Whoa, Sheep, chill out a little. ^^; So, reading through this, I can understand your frustration and I'm seriously rooting for you. I mean, you're intelligent, articulate and for all the emotion and whining packed into it, this really was very interesting to read, so, I am having a bit of trouble finding where your problem is, i.e., why you're having trouble getting partners. Even bringing up the points preemptively, you didn't really do anything to discredit them or prove them to be invalid except for the fact that you don't want to hear it and you're not going to let the reiteration placate you.
So, fine. ...but those are the answers.
It is fishing. Some days it rains and makes it incredibly easy, some days the fish haven't spawned enough or they're getting bloated from bread being tossed by an old lady further down river. They don't want your worm, man! Doesn't mean it wouldn't be appetizing on any other day.
I know you don't want to hear it but it literally is the entire thing, role-playing. The messaging people, the planning, the hashing out chemistry, the flakes, the non-responders, the people who ask for scat when it's very clearly in your "NEVER" column, the flipping of the coin to decide who writes the OP, the adrenaline of the posts, the waiting, waiting, waiting, fucking waiting for responses. Good role-plays the way you describe it are the gravy, not the meal. The experience of rping is the uncertainty of having to depend on someone else in order to write down and live through a fantasy. Embrace that. Or leave until you can get it in your head where you're willing to tolerate that at the very least.
I was gonna go all out, combing through your posts to analyze your problem better but like I said, reading the way you write isn't the problem, I don't think. It's the attitude.
EDIT: Wow, nevermind. I just checked your posts to see if there was any more help I could offer. You don't have any. Like, none. Just from my personal view, you've got nothing that I, as a prospective partner, could look at to see how you write story-wise and the bareness shows no history of how you handle topics. Looking at it, I'd pass you by from that alone because it looks like you either haven't been here for very long or you have the tendency to abandon topics. Not saying you do, but that's my impression.
Looking at your request thread is... intimidating to say the least. The wall of text with something to say about every little thing that could or could not happen, feels kind of inflexible. And your metaphors are a bit dry and dated. I'm gonna warn you... I'm really only here because you asked for help and I've been where you are. Plus I like you and I don't think you should leave, especially from your own assessment of your capabilities and my agreement with you because of how they're displayed here: it's not fair. So, I'm gonna tear into your thread. You might not like it but if you really want help, then you need to be told these things. I love you, man. Not holding back.
-Post length: So the introduction is the ingredients list, we have our potential cooks lined up, we’ve come to the best two parts and realizations; the entrée goodness that is the interaction and the fact that I watch way too many cooking shows for my own good since my analogies seem to always get here. Now, I try not to be too picky, but generally the more I’m able to work with, the happier a Sheep I am. If you’re not comfortable tossing novels at me, that’s fine; in general if I’m given at least a paragraph I am certainly content. The more the merrier. And the food analogies stop here.
I mean, what is this? Feels like you're trying to be overly clever to impress me but I'm not pretentious enough to get it or it's just not working. And this is the freaking rules portion. Just say what you gotta say; rules are boring enough. Like, wow, I thought I was bad talking about fish up there but you really gotta make a point. The whole point of the rules section, the part of it that makes people feel comfortable is being able to go down your list of requirements and making a quick and easy assessment on whether or not I could meet your standards. What I quoted above, I have to freaking search for it. Another thing you have to realize is that yes, you want to set yourself apart from the other req threads but generally when it comes to rules, if you have them, they're generally all the same. Like the quoted above? You need enough to work with. No shit! Open any goddamn request thread on the forum and you WON'T find them saying, "I don't care how much you write; I'll carry us through it because I like writing by myself."
The self-deprecating humor in the beginning is great but we're not starting a conversation here. This is a call-in ad, Jonesy. You pay for every word. You want to tell prospective partners something they'll like, so that they'll stay and read more, I get it. But you come off a bit like you deserve the attention just from showing up.
Now first impressions are important and I had my think tank consider and revise several different topic titles that would be Sheep related in order to get you, inquisitive wanderer, to click on my topic. Then research and development got involved.
So the think tank was fired and this is what we’re left with. Still. Once more. Welcome!
What the fuck is this? Why is it in there? Hrm-hrm! Yeeers! Quite! Good show! Are you looking for Buzz Killington from Family Guy to respond?
Consider this introduction an aperitif of sorts, the ingredients list for the meat and potatoes; in short, it is not required to look through but may give you an idea of whether you’d like to stay. If you’re like me, and I know I am, you might want to get to know your potential role playing partner before moving onward.
Please, point me in the direction of your tl;dr. You're further introducing me to your introduction. There is nothing here except you are literally asking to be ignored.
You haven't said anything to convince your audience that we should give a fuck about who you are yet. You do know what the request thread is for and what it's meant to do, right? You present your ideas first. When someone messages you, THAT'S when you know they've at least committed that far and the chemistry introductions can start. The request threads, I'm sorry to say, aren't about who you are. They're about your ideas, they're about getting "interest". You're bogging yourself down with this crap when people aren't reading because YOU'RE why they opened the thread. Sorry, you're not. They've got cravings and ideas of their own. They're looking to write and so far, you've kind of set yourself up as a bit of a drag to read. What happened to the life and pizzazz from this thread? Maybe include more ranting and emotion instead of smug chortling about people having opened your thread. That passion IS attractive, if a little off-putting because of your frustrated tone. Utilize it to make yourself look good when you're NOT angry.
Let’s consider myself semi-literate. I do have the guilty pleasure of subscribing to the dogma of detail and will sometimes get carried away, which reminds me, this introduction may be running a bit too far.
Well, at least you have some intuition. ^^;;
A few final things that will be brought up again later on: I try to post as much as possible, but usually manage a post or two a day at best AND I have the luxury of cell phone internet, which means unfortunately sometimes I will disappear off the face of the Earth.
Again??? You're gonna be saying this again?? Why? Why are you repeating yourself? It's like you don't put value on the attention I've already given you! Seriously, that is really condescending.
One final thing since this little tidbit has, for whatever reason upset people in the past: this role player is male. If you’re looking to engage in a role play where your brainstorming buddy is of the fairer sex, then unfortunately this is not the place for you.
Just say you're male. That's it. Don't cringe about people being upset because believe it or not when you let 'em know up front, they're not going to be. You'll either hear from them or not, no need to piss in their drink for all the times somebody was an oversensitive twat to you.
Is this a joke??? I'm seriously bordering on walking away, since you seem oblivious to how much like a boring lecture you are, when they used to show the old school movies about Ebola and how good milk is for you in school and yet right here you acknowledge it like that was what you were intending to do??? Are you serious? "Hm-hm-hm! Booooored yet? Don't worry! We've got another hour! Dickens! Cheerio!"
Yeah, I know, rules are rather boring and cumbersome. But I need to have them here to appear professional and also make sure that potential role plays don’t go up in flames.
Or at the very least ensure that you don't have any at all.
For the rules, instead of continuing to rip it apart verbally, I'll repost your rules and what you need to say to make sure your point comes across. You can literally take out everything else because you're not being informative, you're making sure that nobody pays attention to them with the superlative flim-flam.
-Post frequency: I will try to post as much as possible, but will usually hit a consistency of around a post a day except on weekends. Sometimes the internet fizzles on me but I'll be sure to keep you informed.
-Post location: I prefer role-playing via PM but I might be open to rping on the forum. If we have time zone compatibility or it is more accessibile, I do have Yahoo and AIM access.
-Post length: Generally the more I’m able to work with, the happier a Sheep I am. If you’re not comfortable tossing novels at me, that’s fine; in general if I’m given at least a paragraph I am certainly content.
-Post content: Development of characters and world building and plot can certainly enhance a nice, steamy scene for me. That doesn’t mean that I’ll turn down a plot-less romp however.
- Post taboos: Lastly, and unfortunately I’m guilty of this as well (thanks internet), if you are either unable to respond or are unhappy with the current state of affairs, please let me know.
You need to be direct if you want to be respected. You certainly deserve it, you clever git. Truly, if I wasn't this invested in helping you, I would have passed this by which is a shame because you're silly and funny. But when people open the thread, they're not looking to be overwhelmed with THAT aspect of your personality yet and the overflowing inclusion of these pointless jokes, overfluffing, and self-deprecation sounds a bit desperate. You already deserve to be liked, Jonesy. Fuckin' own it, man.
And as I said, the rules section is very straight forward. Everybody has them and what you've put down, minus the fluff, is almost word for word what everybody else puts down when they set up their rules. That's why most of the time, I leave that shit out. Yes, we all want someone to post as often as they can. Yes, we want to actually write with somebody, not be forced to fill the page with exposition by ourselves. Yes, fuckin', YES, we want to be informed if things go south. Anybody looking for the opposite of those things doesn't have a request thread here, ffs. Nobody is looking to be entertained AND read rules at the same time. It's just not happening.
I'm also not going to post each of your ideas and address them individually. Suffice it to say, it's too much a lot of the time. Remember in the 90's when the movie trailers had that voice-over guy telling you the dramatic bullet points for the movie? Or even just a trailer itself. most of them barely 5 minutes long, their purpose is to give you peeks, to hook your interest and tell you as much as they can about the film to cushion that interest so that when you see the title of the flick on the sign at the theater later on, you'll get excited remembering those images and impressions. And you'll want to actually pay for it to commit to going through with watching it.
Taglines, details, impressions and drama. Make these synopsis exciting. Don't worry about telling them everything about the movie yet. Wait til the bitches actually pay, that way you've got them in their seats for some of the ride. Truth is, I didn't get past the first synopsis. It is really boring to read the idea when you're not interested, even worse when you are and you won't just tell me what it's about. Sell it to me. Don't try and tell me the entire story right now, especially not if you're that gung-ho about getting equal what you give when actually writing the darn thing.
When people read a synopsis, particularly when they're looking to be part of the creative process, they're trying to insert their character into the setting you painted. You make it really difficult for someone to agree to the show when you don't give them the opportunity to perform that self-insertion. Because the question is: what's my part? Where am I gonna put my character in this? Where do I fit? The role-play is a mutual fantasy where we both get something out of it. You need to make your prospective partners feel like they have a spot in bed, rather than sitting on the floor and reaching up to help you masturbate.
The section below is really superfluous as well.
-I have an idea / scenario / random plot!
-That’s not a question and I’ve already screwed this section up. But! Let’s say you’ve gotten this far, find this might be an interesting prospect, but don’t like any of the ideas. Or say that you’ve had an idea brewing for quite some time and no partner to play with. Feel free to let me know, as some of my favorite role plays have happened in the past from proposed scenarios.
For God's sake, mate! Just say: I'm open to trying out any ideas you have. Fucking, seriously. omg.
First, I have to have some knowledge of it, the more the better, especially if you expect a firm grasp on the material.
I don't know anybody who does fandom role-plays who's looking for someone who's never seen or heard of the fandom they're desiring to role-play. Most fandom role-plays exist because the writer has a fantasy they want to act out with very specific characters or they have a scene in mind they want to reenact but change to suit their fantasy. You don't need to say this. Just simply state: not what I'm looking for but I'm open to it. Feel free to approach me about specific canons and we'll see if we can make it work. If you’re asking me to play as an existing character, I would appreciate if you would as well.
That's literally all you need. Because without a specific list of fandoms, you're pretty much saying "inquire within". No need to fend off blows from fans. Seriously, if I'm looking for a Hunger Games rp and I glance in your thread, I'm not going to stop and say "Hey! This dude says he doesn't like HG! I'mma kick his ass!" I'm searching for an rp and you're not being as offensive as you assume you are. I ain't got time to argue the point with someone who doesn't want to rp that fandom anyway.
What kind of characters do you play as?
-As a general guideline, I will role play as male characters and sometimes futa/herm/newhalf characters. I am not sure what the general term is these days, so if I’m using something outdated and/or offensive now, apologies in advance and please let me know so I can change it. I typically will not play female characters in strictly erotic roles and despite my screen name, in general stray from playing as anthro / furry / tentacle beasts. I know, I didn’t think this through either when I made this screen name.
All you need here is a list. You don't need all of this pansy-ass waffling. Just say: I will role-play as male characters and futa/herm/newhalf(whatever they're called now). I do not play as females in strictly erotic rps or anthro/furry/tentacle monsters.
That's it. This section and this question and the ones below it are exactly like the rules section and dareIsay, it is actually a continuation of the rules section. A lot of times it doesn't need to be said, since people will most likely get it from where you position yourself/your playable characters in the synopsis, and whether you use certain pronouns or make specific notes for a willingness to play futa. But if you have to put it down, then keep it simple so it's easy to find. It's not a good idea, in your request thread, the thread where you're trying to advertise yourself so that people will want to fucking write with you, to force people to skip over some of your words to get to the part they need to be informed about. Sets a bad precedent and I'm not totally sure about everyone else but if I'm skipping over your words, I'm not going to open up the chance to write with you. What's. The. Fucking. Point?
- Why yes I do! And thank you for asking faceless person I would have created anyways because rest assured, this answer is making it on this list.
A few things that upset me greatly:
Scat
Watersports
A few things that I will rarely role play and are context sensitive:
Death
Dismemberment
Gore
Mutilation
Vore
Much like the posting rules you had in the mid-beginning, this is something that 1. your partners expect to see here because fucking hello, everyone has limits and 2. they're exactly the same as everyone elses. Some people add rape and bestiality and needlessly they add in loli/shota, but if they're there, then the no-limit people who are looking for a more horror and twisted rp will see these and know what you're willing to do with them and if they should even bother sending you a message. Those are the people who are looking at this section, not the people who agree with you, most of the time. Because people who do have what we call "vanilla limits" in regard to what they'll allow to physically happen to their characters and others in the role-play, aren't going to look at your limits list and worry about something not being on there.
Now, this is not an exhaustive list because I have rather vanilla tastes. And before I accidentally upset anyone, I am not here to judge; I don’t get paid enough and I look horrible in the robe and wig. If you have a kink you’d like to explore, please let me know. Like the above topic though, if I either don’t know enough about it or feel uneasy about it, I will either have to ask you to clarify or will have to kindly ask to compromise. If you want a role play involving male impregnation, you’ll need to win me over, because they didn’t teach me how that works in school.
This doesn't need to be in there. Like, at all. You know what, I'll do you one better. I'll QUOTE you on what it should say in regards to what you're "willing to do"--
-Do you have any specific kinks?
-Only one way to find out.
I... don't understand... is this a part of the piece by piece construction you're doing? Because I'm a little shocked by your brevity and straightforwardness. But yeah, you can say exactly this when defining "what I'm willing to do". In fact, just make them the same exact section with the "inquire within" sign on the freaking door.
-How can I reach you?
-Feel free to reply to this topic if you would like. I’ll try to check this as often as possible. However, the best way to catch me is to send a private message my way. If you send me a message either way, I will try to answer as soon as possible. If you’d like a better chance of being noticed, feel free to offer up ideas or scenarios, or even writing samples!
Why is this here? I'd like to inform you, that the generally accepted decorum, in fact the pure function of the req thread... is exactly what you just stated in the above quote. You literally do not need to tell anybody this information, like the "How to be an Adult" series of books telling someone how to answer a telephone or pour water into a glass. It's condescending as hell and in fact, now that we're nearing the end, you're starting to come off a little needy.
I didn’t like this topic! What else can you offer?
-Please feel free to look at my other topic which covers additional scenarios and no doubt offers antiquated humor and observations.
Holy fuck, you're telling me there's MORE of this bullshit? Thanks for the invitation but I've got to go sit through a gun shot wound to the face. Just cut out this "hehe! Someone is figuratively asking me these questions! I get asked these questions all the time! FAQ! FAQ!" bullcrap. Just simply state, "If you haven't seen something you wanted here, check out my other thread: [link]"
-Anything else I should know?
-That sums it all up, potential role playing partner! Thank you for stopping by and I hope to hear from you in the future. However, even if you didn’t find this to be your cup of tea, I certainly thank you for your time.
I think you're thinking of this the entirely wrong way. This isn't a job interview. This isn't a resume. This isn't a college admissions essay. This is:
I'm horny/story-starved and just as frustrated by bullshit as you are. You've got two freaking seconds as my eyes scan the page to impress me and make me want to get to know you. You're rushing your steps.
That being said, I know I might come off as harsh but I'm coming at this from two directions: 1. as a prospective partner, seeing how I would feel about your thread if I were looking for someone to write with and 2. telling you step by step what you need to hear. I see above the theme repeating in the other people's posts, "revise and cut down" but your response before you vault right into rant mode is flippant and ignorant. No, fucking seriously. YOU NEED TO TRIM THIS SHIT OUT. You don't need to lament over what might be wrong with you, or not being good enough, threatening to leave because life is so fucking unfair for you in particular. You need to listen to what people are telling you the problem is.
You've got the chops, Sheep. I think you could have a lot of fun here if you got that chip off your shoulder. I really hope you take these suggestions to heart and that they help you in some way.
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