FUCK YO LONG HAIR, VAMPIYAHS!
Kidding.
I rock the buzz cut for entirely pragmatic reasons; zero maintenance, excellent heat dissipation (I have tremendously thick hair growth, though the individual hairs tend to be fine, so longer hair makes me feel like I'm wearing a wool stocking cap), no wasted time being concerned about styling, good resource management, fast-drying... all sorts of good things. Also, I can cut it myself with clippers and a spacer; 20 dollar investment, gives me haircuts for going on 5 years now. Because when I was in college, every time I tried to grow the long hair, it would get medium length and drive me insane so I'd clip it the hell off. If I let it grow out while I was in a coma, that would be probably the best way to get it long... but the side effects are a bit much just for some long hair.
I mean...
Narwhals don't have hair! <polishes horn>