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Is rp sex cheating?

Ironic said:
My boyfriend knows well what I do on here.
I even give him the privilege to snoop around my inbox and threads.
He is happy that I am enjoying myself, since he does not fancy writing himself.
But, then again, that is my relationship.​
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You're missing out. I make mine fix my typos. Fresh eyes.
 
That is something you will need to discuss with your partner.

For my relationship personally, doing an RP with characters that are NOT representations of myself is not considered cheating. Now for example if I was to do an RP where I played myself it would be considered cheating.

Not everyone wants to discuss that with their partner out of the blue unfortunately so if they don't know that you RP at all...you might want to take a look at how they react concerning other things before you bring it up. IE: Their stance on you watching porn, do they get jealous that you talk to people of the opposite gender, or are they totally cool?

Your level of exclusivity with them plays a big part as well...is it an open relationship? Are you testing the waters? Or are you exclusive/married/etc.

Talking to my BF about it was easy, he knows I like to RP. His only stipulation is no cam/no pics and characters only.
 
Honestly, I believe it comes down to the person and what they think. On the one hand, your not doing anything, it's simply a character you've written and it's simply a work of fiction. On the other hand, sex is an intimate thing. While it's a natural thing, it's something that can create a bond between two people.

Honestly though? I don't let it bother me too much. If the person you love truly loves you, they won't judge you and they'll listen to you explain. Overcoming hardship is what makes a relationship strong, sure not constant fighting but the occasional fight makes a relationship strong. There's a reason why diamonds that take so long and endure so much pressure are worth so much money
 
I actually tried to get one of my old girlfriends to RP with me. She was big on D&D so I introduced her to freeform RPing, and suggested doing one with her.
It ended up crashing and burning because she got intimidated a couple posts in, but it was cute watching her lurk around from time to time.
 
Raze said:
I actually tried to get one of my old girlfriends to RP with me. She was big on D&D so I introduced her to freeform RPing, and suggested doing one with her.
It ended up crashing and burning because she got intimidated a couple posts in, but it was cute watching her lurk around from time to time.
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(｡♥‿♥｡) ADORABLE! (｡♥‿♥｡)​
 
It is not cheating.

To cheat is only when there is physical or emotional connection made, while you are attached or in a serious relationship with another. This connection one cannot be real when you are playing fictional characters, if it was then people would claim that masturbation to your favorite porn collection is just as bad. Sex is something that happens, so when you add it into your role plays yes it happens, it happens because THOSE characters made that connection not you and another person.

So again no, it isn't cheating. If anything you are creating a mature setting in a story that suits your characters needs. Think of it as created erotica because that is all that it is.

And I could go on a long splea about something this reminded me of for a court case several years ago (almost did) but then it would look like I am ranting and I am trying not to do that.
 
Like Soylent Cola, it varies from person to person. Some people only consider the skin-to-skin contact as cheating, some feel that any relationship that takes away a SO can be in the realm of cheating. Only YOU know for sure.

Overall most of this is writing, it's not hot chat and if you can write a story one handed bully for you, it takes time and thought to make a character and how they would behave in the situation you have devised. If its all rutting like rabbits there might be something to it, but then there might not as it's still writing, if you are taking time away from your SO then maybe its a priorities issue, although cheating (to me anyway) requires a commitment to some sort of relationship that you don't get just from a story. Words are and can be powerful and have ended relationships, if yours cannot withstand this then maybe another outlet is in order.
 
I believe it is up to the individual to discuss this with their partner. Sometimes you just want to keep hobbies to yourself, sometimes you want them to join you and ofttimes you must wonder if what you're doing is wrong. If your significant other says that they are uncomfortable with this, then you could try to explain to them why you enjoy it. Having said that, I don't think 'rp sex' is cheating. It could cause a rift between you and your partner if they do not understand it, but in no way should you feel like you're cheating simply because you enjoy writing.

My 2 cents anyway. But I have some strong opinions on this matter, so... yep.
 
I let everyone in my relationships know I roleplay. My ex found it hot, and my current doesn't care.

It's only cheating to me when it becomes extremely personal between the players themselves, to the point where they are flirting with each other. One of my exes was guilty of this. I was fine with his roleplaying but not the relationships he had with the girls.
 
My boyfriend and I define cheating as any activity, sexual or romantic, that is hidden from the other. This happens to include flirting to intercourse, but then, that is what we have agreed upon as a committed couple (we've been dating for 2yrs 8mos). What makes it huge is the "hidden" part. So before we were very committed, I told him about my roleplaying. He found it uncomfortable at first, but he knows that I write simply for getting better at it.

Now, do I think sexual roleplaying is cheating? I do (when it is kept hidden from your partner). You'd be actively deriving sexual gratification WITH another person who is NOT your significant other. Porn and erotica is different because you wouldn't be engaging yourself the same way you do when doing sexual roleplay. But if you and your other are okay with it, then its not considered cheating because you haven't 'crossed any lines' or lied to you partner, so to speak.
 
Simple erotic role play is not "cheating" in the sense that having a physical or emotional affair with another person is. But if you're hiding it from your partner, if you're using it to avoid spending time with your partner, if you're scared that they might find out what you're doing, then there's a problem. And you should address it with your partner. I'm not saying you have to tell your partner about your role play, but ask yourself why you're doing something that you won't let your partner know about and why you're avoiding spending time with them. Talk to them.

I had a partner who played World of Warcraft all the time. ALL THE TIME! Was it cheating no? But I couldn't handle it. He was like emotionally gone from me and we broke up. Later, as friends, I learned about the stresses he was going through at work and how he was feeling numb to life and used World of Warcraft to withdraw. I wish I'd been a better person then and managed to pry it out of him. But I was very hurt. And he wasn't talking.

Anyway, I don't think its per se cheating. But I advocate not keeping things secret from you partner.
 

Edit: I just wanted to add that it varies on the person and their opinions on the matter. It is safe to say you should talk to your significant other first before engaging in such things. Some partners may not understand the idea behind it.

As one of the members on Blue Moon with a partner on the website, I think it is safe to say her and I hold similar if not the same opinion.

I have discussed this situation multiple times in the past and it even states in my request thread about how I see it, but only to an extent. Role-play to me is creating a character, giving them a background story, a look, a personality and creating their motives. They have their own life in their own world. It is not you. Or at least, it should not be you, unless you're into that sort of thing.

Writing to me is the same as role-playing, with the exception of creating a story with another individual. You may get to know the person on the other side of the screen but there is a limit. This is the same as getting to know someone in real life. If the two of you interact online and cyber with one another, hit on one another, or even get off on the idea of that person, that is cheating. It is the same if you start hitting on someone in real life, if the two of you end up kissing, touching or in any other way start turning it into a sexual relationship, yes that is cheating on your significant other.

I have many role-play partners on Blue Moon and I have to say not once have I had someone come into my personal space. I set my ground rules and the majority of people who message me understand that I have someone I love and care about in real life. In no way would I allow anything to interfere with such things. Of course this includes the trust that I place within my significant other. Her and I do discuss our RP's and how well they are doing. That isn't to say we go into extreme detail or anything but we use it as a discussion method as well. Since her and I are quite literally connected at the hip, we pretty much know what is going on with the other as far as RP goes.

As someone did mention at one point as well, if you hide it from your partner, that too would technically be cheating. What is to hide? Why hide it in the first place? That is being dishonest to your love.

I do not think role-play is a form of cheating unless you are feeling something for the person on the other side of the screen. I find that the best relationships come with honesty up front, that's just one of the best ways to do it.
 
For me it's pretty much the same as what November said above, but I'd prefer to be a little more independent when it comes to my personal perspective on this topic.

I've seen a number of different types of "role-playing" on and off of Bluemoon and I know enough to say that for me I don't view it as "cheating" mainly because "Role-Playing" should be the action of playing the role of a character other then yourself. If the matter came down to a more physical premise where both parties were simply seeking to find a certain element of pleasure that they may not find with their current partner, then to me that would be better described as "Cheating". As long as both parties understand that it is not they selves committing the actions that occur in story or aim to take responsibility of them, then the idea of it remains totally in character for me. For me role-play is just another form of writing, one I look to do simply because it interests me and like some others said above this post, provides me with lessons of reflection that can either better my own writing or help generate new interesting ideas.

So on the topic of cheating, no I don't think playing the role of a character other then yourself is really capable of falling into the "Cheating" category. The only way I can really see the act of role-playing being done with less loyal intent would be to sort of hide away the act entirely from your significant other and totally abolish the idea of generating plot or any sort of character. Without these factors, we get into the entirely different act of "Cybering" which to me is something entirely different.

That's just my two cents though.

~
 
I think it's irregardless of what your personal opinion on the matter- cheating is when you break or take advantage of the trust of your partner/s with sexual acts that they didn't consent to/weren't aware it was happening/did not want you to do. Relationships involve communication and openness and trust, and if your partner prefers you don't, then don't. If your partner prefers you don't, but you do, then find a relationship that works. And that isn't harsh either- I'm a strong believer that breaking up isn't the end of the world, it's a mutual decision that the relationship isn't fully fulfilling or it as a negative effect on your life so you just move on.

If I was in a relationship and liked to RP sexy things, I would communicate to my partner that it is something I do/want to do. If they don't like it, then we'd have to talk it out and come to an agreement on what happens.

Also I think this only refers to exclusivity/monogamous/closed relationships. Open relationships, friends with benefits, 'Houses' it wouldn't really apply to.

Last thought is, your own sexual interests and pursuits are your freedom. I would not want a relationship or partner that restricted my interests, pleasures or exploration without a consensual restriction we both negotiated and agreed to, example for a D/s thing. Sexual expression and fulfilment shouldn't be something you can only share with a person and never anything else, IMO. If I read erotica, fantasise about erotic things, write erotic things and my partner has a big problem with that, then we'd have to talk about why they felt that way.
 
If you are doing it in secret I feel it could backfire. Be honest with your partner/lover~ In a way role play is kind of like porn for certain people, except your engaging it with your thoughts and being. Ask yourself why do you sexually role play and just straight tell your partner why. I roleplay for sexual ideas for my partner that we could try, I also roleplay for stories I write, collecting ideas from other minds when I have writers block. ^-^
 
If RP is taking up a lot of your time and your relationship is suffering or your partner feels left out. If you are sharing things in the RP with your partners and whoever else is reading but not with your partner, then yeah in a way I would feel "cheated" as in my partner is writing about all their desires with strangers and yet with me they aren't.

I can see both sides and it depends on how you see the term "cheating".
 
Oh, also, because I thought I'd already offered an opinion on this thread: If you can't/wouldn't do it with the s/o sitting next to you, it's cheating.
 
Rudolph Quin said:
Oh, also, because I thought I'd already offered an opinion on this thread: If you can't/wouldn't do it with the s/o sitting next to you, it's cheating.
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I agree with almost everything said in this thread except for this.

There is a significant distinction between "can't" and "wouldn't."

In addition, "wouldn't" could be due to a variety of reasons.

There's "wouldn't" because one knows one's s/o doesn't approve, then there's "wouldn't" for the same reason one might not blatantly start streaming porn with their s/o sitting next to them. Just because one's s/o doesn't mind one watching porn doesn't mean they are ok with one doing it next to him/her?
 
Krimson said:
Rudolph Quin said:
Oh, also, because I thought I'd already offered an opinion on this thread: If you can't/wouldn't do it with the s/o sitting next to you, it's cheating.
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I agree with almost everything said in this thread except for this.

There is a significant distinction between "can't" and "wouldn't."

In addition, "wouldn't" could be due to a variety of reasons.

There's "wouldn't" because one knows one's s/o doesn't approve, then there's "wouldn't" for the same reason one might not blatantly start streaming porn with their s/o sitting next to them. Just because one's s/o doesn't mind one watching porn doesn't mean they are ok with one doing it next to him/her?
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Very cute since the only other comment I made in the thread was a joke drum noise. The implication is "approval" since it went over your head. If your s/I would be hurt or disapprove then it is something to be discussed and boundaries respected. Please don't quibble over literal details. This is about what most would consider a relationship and companionship that goes beyond nonjudgemental friends and is based on a sense of loyalty and trust. If the s/o knew about it and wouldn't approve that is a good guideline to take as whether it is crossing them or not, since that is the defining characteristic of "cheating". If they wouldn't care or you're not committed then the question is moot.
 
Rudolph Quin said:
Krimson said:
Rudolph Quin said:
Oh, also, because I thought I'd already offered an opinion on this thread: If you can't/wouldn't do it with the s/o sitting next to you, it's cheating.
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I agree with almost everything said in this thread except for this.

There is a significant distinction between "can't" and "wouldn't."

In addition, "wouldn't" could be due to a variety of reasons.

There's "wouldn't" because one knows one's s/o doesn't approve, then there's "wouldn't" for the same reason one might not blatantly start streaming porn with their s/o sitting next to them. Just because one's s/o doesn't mind one watching porn doesn't mean they are ok with one doing it next to him/her?
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Very cute since the only other comment I made in the thread was a joke drum noise. The implication is "approval" since it went over your head. If your s/I would be hurt or disapprove then it is something to be discussed and boundaries respected. Please don't quibble over literal details. This is about what most would consider a relationship and companionship that goes beyond nonjudgemental friends and is based on a sense of loyalty and trust. If the s/o knew about it and wouldn't approve that is a good guideline to take as whether it is crossing them or not, since that is the defining characteristic of "cheating". If they wouldn't care or you're not committed then the question is moot.
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Even on the point of s/o, there is a difference between "disapprove" and "consider it cheating." Some girls (or guys) might dislike it if their s/o watched porn, but they don't consider it cheating. The same distinction can be drawn about erotic roleplay.

But I do find it interesting that your first reaction is passive aggressiveness when I merely intended to state my opinion and to seek to clarify something that struck me as being a distinction. Is an ad hominem attack really necessary when I merely wanted to contribute to the discussion? But, if my opinion is of such nonintellectual variety as to be mere "quibble", then I will, for the sake of not stepping on anyone's toes, cease my attempt at a peaceful dialogue.
 
Krimson said:
Even on the point of s/o, there is a difference between "disapprove" and "consider it cheating." Some girls (or guys) might dislike it if their s/o watched porn, but they don't consider it cheating. The same distinction can be drawn about erotic roleplay.
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Like I said with the whole "discussed" and "boundaries respected" bit, communication should be included to figure out what is and is not cheating with a specific s/o.

Krimson said:
But I do find it interesting that your first reaction is passive aggressiveness when I merely intended to state my opinion and to seek to clarify something that struck me as being a distinction. Is an ad hominem attack really necessary when I merely wanted to contribute to the discussion? But, if my opinion is of such nonintellectual variety as to be mere "quibble", then I will, for the sake of not stepping on anyone's toes, cease my attempt at a peaceful dialogue.
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I believe I said quibble over literal details and I reacted the way I did because you're being very painfully obtuse and you quoted me while doing so. You went for the very literal interpretation of someone sitting right next to you when the implication was, in how the activity would make your s/o feel if they knew, even if they were not physically present. It is the idea of physically, face-to-face confronting them with this act and how they have articulated they would feel about it or how you know it would probably make them feel Because if you don't care about that, then why are you in a relationship with this person with these types of boundaries? All justifications for the fact that to a certain degree your s/o does get to dictate a measure of your behavior while you are committed to them, even when they are not physically looming over your shoulder.

Do you understand that? Can you get that what I am trying to say is that the situation is very black and white but not in a general way, as in "the same for everybody" but based on specific individuals' understandings and agreements in a relationship with a very simple and easy to follow guideline? That specific s/o's in different relationships, with different individuals can decide what makes them feel personally uncomfortable and hurt in the sense of betrayal and that is what you are responsible for in a relationship with those different situations and different people? We're not talking about how it makes me uncomfortable when my s/o farts silently in public and makes everyone think I did it and that is automatically equated with "cheating". The discussion is specifically cheating, as in disloyalty and my comment was geared towards that. Again, you're taking it literal, so excuse me if I react badly to having to spell this out like I'm teaching you the English language.
 
Krimson said:
Is an ad hominem attack really necessary when I merely wanted to contribute to the discussion?
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pls no. There is no ad hominem in any of Quin's posts thus far. As someone who is a fan of rhetoric (albeit I'm not very good with it), let's not dilute it's meaning.

[If Quin were to say something like "Your avatar is stupid, therefore you are wrong", she would be using an ad hominem. However, merely saying "Your avatar is stupid, also you are wrong" is simply insulting someone.]


Your point was largely semantic and while it did have some value (semantic points are often underrated imo), it didn't really shake up the conversation or have much significance.

Let's lighten this thread a bit. I'm not wearing pants.
 
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