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My Bakery~ Updates on RPs and a bit of Cynicism

Man I hate feeling this conflicted. Last time this happened, things didn't turn out so bad x.x but I think I'm not so lucky to have things go smoothly a second time.
 
*gives hugs*
I hope that whatever it is you're feeling conflicted about settles itself sooner as opposed to later and always remember that even if the road is bumpy in the beginning... it will eventually smooth itself out when all is said and done. I know that can be easier said than done and all, but more often than not, it tends to be the case. I hope it is for you... and believe it will be. Regardless, thoughts are with you.
 
darkangel76 said:
*gives hugs*
I hope that whatever it is you're feeling conflicted about settles itself sooner as opposed to later and always remember that even if the road is bumpy in the beginning... it will eventually smooth itself out when all is said and done. I know that can be easier said than done and all, but more often than not, it tends to be the case. I hope it is for you... and believe it will be. Regardless, thoughts are with you.
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Thank you angel, you're always so kind and sweet <3 I hope so too. It's one of those things where I'm probably being a brat, and I'm too embarrassed to talk about it, so I'm going to try to sort it out myself to avoid possible scrutiny.
 
Going into a slump I think. Not RP wise, I think I can still manage that. So RP partners need not worry. Just been so... bleh the past couple of days.
 
Sorry to hear you're going through a slump, Muffin. Stay strong, my friend; I know you can get through this.
 
Feel free to ignore this x.x just rambling and I feel like what I ramble about may sound like attention whoring, but trust me, it isn't.

I think one of the issues that puts me in a slump is not necessarily school... but people.

I feel lonely. I don't have anyone that I talk to or hang out with regularly anymore. I have friends, but, they don't really talk to me for varying reasons. Natural distance, busy, caught up in newer or closer friends, etc. The closest I have to a friend talking to me is my best friend, but she is someone I can only tolerate in small doses nowadays. She is very opinionated and father-knows-best, so she typically ends up scolding me when we talk for too long.

I see people in my classes, and it's like everyone knows each other. It feels like high school again.

I'm too modest and shy to be assertive. I'm always afraid I'll be pestering or interrupting someone. It's a serious flaw of mine x.x Once someone has warmed up to me, I am perfectly fine though and act normal, but until then, I am so afraid of overdoing my welcome. People tend to have their little social groups whom they hang out with. I will be friendly and simply hope for the best. But even then, just because someone is friendly it doesn't mean they want to be your friend. Especially in these younger years, you can never tell how a person feels about you. Like at school, I hang out with a group of people almost every day I'm on campus, I've known them for almost 2 years now. They're all good friends, and they all hang out outside school, and they will make plans with each other with me sitting in the middle. It makes me feel awkward. They only acknowledge it when they all decide to leave as a group... like if they all decide to just up and go to the mall.

Same thing with the club. Everyone's got their cliques within the club. I'm just kind of on my own. A little accepted into all, but not really close to anyone. It makes me feel like such an outsider. I'd much rather find one small group of people who acknowledged me as a friend and wanted to get to know me further than just some school friend. I certainly don't expect to be friends with everyone. But at this point, I'm just acquaintances with a lot of people x.x

Then I get home, and still, I don't have many people to talk to. I think this is why I hang around chat a lot. It's nice having more people to talk to. Heck, its also mostly why I come here to vent about my issues (I can't and don't want to go to someone with them and force it upon them).

But school is only a reminder of how much of a social life I lack right now x.x
 
I know how you feel but I tend to isolate myself on purpose because of how superficial people can be and I'd rather just not deal with it. But I've been there. You just gotta stop worrying so much about stepping on people's toes.
 
Muffin, and I hope this is not too trite sounding as I put it simple, but most peoples' "friendships" I am sorry to say, are quite shallow. I am not discouraging you from pursuing friendships and broader interests or anything of that sort, rather I am saying that perhaps your shyness and all is more of a proper defense than perhaps you know. The stepping on toes and wearing out your welcome are admirable in some ways, but not to the worrying level. Don't put up a false front, but also don't let it be a lever for others to make you feel like you have to do more than others to be a friend. I hope that makes sense.
 
Yeah I know I should, it's something I gotta work at. I have had experiences where I just didn't care or I wasn't aware and things were being said and done behind my back. The first time lead to me losing all of my 'friends' (say it loosely because looking back, they weren't friends) and the second time around it went a big better, and from that moment I just became overly cautious.
 
I again can understand that, Muffin. I am glad that you are being cautious, and I just stick my advice from before.
 
Another RP pet peeve... people who don't use ANY imagery whatsoever.

At least try to add SOME imagery. But I will want to bite your head off if you introduce a character and you do not describe ANYTHING about them. Give me something! Their body shape, the color of their hair, a non-specific description even! But don't introduce a character and not bother to describe them...

Failing to describe a character or location automatically forces the reader to think that they are nothing to worry about. But they are! They shape the story! They add a face or an image to the imagination as they read.

Not to mention, it makes your post sound rushed and halfassed. No description or imagery just makes the reading go by faster and sound chaotic.

Example:

The leader was none other than Hasting Thompson. He was the leader of the Special Forces and a rough harsh man. He was very successful at his job and considered to be a bully by those who knew him.

Hasting knew Emily quite well and had tried to make a few advances when she was dating Lee. When Lee died he tried to sweep her into his arms but it never worked. Hasting paid her no mind though.
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This is fine but I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE. How old is he? Is is tall? Short? Muscular? Burly? Clean cut? Scruffy?

This is a character's introduction. This character is a secondary main character. HE NEEDS MORE.

Leading the pack was none other than Hasting Thompson---head of the Special Forces. Standing well over 6 foot with a wide build, he was a rather intimidating man, and his looks suited his notoriety. He was considered to be somewhat of a bully to his men. But he was the best at what he did, and the rest were forced to put up with his attitude. Hasing's cocky demeanor wasn't limited to his work though; Emily was well familiar with it.

Hasting knew Emily quite well, having been acquaintances for many years. He had tried to win the girl over when she was dating that scumbag, Lee, but of course failed. When Lee died, he had attempted to play the role of a supportive friend, hoping Emily would see something in him and a spark would finally ignite, but it only seemed to push her away, and nothing ever happened between the two of them.
Click to expand...

See? Character came even more to life!
 
I'm beginning to believe I am just not a likeable person or something... x.x

So I was elected Treasurer of the club I take a part in, and I'm just not feeling like a part of the officers. The other officers talk about and plan stuff with the club, but I am not included. They discuss things like fundraising (which you'd figure I'd be a part of) and I am just completely out of the loop.

This makes me even more of an outsider to the inner social circle of the club. They wanted me to be treasurer, I became treasurer, but I am still treated like I am just an acquaintance member of the club.

At one of the meetings, we were discussing prospective fundraisers, and since this seemed like an obvious job for the treasurer as well, I tried asking the president if there was going to be anything expected of me since I haven't been a treasurer for this club at this school.

He just looked at me like he was thinking "...the fuck you talkin' bout?"

[video=youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2HMxiSF5w0[/video]

I'm never going to be good at being social.
 
Hrmm.... the only thing I can suggest is to try and come up with fundraiser ideas or ideas pertinent to your position as a means of 'breaking the ice'. Maybe that'll get them to start looking at you a bit differently. I'm not sure what the entire situation is here. It could be just them or it could be how you're presenting yourself or a bit of both. So, just in case... and to rule out the latter two... being proactive will at least give you no regrets and make you fully realize their true colors. But by being proactive, you can at least show them that you are trying and not just passively being there and waiting for them to always come to you. If you make overtures there's little for them to do or say if you finally reach a point where you've had enough, if you know what I mean. Because no one should be ignored, especially to that level. And if you're giving it your all and doing all that you can, I'd start to seriously assess why I'm bothering with these people and trying to do anything with them at all if this is how they'd be treating me. Know what I mean? Anyway, I wish you luck, sweetie. *many hugs*
 
I am being fairly proactive x.x with everything we've discussed that would pertain to dealing with club funds and balancing the budget, I try to speak up and ask them what they'll be needing me to figure out. I've asked where to get information on the club funds, I've suggested fundraisers, I make A LOT of suggestions. I've ran school clubs before, so I always try to give a suggestion when I can. Their last treasurer was even worse than me. He didn't even know what a treasurer was.

They've tasted they wanted me to be an officer... they're even voted in x.x meaning the majority of the people in the club wanted me to be an officer. And they've stated how they wanted me to be an officer.

But now that I am... x.x I don't know. I get mixed messages from them.
 
*nods* Gotcha. See, this is when I might approach one of them who seems to give off the most personable vibe and seems to also be the one who includes you the most.... if there is one. But anyhow, I'd approach that person alone if you're able and see if there is an issue. They might deny it out right and come off as, "What do you mean?" But at the very least, it will get them thinking about things and possibly assessing their own actions and watching out for everyone elses. It would be a start. If things don't improve then.... I'd really start to wonder about these people and would start to question them and their motives and probably just figure they were using me because I was convenient. That would probably cause me to move on and away from them because no one needs that nonsense. Stuff like that brings you down and fuels needless depression. People need positives, not nonsense. And that sounds like nonsense to me. You need to be surrounded by people who can let you know that you're doing a good job and who will try to include you in things. You don't need that crap. Anyway, that's just my own thought there.
 
So in addressing the issue I had last written about. I confronted one of the officers, and she said to be honest, they're just not too used to people being active and on the go about their jobs, so typically the president just takes care of everything. But still, I'd like to be more in the loop...

But to what I'm here to whine about.

I need more roleplays! Ugh. It's so hard finding people who are just:

1. Lit. enough
2. Likes to communicate and perhaps talk to me about our roleplay outside of the actual roleplay.
3. Can agree upon a plot.
4. Can reply more than once a week -.-;;

No offense to those who I am already RPing with... I just need more to keep me preoccupied. I only have one semi-active roleplay going right now. The other I think may have died because I'm new to the genre. I had 2 others going that I think died, one essentially claiming that my writing was overwhelming and the other will never answer my RPs asking if we can just consider it dead since I'm sure he's taking part in other RPs, but then randomly replies months later like nothing. And I don't appreciate that my RPs are treated like something to fallback on when one has the writing bug and nothing else to reply to.

The requests I receive from others are people who are utterly delusioned when it comes to what I'm asking for. Like, for instance. My thread says "2 paragraphs minimum." And then I get a PM from someone. I skim their posts for length and vague writing quality, and all I see are 1 paragraph posts and/or poor writing quality.

And then those whom I send requests to are almost never interested or they disappear in the planning process.

Can't win!
 
Yay... I'm getting a new mattress tomorrow. This one is getting lumpy and it's been hurting my back. I also discovered another health issue. That too had been causing a lot of back problems, but it passed the other day. Went out in a bang that left me curled up in bed crying on Friday, but I'm glad I'm no longer in pain x.x Didn't have much energy or drive to do anything for the time leading up to it. What was worse was that no matter what position I was in, I couldn't get relief, so I didn't get much sleep.

It just occurred to me that we're already almost halfway through the semester. Still feels like it just started.

Also, I want Simcity.
 
I don't know if I should say something, it probably comes off as petty, but I have my reasons.

So my school holds a 'competition' of sorts for clubs. Each club can enter 2 people into a graduation commencement invitation design contest. Only 2 clubs entered this year--- the anime club and the travel club, both with 2 entries. The travel club's were well, apparently just a printed out image from Powerpoint. I did this, and a fellow club member, the president, did this crappy image... it was a black background, a poor cleansed copy/paste of a stock image with illegible font. Here, you can see them all.

Anyway, people can vote for 2. And according to one of the guys working at the student lounge, mine was winning at the end of the first day by a decent amount, so our club was winning. I was happy to hear that people liked it. Basically the order of popularity went 1, 2, 4, 3. Then the president of the club voted on behalf of members who couldn't make it to vote that day (uh huh...), and suddenly... he's in the lead by well over 10 votes, I'm in second. And as they were tallying, I noticed a bunch of them had votes just for him.

I am pissed. This is utterly disrespectful towards me and the other club. I didn't care at first because again, our club was winning by default. But for him, a non graphic design major, to pull himself in the lead? WHAT IF HE WINS? THAT card is going to be what the graduates receive! I know mine isn't perfect, someone even called it plain. But there was more thought put into my design. It was clean, it wasn't cliche. They all did black and yellow copy/paste themes and according to the majority voting, mine was the most popular... yet his is winning because of his selfishness. He clearly had some interest in being in first place.
 
Don't you hate it when there's something you REALLY want to roleplay but you know it probably won't happen, at least not very soon? Having one of those moments. I usually end up feeling "Why bother?" Because the last time I tried to do this, I went through a long string of people dropping it before it even got started x.x
 
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