Re: The insanity of the bubbly blond babe with piercings.
Sam, my mom's boyfriend, is supposed to come back tomorrow from Pennsylvanian. He left last Sunday, because his dad's doctors found a black mass in a brain scan. It was affecting his speech by that point, so I pretty much knew it was cancerous. Well, they removed parts of the frontal lobe where the cancer tumor was located. His dad has a life expectancy of a maximum of 2 years. The man is already in poor health, so I don't think he'll last that long, unfortunately. By some miracle, he made it through the brain surgery they did, even with them taking him off his blood thinners since he had a few strokes before.
Sam's dad is an overly religious person who will push his views onto other people. He would literally scream at Sam about God and Jesus, because Sam doesn't believe in God or anything of that nature. I wonder how his dad feels, being put through all of these ordeals at once. In a way, I question whether or not God is punishing him for his abusive nature as an adult.
I guess this thinking spawned mainly because my grandma, also a very push religious person (roman orthodox catholic, to be exact) who is also going through health issues all at once at this point. She was very abusive as a young adult to my father and uncle and verbally abusive to my brother and I as an elder. Is she being punished for her younger years?
Usually, everyone preaches that if you follow God, Jesus and whatever else there is, you'll be taken care of by God through life. I don't believe this is the case. If there is God-like figure is up there, then they gave us the ability to choose and have freewill. 'God' gave us the ability to choose, to live, prosper and learn. How can you expect God to take care of you, when you can't even take care of yourself? When you don't eat healthy, make illogical choices, or just poor choices in general, of course shit is going to hit the fan. It's not in just God's hands, it's in our very own as well.
Meh, this probably explains why I never took the, "It's in God's hands," excuse from potential boyfriends when they weren't really interested in me.
In any case, the thinking and the whole Sam thing is part of the reason I've been gone lately. Another part is just.. mainly personal issues. I went to the doctor last Friday, mainly because of my anxiety. After being there for an hour, the doctor said I had major depression mixed with extreme social anxiety. As much as I tried, I wanted to not admit that I have depression. I've been doing pretty well at hiding it from everyone I know, so I figured it wasn't that much of an issue. I just don't like talking about it, mainly because when I was younger that was all I ever talked about.
So, the doctor prescribed me medication to deal with my personality disorders, though I'm afraid of the adverse affects. It usually takes 4-6 weeks to start working, so.. I'm not sure if it'll be good or bad effects until then.
For the past week, it's just been me mostly working on some art, thinking, sleeping and spending time with my mom until Sam gets back. I needed some time to clear my head, to relax a bit. Hopefully this did the trick.
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