sheherazade
Planetoid
- Joined
- Jun 14, 2018
I did NOT pull out the copy. The "regular's table's "boss"" was like "ooooh look, here comes our local celeb!" and I was like: "STFU, Im SO embarassed!"
Opted for a Clara chapter, trying to juxtapose her confession to her friends with Ari's confession to Justine last chapter. As well as juxtaposing the way she seeks comfort in sex with the way Ari does in the next chapter. Still debating whether I should end the chapter proper, or just leave it on the climax (lol pun), but I am satisfied for now.
Aurianna spent her life fighting. It was her calling, her purpose. If only it were so easy to fight fate.
Okay, I wanted to be really mad at this, because it took me two goddamn days to come up with that line, and I was really proud of it. And dammit, you're right, it is a better tagline than hook. But that means I need another hook, and fuck, I have no idea.I’d suggest cutting this line and saving it for the cover. Just kick right off with some action. Besides, you touch on her sense of destiny later in the scene.
Decades-old guilt guided Aurianna’s spear, each strike and thrust piercing through the heart of prophecy. Each parry and dodge seeking to avoid a dreadful future.
Okay, I wanted to be really mad at this, because it took me two goddamn days to come up with that line, and I was really proud of it. And dammit, you're right, it is a better tagline than hook. But that means I need another hook, and fuck, I have no idea
Okay, I wanted to be really mad at this, because it took me two goddamn days to come up with that line, and I was really proud of it. And dammit, you're right, it is a better tagline than hook. But that means I need another hook, and fuck, I have no idea.
So, after bouncing a couple ideas of @Mr Quixotic, I came up with this:
Damn, I love it. So thanks for making go back to the drawing board to come up with something new. and thanks again to Quix for being a sounding board.
A quick Christmas story, from the world of His Redemption.
There was a surge of power, and suddenly the great domed arch of the cavern was lit by the golden glow of the two Beings who had just manifested. One held a spear at the ready, the other a long dagger, and both scanned the chamber with burning golden eyes. “What happened?” demanded the Goddess of War.
There was a crunching, metallic sound as the Dragon shifted his weight of the mound of treasure that served him as a bed. “What are you talking about?” he yawned.
“The battle,” the Goddess of War replied. “I could feel it from Afoheim.”
“And you’ve added another trophy,” the Goddess of Love added archly, gesturing at a rack of grinning skulls. “We agreed...”
Verrier shifted his bulk and watched the two Goddesses with faint amusement. “The Godfall War is over. I hunt no more.”
“Then who...” the Goddess of Live started.
“I have no idea,” Verrier interrupted. “Save that he entered my lair unbidden. And I will not tolerate that.”
“No idea?” The Goddess of War peered at the skull. “I... don’t recognize this one.”
“Nor do I,” agreed the Goddess of Love. “Although... I feel that I should.” She turned her attention back to Verrier. Did he say anything?”
Verrier pulled a long red cap with a white tassel onto his head. “Ho. Ho. Ho.”