Xana writes (and bitches probably.) Comments Welcome!

Apologies to all my partners waiting on replies. Today was the last day of school, so I will have more free time to work on post in the coming weeks.

Hoping for a productive summer this year. My goal is to complete the first (or second?) draft of a redemption novel before I go back to work in September. I worked on the first chapter, and will post it once I get feedback/approval.
 
Which means I should probably make time to realky read it (instead of just skimming it). Shouldn't I? :)
 
My rps + The Onion Headlines

His Redemption
Matthias
man-who-thought-hed-lost-all-hope-loses-last-additional-14159095.png

Irrepressible Bad Boy Slays Seven

Clara
Sexual Tension unbearable between 15 year old, rest of the world
Area Teen has better things to do than kick your ass

Mykel +Aurianna
Army Holds Annual "Bring Your Daughter to War" Day

Jeoram
Man born with Face you Just Want to Punch


Star Wars Eclipse
Quentin
Man Who Treats Women with Respect Asked What His Secret Is

Kaydia
That Sucker Jesus Has Forgiven Me for Some Pretty Bad Sins
I Shouldn't be Alive, but I am
Woman with Amazing Rack told she has Beautiful Eyes

Sheila Golb
Work Friend Accidentally becomes Real Friend


Star Wars: A New Dawn
Quentin
Dad's on a Parenting Kick Lately

Quentin + Mara
Father's Dying Wish a Real Hassle


Star Wars: The Eclipse before the Dawn
Kaydia+ Mara
Childbirth to be Area Woman's Least Painful Interaction with Daughter


Voyage of the Silken Siren
Yusef + Aurelia
Man Didn’t Expect Sex With Prostitute Would Be So Emotionally Fulfilling

Kaarim
Man feels Automatic Connection with Attractive Woman


Farewell, My Lovely
Relatiobship Not a Power Struggle, Woman Who's Winning Reports


Wolf In Sheep's Clothing
Man, Woman Experiencing 2 Very Different Sexual Tensions


On the Twelfth Night
Breakfast In Bed Served To Mom Who Just Got Eaten Out


Waging War Against the Heavens
Kidnapping Going Pretty Smoothly

Bonus:
Literally all my Rps
I am Tired of these Constant Near Death Experiences
 
There is nothing like joining a writing forum to make yourself feel inadequate over your writing. Or maybe it's just me?

Nevertheless I am taking it in stride, and moving forward on my Redemption rewrite. (Remind me to add "workshop some better titles" to my to do list)

Thinking I need to add some dialogue from Ari in the fight scene. Also need to find an organic way and place to describe her.


More Redemption thoughts:

Think I have around three books worth of content. Thinking the first book will end around the point they reach Monsford. Aurianna and Clara have reached a degree of safety, but they still have to contend with: 1. Aurianna possibly losing her arm. 2. Matthias taken captive by Hydranes to be slowly tortured to death 3. Whether Clara is going to get eaten by a dragon. (still waiting on the answer to that one ;) ) Book two will be the battle of Monsford, and book three will start right before the wedding and to go through the end.

The POV issue continues to vex me. Think I have the first four chapters figured out, but after that it sort of falls apart. Looks like Aurianna is going to get the vast majority of the POVs, in this first book at least. Now that I think about it, I think it is going to me mostly Ari in Book one, mostly Clara in Book two and mostly Matthias in Book three. Still, the problem with focusing Aurianna is losing many of the little scenes she isn't in. (Though hiding the fact that her and Matthias are sharing their dreams might be interesting. Maybe)

I had started an opening scene taking place just before the battle, that introduced Clara and gave Marwyn Conn some dialogue, but it feels like it just gets in the way.
 
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So I am learning that good rp writing isn't the same as good narrative writing. But I like how this scene shaped up. Think I captured the mood of the scene, without having to be explicit.

I have some potential titles in mind.
Staring through the Emptiness. I love how evocative this one is. Not sure it fits with the themes of the story, however.

To Betray a Master. Fits well with ongoing themes in the novel. Gives me a template to follow in naming the sequels. However, this template feels cliche, somewhat. This has gotten the most positive feed back as well.

Never Trust an Oathbreaker. Fits well with the themes of the novel. Gives a more interesting template to follow for sequels. Possibly too lighthearted for the tone I am trying to set. It's also word for word dialogue that happens in the third chapter. Am I giving away too much, too early? To Betray a Master is modified from dialogue that occurs in the fourth chapter, but perhaps disguised enough it doesn't feel overt.
 
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Man, this chapter was even more of a bitch than the last one. This one required more substantial rewrites, as I kept fiddling with parts, creating plot holes where none existed before. Also included more dialogue between Aurianna and Matthias, which I hope more closely captures Aurianna's fragile mental state.

One of the major struggles was keeping the first feeding scene in. It's been toned down some, no longer as explicitly sexual between Aurianna and Matthias. No orgasms this time. Still, I really like how the new dialogue I worked in for Aurianna changes the ways Matthias' response can be taken, making it work on multiple levels. I think it still builds the beginning of trust between Aurianna and Matthias, as well as muddying up their feelings for one another.

I queued this up to post to my blog in nine days, so I hope to get a chance to go through it again and tighten it all up, but for now I want to move on, and start chapter 5. This will be a challenge, still haven't decided if I am going to stick Aurianna's POV for another chapter or switch to Matthias. Or should I try to vacillate between both, since they don't interact with one another much in the next few scenes?

Think I am pretty set on To Betray a Master as the title. It even inspired a possible title for Book 2, To Beseech a Dragon, but I am not committed to that one yet. IDK, maybe something with Godslayer in the title? Let me finish this book first, before I worry about that.
 
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I was half tempted to hit Corsair up and ask him if he just wants full credit for this, since it seems like he wrote all the good parts anyways. But I am really proud of the portions I rewrote for this section. Maybe I can do this, after all.
 
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Editing this chapter went rather smoothly, so naturally I am concerned I am going it wrong. But this was one of my favorite exchanges when we first wrote the scene, and I think the majority of it is very good.

Originally I was going to go right into the Jeoram/Ari dubcon scene, but I think breaking it up into separate chapters works better. Maybe. I will begin editing that scene right now! Maybe I can finish it by tomorrow. Or even tonight, since it's not like I need sleep.

Been working on some images for this story, advertisements for my blog and the story. Perhaps I will post a few up. Getting a few visitors, but no likes or comments yet.
 
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Decided to have Jeoram propse to Ari in this scene, instead of having them engaged before the story starts. I think it adds to her dilemma, and the pressure of having to sleep with him, and prove that their love is true and genuine. Then the next chapter (or perhaps the chapter after) when she tells Mykel that she is angaged to Jeoram can serve as a parallel to the scene later on when she tells him she is engaged to Matthias.

Now I need to decide if I want the next chapter to follow Jeoram alone, or if I want to bounce between a few characters. This will likely be a few days away. I need to go back and revise chapter 1 again, but I think I am getting closer. I recently came to a deeper understand of Matthias' character, and motivations, and am nearly tempted to rewrite the first scene from his POV.
 
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Adding that proposal in was an excellent idea. I liked it.

Maybe the next chapter should alternate between Ari and Jeoram? I believe Ari talked to Justine about things. Maybe Heoram's talking to a friend as well. Contrast how conflicted and confused Ari is with Jeoram's confusion about her rejection of him. Use it to start hinting at what kind of bastard he really is.
 
Oh man, this chapter was a bitch and a half. New rule, no chapters over 3k words. The good news is that I peeked at the next couple, and they are both close to half done with just a cursory glance through. The next one introduces Clara, which should be fun, and the one after is one of my favorite scenes. Here is to hoping these next two go better. At this point, they pretty much have to!

Thinking more about Aurianna and Jeoram's past. I've decided that have had an on again/ off again relationship for the past decade. I've also decided that they first slept together when Aurianna returned to the temple, after Matthias sacrificed himself. It sets up a pattern of Jeoram taking advantage Ari's distress to fuck her, and for Ari to confuse intimacy for sex. Which is why Matthias' rejection of her sexual advances a few scenes from now is so confusing for her. It sets the stage for real intimacy between Ari and Matthias and lending credence to her growing feelings. Feelings that go beyond the teenage crush she once had. I look forward to working on it, but not tonight. I need a break.
 
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I knew this chapter would be easier than the last, and man am I grateful for that! Next chapter might be a bit more challenging, as I want to tell it from Matthias' perspective. Looking for a place to have him find out about Rielle, and commiserate about their relationship. Maybe finding out that she went on to marry someone else is part of what drives him to push Ari away? Still not sure where I owuld put it, and not sure how it would go beyond a paragraph.

Been thinking about what the high concept for this story would be. So far I have landed on "Beauty and the Beast meets Diablo," but that feels off, somewhat.
 
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Alright, another chapter done! I just love this scene, the chemistry between Ari and Matthias is just blistering.

Should I push on while I got the momentum? Or try to reply to rps I'll been neglecting?
 
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Editing chapter 11 was frustrating me, so I decided to take a break from my own shitty writing to make some shitty art. :D :blush: After getting some pointers and a template to follow, I made something I don't totally hate.
Edit 8/12/17: I changed the cover again. I think this one better, but it still needs something to make it pop.

[img=590x800]http://i.imgur.com/fyiGFGu.png[/img]

Also, I wrote a synopsis/ query letter practice, which I think is decent.

As a Paladin in the Order of Afodisia, Aurianna is a paragon of knighthood. Servant to the goddess, she wages war on the demons who seek to subjugate mankind. Her mentor, Matthias, would be so proud –if he hadn’t sacrificed himself to save her from an infernal trap over a decade ago. In a fate worse than death, his soul was ripped from his body and replaced with a devil. Now he slaughters his former allies, bringing glory to his master, the Lord of Lust.

Driven to put an end to Matthias’ reign of terror, and tortured existence as a soulless monster, she seeks him out on the battlefield. Stronger than paladin he was, and lacking a conscience, Matthias defeats and captures Aurianna, intending to offer her to his master’s dark hunger.

Facing the same torture Matthias succumbed to, Aurianna fears she will also suffer his fate. That is until something breaks in Matthias, and he carves up the fiend defiling her. Now the former master and student must work together to escape the demon’s keep and make it back to the safety of the Seraphim Wall.

Once they arrive, Matthias has a decade’s worth of crimes to answer for, and the weight of Aurianna’s torment isn’t so easily shed. Festering within her mind, her trauma puts her soul at risk. If Matthias can help heal the wounds within her soul, perhaps he can find atonement. But if Aurianna can’t save him, and correct her greatest regret, she too could fall from grace.


Dammit, now I have to get back to editing.
 
Chapter 11 took too long to work through, and much of that was my own self-doubt. But I like the parts I added in with/about Rielle. I might have to find more excuses to write her. Or a similar character. (Maybe her Step-Grandaughter takes after her.) Still, I am a week ahead of schedule and I should have more time in the next few weeks to work on this, so hopefully I can get another group of chapters done.
 
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Steadily plodding along. One more chaper before I get into some meaty stuff, SHould be fun. Still haven't decided whose perspective I will tell the first sex scene between Ari and Matthias from, but I am leaning towards Ari. I had some really good lines there.

The critiques I am getting are confusing the hell out of me. Mostly because I am hearing different things from different people. Whihc makes sense, but doesn't help me to know which advice I should be taking, and which I can toss out. Some people complain I haven't spent enough time setting up the conflict between Matthias and Ari, another complains I have too much backstory in the opening paragraph. One person says I don't have enough desprictive text, another says I spend too much time describing things, given the battle happening.

Eventually I am going to go and edit the hell out of Chapter 1, but for now I just want to focus on complating the manuscript for book 1. Which I have no idea how I am going to end.
 
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This chapter wasn't so bad, just been fighting my depression and anxiety to get it done. Which came to a head today, but I think I am moving past it. Sort of.

Been making some art in the meantime. Learning to use GIMP has been a nice distraction, and I think I am even getting good at this. I made the avatar and sig I am currently using. The avatar needs some work, but I am not sure what. The sig turned out really nice, proud of the blending I did, using a technique Fruit showed me.

I also made a couple title cards for my rps.

f1hTAec.png
I love how the glass blended with the image, really capturing the noir feel.

mcBF63H.png
I think the texture I layered on top makes this look like a painting, instead of a photo.
 
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The sound of boots on stone echoed as Aurianna made her way down the dungeon steps. This time of night was cool, but her blood simmered in her veins, growing hotter as she drew closer. She was thankful for the dim torchlight in cells, hiding the rosy blush on her skin. “Matthias? I hope I didn’t wake you.”

He was sitting in his usual spot, up against the wall. "No, Ari, you didn't wake me." Crimson eyes glanced up at her. Was she imagining them lingering over her? "I've been a little preoccupied. Thinking about tomorrow."

“I wouldn’t be here for your trial. I was assigned to guard Oracle as she makes her pilgrimage. I leave tomorrow.” His eyes were still on her as she opened the cell. She could feel them, but couldn’t meet his gaze. Not as she imagined him sentenced to death tomorrow.

She played with the pouch on her belt, letting the weight of the key inside sway side to side. “I don’t know what is going to happen with the tribunal, but I can’t leave without closure between us. Can’t leave without knowing, one way or the other,” She joined him on the floor, closer now than when they shared meals together. Closer than she had been since the day he threw her out.

He shifted, but not away from her. A good sign, she hoped. "What are you talking about?"

The words spilled out, “Ever since we fled the Ebon Fortress, I’ve wanted you. I want to feel you, inside me. Your body, your fangs, I want all of it, Matthias. I’ve dreamt of you, dreamt of us, together. I need to know if...I need to know what it means.”

Matthias shuddered, eyes wide and mouth parted. “Ari,” he started, shaking his head, “It doesn’t mean anything–“

She silenced his protests with her lips, unwilling to hear disagreements tonight. He didn’t respond at first, his body shaking as she pressed against him. Had she misunderstood? Had she imagined the desire felt from him? Had he only ever pitied her? She pulled away, eyes squeezed shut to hold back the tears, “I’m sorry, I’ll–“

With an inarticulate cry, he pushed her against the wall, a hand fisting in her hair as he kissed her. His free hand wandered down her proud leather-clad form, bunching fistfuls of her skirt and then exploring her bare thigh. She lifted her leg in response, wrapping it around his waist as his hips ground against hers and their tongues twined in their joined mouths.

For a minute it continued, his hardening shaft grinding into her. His tongue fucking her mouth. her inarticulate sounds of pleasure at the feel of his body against hers. And then he broke the kiss, pulling her hair as he did. Her head followed his hand, bearing the smooth column of her throat to him. His tongue was fire on her skin as he traced the pulsing vein in her neck, and then he bit her.

“Goddess,” She exhaled, fingers tangling in his hair still unable to believe how good this felt. His cock seemed to grow even harder against her as he fed, and her stomach coiled in the thought of having him. Mostly pleasant, but the shadow of fear lingered.

She pulled his mouth off her neck, chasing away doubts in a needy kiss. A needy kiss he returned, lips and tongue tasting of her blood. His hand cupped a breast, tugging at the top of her dress until he pulled it away, leaving her exposed. She moaned into his mouth as his fingers toyed with a swelling nipple. Needing to breathe, she broke the seal of their lips and rose over him. Breast near his lips, and fingers still tangled in his hair, she begged him, “Bite me, again.”

Matthias didn’t need to be asked twice, wrapping crimson lips around the erect nub. She could hear his moan as his teeth sunk into the yielding flesh. His hands gripped her back, pulling her closer as he lapped at the wounds and bit again, piercing her skin over and over again. Longing became maddening, core muscles aching for him. Without thinking, she gave voice to her yearning, “I want you inside me.”

He twisted, reminding her that strength wasn't the only part of infighting as he crashed to the ground atop her. Pushing her skirt up over her hips, he groaned aloud as he discovered she wore nothing beneath. “I can tell. I can smell your arousal.” The flat planes of his chest pressed into her breasts as he leaned over, kissing her again. His breath was hot on her lips as he spoke, “Tell me what you want.”

She wanted to be playful. To flirt and giggle and bite her lips. She tried to force a smile, but it wouldn’t come. Instead, she was honest, “I need to know I’m not broken.”

“You aren’t,” he whispered, hovering above her. His hand was gentle yet insistent upon her thigh. Spreading her, so he could slide in even closer. The warm grin on his face became mischievous as the head of his shaft teased her, “But you might be when I am done with you.”

There was a brief moment of utter terror as she waited for him to enter her. A deep-seated fear that she would never enjoy this again. That he would hurt her, just as everyone else had hurt her. That, despite her posturing, she really was broken.

She closed her eyes against the fangs that dug into her throat, losing herself in the sensation of her life leaving her body. Her hands wrapped around his neck and back, holding his body against hers, clinging to him until the fear passed.

When he slid into her, several competing emotions bubbled to the surface. She choked down a sob; gasped out a pleased moan; laughed in relieved elation. Tears slid down her face, as her nails dug into his back, the absolute joy she felt in this moment eclipsing anything else. There was just the barest resistance between them, a friction that ignited bliss within her. She collapsed upon each retreat, only to part around his length again, gripping him in her desire.

“Matthias!” His name was loud in the silence of the night, resonating within his cell. Each stroke was slow, drawn out, sliding into her depths. Every inch of him filled her, replacing fear and shame with joy and delight. Guided by her thighs wrapped his hips, Matthias moved faster, matching the pace set by the beating of her heart. Soon, their bodies slammed together in a riotous eruption of passion and need.

She arched into him now, her slickened slit tightening around him, forcing him to thrust harder. She wrapped arms around his back, holding him even closer to her, letting him experience her climax through her.

She was a complete mess of laughing and sobbing and moaning as her orgasm fluttered within her. The exultation of the moment got in the way of her better judgment, and as he continued to melt into her soft folds and she opened herself to him.

“I love you.”

He didn’t say it back. He didn’t say anything, just stared down as he moved in her. His grip tightened around her hips, pulling her closer, driving himself even deeper. With a wordless cry of release, his seed flooded her depths and he spent himself into her womb.

Still, there were no words. Just the two of them breathing hard in unison, his body heavy against hers as he collapsed against her. Her fingers still dug into his back, holding him close. Needing that closeness if he wouldn’t speak the words. He stroked her cheek with his thumb. "You deserve better, Ari. Someone better than me."

“Shh, don’t say that. I am glad I had you. Glad we shared this.” She nuzzled his neck, wishing she never had to let go. And as the key on her pouch weighed upon her mind, she realized she didn’t have to. “You don’t have to die tomorrow.”

He sat up at that, eyes guarded as he looked her over, “What do you mean?”

Before she could answer, the sound of boots descending the stairs filled the dungeons.




Alright, another chapter done! I had to rewrite this one nearly completely since I wanted a softer, more tender tone than the original scene. I am pretty proud of what I did here.

The next chapter might end up as a bitch. Think I am going to go with multiple perspectives, as there is a lot happening all at once there. Wish me luck!
 
Taking a break from editing my novel today to play around with GIMP. Made some new title cards.

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Really wanted to capture the sensuality of the couple without losing pirate ship background. Played around with layering and shadows, and I am pretty satisfied with the end result.


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Wanted some reminiscent of the original posters. I think I might go back and touch it up, maybe swap around the characters. Overall I am pretty happy with how it turned out.



I wrote this a while back, but I hated it at the time. I went back today and edited it, and am much happier with it. MAJOR SPOILERS for my Star Wars RPs.

“Mommy!” Sudden weight pulled Kaydia from sleep, to find a small warm body climbing over hers. “Mommy wake up!” Green eyes snapped open to see Mara sitting on her, tiny hands gripping her arm to shake her.

“I’m awake,” she yawned, pulling her daughter into her arms as she sat up. Planting a sleepy kiss in Mara’s hair, she held the girl close.

“We made you breakfast!” Mara announced excitedly, hands still sticky with batter. It was all over the blanket now, but Kaydia was too happy in the moment to care.

“Did you now? Let me guess…” she teased, taking one of Mara’s hands, bringing a finger to her mouth to taste, “was it pancakes?”

“Yep!” she cheered, finding a spot next to her mother. Quentin entered a moment later with a tray of breakfast food. Two fluffy pancakes shaped loosely like a heart, a couple pieces of sausage darken deliciously brown, a cup of red berries, and lastly –and most importantly– coffee. Kaydia accepted the cup first.

“Come on Mara, let Mommy eat in peace,” Quentin suggested, arranging her plate carefully.

“No, stay,” Kaydia countered, reaching for her husband. Her thumb caressed the back of his hand, beseeching his company beside her. With a warm smile, he obliged, sitting on the other side of Mara, arm wrapped around Kaydia’s shoulder. “Did you want some?” She asked Mara, popping a berry in her mouth. Mara responded with vigorous nodding, opening her mouth for a berry as well. Leaning into Quentin’s body she turned to face him. “You spoil me,” she gushed, breath hot against his lips and made warmer by the first sip of coffee.

“You think so, but you haven’t seen the mess we left in the kitchen yet,” he teased, closing the distance between their lips. Nothing could pull her away from Quentin now, not even the building cry of a nearby infant.
Grating on her, as she clung desperately to her husband and daughter and the beautiful dream that was forever lost as she opened her eyes.

The bedroom was dark when she awoke this time. Dark, but she could make out Padme’s silhouette on the bed, laying on her side. “Sorry Kaydia, but can you grab Luke? I am almost done nursing Leia.”

“Why didn’t you wake me?” she yawned out, metallic joints hissing as she stood to grab the baby. Luke wailed as she gathered him into her arms, rubbing tiny closed fist against his mouth.

“I didn’t have the heart to. You looked so peaceful,” Padme insisted, sitting up to switch babies with Kaydia. She lied back down, the other way to Luke could nurse from the other side. “Can you change Leia, please? After you burp her?”

“I wish you would have,” Kaydia admitted, not hiding the bitterness in her voice well. Bitterness that grew as she held Leia against her shoulder, patting her back rhythmically. All these little tasks reminding her of the daughter that was ripped from her body and arms. The daughter she'd lost. But none of that was Padme’s fault, and it did no good to snap at her over it. Not after she killed Padme’s husband, leaving her a widow with newborn twins.

So Kaydia tried not to take out on the small fragile life in her hands. Perhaps this was a second chance. A bittersweet second chance to get it right. “You hungry?” she asked, dressing Leia in a soft one piece for the day.

“Honestly? Yeah,” Padme admitted, a tired excitement in her voice. She caressed Luke’s cheek as he fed, and smiled down at him.

The darkness of the room hid the pained smile Kaydia managed, “How do pancakes sound?”



Still comptemplating the comps for this story, and recently I landed on Romeo and Juliet meets Diablo. It feels cliche, but fits incredibly well, particularly with Justine as Mercutio and Jeoram as Tybalt.
 
I love those graphics very much. Very nice.
Thanks! I am having fun figuring it out.



Jeroam made his way down the stairs, followed by a half-dozen of his men. They'd returned less than an hour ago, and he'd initially gone looking for Aurianna. She wasn't around, though, preparing to escort the Oracle on a pilgrimage. He'd nodded his approval of that –she wasn't ready for a real mission, but a simple task like that would be right up her speed. Let her feel useful once more. Get those silly notions out of her head. But, since she wasn't around, he'd suggested to his men that they go pay a visit to the traitor. Soften him up a little, as it were, for his trial. All of them had lost friends or family or both to the demons, so they agreed.

"Now," Arthur was asking, "you're sure we won't get in trouble? I'm already on the Lord Commander's shit list. I don't need more trouble."

"I'm sure," Jeoram laughed. "There's nobody down here at this time of night. Nobody but the traitor, that is."

"Matthias…" The distant voice echoed up from the dungeon.

Barnabas laughed. "Sounds like someone else worked that out, went looking for a little privacy."

Jeoram nodded, frowning. Something sounded familiar about that voice. Voices, actually, because they grew clearer as they reached the hall and headed for the stairs.

“I love you.”

Even louder as they approached the traitor's cell.

"You deserve better…better than me.”

And both voices sounded more and more familiar as he turned the corner.

“You don’t have to die tomorrow.”

"Afodisia..." he breathed, shock and horror filling his voice.
The scene before him was one of his nightmares. Aurianna, half-naked and tangled up with the naked body of the traitor. His men shifted behind him, laughing uncomfortably as he stared. Betrayal gripped his heart –he loved her! Even when she'd accused him of rape, he'd loved her!

Did she moan your name? Tell you she loved you? Did your magical healing cock wash away the horror? Or were you just the latest in a long series of rapes?

The feeling of betrayal hardened, becoming icy hate. And now, rather than turn to him for comfort, she'd crawled down to whore herself out to a demon.

Ignoring the chuckles of his men, he tore open the cell door.

"Dirty, fucking, whore!" He raged, tearing into the cell like wildfire. She still hadn't disentangled from his arms as she stood, the traitor’s body covering her from the eyes of him and his men. Jeoram tore Matthias away, hurling him on the floor, signaling for his buddies, "Hold this fucker down."

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Aurianna?” He sneered, slamming her into the wall. Wanting to hurt her, to repay the hurt of catching her with another man. He didn’t even give her a chance to dress herself or cover her shame. The whole order should see her shame, should see how she betrayed the Order, in betraying him.

“I…” she started, glancing away. She refused to look him in the eye as she prepared a falsehood. Just like last time.

“You try to ruin my life by lying to the Lord Commander about me raping you,” He charged, tightening the grip on her shoulder.

“What, Jeoram that’s not– “

“And now I find you down here fucking your demon rapist?” He slammed her into the wall again. She met his gaze now, eyes filled with hatred.

“You’re the only rapist I see in here,” She said, the words like venom upon her lips. The accusation broke his control, and he threw a right hook against her ear. Her knee smashed up into his gut, knocking the air out of him. He was only disoriented for a moment, just enough time for her to tackle him back into the bars. Fists came fast and furious, pummeling his face and inciting his rage.

“Get this bitch off me!” he called out, gurgling his own blood. Three sets of hands grabbed her now, restraining both of her arms and wrapping around her waist. She kicked and flailed, but three men’s strength was too much for her to overcome. Jeoram took advantage of her defenselessness, bringing another hard left-cross against her jaw. A powerful uppercut into her diagraph left her coughing up blood.

"You whore," he spat, using her hair to twist her head. "Look at you, scarred by his teeth and dripping with his seed. How long have you been fucking him?"

"She..." the demon started to say.

"Silence that thing," Jeoram said, not even looking. "But leave it alive. We don't want him to escape justice tomorrow.” Chuckling, he gave Aurianna a nasty smile. "Or you, demon whore." The terror of realization in her eyes was satisfying.

"What do you have in mind?" Barnabas asked from where he leaned against the wall.

Jeoram glanced at him, then turned his attention back to Aurianna as she began to struggle. A solid kick to the abdomen, followed by a vicious blow to the kidney put an end to that. "If she can fuck a demon," he laughed, "then it shouldn't be any hardship to fuck a Paladin."
Barnabas and the others –even the three beating Matthias– looked at him.

"Really?" asked Arthur, who hadn't bothered to hide his appreciation of Aurianna's half-dressed body. "You're shitting me, right?"

Jeoram laughed again. "You all heard her. She’s not a paladin anymore. Just the demon’s whore. Probably escaped the demons on the flat of her back." Turning, he half-dragged her by the hair behind him. "C'mon. We need to cleanse this bitch." Pausing at the door of the cell, he looked back at the three men working Matthias over. "Don't worry. We'll save a piece for you."



Arthur and Barnabas scouted ahead. Jeoram dragged Aurianna through the halls, pausing to slap or kick her anytime she tried to struggle or cry out. Finally, he pushed open the doors of the Cathedral and shoved her in, laughing as she stumbled and fell to the floor. Behind her rose the altar, and then the great golden statue of the Goddess with a spear in one hand and the other outstretched.

"In here?" asked Ulric. "You sure?"

"Can you think of a better place to cleanse her?" Jeoram laughed, picking her up and throwing her violently into the altar. Drawing a knife, he stepped forward and held it before her face. Then he began to cut the leather dress away. He wasn't gentle, and blood was drawn more than once. "Shut the fuck up, whore," he snapped, when she cried out at the sharp pain. "You bled yourself for your demon, willingly enough."

Ulric and Barnabas grabbed her arms when she tried to lash out at that, bending her back against the polished wood. Laughing, Jeoram sheathed the knife and began to undo his belt. "Cheer up," he told her. "You promised you'd fuck me on the altar, remember?" He slapped her again. "I'm just giving you what you said you always wanted."

As the other paladins laughed, he forced her thighs apart and drove his cock deep into her.



“Oh Afodisia! That feels good!” Clara moaned, giggling and gasping excited. Between her thighs, William's fingers brushed the outside of her breeches, rubbing into her slit.

“Yeah, you like it?” He asked, running the tips of his fingers down the length of her womanhood. Her cotton small clothes created a delightful friction. “You are getting hot down here.”

The teenaged couple had stolen into the Cathedral, to spend one last romantic evening together. They had packed a meal, and a half bottle of wine, which they didn’t manage to finish. By now, both were tipsy and half naked, exploring each other’s bodies.

“Right there!” Clara dug fingers into William’s arms, as he found a sensitive spot. With a teasing smirk, he pressed against it. She squirmed, both spreading herself wider for him, and slinking away from the sensation. Only her teeth biting into his throat could hold back her cries.

“Do you want to touch mine?” he asked, getting bolder and sliding a finger under her small clothes. She nodded, already working at his pants and reaching in to find his hardness. It sprung out to meet her fingers, and she stroked him, watching his reaction as her own bliss grew.

“Oh Clara!” William’s eyes rolled in the back of his head, and he teased her clit in response. Both teens moaned and sighed, fumbling their way around each other’s body. William grew even harder and twitched in her hands, until she felt something hot and sticky splatter her fingers and his pants. With a nervous, handsome smile, he kissed her. “I should clean off.”

“So should I!” Clara laughed, and wiped her fingers on his pants.

“Hey!” His protest was half-heartened, with that giddy smile on his face.

“What? You already stained them!” She didn’t want to stop, but he yawned, and she knew she should try and get some sleep tonight. Still, she didn’t move, just watched him as he dressed.

“Should I wait for you?” He asked, noting her half naked state.

“Nah, I have more clothes to find and put on.” She crawled around the floor, finding her tunic under a pew.

“Okay.” William gave her one last glance, wearing a conflict smiled on his face. “I’ll miss you.” Clara managed to find the rest of her clothes, and dressed, still giddy from the drink and her own excitement. When she heard the cathedral door open, and she peaked out, to see if William had returned.

What she saw far worse than an overexcited teenage boy. Bloody and bruised, Lady Aurianna stumbled in and fell onto the floor. Clara saw four men follow behind her, three she didn’t recognize, but the one last one was Lady Aurianna’s own fiancé, Lord Jeoram.

Clara gasped into her hands, holding back any sound as she watched him throw her on the altar and cut off her dress. Silent tears streamed down her face as Jeoram forced himself between Aurianna’s thighs.



Matthias was curled up in his own private world of pain, hardly able to tell the new blows from the old injuries. He knew –remembered from past lessons at the hands of masters of pain– that presenting a smaller target would make him seem weaker. More beaten. And, unless these crude children were the equals of Baath-Me'el's Court, they'd take that for victory. And so, he endured, fingers white-knuckled around the small leather bag that he clung to like a talisman, wishing he had something to pray to.

Finally, it ended. One of the paladins spat on him as they left, joking about 'their turn'. He tried to uncurl but found he lacked the strength. And, even if he could, what would be the point? He'd be trapped in his cell, and they'd have...

Aurianna.



Fucking bitch. Aurianna hadn’t screamed, hadn’t cried, hadn’t done anything but glare with those damned golden eyes of hers. One last grunt and Jeoram sheathed himself inside her, emptying his animosity inside her. Still, she glowered, refusing to blink or look away.

Averting his gaze, he looked upon the statue behind her, the Goddess they all served. The goddess she betrayed, by lying with the demon and offering him freedom. The statue shared that unflinching gaze, judging him. Afodisia celebrates all acts of love. But there was no more love in his heart, not after she torn it from his chest with her infidelity.

Resentment sent his hand across her face again, but she didn’t even flinch. Didn’t stop staring. Bloodied lips curled into a half smirk, and they both came to the same realization. The goddess stripped him of his divine gifts.

Aurianna betrayed me, and now Afodisia had forsaken me. He might not be a paladin anymore, but neither was she. Not once they finished with her. Assuaging himself with thoughts of her coming torment, he forced a smile, “Who wants next?”

The three men laughed, offering suggestions to use her all together. Jeoram turned, still feeling the judgmental eyes of the Goddess on him as he pushed the door out into the courtyard.



Clara cowered behind the statue, wishing she could find the courage to do something. Anything. Because they were... were... Oh, Goddess, they were Paladins! Paladins didn't behave like– didn't, didn't rape. They didn't rape, and joke about it! And yet–

Bile rose in her throat. She wanted to vomit, both from what they were doing, and from her own impotence. Her own cowardice. Why didn't she have her sword? Or even a knife? Armed, she could–

Could what? What could she do, against three armed Paladins? She was good against practice dummies, good against the few minor demons she'd fought. But, not against three armed and trained men.

No, she was a paladin! Or she would be! She could charge out there, grab one of their swords, and... and...

And get disarmed, and thrown to the ground. Raped, just like her mistress. The idea, combined with the horror of watching her mistress being raped by paladins, left her paralyzed with dread. Finally, she cowered back down behind the base of the statue, eyes closed and hands over her ears, trying not to see or hear what was happening. She was just a kid! Just a scared, half-trained kid, and the realization drew hot, bitter tears from her. One hand pounded the floor in frustration.

And brushed something hard and cold. She looked down, seeing the hilt of a broadsword just barely protruding from the space beneath the altar. A scrap of parchment was bound around the handle. Hand shaking, she untied it and read it.

You're stronger than you know,
it read, written in a bold, graceful hand. Help her.




There was something about the bag. Something within it, that penetrated Matthias’ pain-fogged brain. Untying the leather thong took too many tries with his swollen fingers, but finally, he managed. He emptied the pouch into his hand and stared at the object glittering in his blood-stained palm.

A small, oddly-shaped key.







This chapter wasn't so bad. Really like the part I rewrote, with Jeoram. Solved a minor plothole from the orignal rp, answering why Jeoram leaves after raping Ari.

We know he doens't go check on Matthias, or they would have run into each other, and that would have likely ended badly for both Jeoram and Aurianna. Unless Clara ran into Matthias while he was doing whatever unspeakable thing to Jeoram, and managed to convince him to stop and help Ari. And I am going to have to stop there, before I end up diving head first into a possible AU that will distract me from getting my editing done.
 
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