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Quix's Random Bullshit Thread (Comments Welcome)

Malicious Lullaby said:
Hehe I think the world will get easily annoyed with it xD I'm no Chandler Bing xD
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Nooooooo! You have Chandler Bing easily covered. At least I think so, from the one or two episodes of Friends I've actually watched, xD

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So, I wake up to an approach to my threads this morning, with this request.

"My characters tend to be intelligent strong women that get into situations they cant handle. Either by your characters guile, trickery or blackmail my character ends up exploring a life they never expected and going down a path they didn't expect," followed by a couple of blackmail-domination-transform-her-into-a-slut-slave plots.

My response:

"That is exactly what I'm not looking for. What I am looking for is women who display that independence and strength by assuming responsibility for their own desires, are in charge of their own life, and try to achieve something because it's something they want, including taking ownership of their sexuality and attempting to satiate their own personal kinks and sexual wants of their own volition and actions. That's how I define independent."

Is that too much to ask of a female character, and what's the point of stating your character is independent if she's not actually going to act independently? Are my preferences really that difficult to understand?
 
Quix, Quix, Quix....*clears throat*
<.<
>.>
IT'S FAR TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR BECAUSE NO WOMAN EVER WOULD ACT THIS WAY....gosh.

>///<
And now I make myself laugh. XD
Hopefully, you got a chuckle too! <3

But you'll have to forgive me. I saw an opening and had to carpe diem. I figured you'd appreciate it. LOL!!!

In all seriousness though, you're not asking for too much at all. Have heart!! I think a lot of people aren't taking the time to truly comprehend. Sometimes you need to be thoughtful about things and really chew on it to gain understanding. AND THAT'S OK! But not everyone thinks so. They just get pissy and offended that they misinterpreted and then they end up missing out. But that's hardly your fault. Honestly, it's good to have to think before approaching. Just my two cents. For whatever it's worth. : )

Random aside: my daughter's thing was brill!!
 
Lol, thanks, DA. It did give me a chuckle as well, and you know my vents are always done in good-humour, and usually directed at my own brain. It all makes perfect sense to me, and people don't understand that it's not actions themselves, but the mind-set behind what leads to them being taken, that attracts me intellectually, and intellectual attraction is pretty much the be-all and end-all of any attraction when it comes to me.

On a sidenote, Mali and I were discussing Shakespeare in PM yesterday, and I said that I'd only studied MacBeth in High School, and I'd loved Lady MacBeth because 'she wanted something, and went for it', and that was my type of woman, even back then, xD

Glad to hear your daughters thing went well, I was pretty confident it would be a heap of fun, and I wonder if Waltzing Matilda was sung? xD
 
Mr Quixotic said:
Nooooooo! You have Chandler Bing easily covered. At least I think so, from the one or two episodes of Friends I've actually watched, xD
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Lol okay if you say so! But the moment someone tells me to STFU I'm coming after you Quix with a big, fat "I TOLD YOU SO!!" xD

And really? :D you watched a couple of episodes of Friends? ? I'm so proud!! :)
 
Malicious Lullaby said:
Mr Quixotic said:
Nooooooo! You have Chandler Bing easily covered. At least I think so, from the one or two episodes of Friends I've actually watched, xD
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Lol okay if you say so! But the moment someone tells me to STFU I'm coming after you Quix with a big, fat "I TOLD YOU SO!!" xD

And really? :D you watched a couple of episodes of Friends? ? I'm so proud!! :)
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When don't you come after me with "I TOLD YOU SO"?

Yep, I think both times I was severely hungover, and lacked the energy to switch channel, xD

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My brother and his wife finally received council approval yesterday for the building plans in regards to the dog-kennel business they intend to operate from their property, so work will commence this week, and they hope to be open in June. He even offered me a job mucking out the mess!
 
Teehee. Don’t be cheeky! Don’t hate me because I’m right xD

Oh gee, Quix, that’s so nice of you! Did you even like it? Or were you too zombified to even pay attention? Do you even get any of the Chandler Bing references?! Like can you be any more of a sarcastic bastard? xD
 
Malicious Lullaby said:
Teehee. Don’t be cheeky! Don’t hate me because I’m right xD

Oh gee, Quix, that’s so nice of you! Did you even like it? Or were you too zombified to even pay attention? Do you even get any of the Chandler Bing references?! Like can you be any more of a sarcastic bastard? xD
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It's just easier to say that you're right. There's a difference, xD

Lol, so many questions in one paragraph! I did like it, and I do get the Chandler Bing references, though I'm more often compared to Joey, xD And, yes, I could be, try me!
 
This is true...huh it's easier for you to say I'm right than for me to admit that you're right xD what is that?

Lol yeah that was the point! You're compared to Joey? What?! Why?! You're clearly a Chandler!!!
I don't want to really test how much of a sarcastic bastard you are lol. I already know :)
 
Malicious Lullaby said:
This is true...huh it's easier for you to say I'm right than for me to admit that you're right xD what is that?

Lol yeah that was the point! You're compared to Joey? What?! Why?! You're clearly a Chandler!!!
I don't want to really test how much of a sarcastic bastard you are lol. I already know :)
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Not forcing you to admit the truth keeps me alive. You're not named Malicious for nothing!

Because, apparently Joey is a little dimwitted!

You've only just scraped the surface, xD

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Ever come across a book that is so badly written that reading it is akin to the text version of watching a train-wreck, and wonder how it ever got published (apart from Shades of Gray!), but still can't put it down because you want to know how it ends? Memo to not go within a hundred miles of another Nancy Taylor Rosenberg novel in my life.

As terrible as it was the entire way, the conclusion was a million times worse. Seriously, to have a man who walked out on his wife seven years before without a word, and whose character wasn't even part of the story, reconcile with her on the second-last page with nothing but sunshine and rainbows, and nary a question asked or curiosity and anger displayed, just so you could tie up every loose thread with a happy ending was fucking ridiculous!

Okay, rant over, but it really was that horrific, xD

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On a note which has put me in a good mood. Stories have been slow lately, but one of my long-term partners has now returned from hiatus. I'm very much looking forward to the scene, which is approaching its finale, continuing, and hopefully reaching a full conclusion in the not-too-distant future, xD
 
Oh gosh. Yes Quix. Yes.
I read a book not too long ago that was so terrible.
The title and summary were so promising but the book just got progressively worse as I read on.

Not to mention it had this really abrupt ending like the author
either ran out of ideas on how to end the story
and just pulled something out of their ass to get the book published or just got lazy.

It's the worrrst.


I spot a Mali! ♥♥♥
 
You're not dimwitted. People who say you are don't truly know the scope of how dimwitted Joey Tribbiani actually is xD

I hate books like that. I have read books like that. I still wonder how anyone can stand to read Kristin Ashley'a story called "knight." It is horrible! Why do you end every chapter with a cliffhanger and then start the new chapter recounting what happened after the cliffhanger after it has already happened?! It's like going two steps forward and a billion steps back! It's frustrating!

End of rant lol. Look what you influence onto people who come by here xD

I spot a Lait! -points at Lait before I realize that pointing is rude and then waves shyly- oh hi ^^;;
 
Not dimwitted? Then why have I had people on here call me a fucking idiot?

Oh, I get it now; completely different context, xD

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You know I like to hear other people's opinions, Mali, and their rants. Yours especially, with the latter, xD

I think I recall you telling me about that book, Lait, and how excited you were to read it. That makes it even worse.

I blame the editors more than the author. They should be providing advice, and getting the author to fix that crap up, isn't that their job?

It's okay, Mali. Lait doesn't bite. She's actually quite friendly, xD
 
It’s easier to point the finger at someone else rather than at yourself xD

Lol why? Because it amuses you how easily I get angry? It’s not my fault I have a short fuse! It was my mother’s parting gift before departing this world xD

It just goes to show the importance of an editor and why authors really shouldn’t self publish…

-shyly takes a step toward Lait and waves again- I don’t mind biting or even hard biting ;) I’m just afraid she won’t like me :[ What if she doesn’t like me D:
 
That is true, and I am big on taking responsibility for your own actions.

Yes, and women are sexy when they're angry! It's just that look; so hot! That's a nice eternal gift, xD.

I agree, and authors are always protective of their work, even when it could be improved.

Oh come on, how could anyone ever not like you?
 
D: of course I like you Mali ;________; ♡♡♡
You're so awesome!
What's not to like about a cutie like you?
 
How about we not get into how anyone could not like me xD Because I could tell you fifteen years worth lol.
Authors can be as protective as they want but they need someone to tell them if its shit or not. And a lot of books that come out these days, they are not being told that. And these stupid pieces of shits that don't deserve the title of a great book or even great literature, are highly acclaimed and I'm just like 'Wtf why?! It's obviously shit. Take your head out of the author's ass and breathe some fresh air and see how much shit this is!' Ughhhhh! -English major drops the mic- xD

-gasp and then giggles shyly- She likes me. She likes me! And she thinks I’m a cutie ^o^ -does little happy dance-
 
They're idiots. That's all I have to say xD

See, that's why I enjoy your rants; they're fun to read, and I love people with an opinion. Actually, that's something that was part of my upbringing. Dad always used to say, not just to family, but to anyone when the situation warranted it, ''I don't care what your opinion might be, but I'd like you to at least fucking have one."

A person being frightened to honestly express theirs, or worse, having none at all, was his pet-hate, and us kids are pretty much the same. It's why there were a lot of debates in our household, and when I really wanted to piss him off, he'd ask, "What do you think?", and I'd reply with, "Don't know, don't care." Guaranteed to work every time! Some things just bring back random memories of him, xD

Of course she does, you're adorable! Malicious, but still adorable, xD
 
Mhmm. Just like the rest of this world >.< -sigh-

Your dad would have hated me in my middle school and high school days. I was quiet as a mouse. Now...well I have to hold back to refrain from insulting someone. Because if I have an opinion out of anger...well that's never good lol.

At least someone thinks I'm Malicious xD
 
Malicious Lullaby said:
Mhmm. Just like the rest of this world >.< -sigh-

Your dad would have hated me in my middle school and high school days. I was quiet as a mouse. Now...well I have to hold back to refrain from insulting someone. Because if I have an opinion out of anger...well that's never good lol.

At least someone thinks I'm Malicious xD
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That's alright, ignore the rest of the world. I try to, xD

Nah, he wouldn't have. The opinion didn't have to be verbalised with any great vehemence. It just had to be present, and there be a willingness to express it.

Oh, I don't think you're malicious, I know you're Malicious! :)

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After once more amusingly being accused of sexism for my thread, and because I enjoy being provocative, I thought I'd do some googling in a fun little attempt to support a diametrically opposed view.

Considering many of the below characteristics are expected or requested by females, either implicitly or explicitly, to be possessed by virtually every male character - numbers two and three being particularly relevant - as well as the male, an overwhelming majority of the time, being the only one required to possess intent and be the prime moving force in regards to overall story direction, I may well ask, who is it that is really being sexist and more culpable in gender stereotyping?

Original article can be found here.

5 Stupid, Unfair and Sexist Things Expected of Men

We know the many ways sexism hurts women. But we don't talk as much about how sexism hurts men.
By Greta Christina / AlterNet

If you have a scrap of progressive politics in your bones, it's no surprise to you that sexism hurts women. Like, duh. That's kind of the definition of the word.

But we don't talk as much about how sexism hurts men. Understandably. When you look at the grotesque ways women are damaged by sexism -- from economic inequality to political disenfranchisement to literal, physical abuse -- it makes perfect sense that we'd care more about how sexism and patriarchy and rigid gender roles affect women, than we do about how they affect men.

But men undoubtedly get screwed up by this stuff, too. Not screwed up as badly as women, to be sure... but not trivially, either. I care about it. And I think other feminists -- and other women and men who may not see themselves as feminists -- ought to care about it, too.

I care about this stuff for a lot of reasons. I care because I have men and boys in my life, men and boys who matter to me: I see how they get twisted into knots by gender roles that are not only insanely rigid but impossibly contradictory, and it makes me sick and sad and seriously pissed off. I care because I care about justice: fair is fair, and I don't want to solve the problem of gender inequality by making things suck worse for men.

And I care for entirely pragmatic, even Machiavellian reasons. I care because I care about feminism... and I think one of the best things we can do to advance feminism is to get more men on board. If we can convince more men that sexism screws up their lives, too -- and that life shared with free and equal women is a whole lot more fun -- we're going to get a lot more men on our side. (Like the bumpersticker a friend once had on her truck: "Feminists Fuck Better.")

So I've been looking more carefully at the specific ways sexism hurts men. In particular, I've been looking at our society's expectations of men, our very definitions of maleness. I've been looking at how rigid and narrow many of these expectations are, creating a razor-thin window of acceptable manly behavior that you'd have to be a professional tightrope walker to navigate. (Which would be a problem, since "professional tightrope walker" is definitely outside the parameters of acceptable manliness.) I've been looking at how so many of these expectations are not only rigid, but totally contradictory, creating a vision of idealized manhood that's not just ridiculous but literally unattainable. And I've been asking the men in my life -- friends, colleagues, family members, community members, guys I know on the Internet -- what kinds of expectations they get about Being A Man and how those expectations affect them.

Here is a list of five:

1. Fight, fight, fight!

]When I did my informal, unscientific poll of the men in my life and asked what was expected of them as men, this one came up a lot. Like, a lot a lot. Like, an amount that took me seriously by surprise. My slice of society -- and the slice shared by most men I know -- is comfortably middle-class: educated, chatty, civilized to a fault, and mostly very peaceful. We resolve our conflicts with words, with glares, with strategies, with the law as a last resort. Even raised voices and insulting language are considered somewhat outre. Not counting sporting events, I could count on one hand the number of physical fights I've witnessed in the last decade. Or even threats of physical fights.

And yet, man after man that I talked to brought this one up. The willingness to, as my friend Michael put it, "actually, physically, with fists or other weapons, fight" -- to defend one's honor (or the honor of one's lady, or country, or sports team, or whatever) -- is more central to how men are taught to see manhood than I had any notion of. Even if conflicts never get that far -- even if you never actually have to pound anyone with your fists -- being both willing and able to do so is a weirdly high priority in the Penis Club. As Adam said, "You would rather get a concussion than be called less than a man." And Damion told me this story: "I'm in the passenger seat when my (relatively butch) sister-in-law flips off some guy in Baltimore traffic. He jumps out of the car, enraged, and my first thought is 'Great, now I've got to beat the shit out of this guy.'"

Which puts men in a nasty conundrum. The laws and expectations of our civilized society are designed to keep physical violence to a minimum. And for good reason: physical violence is, you know, destructive. So men are expected -- indeed required -- to avoid and deflect confrontation, and to resolve conflicts without resorting to violence.

And when they do, they get called pussies.

Nice.

2. Be a good husband/partner/lover -- but don't care too much what women think.

This one falls squarely into the category of "not just insanely rigid but logically contradictory" -- a damned if you do, damned if you don't conundrum that ensures a lifetime of self-conscious anxiety if you let yourself take it seriously. Being a good husband and father -- a good provider who cares for his family and treats women with respect -- is central to the male mythos. And being good in bed has become a crucial part of this mythos as well. It's no longer enough for a Real Man to nail a lot of women: he has to get every single one of them off. Performance anxiety -- it's not just for hard-ons anymore! Not that I have any problem with the idea that women's sexual pleasure ought to matter to men who have sex with them. The problem lies with the notion that women's sexual pleasure is entirely men's responsibility; that pleasing women ought to be completely instinctive; that women's satisfaction is a victory to be achieved instead of an experience to be shared; and that this satisfaction has to be accomplished entirely with the man's hard dick, and not with his hands or tongue or toys or mind. (But that's a rant for another time.)

Yet at the same time, men aren't supposed to care too much what women think. Years ago, when I was married to a man, we were trying to make some difficult decisions together about how to arrange our careers and lives (would he work full-time and maybe even overtime to help put me through grad school?). When he asked the guys he worked with for feedback and advice, he mostly got a load of derision for involving me too much in his decisions about his job. "Pussywhipped," I believe, was the charming terminology being used. Yes, he was supposed to be a good provider and build the financial foundation for our life... but he was somehow supposed to accomplish this without asking me what kind of life I wanted, and without any willingness to compromise about what kind of life he wanted. For himself, or for the two of us. I guess he was supposed to be The Decider.

Of course, while it was horribly unmanly for him to be guided by his wife, it was perfectly fine for him to be guided by the guys he worked with at the auto shop. As Scott said, the TV show "'King of Queens' is a good example, I think because though he tries to be a good husband and companion, he often finds himself in conflict with what his friends want or with his own sense of what should be considered masculine." Men's definitions of manhood are supposed to come from other men -- not from women. They're just not supposed to care all that much what women think of them.

You see this a lot in fashion advice for men. Men aren't supposed to look like dorks or slobs, of course... but they can't look like they care about their looks, either. Men -- straight men, anyway -- have to achieve that perfect, razor's edge balance between good grooming and carelessness. You're supposed to look good -- but those good looks have to seem effortless. Looking like you care how you look makes you look like a woman. Or a gay man. (More on that in a tic.) Women are supposed to be the ones prettying themselves up into objects of desire. Men are not supposed to be the objects of desire. They're supposed to be the subjects. And subjects aren't supposed to care what their objects think of them.

Except when they're trying to get those objects to come.

[facepalm]

3. Be hot to trot. Always. With anybody.

This is another expectation that came up with striking (although hardly surprising) frequency. Men are supposed to want sex -- and be ready for sex -- all the time. With pretty much anyone of the right gender who makes themselves available for it. In his evaluation of male gender roles, Michael T. says, "To be a man you must use sexual conquest as a gauge for manhood." Jraoul quoted a song, Lou Christie's "Lightning Strikes," with lyrics that go, "When I see her lips begging to be kissed, I can't stop, I can't stop myself... When I see a sign that she wants to make time, I can't stop, I can't stop myself...." And in his litany of male gender expectations, my friend Michael listed, "Have sex with any woman who says yes, or who offers herself. If not, I must be gay, right?"

It's weird. An intense, even predatory sexual desire is a big part of the Manly Man picture. And yet that picture doesn't allow for men to have preferences. Or rather: They're allowed and even expected to have preferences -- as long as those preferences conform with social norms. I vividly remember an article from a late '60s Playboy, analyzing men's personalities based on what kind of female bodies they liked: liking big breasts made you cool, while liking big butts or legs meant you were immature. And that's hardly a relic of the '60s: even today, lots of men feel pressured to date women who meet the current standards of female attractiveness. Lots of men, for instance, feel pressured to date fashionably thin women: even if they personally prefer women with more meat on their bones, they feel embarrassed introducing them to their buddies. Like dating a fat chick is a slam on their ego. Like it means they're not high enough on the primate status ladder to acquire a high-status mate.

So yes, men are allowed to be hotter for some girls than others. But they're still supposed to get it on with anything that moves and spreads its legs. Anything female and not grotesque, anyway. Men are expected to have sexual desire... but that desire can't be their own. It can't be idiosyncratic. Or even all that personal. It can't belong to them.

And for the sweet love of Loki and all the gods in Valhalla, it can't be based on emotion.

4. Stiff upper lip.

Because for men, nothing at all can be based on emotion. Generic sexual desire, and the desire to punch someone's lights out, are pretty much the only emotions men are supposed to experience. And if they have the gall (or the lack of self-control) to experience their emotions, they bloody well better not let on about it.

This one is so common, it's almost ubiquitous. At least half the men I talked to made a point about it... and a bunch of the ones who didn't mention it explicitly alluded to it in other ways. David B. says he learned that men are supposed to be "reserved emotionally. Apparently men are only supposed to be passionate about sex, cars, sports and beer. And even then, passionate is not the 'appropriate' way for a man to describe his feeling about something."

David M. got the same memo: "No whining, no complaining, and no crying." Michael T., got it, too: "To be a man you must be non emotional and disconnected." And the other Michael: "Have no emotional intelligence / don't show too many emotions." Andrew says he learned that a man "is supposed to be hard as nails and is to show no emotion." Jason learned that being a man means "not showing emotion, being 'tough' so to speak -- and that one is from peers, family and all of the above." Dean points out "the usual messages about big boys don't cry (yes, we do) and how a real man doesn't complain (yes, they do)." Scott also points to "the boys-don't-cry mantra." Ben T. says, "I hate the fact that men can't be scared of anything." James says he learned to appear emotionless so effectively that "I did not shed a single tear when my dad died during heart surgery." And Georges points out, "It always amazed me how brave I had to be to allow my feelings to show."

This one, I would argue, is more crippling than all the rest combined. I, personally, might be able to manage a life where I always had to be willing to fight or fuck; where I had to walk an impossible tightrope between caring what my partner thought without caring too much; where I had to twist myself into knots to avoid any hint that I might be attracted to people of the same sex. (See below.) But a life where I had to deny my most basic animal emotions -- love and fear, passion and grief -- just to not get treated as a gender freak? That would send me screaming 'round the bend. (More than I already am, I mean.)

5. Fear of being perceived as gay.

This is kind of a funny one. Acceptance of actual homosexuality has increased by a staggering amount in the last few decades. In less than 40 years, the LGBT rights movement has gone from fighting for our right to not be put in mental institutions and lobotomized, to fighting for our right to get legally married. (And, okay, the right to not be fired from our jobs or kicked out of the U.S. military... but still.) And social acceptance of queers has paralleled our political acceptance. If you actually are a gay man, the "Don't be even a little bit gay" message is being replaced, more and more every day, with the message, "Well... okay."

But if you're a straight man? It's a very different story. In TV shows and movies, homosexual panic is still a reliable source of comic hijinks. Wacky situations in which straight men are mistaken for gay -- Chandler and Joey on "Friends" being out together with a baby, the "Not that there's anything wrong with that" gag on "Seinfeld" -- these are a staple of modern comedy. And that staple is usually stapled to the assumption that, for straight men, being mistaken for gay is a humiliating blow to their masculinity. You see it in fashion/ dating/ etiquette advice for men, too, which often focuses to an almost hysterical degree on walking that razor- thin line between looking like an urbane, sophisticated man of the world... while still, for the sweet love of Jesus, not being mistaken for gay.

And you definitely see it in some very common male sexual fears. I've read way too many letters to way too many sex advice columns from way too many straight men saying they like -- how shall I put this delicately? -- being on the receiving end of anal pleasure... but don't want to explore this eminently delightful activity, because they're afraid it means they're gay. Or because their female partners are afraid it means they're gay. (Somewhat testy note to straight men and their female partners: No, it doesn't. Wanting a woman to fuck you in the ass does not make you gay. Any more than wanting a woman to suck your cock does. Please.)

Now, I will say that these attitudes are beginning to change. The advances of the LGBT movement have freed things up for straights as well as queers, and the younger generation is a lot more fluid and casual about sexual orientation than mine ever was. As my friend Ben pointed out, "The loosening of roles that accompanied feminism and the gay rights movement probably benefited straight men at least as much as it did women and gay men... Witness metrosexuality: now that being mistaken for gay isn't a disaster, men have more fashion leeway." And Adam, who describes himself as "effeminate, though heterosexual," says that being assumed to be gay "gave me a pass on some of the more restrictive rules of masculinity. After all, nobody really bothered to tell me to 'man up' when I sounded 'fruity' anyway."

But at the same time, as gay visibility has increased, the likelihood of being mistaken for gay has gone way, way up. And as a result, the number of opportunities for anxious, gay-panic freakouts has gone up as well. Being mistaken for gay isn't as disastrous as it once was -- it's more of a laugh line and less of a petrifying threat -- but it also happens a lot more often. And the anxiety it still creates for a lot of straight men is a lot more constant... even if it isn't as severe.

So What Now?

And I've just barely started. I don't have nearly enough space here to write the full-length novel I could write on this subject. I've skipped some of the biggest and most important gender expectations of men: the expectations of competition, of status consciousness, of financial success, strength and athleticism, leadership skills, mechanical skills, easy erectile functionality, a dehumanizing attitude towards women, giving a crap about sports. Heck, men get a clear social message that, in order to be manly, they have to be tall. What the heck are you supposed to do about that?

What the heck are any of us supposed to do about any of this?

Well, having unloaded all this depressing crap, I think it's important to deliver some good news: There are ways out of this, and around it, and through it. A lot of men I talked about this said that yes, they were certainly aware of the rigid expectations held of them as men... but they didn't personally feel hugely constrained by them. Sure, they were aware of these expectations. But they also felt comfortable rejecting them. Or embracing the parts they liked, and rejecting the parts they didn't. Or subverting them, in creative and fun and sexy ways.

And many men pointed out that, while they're certainly getting a super-sized serving of narrow, stupid cultural messages about How To Be A Man, they're also getting a decent helping of smarter, broader messages about Not Listening To That Stupid Shit. Plenty of men have gotten spiffy, role-modely lessons and examples about being non-violent, respectful of women, emotionally honest, sexually honest, and just generally their own best selves... from sources ranging from pop culture icons to their own fathers and mothers. As jraoul pointed out, "Do I think men are given rigid and/or narrow expectations about maleness? Well, sure! And we are also given fluid and/or wide ones. Depends on who's doing the giving."

Admittedly, because of my own personality and proclivities, the men in my life tend to be -- how shall we put this? -- outside the mainstream of conventional American society. ("Big nerdy pinko freaks" would be another way to put it.) And a lot of them are gay or bi, which skews the sampling even more. But just like lots of feminist women are able to laugh off the sitcoms and billboards and women's magazines and live however the frack we want, lots of feminist men are able to unload the John Wayne/Cary Grant/"What kind of man reads Playboy" crap they got loaded with -- or, depending on their generation, the Rambo/Tom Cruise/Maxim magazine crap -- and just get on with their lives.

Different people feel more affected by gender expectations than others. Some of us -- women and men alike -- still hear these voices in the back of our heads, still feel them shaping our reflexes, still see a need to consciously drag these messages into the light so we know how to recognize them and have an easier time tossing them overboard. And some folks -- again, both women and men -- feel like this is really not that big a deal. Yes, they say, society wants men to be one way and women to be another. Who cares what society wants? For some people, it takes years of introspection and therapy and processing to unload this junk. Some people never unlearn it, in fact; some people let their whole lives be run by it. And other people seem to unload it just by deciding to do it.

So I don't know what to tell you about how to do that.

All I can tell you is that it's totally worth it.

The thing with me is that a need for independence and personal autonomy is so deeply ingrained in my psyche that I'll automatically and strongly resist, on principle, doing anything that's expected of me for no other reason than 'You're male, I'm not'', especially when I believe the other person to be as equally capable of doing it themselves, as much I will when ever being 'told' what to do.

I'll do something only of my own volition and choice, as much as is humanly possible, and because I want to do it, or please someone, not because it's expected and never because it's a seemingly inviolable unwritten Law passed along to everyone of both genders (except me, apparently), at birth. That's a guaranteed way to ensure my non-compliance, and raise my hackles, xD
 
I was literally in so much pain reading that, but at the same time iI was kind of amused by it xD.
Male standards are so... bizarre, but female standards are no different lol.

I think what really got me was the dating or being interested an extremely thin/thick girl and I want to add that race also (sadly) plays a part in it too.

I have mostly male friends and I hear that bullshit all the time and it's so excruciatingly disappointing. And the pussywhipped thing just down right pisses me off. XD

I'm gonna be the asshole to say it, but that article described literally the large majorty of the male writers on BMR and it pains me soo much.

We know you're a stubborn bastard Quix and we appreciate you for it xD
You're definitely not sexiest though. People mistake your preferences for being sexist and I don't understand what's so hard to understand.
/pats
 
Lol, I was quite amused by it too, and intrigued that it was written by a woman. I don't think a lot of females realise the 'He's a male, that's his job and his responsibility' or "I'm female, I shouldn't also be expected to display what I demand of from a male'' attitude is a sexist one.

I sympathise with you on that. I'm not sure if it was my upbringing, or just innate, but for me, it's always been about 'who' a person is, rather than appearance, or colour of their skin. I truly cannot understand people who put those above all else, though I have met a lot who do.

The comments that really struck a chord with me, were;

"The problem lies with the notion that women's sexual pleasure is entirely men's responsibility";

and, particularly in relation to my dislike of submissiveness, and preference for individualistic women;

"So yes, men are allowed to be hotter for some girls than others. But they're still supposed to get it on with anything that moves and spreads its legs. Anything female and not grotesque, anyway. Men are expected to have sexual desire... but that desire can't be their own. It can't be idiosyncratic. Or even all that personal. It can't belong to them."

I'm sorry I don't fall into a lot of female writers little male expectations box, however, I'd rather dance to the beat of my own drum than to theirs!

Stubborn bastard? I believe I may have been called that once or twice before :) I prefer to call it determined and strong-willed!

I appreciate that the people who truly know me are well aware I'm not sexist, but more an equalist. I just happen to believe that, yes, in generalised terms, there are inherent differences between men and women, especially in regards to natural aggressiveness/dominance, etc, but not in intellectual capacity or the ability to assume responsibility for yourself, display initiative, and take action to satisfy your own desires/needs.

With great power comes great responsibility, so if you honestly want to be considered equal, you also need to shoulder your fair burden of the responsibilities that accompany it, and can't pick and choose when equality suits you and when it doesn't. That, in my opinion, is morally weak and intellectually dishonest, and I don't care if it's only fiction, my hatred of those attributes, and antipathy towards people who encourage them by writing nothing other than inferior/weak/victim/subjugated female characters, still stand, xD.
 
I liked the article you posted Quix, and this image made me think about it. It's possibly a controversial opinion, so I've hidden it under spoiler tags to protect those who might be offended.
13076873_1080374222008104_7499327464521423113_n.jpg
 
I definitely found it interesting from a male perspective.

I can see why some would find that opinion controversial, but, to me, it's contains a lot of truth.

The thing is, so many men and women place labels/expectations/restrictions not just on the opposite sex, but their own as well, often even more judgmentally.

People are individuals, gifted with an ability for critical thinking, and their capacities, good or bad, are not defined by gender, so why any would live their lives conforming to some little mould imposed on them by others, or why they'd particularly care to, I've never been able to comprehend.

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My random googling also led me to another amazing article. This is the thrust of what I'm looking for in my request threads, and exemplifies the type of spirit that most attracts my mental and sexual interest in a woman.

Via Kate Rose

Original article here;

This one is for you.

For the dream seekers and the rebels, the ones who not only don’t fit into the mold—they fucking break it as well.

This is for the women who do give a fuck.

We give a fuck about ourselves, our lives and those that matter most to us—but mostly we give a fuck about making a difference in this one amazing life.

We know that we weren’t born to play life small, and while life has tried to smack us down at times, we stand right back up asking—is that all you’ve got?

This is for the women with the balls to be themselves—unapologetically.

Yes, the balls.

Because having balls isn’t about what’s hanging between the legs of a man—but what we are willing to risk, to go after what we love.

This is for the women who stay up late chasing dreams, and are up early with the sun making them a reality.

This is for those women with thirsty hearts and messy hair—the ones who march to the beat of our hearts and often find ourselves alone because of our choices.

This one is for you, for me, and for all the women who often wonder if they are alone in their individuality.

You’re not.

And although we are as unique as they come, we all are linked because of the desire to break free from the expectation that we need to be well-behaved women in order to be loved.

We can’t follow the rules for the life of us. When given the choice we always choose the most difficult road, because that is where we often learn the most.

This is for the women who take care of themselves. We are masters at keeping our shit together, even when it seems we can’t take one more step.

This is for the women who tuck themselves into bed each night. It’s not because we don’t want a lover with us, but because we know that, unless it’s genuine, solitude is so much sweeter than putting on an act.

This is for the women who just won’t conform no matter how many times people shake their heads at us.

These are the women who drink moonshine underneath the stars with their bare feet dirty, and their eyes wild dreaming of their next adventure.

The women who prefer to be untamed. We don’t care about letting our crazy show because we know it’s just as seductive as the pull of our eyes.

This is for all the women who’ve had people ask why we can’t just be like everyone else. Why can’t we stay in unhappy relationships? Why can’t we just stay with the secure job? Why can’t we just suck it up because we are adults? That is what adults are supposed to do.

But we were born differently. Where others see stability, we see stifling.

“We dream of a life that fills us with inspiration, and we dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for.”

~ Alice Hoffman

We don’t know how to give up on the desires of our hearts.

And while we may seem to wander aimlessly at times, it’s all part of our un-plan. Because some are just born to be the movers and shakers in this life—to rattle and shake things up a bit.

And while we may drive you crazy at times, and scare the shit out of you at others, life would be boring without us.

For we are the wild ones—the ones who make life worth living.


I think I'm in love with her already, xD.
 
Recruitment agency called me about a job today, which I have an interview for tomorrow. It's a contract position, for at least six months, starting as soon as possible, which means, if I win it, I'll need to make a decision immediately on whether to take it or not.

That could create a little conundrum as I'm also waiting on some others as well, which are full-time permanent, and a couple better- paying, however I'm no guarantee to get any of those. If I commit to a contract, I'm not one to leave it halfway through, or the second something better comes along. A commitment is a commitment to me.

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And for those who continue to think kangaroos are cute, harmless creatures. Or that they're intelligent, xD

[video=youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0Q9FyyqL4g[/video]

However, they're nowhere near as dangerous as Drop-bears, a rare carnivorous subset of the Koala, which you definitely won't see mentioned in any of our tourism campaigns. Warning: Graphic footage!

[video=youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dul4jy5nEAo[/video]
 
Everything about this post had me cracking up.

I've seen that beefy kangaroo before on a top ten scariest animals before (or some count down list)

But the way it has its fucking claws on the mirror is terrifying. Like holy shit.
I love how its fighting with the glass but i'd also but scared it'd break through it
;____;

KILLER KOALA'S?????
I love it. And i love how they're called drop bears. I was expecting a more vicious name which is why a part of me can't take it seriously. XD
 
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