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The Khaos of Kosmik (comments and questions welcomed)

Kosmik_Khaos said:
So I didn't have my interview yesterday or today. We are currently short on people, with 3 openings and a supervisor out on medical leave we are pressed for time, the warehouse manager has been out on a lift with the rest of us regular employees to help pick up the slack. He did tell me today that he will be interviewing me this week though.
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Its good he took the time to tell you that even though its super busy
 
Work on it piecemeal! Go ahead and start the thread, tell us it's a work in progress, and get the momentum going. I know how creative you are and it will come eventually, but maybe not feeling like you have to do it all as once will help. Most people I see keep updating theirs all the time so it's not like you'd be any different. :)
 
Started my request thread yesterday, got to tired to do anymore so I saved the draft, today while doing laundry I managed get quite a bit done on it. I still have some tweaking to do and more plots to add. I'm happy with myself for getting done what I got done.
 
Your request thread is super great! I don't know that I've ever seen the symbol you use on either side of Kissing but I'm absolutely going to steal it for...something. No idea what yet but for something. The way you described why you won't do First Person is really well expressed. Excellent work!
 
Thank you XD. That is a floral heart. It's a unicode symbol. http://www.alt-codes.net/ there is the site I use to get my alt-codes and unicode symbols. I am an expressive person, who also is cursed with being brutally honest and blunt. It's how I roll lol.
 
If your happy and you know it clap your hands *claps* I'm in a good mood today, for not particular reason, just a good mood kinda day. I like days like these. I hope everyone else is having a good day, and if not, then I hope you day gets better because everyone deserves a good day for no damn reason.
 
So I've spent the last like 3~4 days on an emotional high note. Abnormally high, bouncy, bursting with energy, Kinging like Kong, dancing on a stack of tires at work, headbanging to music no one else hears, greatness. A half week long manic episode that was controllable. I like those because even though I know it is part of my bi-polar disorder, the feeling is nice sometimes. To be feeling better than your best. Well I finally came down from that and it's kinda left me feeling a bit gray and unfocused, something I can deal with. It will just take a few hours at least for things to level out in my head.
 
Heavy metal and cooking along with talking with a good friend has really helped me with the brainfog and gray feeling. My brain is exhausted from running at full tilt for days on end though.

So for those wondering what I am cooking. I am making a Ravioli Lasagna. Here is how it is done (By me atleast) I brown a pound of ground Italian sausage and a pound of ground beef while boiling a mix of cheese and meat stuffed ravioli. Drain the meat and add sauce of your choice (I use a mix of oinion garlic and garden combo) to the meat and bring to a simmer. Drain the ravioli. With your baking pan at the ready add a layer of sauce, a layer of ravioli, a layer of cheese, and repeat until the pan is full, much like you would regular lasagna but with ravioli instead of lasagna noodles, top it off with a health covering of cheese and put it in the over for about ten minutes to let the layers of cheese melt. Serve and enjoy.
 
My pulse is pounding
It feels like my heart is trying to break free from my chest
I'm finding breathing to be a chore
I would say my hands are shaking but that just isn't true
My entire body is trembling
I do not regret what is done
I only fear the worst may come from it
If that's the case so be it
It's what I deserve
I'm starting to feel light headed
Like the world is about to fall in on me
It needed to be done
I couldn't hold it in
I am afraid all the same
This could be the end
 
[video=youtube]https://g.co/kgs/jE6eSz[/video] this song is stuck in my head, and I want to listen to the whole Discovery album now.
 
Some mornings I just need to make myself feel a teensy bit better than how I felt when I first woke up. I accomplished that today when I got to work. In those dinky 8oz styrofoam cups i mixed my morning coffee with a packet of hot cocoa, the kind with little marshmallows in it. It's nice to Kidult this early in the morning.

In other good news, the company truck is nearly an hour late and will probably be refused because that so I'm having a very easy morning. Good Friday is good :)
 
Haven't been feeling my best this week. Everyone at work has been coming in such for the last two weeks and it's been trying get a hold of me. I had to leave early today due to not feeling well. Still got out the first truck of 1097 tires before I left thoughb cause I'm awake like that. Now it's time for a nice nap and to start feeling better because I feel like hammered shit.
 
I'm trying so hard to be a better person than I used to be. I really hope it is working. Sometimes I feel it isn't, that I am just pretending so I can stand being around myself, other times I feel like I'm making progress to being the better person I am trying to be. Some mornings I wake up and despite everything good that is going for me I feel the weight of all the bad and I just want to say "Fuck it, why be a better person. Why try to be someone that others like when most days I don't even like myself. I'm always telling people that life is good, and to be happy for the sake of being happy, then there are day where I go out of my way to hammer myself down into a depression because I feel that's what I deserve. There are times that I wake up and honestly wish I hadn't, that I had just stop being during the night. Other mornings I feel like my waking up is a gift after all the shit I have been through.
 
I really wish I could find the peace of mind I had while bleeding out in that bathtub 3 years ago. Ya know without having to be dying and all.
 
*hugs you so very tight*

I know how you feel, hun. I know there is no easy fix to depression but if i can do anything to make you feel better please let me know

Love you lots, Kismol :heart:
 
Kosmik_Khaos said:
FUCK YEAH! I got an official interview at Sheetz Tuesday at 10 am. Excited AF!
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Congratulations! You absolutely deserved it and I know you're going to get it.
 
Sometimes I feel lonely, even though I know I am not alone. Right now is one of those times. I think it may have to do with how I almost lost control of my temper today, something that I am very proud to have control over. it may also have to do with the fact that my birthday is coming up in exactly two weeks. I have many theories and reasons as to why my B-day puts me in a particular mood.

On the much happier, brighter and all around better side, fuck myself and how lonely I am feeling, I know better than that shit. I have amazing people in my life that I love dearly and they mean the world to me each and every one. I have amazing friends that are so beyond words I won't even pretend to imagine that I can come up with ways to properly describe them. So I will just say a quick and heartfelt "Thank you!" to all of my important people and you know who you are. Without you I wouldn't be able to press forward and make myself the best I can be everyday in spite of all the negativity that I have coming my way. Things will be better and all of you will help usher in the good times and happy feels while I work on improving myself and being the best person I can be. Much love to all of you and the best and happiest wishes to each and every one. Without y'all I wouldn't be able to be the man I am today. Thank you, and trust and believe I am smiling and being happy for the sake of being happy because I have each of you with me.
 
So had another interview at Sheetz today, this one for a different location that the first I interviewed for. My biggest hint that I was going to be offed the job was half way though the interview the manager looks up at me from taking notes, flashes me a huge smile and just blurts out. "I love you." Before going back to taking notes and asking the next question. At the end of the interview I was offed the job, I naturally accepted the offer. I am waiting for an email from them so I can sign the thing for my background check and choose a clinic to take my drug test. I'm feeling pretty fucking awesome right about now.
 
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