Virgin Sex Writers: Fact or Myth?

[Elehina]

So, I was perusing the Female request threads, and ran across Afterglow's. It was well written, quite clear, and I applaud her on her writing ability - I think she's going to make a lovely addition to BMR.

I was about to move on when I noticed Gashnaw's response:

I am interested in RPing with you, however only one thing bugs me.
How the hell can you determine if someone has truly had sex just by their writing. I mean when I cyber or RP, when it comes to a sex scene, depending on the situation it can be rough sex, Soft sex, passionate love making or just a outright fuckfest. Sometimes with bondage and toys sometimes without.

Putting that aside, some people are amazing writers and can convince you they are not virgins, where sometimes the non virgins are just not convincing enough to make you think they've had sex.

Truthfully, I highly doubt Having sex or not has an effect on your skill in writing.

So I had to go back and re-read AG's post, just to see what he was on about.

-- someone who has actually HAD sex before, not just read/watched it (believe me, it shows in your writing)

Which started me thinking - does she have something there? Or is it simply an interpretation of the occasionally overly flowery way that some people write sex scenes (Guilty, on occasion, of this myself). And what does this say for the men who play female characters (or the females who play male ones, for that matter) since it's obvious that, virgin or not, you won't have actually experienced sex as the opposite gender. Can someone who hasn't had that experience effectively write about it?

Also, I want to say this up front, I'm opening this topic for actual discussion, not to mock/bash Afterglow or Gashnaw. So if you want to do that, please fuck off and start your thread.

My own comments.
I don't think it's necessary to have had personal experience to make an effective writer (regardless of the topic) but I do think the experience helps. By the same token, I have known some role players who have definitely had sex (though now a days giving birth is not always proof of sex), who couldn't write a sex scene if their lives depended on it. They fumble through it like a drunken prom date, and everyone spends the next hour or so scratching their heads like "Was it good? I've no idea. It didn't suck too badly."

So BMR, what do you think? Does lack of sex equate to poor sex scenes, or is it just that some people can't write?

 

[Mifune]

I just think that comment was stated that some people because it's fantasy, make the sex scenes too long, and the guy keeps going and going and going. Sometimes the girls think Men aren't the energizer bunny.

 

[Trygon]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXaJ1YIHqpM[/youtube]

 

[Elehina]

LOL Seraph. Touché.

Edit: That reminds me of the "Touch my breast" scene in Wild Wild West. Maybe there is something to this theory after all.

 

[Nihilistic_Impact]

While first hand knowledge is always good and can greatly help someone, research can be just as helpful.

But some people just are no good at it.

-remembers fondly being complimented on his ability to write sex in spite of being a virgin some eight years ago-

 

[Hahvoc The Decepticon]

I started writing sexual scenes when I was sixteen and didn't lose my virginity until I was 18. Did it effect my writing? Nope. Most people would talk to me and ask if I had done things like that in my writings and I was like "Pfft...no. I'm a virgin." And it shocked them sometimes. I read a shit-ton of romance novels and used what they put in there as fodder for my sexual scenery writings. But fantasies help as well. -shrugs- *But* my writing improved once I did start having sex because I knew more about it.

But seriously, half the things I roleplay I've never done. (And I mean the normal stuff. Derp.)​

 

[Mr Neo]

I've been told my abilities as a writer are good and the sex scenes I can provide are detailed enough to paint a picture.

And I'm a virgin. Connection?

 

[Trygon]

No. No connection at all.

 

[Hero]

Read enough you can put out any manner of convincing postage you desire.

 

[Hahvoc The Decepticon]

Read enough you can put out any manner of convincing postage you desire.

Pretty much. Especially if you have enough imagination and skill to put your own twists on things.​

 

[Afterglow]

Man, this is sooooo not how I wanted to start my career here. Since I'm the schmuck-esse who started this mess, it's probably only right I try to weakly justify myself before crawling back under my rock.

When I said the above, I was referring to some of the really obvious examples of virgins writing sexual content poorly. For instance, the "popping of the cherry" moment. I don't know how many times I've read someone describe this as an audible sound. "John pushed his 18" cock into Janice and heard the popping of her cherry". *facepalms and imagines a champagne cork*

So yeah, my statement was NOT meant as an insult to the virgins of the world, but only the highlighting of a personal preference for a specific type of RPing reality. I'm sure there are a multitude of extraordinarily talented writers who can not only write rings around me (I'm no writer), but depict things so skillfully, no one could ever detect their real-life sexual history. I was just referring to.... well, I guess the really bad ones.

But for my statement (which I have removed) consider my foot very firmly in my mouth, and therein it shall lie for a good long time. I apologize to anyone who was offended.

 

[Trygon]

I don't think anyone was offended. If they were, they need to toughen up.

 

[Hahvoc The Decepticon]

I don't think anyone was offended. If they were, they need to toughen up.

-openly sobs cause she can't hack it-​

 

[2AM_Club]

I don't think anyone was offended. If they were, they need to toughen up.

Or get laid. Preferably get laid. Their virgin status is the problem after all. Besides, a good fucking fixes everything.

 

[Seythe]

Pretty interesting question to raise, I roleplayed as a virgin for quite a while before I met my first here. I'd say as long as you have some roleplaying experience under your belt you naturally have an ability to make something sound realistic, having had sex can only add details that might otherwise be unneeded but make for a lovely cherry on top.

 

[Hero]

I don't think anyone was offended. If they were, they need to toughen up.

Or get laid. Preferably get laid. Their virgin status is the problem after all. Besides, a good fucking fixes everything.

This laid you speak of, it is some kind of Hawaiian ritual?

 

[Elehina]

I don't think anyone was offended. If they were, they need to toughen up.

I agree with Seraph. As I said in your intro thread, AG, I don't honestly believe you offended anyone. I'm one of those people who can't look at a can of worms without shaking it violently and then opening it. Besides, I thought it made for an interesting discussion. So please, feel free to remove your foot from your mouth and have a good time here.

 

[Ferid]

I should point out though that its entirely possible to not be a male virgin yourself and to have never been with a female virgin, thus not really providing any real life context as to what "popping the cherry" is like. But I can't imagine anyone virgin or not thinking it makes a noise either, so, hey.

Personally, I think that when you pop someone's cherry, it should play Boston's More Than a Feeling, so you'd know for sure.

 

[Elehina]

Personally, I think that when you pop someone's cherry, it should play Boston's More Than a Feeling, so you'd know for sure.

Ode to Joy might be more dramatic.

 

[Nihilistic_Impact]

Show me your genitals, that song need be played.

 

[Kikora]

Being a good writer means making someone believe what you are writing... But it does not always mean that you have to have done it yourself. It's like any other piece of art, you just have to understand the feeling, the anatomy, and be able to express it well. Like how an actor doesn't actually have to kill someone to play the role of a murderer well. Telling someone they have to have sex to understand how to describe it is just as silly. XD

 

[Hahvoc The Decepticon]

Show me your genitals, that song need be played.

Show me your genitals, show me your genitals~

I can't have sex with your personality,
And I can't put my penis in your college degree,
And I can't shove my fist in your childhood dreams,
So why're you sharing all this information with me?​

 

[Dameon]

I wrote sex RP long before I lost my virginity. I was 19 at the time, and I think that people that know the mechanics of it, and have a basic sense of physics, can come off as seeming like they know how to write sex.

so Virgin Sex Writing, I was one, they're real, and they can be well written.

 

[shadowdreamer]

Being a good writer means making someone believe what you are writing... But it does not always mean that you have to have done it yourself. It's like any other piece of art, you just have to understand the feeling, the anatomy, and be able to express it well. Like how an actor doesn't actually have to kill someone to play the role of a murderer well. Telling someone they have to have sex to understand how to describe it is just as silly. XD

Silly, yes...but it happens and not just in the RP communities.

There are quite a few erotica writers and erotic romance writers who receive emails and/or IM's asking if they sleep around. Or if they've done everything in their books My standard answer is - I've never met a vampire, werewolf, feline shifter, traveled back in time, been on a space ship, or been a man. (I also write from the male pov in more than a few novels and novellas)

Write a non consent story, and sooner or later you'll be asked 'So, you're anti women and promote rape'.

The idea that an actor who plays a murderer, or a writer who writes a horror story, or story from the pov of a murderer, hasn't committed murder in order to get the details right doesn't appear to click with many of those who leap to the assumptions that revolve around those who write stories of a sexual nature. After all...that's different, right?

 

[Cassia]

I don't think you can always tell. The pitfalls will be different but they can all be overcome. Virgins have to take special care to ensure they've done their research and read of a wide variety of experiences from other writers. Non-virgins have to take special care to ensure their own experience doesn't affect that of their characters when it would be inappropriate for those specific characters.