Help! Need constructive criticism!

[Zim]

Just need some advice on my request post in the request by females section, can find it through my page cause I haven't posted much.

Also would love some advice on my story press woods that I posted

Many people have viewed both but no one has responded to my story and no one has pmed me? I havent rped in awhile however I'm still very good and descriptive because I write short stories. I also don't know some of the new terms in the rp world. Used to just be para and one liners, now ppl say semi literate, literature etc?

Any help would be appreciated, like I said can find my post through my page I'm assuming. I'm new here and would like to rp but it seems a loooot of post here go unanswered. Would also like to know if there are other more active sites for 1 on 1 role playing.

Ty to everyone who helps me out with anything!

 

[Trygon]

Oh man... Alright, so, here's why I wouldn't choose you for a roleplay.

First impression - 3-6 paragraphs of punctuation death? No thanks.

Oh, a submissive slave with a dash of brat. Trite, predictable, been done, and then you say you aren't looking to just cyber. I beg to differ, nobody would use a twodimensional character like that except in porn. The character list that follows is more of the same, characters that have one or two 'defining features' but no attempt to expound on anything interesting is presented. The physical description is as long as the rest of the description combined, and leads front and center with breast size, never lower than a D. Once again, porn characters.

Basically, you profess to be a serious, plot-driven RPer who has the characters of a chatslut. So serious, plot-driven RPers aren't interested because there's nothing there to make a plot of, and people who are closer to your skill level are shut out by your length expectations.

 

[Zim]

Thank you, however I'm not sure where you're getting porn characters from their breast sizes. Most characters in anime are vuluptuous? But not all are porn. As well as the fact that most people on here want specific details, but I see no point in putting an entire story on the post. Wouldn't that defeat the purpose of building a story with someone else? And my only "chatslut" character is my main one. I've seen posts self bumped over and over on here by people more articulate. I'm starting to believe no one rps on here unless its with people they've known awhile. It should be made a private forum, invite only, if no one is gonna give a "noob" any chance whatsoever. But it doesn't matter. I can see this forum isbnt noon friendly so I'll be leaving when I figure out how.

 

[Zim]

Oh man... Alright, so, here's why I wouldn't choose you for a roleplay.

First impression - 3-6 paragraphs of punctuation death? No thanks.

Oh, a submissive slave with a dash of brat. Trite, predictable, been done, and then you say you aren't looking to just cyber. I beg to differ, nobody would use a twodimensional character like that except in porn. The character list that follows is more of the same, characters that have one or two 'defining features' but no attempt to expound on anything interesting is presented. The physical description is as long as the rest of the description combined, and leads front and center with breast size, never lower than a D. Once again, porn characters.

Basically, you profess to be a serious, plot-driven RPer who has the characters of a chatslut. So serious, plot-driven RPers aren't interested because there's nothing there to make a plot of, and people who are closer to your skill level are shut out by your length expectations.

Thank you, however I'm not sure where you're getting porn characters from their breast sizes. Most characters in anime are vuluptuous? But not all are porn. As well as the fact that most people on here want specific details, but I see no point in putting an entire story on the post. Wouldn't that defeat the purpose of building a story with someone else? And my only "chatslut" character is my main one. I've seen posts self bumped over and over on here by people more articulate. I'm starting to believe no one rps on here unless its with people they've known awhile. It should be made a private forum, invite only, if no one is gonna give a "noob" any chance whatsoever. But it doesn't matter. I can see this forum isbnt noon friendly so I'll be leaving when I figure out how.

 

[darkangel76]

This place is plenty friendly, however, it does take time to find RPs--especially ones that fit anyone's specific criteria. This honestly goes for anyone and everyone. If you're looking for something fast and quick, I guarantee you that you'll find it, it just won't necessarily mesh with your ultimate goals in what you seek. However, there's always someone willing to RP with you. That's a fact. Also, you have to actively seek as well as wait to be sought out. It's a dynamic environment. So, anyone who thinks that someone will magically seek them out and that's how you'll get an RP going is just plain foolish. It doesn't work that way and typically doesn't work that way until you finally have some posts going for people to peruse--assuming you're a thread RPer. For those who stick exclusively to PMs, there's a different etiquette. Anyway, it takes time and requires patience. It has nothing to do with knowing people, but putting yourself out there and not being afraid to PM others and then taking a plunge and seeing what happens. It might take a few rounds of trial and error, but eventually those golden partners can be found.

 

[Zim]

This place is plenty friendly, however, it does take time to find RPs--especially ones that fit anyone's specific criteria. This honestly goes for anyone and everyone. If you're looking for something fast and quick, I guarantee you that you'll find it, it just won't necessarily mesh with your ultimate goals in what you seek. However, there's always someone willing to RP with you. That's a fact. Also, you have to actively seek as well as wait to be sought out. It's a dynamic environment. So, anyone who thinks that someone will magically seek them out and that's how you'll get an RP going is just plain foolish. It doesn't work that way and typically doesn't work that way until you finally have some posts going for people to peruse--assuming you're a thread RPer. For those who stick exclusively to PMs, there's a different etiquette. Anyway, it takes time and requires patience. It has nothing to do with knowing people, but putting yourself out there and not being afraid to PM others and then taking a plunge and seeing what happens. It might take a few rounds of trial and error, but eventually those golden partners can be found.

Hm thank you for that perspective. I'm very social so I'm not afraid to pm people. I personally dislike the chaos of group rps in threads, however that's a good idea for people to see my rping style at least. Another thing about pm's I'm a lil worried about is the grammar nazis? I remember when rping was just fun and not treated like a full time job. Would be nice to find people who just enjoy Making stories together instead of looking for irrelevant errors to prove themselves the better. Also I'm a bit offended being called a chat slutt when people are supposed to be friendly on here? Laurell k Hamilton novels are graphic and not considered porn and yet somehow my characters are apparently slutts? My style of writing is graphic, gorey, and full of mystery and plot twists but I'm not sure anyone is willing to find out simply because my requests are basic. I left it basic to leave room to create something unique instead of already having it figured out myself. I wrote short stories and if I wanted to continue knowing what was gonna happen prior to starting then I wouldn't be trying to find fellow rpers lol

 

[Mr Quixotic]

Hi Zim,

I just had a look at your profile and it says that you only joined a couple of days ago? My advice is, don't be impatient. It took me a while to get the hang of things and the best way of obtaining a roleplay (of the type you wanted). People generally wait to be approached, rather than do the approaching, so that's what I did for a while. Then, after some frustration, I started approaching others and quickly found a few good partners. The other thing is to be flexible, don't have fixed/unchangeable ideas in mind, as everybody is after something a little different, so being able to compromise with a potential partner helps.

In a way, I do agree with Trygon, not the 'chatslut' comment, but the 'submissive slave with a touch of brat'. That's an extremely common theme around here and, personally, I prefer characters with multi-faceted personalities. Also, as I'm already playing against a couple of similar characters, I'd pass and move on in the hopes of finding something a little different.

 

[Lord Animus]

Another bit of advice that has not been mentioned yet is your presentation of preset characters. I, personally, never decide on a character to play prior to discussing what kind of role play that I will be co-writing. Doing it this way means that I can pick or design a character that is a little more personally tailored to ensure that my partner enjoys the role play. Sure, I do not always tailor MY character to fit my partner with 100% accuracy, but it does help it does help if you're flexible with your characters. It's a little more inviting in my opinion. Flexibility is a huge plus when you're looking for a partner and as long as you're not making it so that YOU do not enjoy YOUR character then you're not doing yourself any sort of disservice while still offering your partner much more.

Keeping those characters in the back of your mind to suggest to the right partners is always a good thing, but limiting yourself to only those characters makes you a very niche writing partner. That's not a bad thing, mind you, but it does mean that you will get less replies. On the plus side of that, the replies that you do get should be more geared toward your preferences. It's a win/lose situation, I am afraid.

 

[Zim]

Hi Zim,

I just had a look at your profile and it says that you only joined a couple of days ago? My advice is, don't be impatient. It took me a while to get the hang of things and the best way of obtaining a roleplay (of the type you wanted). People generally wait to be approached, rather than do the approaching, so that's what I did for a while. Then, after some frustration, I started approaching others and quickly found a few good partners. The other thing is to be flexible, don't have fixed/unchangeable ideas in mind, as everybody is after something a little different, so being able to compromise with a potential partner helps.

In a way, I do agree with Trygon, not the 'chatslut' comment, but the 'submissive slave with a touch of brat'. That's an extremely common theme around here and, personally, I prefer characters with multi-faceted personalities. Also, as I'm already playing against a couple of similar characters, I'd pass and move on in the hopes of finding something a little different.

Haha thank you, its certainly an old character but I've always thought she was dynamic. She's been used as a soldier, pawn, slave obviously as its what she was created for. She's on a journey to find her creator, killing most people in her way and occasionally running into strong characters that throw her off her path. I've a habit of playing multiple characters at once anyway so the story line tends to build. I really wanna finish her story but I'm getting the sense I'll have to do that alone with her. No one has yet to get far enough in her life to even find her creator with her. However I may as well give up on sharing the riveting moment.

 

[Zim]

Another bit of advice that has not been mentioned yet is your presentation of preset characters. I, personally, never decide on a character to play prior to discussing what kind of role play that I will be co-writing. Doing it this way means that I can pick or design a character that is a little more personally tailored to ensure that my partner enjoys the role play. Sure, I do not always tailor MY character to fit my partner with 100% accuracy, but it does help it does help if you're flexible with your characters. It's a little more inviting in my opinion. Flexibility is a huge plus when you're looking for a partner and as long as you're not making it so that YOU do not enjoy YOUR character then you're not doing yourself any sort of disservice while still offering your partner much more.

Keeping those characters in the back of your mind to suggest to the right partners is always a good thing, but limiting yourself to only those characters makes you a very niche writing partner. That's not a bad thing, mind you, but it does mean that you will get less replies. On the plus side of that, the replies that you do get should be more geared toward your preferences. It's a win/lose situation, I am afraid.

Thank you much! I was kinda wondering if I put too few characters. I can create a character for almost any scenario, most times I end up playing multiple ones at once lol with all this help I do believe I'll rewrite my rp request, I'm seeing now that's it a tad too vague.

 

[Lord Animus]

Good luck with your rewrite! I will keep my eyes open for it.

 

[littlerooster]

I checked out your story, I like your writing style, I was expecting something really silly when I read the punctuation heavy comment but when I opened it up I realized it was because there was a lot of dialogue, I can't see how you would avoid punctuation in that case! One thing that puzzles me a little is people post stories in the story section and obviously want responses but they don't comment on anyone else's stories, so yeah a little bit of a hint for you perhaps, comment on others and they just might return the favour.

In terms of your request thread I thought it was pretty good, I'm not into the manga scene but I found I still liked the ideas behind your characters, especially the one who can't die and was built to endure anything. Sometimes it just comes down to who is reading your thread at the time and what they are looking for, it just might take some time, have you responded to anyone else's requests to try and get something going?

As mentioned already though, they need more levels to make them more real as opposed to just being these things that bad things happen to, it is a very common theme on this site and one that doesn't appeal to me and dare I say most Role Players who actually want a story to go with their smut as opposed to a montage of smut scenes. The pre set character comment is another one which sometimes personally puts me off as I feel like someone is using a template that they have used several times before rather than creating a character to suit the specific RP.

Perhaps a better way of doing your Request Thread would be to write about what kind of RP's you like to explore and why you like RP itself? Give the reader some idea about you and how you might mesh with them chemistry wise as I believe most RP's fail or succeed based on the chemistry factor between the writers more than for any other reason.

The other problem is people bale out on each other here mid RP, so the more experienced players will look at someone's post history to see if they are suited, of course that makes it hard on newbies or people who primarily play via PM or Offsite but that's just the way it goes, I would suggest just jumping in and messaging some people and starting, it's RP no one is going to die if it doesn't go well and you will at least start getting seen about the place.

Here's a couple of links from this board that might give you some tips and insight,

http://bluemoonroleplaying.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=50727

http://bluemoonroleplaying.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=50242

 

[Mr Quixotic]

Well said Lord Animus,

In a way, I was partly referring to that in my 'being flexible' comment, but you articulated it way better than I could. Pre-set characters, to me, give the (possibly incorrect) impression that there's not much room for movement or compromise. I think deciding on a 'theme' or the type of story you're aiming for, then tailoring characters to fit makes it a lot more interesting and unique. It also makes it easier to cater for each others preferences.

However, Zim, if you do have a particular character/storyline that you're craving or specifically want to play out, you'll eventually find someone. It may just take a little longer to locate that person it 'clicks' with.

 

[Zim]

I checked out your story, I like your writing style, I was expecting something really silly when I read the punctuation heavy comment but when I opened it up I realized it was because there was a lot of dialogue, I can't see how you would avoid punctuation in that case! One thing that puzzles me a little is people post stories in the story section and obviously want responses but they don't comment on anyone else's stories, so yeah a little bit of a hint for you perhaps, comment on others and they just might return the favour.

In terms of your request thread I thought it was pretty good, I'm not into the manga scene but I found I still liked the ideas behind your characters, especially the one who can't die and was built to endure anything. Sometimes it just comes down to who is reading your thread at the time and what they are looking for, it just might take some time, have you responded to anyone else's requests to try and get something going?

As mentioned already though, they need more levels to make them more real as opposed to just being these things that bad things happen to, it is a very common theme on this site and one that doesn't appeal to me and dare I say most Role Players who actually want a story to go with their smut as opposed to a montage of smut scenes. The pre set character comment is another one which sometimes personally puts me off as I feel like someone is using a template that they have used several times before rather than creating a character to suit the specific RP.

Perhaps a better way of doing your Request Thread would be to write about what kind of RP's you like to explore and why you like RP itself? Give the reader some idea about you and how you might mesh with them chemistry wise as I believe most RP's fail or succeed based on the chemistry factor between the writers more than for any other reason.

The other problem is people bale out on each other here mid RP, so the more experienced players will look at someone's post history to see if they are suited, of course that makes it hard on newbies or people who primarily play via PM or Offsite but that's just the way it goes, I would suggest just jumping in and messaging some people and starting, it's RP no one is going to die if it doesn't go well and you will at least start getting seen about the place.

Here's a couple of links from this board that might give you some tips and insight,

http://bluemoonroleplaying.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=50727

http://bluemoonroleplaying.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=50242

thank you so much, everyone! heh yea my punctuation keeps being brought up. Too true I should probably get more active. It was sooo easy on myspace. But they also had short attention spans, which was extremely frustrating. I love writing, I love reading so while I wait for messages or responses to messages I will definitely start reading others stories and commenting on them. I really haaaate the idea of thread rps but I'll do it. my whole problem with that is usually staying in the mix of it, but I guess I can't pre assume I'll kicked to the side until I try! xD