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Roleplaying problems with your Significant Other

Paladin of Paris

Planetoid
Joined
Dec 9, 2014
Hello. I would like to get some opinions on some roleplaying problems I've been having.

I've been doing a large online group roleplay using the pathfinder system with my a group that includes my best friend and my girlfriend and I'm having some irrational problems due to some new experiences In the story, my character is involved in a love triangle with my girlfriend's character and my best friend's character. Eventually, my character was rejected and the other two started being involved in a romantic plot.

I have been roleplaying in groups for years, but this is the first time I do so with my girlfriend. I started feeling irationally annoyed everytime I watch the storyline turn to their romantic relationship and when they first started writing the sex scenes, I felt like freaking out. I know I shouldn't, it's just roleplaying, I trust my girlfriend and my friend is gay, but each time we get together online (It's a long distance relationship) and she starts spouting off about her roleplay with my best friend, I feel a little bit annoyed. We talked it over-ish (I didn't wanna make a big fuss about it because I know how silly it is) and concluded that I am probably feeling the jealousy of the character I'm roleplaying instead of myself.

Has anyone ever had a simmilar problem? I'd love to hear about them if only to convince me I'm not crazy
 

Dr. Nibbles

Supernova
Joined
Oct 20, 2011
Location
Your Pants
Coming from a girl I can say we are not rational. At all. So you're not irrational yourself by comparison lol. Honestly I know how this could bother you, which is why I've always felt odd about Player, IC relationships when playing with IRL friends. Call me odd but it just feels awkward if its not an NPC. But hey it is just a game right? As long as it doesnt extend to a real life thing and you make your friend aware of it you should be good, right?

Every situation is different but I'd just make it clear its JUST a game.
 

Paladin of Paris

Planetoid
Joined
Dec 9, 2014
I know it is, that's why it bothers me so much because I know it shouldn't. I know it's not at all a reflection of things in real life.

Maybe it's because of how immersive it is. If it was written only, I would be able to separate myself from the character but because it does involve real-time roleplays, i think it became more real.

I've had romantic roleplays done before with my friend (I play the guy he plays the girl) and that didn't feel wrong.

I think it may have to do with how simmilar the current character I play is to myself compared to the other characters I played and how simmilar the character she played is to herself, at some point, the lines between roleplaying and reality gets blurred.

She's super excited about the game though, I do to, but I'm finding myself wishing the game would end sooner (the campaign has 3 more months or so)
 

SithLordOfSnark

Banned
Banished
Joined
May 9, 2012
Location
Surrey, BC, Canada
It is roleplay. You need to stop overthinking it. I used to get jealous over roleplay, but at the end of the day I know my girl loves me and only me, so it doesn't bother me anymore.
 
Joined
Apr 30, 2011
Location
Valhalla
You're not being irrational. Sometimes I get jealous of situations like that even if I'm not dating the guy. Because it's like I'm not getting enough attention since I don't have a romance with another character.

I just ignore it though.
 

Nomad of Nowhere

Meteorite
Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Roleplaying means very little. I mean, it's social, and involves another real person, so in that sense it can appear threatening. However, in my experience, no RPer out there is really competition for the person you actually care about IRL. I'm in a relationship myself, and I like RPing romance at times. I don't consider it competition for my girlfriend though, because anything I feel is for a fictional character, from the perspective of another fictional character. That's pretty much the same level of abstraction you would get from reading a romance novel.

I've actually had a relationship that started out from RPing. I wouldn't advocate for it or against it- that's up to you. However, speaking from experience, you might think that affection would transfer to the RPer by association, but in real life, the author often pales in comparison to their fiction. They are flawed and imperfect, even if their writing isn't. That's the whole point of fiction, I think. It's better than the reality. It's easy to fall in love with something fictional precisely because it is something more ideal than real.

If you don't really know the writer, that can actually help. You can't see the real person behind the character. On the other hand, if you're already in a relationship with the writer, it may be hard to focus on anything else BUT the writer behind the character. Maybe that's the case here.

Anyway, I hope those random musings mean something to you.
 

nanachan

Supernova
Joined
Feb 15, 2009
I don't see why it's odd that gay people can write Heterosexual sex scenes and enjoy them, like how heterosexual people can write gay sex scenes and get turned on (Yaoi, Yuri, etc)
 

Ignis Gehenallis

Planetoid
Joined
Dec 19, 2014
Location
Carpathia
In order to be in a ldr, you need to really trust that person. And I know from experience that such things aren't easy. Not to psychoanalize you, but your feelings over the roleplaying situation may well be stemming from insecurities that you have over your relationship in general.
 

Paladin of Paris

Planetoid
Joined
Dec 9, 2014
@Nomad: This actually helped me quite a lot in figuring things out and understanding my feelings, thank you very much for sharing that.

@Ignis: That's quite possible. We're in a pretty rough spot in terms of being together, always separated by work and distance. Roleplaying is our primary mode of couple-recreation so there is that insecurity I guess. I'm trying to find other LDR activities we can do over the internet lately, such as sync-watching new series. Thank you for your input
 
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