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Cold Calls

Squishypink

Squishypink

Supernova
Joined
Apr 12, 2013
So this has been happening a lot lately. Someone inboxes me asking if I want to RP out of the blue. There's no idea, no concept, nothing to go on and they just expect me to pull sexy writing out of my ass and cater to their *VERY* specific fetishes. Best one yet was something akin to a sitcom involving a giant mantis, and another involving spraying reptile girls. I once had someone pm me with "I regret to inform you that I...am a lizard man."

I mean, really? How do you respond to that? Should I be supportive of his lizardness, "Good for you?" Or should I shame him for his scaly ways? I suppose it depends a lot on what he wants to do with his lizardy tendencies.

I'm off track. The point is, does this happen to everyone or do the really dull crazies always come looking for me? How do you respond to the "cold calls" that some members make? Feel free to share if you have any particularly facepalm-worthy stories.
 
I get these regularly. I typically check their post history, and then tell them to fuck off.

If one of decent skill messaged me, I may be interested, but that hasn't happened.
 
It's gone well for me once or twice, but it's usually not that great. THough I have gotten a good long term partner out of a coldcall, so...yeah, it's a mixed bag to say the least.
 
Every last one of them has 1 or 2 posts at the most and is convinced that they are the greatest writer to ever misuse punctuation.
 
I've started fucking with them just to be a bit of a bitch. When they're all like "i wil maek ur sexe dreems cum tru" I try to give them some kind of idiotic writing prompt like "tell me how sexy houseplants are," just to see how they'll respond. Am I a bad person?
 
There are good cold calls and bad cold calls. It seldom bodes well when someone uses a quirky approach or only a few words.

A cold call is an opportunity to show that you're competent if not articulate and, frankly, worthy of the investment of my time. Some people don't seem to understand that their approach is supposed to interest me, entice me, even. If a potential partner is putting a minimum of effort into the approach, what am I supposed to expect of the RP?

Basic bad cold call: "wanna RP?"

The real answer is "Hell, I don't know. Have you given me any reason to want to?" I usually give about as many words as they've offered and I resist the urge to lash out at the ignorant. I've been known to be ignorant a time or two myself.

Some people just don't have the natural facility with writing that others do. For those people, I offer these tips for cold calling: provide information including why you think we're a good match (something more than "I liked your avatar"), what you have in mind, what your expectations are, and, if there's nothing posted someplace, a brief explanation of what you're into.

It helps a lot if a potential partner is engaging and shows a little enthusiasm. Also, it doesn't hurt if you bring a little humor, a little personality. RP is supposed to be fun and creative, not bland and wooden.
 
And then we get the extra special winners who message you saying they want to do one of the RPs in your request thread, but then really only agree to an RP lifted directly from *their* request thread. And then they bail before even starting. How is it that RP forums garner the worst forum etiquette on the entire interwebs?
 
Heh, sorry, I didn't mean to give you a "cold call" when I proposed my mantis role play. :blush: It was just an idea I had and I was asking around to see if I could find anyone who might be interested.
 
I think the solution is simple - don't reply. Sure, you will loose a few seconds of your valuable time reading the often very short messages, but that's life. There is no reason to be rude in response just to make a point. At best you just waste more of your own time, at worst you hurt someones feelings.

And yes, I get requests from people who have obviously not read and understood my request thread all the time. But I don't think that is a major problem.
 
Idk. I've started responding with some of the cold call material just to fuck with people lol. Informing them that I'm a lizardman and such and probably soon I'll start demanding some mantis action lol
 
Oh Squishy, you troll. ^^ That reminds me though. When I pitched my mantis role play, did you think it was supposed to include smut? Because that's not how I intended it and someone pointed out to me a little bit ago that it might be a little vague. o_O
 
Ask the Moderators if the IP's line up, if it's the same person over and over harassing you, you can get the moderators to take action. That was what was happening with me, which is what caused me to take a five week break in the first place.
 
Squishypink said:
I've started fucking with them just to be a bit of a bitch. When they're all like "i wil maek ur sexe dreems cum tru" I try to give them some kind of idiotic writing prompt like "tell me how sexy houseplants are," just to see how they'll respond. Am I a bad person?
Click to expand...

If they can make THAT sounds sexy then I guess you just discovered someone worth continuing with. I don't see it as trolling but setting a high bar :D
 
It's definitely different people each time. Just some random newbies who think they're being super original when they pitch their "wild" idea about a brother sister pairing in a generic high school setting.

Also Stonetribe the implicit lack of smut was one of the main reasons I turned down the mantis rp. That and...you know...the whole mantis thing. It's really not my bag.

Just got another great cold call, and I mean it was great. By any objective metric, the writing was good. And that's what made it more tragic when the sender didn't read any of my request thread posts before convincing themselves that their idea was perfect for my cravings. So when I replied back going into detail...well...let's just say they weren't keen on just how dark my rp can get. Do your research, kids, and you won't be taken by surprise by anyone's shitting dick-nipple fetish.
 
I got one of those.
It was when I joined, a year ago.
I didn't do anything except post a brief snippet in the intro forum.

Some guy PM'd me and among the highlights were that he liked "a girl who enjoys a good cigar" and "knocking up a girl who wants to get pregnant".

Really, the only thing that bugs me is "why me". My gender isn't even listed on here.
Maybe he was just hot for my avatar? Don't blame him, Velvet *is* a total babe.
 
See, you're lucky you got that much. I get these constant hits from guys who can't even spell, let alone string together a convincing RP prompt. I think that the official BMR response to cold calls should always be Lizard Man related.
 
I just randomly read this thread and am still laughing out loud. When StoneTribe popped in with his mantis avatar I almost snorted water across my keyboard.

Carry on.
 
Glad I could help!


And I just got the wonderful gem of a cold call: "ur avatar is hot send me picturs of hr" God dammit, what did the English language do to you, and why do you feel the need to torture it so?
 
I think the most annoying thing is when you've stated in your reauest thread that you won't take cold call rps and people still send you them. Seriously, not even a day after I updated mine to have that, someone messaged me asking the stereotypical "wanna rp?" No details, nothing.

I've gotten to the point where if someone sends me one of those, I just don't even respond.
 
I've decided to start responding with the dumbest fetishes I can think of. Like, I'm willing to RP with you, but first imma boop your nose. *boop* That was so hot.
 
Grrr... just got another one... And they greeted me like I was the newbie...
 
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