Alice was wondering if he was going to tail behind her the whole time at school. Though they did share some of the same classes, didn't mean they needed to start walking around with one another. she was only silent when he spoke, dropping her bag to put away her things as he said he'd see her later. Only, Alice was a bit frozen when he kissed her on the chick, she stared forward into her locker as he walked away before raising her hand and touching her cheek where he had kissed it. "Why..? Why the hell did he do that?" Alice shook it off, placing her books into the locker.
"Miss Issac, is this yours?" Alice turned to her right, hands still wrapped around the binders of her books that she was organizing in the locker. The voice had been deep and startling so early in the morning until she saw the smiling make up clad face of Miss Leer holding onto her protein shake. "Don't look so surprised to see me my dear!" Miss Leer showed her teeth when she smiled and Alice sighed in relief when her voice turned back to that normal smooth tone she was used to.
"I'm so barely awake right now Miss Leer. Thank you so much." Alice smiled, taking the drink from her, the bottle had been cleaned and she relaxed her shoulders. "You are an angel in disguise Miss Leer." Alice put her books inside, before realizing there might still be a mess on the floor. "Oh..I left a mess let me-"
"No need, I cleaned it up for you. You woke hard a lot and it's not the first time I've seen you come to school and drop something. Us girls have to stick together." Miss Leer had raised her hand to stop Alice before she smiled down at the girl and Alice smiled up at her. "Well! Since you are here early, want to help me a bit in the art room?" Alice was shoving her back pack into the small locker, ready to pull out her books. However there was a small clock in her locker showing her she still had plenty of time before school even started. "I have something to show you, I think you'll love it!" Alice looked at Miss Leer and smiled softly.
"Okay." Was all Alice said, she couldn't really say no to the woman. In fact if it wasn't for Miss Leer Alice might have gone insane just from moving here two years ago.
Alice had put her stuff away, though Miss Leer had carried her sports bag for her, allowing Alice to put it up in the gym locker room before they moved down through the hallways talking and laughing. At least she had some normality in her life right now, and that was all that mattered. They had easily found there was to the art room, the big large open thing made Alice breathe in the scent of incense Miss Leer enjoyed burning in the morning.
"What did you want to show me?" Alice finally asked as the door had closed behind her, she watched Miss Leer smiling at her and watched the teacher motion for Alice to sit down.
"Sit down darling! It's a surprise!" Miss Leer cooed at the thought, hands together body shivering in delight and Alice nodded smiling at the woman. She moved to a bench, and sat down at it as Miss Leer disappeared into a backroom.
Alice sat there watching the clock tick by, pondering why Bryan had kissed her on the cheek like that as she listened to the sound of Miss Leer moving things around in the room. Finally after about ten minutes Miss Leer came out, clucking a canvas to her chest, the back only visible to Alice. Alice looked at her curiously, wondering why she was clutching it so fiercely.
"What's that?" Alice asked curious as Miss Leer moved closer, she could see loose sheets sticking out of the top and knew Miss Leer was holding more than just a canvas. Miss Leer moved to her silently, sitting down next to Alice before she put the canvas down. There were several sheets of loose papers on top, brown paper and white paper, but mostly it was sketches in pencil. Alice looked at them as Miss Leer started to spread them out to see, a kitchen design, a foreground design, customers in the place and finally Alice saw the canvas. It was a simple painting, a cupcake with poke a dotted paper holding it up, white icing on the top with glittered sprinkles on the top and hands holding it out for display. Alice slumped her shoulders as Miss Leer watched her expression. Alice recognized all of this, things she had done on the side not for projects just ideas she had in her head she needed to get out. Though Miss Leer had seen them and offered to keep them safe for her. "Why are you showing me these? I know I did them but why?" Miss Leer nodded smiling as she pointed her long fingers at each and everyone.
"I remember when you drawled all of these." Miss Leer pointed to the sketches. "You had just finished painting a things about soccer for college and then given them to your parents after getting awards on them, but you never smiled when doing those. These however.." Miss Leer smiled, eyes sparkling as if she was about to cry. "It was so painful to watch you sketch out these and for a while I wondered why. Alice..watching you draw these, paint this! It reminded me of myself before I was honest with everyone on who I am; a woman, and what I wanted to be; a woman art teacher, one of the best in high school!" Alice looked at Miss Leer confused, she didn't quite understand and Miss Leer looked at her smiling. "I mean that because you were drawing these from the heart. Your real desire, I could see how happy, excited you were when you made these because that's what you've wanted. Yet you were doing what everyone expected you to do." Miss Leer patted Alice on the back, Alice's eyes were getting watery.
"I don't..want to talk about this. "Alice found herself saying and Miss Leer nodded to her.
"Let me tell you something Alice. I didn't want to talk to myself that I was a woman trapped in a man's body. I didn't want to tell my parents what I really am. I didn't want to tell my brothers or sisters or friends. They all expected me to be a man, to go into construction, business, so I tried that for a while..." Miss Leer looked away. "I was so sad I started to drink from the moment I got up to the moment I went to bed. Drowning myself in alcohol because I couldn't admit it to myself what I already knew, what everyone already suspected and even if they didn't, they needed to know. You are pretending to enjoy something you don't because your parents expect you to do that, they want you to do that but inside.." Miss Leer pointed to her own heart. "In here it's breaking, and you won't be too far from drowning yourself in some sort of painkiller just to mask your unhappiness for the world." Miss Leer looked at Alice who was completely silent. "Stop being the person everyone wants you to be Alice. This.." Miss Leer pointed to the drawings and painting. "This is what you really want. It's the same thing as me being a business man and everyday I would sit there and draw what I really wanted; to be a woman, to be surrounded by art and creators. I hid it for a while, it took me many years and many doctors to realize who I was. You already know. Don't do what everyone tells you to do because you are good at it, do what you are best at..what you love." Alice couldn't believe this was happening. It was bad enough Bryan knew she hated soccer now, but Miss Leer had seen it too.
"I'm bad at hiding it anymore aren't I?" Alice finally started laughing, was her mask chipping so badly? Miss Leer shook her head at Alice and smiled.
"You are only bad at hiding it from the people who really care about your well being." Alice looked at Miss Leer as the woman spoke, she couldn't be surprised that Miss Leer had seen it. Alice had never tried hiding her true emotions while in class or during artwork, as Miss Leer had always been honest with her.
"I can't do what I want though. You know that as well as Rose. I'll be disowned, giving up my Godly gift-" Alice was cut off by Miss Leer's hand again.
"Fuck your Godly gift. Fuck what everyone else thinks Alice. Excuse my french, but if your parents truly love you, as much as I do, they will love you and want you to be happy. I! I want you to be happy, I don't want you to go through what I went through for thirty years." Miss Leer grabbed Alice's hands holding them close. "Let me help you with your true dream as you've made me comfortable in mine."
"How? How?..." Alice questioned.
Alice had managed to get back to her locker in time, grab her books and shake and finished drinking it. She had moved, silently passed the crowd of kids talking as she moved into the classroom silently. Her mind was buzzing with questions, and really Alice just felt like crying, though her eyes were still slightly red from the crying she had done in Miss Leer's classroom. Luckily, they had enough time for her to recoup, to be here on time. Though Alice had picked a seat further away from Bryan than usual. She didn't feel like talking, right now, this morning had been too much and she just wanted to get through with the day until lunch. She sat down, setting up her things as she sighed, watching the classroom fill up.