Why RP partners are so UNRELIABLE (a friendly rant about myself)

[Rudolph Quin]

: )

I haven't really seen anyone attacking anyone. But those who've been most vocal are also people I converse with quite regularly. XD So maybe that has something to do with it. And by that, I don't mean about this topic. I mean that I get how they speak, the manner in which they have a conversation and discuss stuff with you. XD

So anyway, my way is to try my best to communicate just because that's how I roll. Does it always flow easily? Nope. Sometimes stuff comes up unexpectedly. Or sometimes I'm hit by sudden overwhelming stressors. Sometimes I just can't read how in the fuck I should be communicating with my co-writer (yeah, this happens, lol). But whatever the case, I say what I mean and it sucks when the trust is severed. I will say that things always flow best for me when there's a nice balance of things. Meaning we write well together and get along ooc. With the ooc I tend to get bored if the chatter constantly revolves around fluffy nonsense. It's not the worst thing in the world, but chances of story survival diminish and I certainly won't view you as more that a fleeting acquaintance. Just a fact. And if you aren't willing to take the time to connect with me as a person on some level it's just harder for me to stay interested for very long or feel a need to drop notes all that often. That isn't said to be cruel, just I'm more inclined to feel more comfortable talking to those I know give a TRUE damn than those who just want a post out of me. <.<

That said, one of my co-writers who's posted in this thread is kaigen. And while he's voiced some things differing from Quin (a dear friend of mine) and Tempt, I will say that he's taken that time to connect with me. Whether intentional or not. So it makes the writing enjoyable and the ooc easy. It makes me want to give those heads up even on those days when I might not feel like it because that respect is there much like my friend Quin has it. Not sure if that makes any sense or not. I do tend to ramble. Lol. XD But I guess my point is that the way people treat you can really matter. The way they talk to you, etc. At least it does for me.

*hugs* I was just thinking that but hadn't fully formed the thought until you painted this picture. Not every relationship has a solid base and I will gladly leave notes for those who make me feel safe; I leave notes for those who I want to, not because they'll freak out, or some strung together "basic dignity" excuse. Relationships take fostering and some people are more comfortable than others. I thank you for helping me realize also that we can talk about our "bottom lines" and standards all we want but there is variation and gray. We don't treat everyone exactly the same because different people make us feel differently, our connections are different. Yet another layer to the differing perspective spectrum.

I really appreciate kaigen and solitaryman for offering their differing opinions and this other side of the coin. A good friend recently brought my attention to how I have so much invested in someone being right or wrong, and I realize I come to this sort of topic with a lot of pain and strict "do's and don'ts" because of things I have done. I don't ever want anyone to ever feel like they owe me an explanation otherwise my world will fall apart ever again and I try to allow myself to relax about the entire thing, because it is fun and this truly is a beautiful experience when we let it loose and open up. When we feel safe and free to express ourselves.

 

[Star Pupil]

I really only have one excuse, and it's, "I can't fucking think of anything to write."

This could be due to a number of reasons, I could just not be feeling up to writing, or I could be losing interest due to my partner not giving me enough material to inspire a following post.

The first scenario, it takes me a few days to a week to finally get up the literary strength or mental energy to respond. This is a common thing, especially during times when I'm stressed out or going through a bout of depression.

The second thing is slightly more uncommon. I will try to power the RP on my brain power alone but eventually will get burnt out. Sometimes I don't tell my partner anything and the RP ends silently. I'm not doing this to be an asshole in the least, it's just usually days or weeks after the last post where I've decided to drop it because I literally cannot think of anything, and if they haven't messaged me in the meantime they probably think I've already dropped the RP to begin with. I always tell long term partners that I've decided to drop an RP with them, and it's usually because of life reasons.

I've been doing this RP thing for a long time, about 12 years...I have basically developed a certain attitude about it because I've gone through numerous dropped RPs on my end and on a partners end. We didn't click, or shit happened. That's it...when someone drops an RP I had with them, I move on. If it's a particularly good RP I actually enjoyed and felt like my partner enjoyed, I will reach out to them and ask if they intend to respond after a couple weeks. If they say no or don't answer, that's their prerogative. Sucks, but there are other people to RP with out there.

 

[Temptationist]

I really only have one excuse, and it's, "I can't fucking think of anything to write."

Classic writer's block; one way or another.
This happens to me so often it's unfortunate.

Or, I have an idea, but I'm not satisfied with it/ do not find it adequate enough.
I will not post something unless I am totally confident in it.

 

[Little Deryn]

Interesting thread and great to read all the contributors!

I'm a pretty patient person and, on many occasions, have waited, unconcerned, for a role play to resume, my partner keeping me informed of life happenings.

Thing is, if the hiatus is lengthy, when the role play resumes, I often feel I've lost touch with my character(s) due to lack of collaborative creative stimulation.

For me it's simple. If the garden doesn't get rain and sunshine for too long, it can become a strange, alien place and possibly even wither and die.

 

[MysteriousD]

It's a matter of trying to keep up commitments. if you're telling me going on hiatus or you suddenly disappear, that's fine. I will be happy to pick it up from where we last left it off.

But then there's just continuously letting down the person or people you are with. Like, if you say you're gonna say you're going to do something and you keep failing to do so or whatever, then that hurts.

I think is that some RPers begin to feel like their partner doesn't respect them. Outside commitments is understandable and we all have offline life to deal with, but you shouldn't make your partner feel like crap or feel like the RP you are doing is not valuable. If you are not able to do so anymore, you should just outright tell them.

Everyone is busy and has their own stuff to do, I can understand that. Nothing wrong with that, but just... don't be a jerk. Be courteous. We all want our partners to udnerstand what's going on with us; we need to remmeber to extend the same courtesy.

I hope eveyrone has a lovely Superbowl Sunday

 

[Revnarh]

Writing paragraphs is hard, I try my best to write more than two or three sentences and need some time to get inspired to write a long reply. Not to forget that the next few months will be very stressy for me since it's the third and last year of my training school. Exams nearly every week, the deadline for an important...project draws closer and then there are the dreaded finals. So please don't think that I lost interest all of a sudden just because I didn't answer after a few days or a week, I'm just busy.

 

[Temptationist]

I don't think not answering a roleplay is being a jerk. I also don't think not messaging the partner to let them know that there is a delay is being a jerk. The latter is probably debatable, but I just don't feel the need to baby and spoon feed my RP partners just because I haven't answered. If I'm not taking a hiatus, I will usually not message my partners. Hey, I haven't answered in a while. Tough. You'll just have to wait it out, my friend.

Everyone is running on a different schedule and it's impossible to predict how much free time you're going to have especially when you're doing both school, work, and training. Every time I try to give an estimate, I'm usually wrong and it just leads to further frustration.

 

[darkangel76]

This isn't to sound cold or harsh or...just however. But, I know a fair number of people on site. I like to spread my time between them. This might mean that I try and take some time out of my online deal on site to chit-chat with people I haven't spoken to in a while. So, this might mean I won't post...it might also mean I won't chit-chat with you because I'm chit-chatting with another. But, I can only handle so much before I become stressed out. So, if people get all upset because I'm paying attention to another and not them (be they a co-writer or otherwise), they're going to stress me out to the point of avoidance (be it intentional or unintentional). Again, I like to touch base with several people. AND...again, when it comes to RPs, I do try my best to just let people know if I'm no longer wanting to continue. No one is perfect in this manner, but I try my best just because 'that is me'.

 

[Temptationist]

This isn't to sound cold or harsh or...just however. But, I know a fair number of people on site. I like to spread my time between them. This might mean that I try and take some time out of my online deal on site to chit-chat with people I haven't spoken to in a while. So, this might mean I won't post...it might also mean I won't chit-chat with you because I'm chit-chatting with another. But, I can only handle so much before I become stressed out. So, if people get all upset because I'm paying attention to another and not them (be they a co-writer or otherwise), they're going to stress me out to the point of avoidance (be it intentional or unintentional). Again, I like to touch base with several people. AND...again, when it comes to RPs, I do try my best to just let people know if I'm no longer wanting to continue. No one is perfect in this manner, but I try my best just because 'that is me'.

I'm exactly like that, DA!
My motivation to respond to a roleplay lowers every time someone nags me, messages me, gets upset with me, etc. Even if the message is polite, I seem to find it unsettling nonetheless (I'm the worst).

I have people get upset with me all the time because they see me post elsewhere on the forum, and they assume I'm just blatantly ignoring/ neglecting the roleplay. When in reality, I know I have to respond to it. I haven't forgotten about it. I just don't have the time, or the inspiration currently, to reply to it.

 

[Fruit]

To reiterate; The reason I expect a heads up PM isn't 'common courtesy'.

I like to moderate the number of RPs I have going on. If I get myself in too many RPs, either they become too slow for my partners to enjoy or I have lesser sleeping hours because I'm also a college student with enough stressful commitments. So when someone vanishes on me for close to a month, I have to debate with myself whether or not I should look for a replacement RP. Sometimes I decide to do just that, add another RP and commit to it with someone else, and then the older partner comes back from the dead, leaving me with an extra RP above my schedule. Sometimes it happens with two or three RPs, which leaves me with more stories than I can handle. I have absolutely no problem waiting for months, but I want to know if I should wait or not.

I do understand writers block, which is why I tell my partners to take all the time they need because writing is a creative effort. I also typically offer to help them discuss and brainstorm. I also understand real life commitments and that writing is first and foremost a hobby that is not meant to be a stressful assignment, which makes me lenient on posting frequency. Just... let me know so I can manage shit on my part.

 

[darkangel76]

This is why I've learned I need almost a very specific vibe for RPs to survive. If my co-writer is slow to post, chances are...so will I, unless I'm in a situation where I've got little to no RPs on my plate. Obviously, I don't have to divide my time, so it's a no-brainer. Those who post more consistently, it's a hit and miss as to how fast I go and how frequently I'll let you know if I'll be able to post same day or after a week or maybe even two. Usually if I go more than two weeks (both in posting and in PMing) and I haven't spoken to you, though, I will by that point. But I try to do RPs with people I feel at ease with ooc. People I can chit chat with, not just about the RP we're writing, but general life too. Not saying I need specifics, but I need 'connection'. If it's not achieved, my desire to PM you diminishes and eventually fades all together. This, sad to say, bleeds into RP and my desire to respond. I hardly think I'm alone in this either. But anyway, as such, with the exception of a few failures where it was clear personalities didn't match up right (like the person demanded too much time or exclusive time, spammed my inbox...we're talking 5 PMs at a time and within minutes of each other over the course of an hour or so, made it clear that they wanted distance and no true connection, etc), it hasn't been that bad. Most people who drop me do so out of intimidation of my post length and detail over anything else. I've only had two drop me due to my time and, in my opinion, they were in the wrong since I communicated. *shrugs* But to each their own. Can't satisfy everyone. It's an impossible undertaking. >.<

 

[Caitrionna]

GREAT topic. While Im fairly new here, I'm not knew to rping so I have 2 cents to offer too:

1) Right at the moment, I have a lot of time. So I rp a lot. And sometimes one of the rps starts to get more intense. The story has gone to the steamy part, and right at that very moment Im consumed with good old desire, and I really want to write that scene out. So I'll do that first, and when the itch has been scratched I'll return to my other rp(s).

2) Chances are, if you keep nagging me, and expect communication twice a day about why I haven't responded yet... is going to kill my desire to play. I do this for fun. If it starts to feel like a job with a deadline I have to fulfill.... yeah. Just no! Im not gonna tell you twice a day that I just wasn't inspired yet. Or had to work. Or....

3) If I already politely told you that the rp is going to places I don't want to explore, and I keep being sent the same your last reply from you to pressure me to respond despite not liking the story.... yep. Ill flake then.

4) Im fast when it is about smut. Smut happens in the heat of the moment. I need longer when it's about the story. Because I NEED the story to be good, and I want to do my very best.

I think that's my main reason for being unreliable... probably.
*l* thank you for this thread!

 

[Temptationist]

I do this for fun. If it starts to feel like a job with a deadline I have to fulfill.

I think this is the fact that many people neglect to realize / fail to understand.
Very well said!

Andddd, you're welcome!
I'm still shocked it even got so many responses!

 

[Squishypink]

My excuse a lot of times is sandstorms. For reals, those things are always knocking out the comms around here. And also I tend to get scatterbrained and lose my muse for a while.

 

[Temptationist]

My excuse a lot of times is sandstorms. For reals, those things are always knocking out the comms around here. And also I tend to get scatterbrained and lose my muse for a while.

That's certainly a legitimate excuse! xD

 

[James London]

Less of an excuse and more of a complaint. I get it that life happens and people get busy. However, don't give me your sob story that you're so busy that you can't reply to our roleplay, but you have time enough to reply to your other roleplays. It's a quick way to get me to stop talking to you, and not write with you in the future.

 

[Chai]

Less of an excuse and more of a complaint. I get it that life happens and people get busy. However, don't give me your sob story that you're so busy that you can't reply to our roleplay, but you have time enough to reply to your other roleplays. It's a quick way to get me to stop talking to you, and not write with you in the future.

I don't necessarily agree with this. Sometimes you can be busy and have a small amount of time to only reply to a roleplay or two, but that roleplay can be any which one that has you feeling inspired at the moment.

In general, I never respond to roleplays in the order that I receive them, because that's just not how my brain works. Inspiration hits me a different times, as it does for many people, so sometimes posting for one roleplay and not another just happens. I think someone else mentioned something similar earlier on in this thread, so I doubt I'm alone in this. xD

 

[Temptationist]

Less of an excuse and more of a complaint. I get it that life happens and people get busy. However, don't give me your sob story that you're so busy that you can't reply to our roleplay, but you have time enough to reply to your other roleplays. It's a quick way to get me to stop talking to you, and not write with you in the future.

I don't necessarily agree with this. Sometimes you can be busy and have a small amount of time to only reply to a roleplay or two, but that roleplay can be any which one that has you feeling inspired at the moment.

In general, I never respond to roleplays in the order that I receive them, because that's just not how my brain works. Inspiration hits me a different times, as it does for many people, so sometimes posting for one roleplay and not another just happens. I think someone else mentioned something similar earlier on in this thread, so I doubt I'm alone in this. xD

^ THISSSSSSS ^

I agree with Ariamella.
I tell partners all the time that I'm consumed in other things and haven't had the time to reply. Because it's true. Just because I replied to other Roleplays, doesn't mean I have time to reply to them ALL. And what makes you so special? The answer is probably nothing. And I don't mean this to be rude at all. I just don't prioritize my replies on a "first come, first serve" basis. I reply to what I'm inspired to write in that given moment. If I'm feeling one RP over the other, I will reply to that one regardless of if it got to me before or after other RPs.

 

[James London]

Less of an excuse and more of a complaint. I get it that life happens and people get busy. However, don't give me your sob story that you're so busy that you can't reply to our roleplay, but you have time enough to reply to your other roleplays. It's a quick way to get me to stop talking to you, and not write with you in the future.

I don't necessarily agree with this. Sometimes you can be busy and have a small amount of time to only reply to a roleplay or two, but that roleplay can be any which one that has you feeling inspired at the moment.

In general, I never respond to roleplays in the order that I receive them, because that's just not how my brain works. Inspiration hits me a different times, as it does for many people, so sometimes posting for one roleplay and not another just happens. I think someone else mentioned something similar earlier on in this thread, so I doubt I'm alone in this. xD

No what you're saying is perfectly valid and reasonable. I made a mountain out of a molehill last night because I was salty. Short story? This is happened to me three times before, twice by the same person. Slightly longer story? Both times it was by people I considered to be good friends.

And what makes you so special?

I'm James London, nice to meet you. Xd

 

[Fruit]

I think what Aria and Temptationist are saying is perfectly reasonable and in an ideal world, it would be my policy. Though I don't have the balls to not answer RPs by the order my partners posted. I feel like it could offend someone so I risk posting crappy posts just for that reason alone. If I feel really motivated to post in one, and totally idea-less on one that I "should" post in first, I just write down notes for the ideas I have and just wait until I'm tempted to update the one that goes first.

 

[Revnarh]

To sum it up:

Roleplaying is a hobby for all of us or else we wouldn't be on this site. Real life can be a bitch sometimes and even when I'm not in a coma I can't reply to every reply the same second I get it. Only someone who is a robot or part machine could do that, unless you have no access to the internet for some reason. Inspiration isn't something that can just turned on by flipping a switch, everyone who tried writing a book knows what I mean. I know it sucks when you have to wait, but ask yourself what sucks more between getting only oneliners all the time and having to wait a few days for some paragraphs?

 

[James London]