and pull some things out. Unfortunately, because the screen is so small," he gestured to the television in question, which had frozen as the AI had said it would. "I can only pull things out, and they're not to scale."

"Your universe was the first one I was able to access, so I pulled you out of there as a test to see if it really worked, which it clearly did." Steven paused at that, waiting to see what the robot's reaction would be.

 

[MildmanneredRedSonja]

"Biddi-biddi-biddi-biddi---Lucky us!" The robot answered sarcastically.

"Now, now, Twiki, it was a scientific endeavor," the urbane voice replied, coming from the round object on the robot's chest. "And I can tell by the tone of our new giant acquaintance that his intentions are peaceful, if unorthodox." The robot rotated around so that the computer on its chest had a clear view of Steven.

"Introductions are in order, then, though perhaps you know our identity already," the round computer continued. "I am Dr. Theopolis, a member of the Computer Council that assists in the governing and defense of Earth. The ambuquad transporting me has the designation of Twiki."

"Biddi-biddi-biddi-biddi---Howdy!" the robot said with a wave of its arm.

"And may I inquire to your name, sir?" the computer on the robot's chest asked.

 

[pods6827]

"Yeah, sorry about bringing you here so suddenly," Steven said, giving the two a sheepish grin, "With the screen being the size that it is I'm fairly limited in how much I can do other than grab people or objects."

"Anyway, it's good to meet you Dr Theopolis and Twiki," he inclined his head slightly, offering a finger to them that Twiki could shake if he wished it. "I'm Steven Johnson."

Hmm, since you're a man of science, perhaps you could help me with a minor problem. You see, the piece of tech that allowed me to reach into your world is, at the moment, stuck on the screen here, which makes it rather difficult to actually work with. It does have a password that would allow it to be removed and placed on a different screen, but the only hint is a riddle that neither I or my predecessor could make heads or tails of. Perhaps someone of your intellect would be able to help me figure it out?"

 

[MildmanneredRedSonja]

"I do have an extensive collection of riddles in my memory," Dr. Theopolis allowed, "Though practically applying that knowledge has been problematic at best. I am remembering an incident involving an invention of President Fox's..."

"Biddi-biddi-biddi-biddi---Happy New Year's!" Twiki responded.

"Yes, it was an unusual way to celebrate that ancient Earth holiday," Dr. Theopolis observed. "Still, if you tell me the riddle, Steven, I shall make what observations that I can."

 

[pods6827]

"Any help you can give me would be appreciated," Steven assured the doctor, "After all, my grand-uncle had it for decades and never figured it out, so while I'd be pretty amused by finding someone who could figure it out on my first use it's not a huge priority for me."

He paused there, and began recalling the riddle he'd been given. "Charlemagne rides to the North as Spring comes, bringing forth the Water of life. And thus each corner of the world sends forth its own herald in its own time." He nodded, sure that he'd remembered it properly.

 

[MildmanneredRedSonja]

"Charlemagne would apparently mean the first ruler of the Holy Roman Empire," Dr. Theopolis began, "But beyond that, I couldn't say. There seems to be the repetition of items that come in fours. For example, Spring is at the beginning of the riddle, being one of four seasons. And there is a mention of 'in its own time,' which could refer to the seasons again. Also consider Charlemagne riding to the North, with North being one of the four cardinal directions, which again corresponds to the four corners of the world. Perhaps this implies that besides Charlemagne, there are three other heralds, but I have no idea who the other three heralds are."

"I'm afraid that's all I can offer, Steven," Dr. Theopolis concluded.