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*Help* A Little Too Close For Comfort

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Yoshie

Yoshie

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Jan 13, 2010
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Hello all dear Blue Moon advocates. My RP name is Winry Seduction and my RL nick-name is Yoshie.

Now this is a personal topic for me but I need some advice. I will NOT say any names, any tags but I will give you what happened to me. Not only on this forum but there was another forum which I was apart of that made me literally stop RPing for a time and I want some input as to as I was wrong or am I to blame.

I'd been RPing for a while now when this incident occurred and I always tell people that I keep my personal life separate from my RP life. However this person was VERY persistant and somehow found out my real name and my facebook to which I did not give him any and I repeat any information. He commented saying that "I was beautiful and he wanted to fulfill my deepest desires." I stated that I was in a happy relationship in real life and again my character and persona online are not related in ANY way to my real life.

He found out what state I was in and said that "He would find me and make me his." I then blocked him and started to fear. I am coming to you all because I've only been in RPing for about 6 years and hopefully someone can give me advice on this and how to prevent this from happening again. Was I wrong? I didn't give any personal information to him but somehow he found my facebook, my email, what state I live in and my first name.

Any advice on this is highly welcome.:heart:
 
Hi Yoshie,

I'm not sure how he would get your name or real-life details. Maybe he found a way to track your IP address, or sometimes you can inadvertently reveal small details without being aware of it, and someone persistent enough could put them together.

Saying all that, the FIRST thing I would do is to give all details, including his user name, anything you know about him and conversation histories if you have them to BM Admin. They, (or the authorities) if ever needed, should be able to track this person through his email/IP address. I'd then let the person know that this is what you have done and if you have any further contact from him at all, you'll be going to the police.

Not that he's likely to do anything in real life (the odds are against it), but better to be safe than sorry. Also, depending on how threatened/worried you feel, you could always call up the authorities and just have a chat to them, without necessarily reporting it.

As for it not happening again, be very careful what you reveal (though it sounds like you already are) - even something as small as letting someone know the timezone you're in narrows down where you live, and little things like that can add up. Also, when someone starts to get persistent with personal questions that is a huge red flag.
 
Like He asked me to tell him about me. I tried to do very little but you are right about the ip address thing. I forgot all about that. We had did a chat not face to face but just all text and did that happen? I am not sure. He got my email so it automatically gave me his email. Now I think facebook gives out information from what my friends told me.

Yes Andy he was very persistent with personal questions. He wanted to know about ME... real ME. I screen shotted his conversation and it was weird because he volunteer told me that he was listed as a known sex offender but assured me (this was the last convo we had mind you) that it was a misunderstanding. I take rape, or any forms of FORCED sex on a minor or woman very serious. That is what ended our interaction and from there he began stalking me. Well Virtual stalking. Whenever I was on he would try to get my attention or someone to get my attention for him. I was afraid to go to anyone because well as a child I was raped and no one not even my own mother believed me. (Too much info I know I do apologize) I wanted to confide in someone about this because I had never had something like this done to me. I am putting all the information out there now so that future women or men will be aware of this in the future.

Thank you both for the confidence
 
No worries and don't apologise, however just a suggestion - think if you'll want that information out there for everyone to see once you've calmed down or are feeling a little better about things. (My turn to apologise, sometimes I struggle with subtlety).

If he told you that he was listed as sex offender then I'd definitely be sending that information to BM (or whichever site it was) admin and never speaking or being in contact with him again for any reason at all.
 
Yes I do agree. I will change all of the information on everything including my facebook account and all of my passwords just as a precaution. I do thank you both for listening to a young woman's paranoia. I just didn't know what to do. I will do what you said I just need to calm down.
 
I meant the info on your post, but now I think about it, make sure you're Facebook and everything is private as well. You'll be fine, don't let the assholes get to you.
 
Whistles

Holy crap ....

I had someone do that to me years ago; found out my first name and even my family's names. And they just randomly contacted me on AIM ... never knew them or anything. I was like ... 14 or so at the time so I know your anxieties and fears, definitely.

So far, you've no doubt gotten some of the best bits of advice. I instantly told my parents and they got it dealt with .... somehow. I think the person's IP address was found and they were properly dealt with by the authorities ... something of the like. I can't recall what wound up happening; just that it's never happened since then.

The changing of your password was likely one of the best things to do. Contacting someone, whether it be authorities here/whichever site this happened on or police is likely a good idea as well.

Hope that helps ... even though I'm sort of repeating those who have already posted here.

-LadyYunaFFX2
 
If you encounter a predator of any sort on a site, you should try to stay calm and most definitely report them. If you're having issues with them, others probably are as well and the site does NOT want them here. Period. They are scum. Next, put up the blocks, change the passwords, put your stuff on private. No reason to become paranoid, but try to be wary of what you do post or say in a PM to someone before you get to know them. Pay attention to behavior patterns, info exchanged, do things make sense and/or jive, etc. If you keep an eye out for red flags and make sure to protect yourself at the same time you can still let pieces of yourself be known without placing yourself in danger. Good luck, sweetie. If you have any more questions, please ask. And definitely report people you encounter on here who are pulling this sort of crap. Save the evidence and we will get rid of them. *hugs*
 
It's pretty amazing and scary how much someone can find out about you from your email address if you aren't careful. For a start many people put their full name on it which can then be used to track you on FaceBook etc, not to mention your email address itself. Then if you use your email address for other sites and reasons and post your addy on them it makes it easier for someone to find out things about you as well. Ever tried googling your own email address for example??

Probably best staying as anonymous as possible especially on sites like this where everyone is ummm.... kind of out there :)

In terms of what to do with this person? Not sure there is much you can do at the moment, they could just be getting a kick out of spooking you and they may have guessed some of the information or put two and two together from what you told them and worked out some things like which state you are in etc. Just monitor it all and be careful.

If you are going to talk to people off forums then have a special addy for it, no names attached to it and don't give out personal info so easily and if they are persistent just remember you are online, click the off button and block them rather than give into them.

Hope that helps.
 
If you'd like, I can show you how he accessed that information, and see if I can find anything else he may have discovered, so you can patch up the connections.

Or if you'd rather, I can do the same to him.
 
@ Trygon.. Online Jedi?!

But honestly, if someone outs himself, or in some other way is outed as a listed / known sex offender, they should be brought to the attention of site authorities immediately. And that's irrespective of any other behavior on their part that made you uncomfortable. I'm older than most here, at least from what I've seen so far, and that in itself makes me a little uncomfortable to be honest, especially considering some of the themes that are roleplayed here. My point is, it's not a leap to imagine the site attracts a certain kind of element.

At least BMR has an '18 plus' rule. Other roleplaying sites obviously don't, if you guys have been roleplaying for as long as you have been.

And I agree with what littlerooster said. We here create personas and characters every other day. Make one for all your online role-playing needs as well. Start with a dedicated email id, which should be the only one you ever share with someone you don't actually know personally IRL. And if you prefer to rp over AIM / YIM then use that id to create separate accounts. I know most here do just that. And never put your real name on any of them.

IP tracking is another matter altogether. And if someone's gone to that kind of length, alert the authorities. No questions. I once had that happen back when I was on mIRC. One of the moderators assumed I was lying about which country I was from. I wasn't, but for the life of me couldn't understand why they'd even think that. Turned out my IP address put me somewhere else. So much for the accuracy of that.. but I suppose someone who knows what they are doing could track you.
 
I've had a similar situation a while back and realized how I shared too much by accident. Everything online tends to stay online. Places like Spokeo and others will sell and make public a person's information that is available on the internet.
Everything posted on social sites like myspace, facebook or twitter for example can be traced to your email which leads to you username which leads to spokeo pictures under every username and picture that you have posted online.
I had to contact Spokeo and tell them I did not give permission and they took down my info. I was showing up on google earth for chrissake! They had my last 5 addresses, phone number, emails, full name, age, date of birth and many pictures!
Go to security settings on every type of social media that you use and set them to friends only, restricted access.
If you've put up your pet's pic online, never use his or her name as a password no matter how many numbers you add to it. Keep personal pictures private-never online unless it's restricted access.
It's scary, I know, and I'm still edgy about it so I empathize totally. There are security settings out there--use them.
Start by literally googling every one of your emails and user names you've ever used. Most people stick with the same ones. Delete pictures from places like tumblr that are of yourself, your home, or anything of that nature unless you again put maximum security on all of them.
Sorry if I sound paranoid but I've been exactly where you're at and now I know how to prevent it from ever happening again--hopefully.

DD
 
So sorry this happened to you! It's easy to forget that we're all strangers here...

I'd recommend setting up a dedicated RP gmail account and use that to separate Real Life from RP. There's a trail from your Blue Moon information to your Facebook account that would break if you used a dedicated gmail account.

Dane
 
If you ever get that kind of abuse, I recommend going straight to the admins, if they start getting your personal information, go to the police.
I have been in a similar situation, because of my personal very strong political views, i have been targeted, stalked, and even been framed for "hate speech" and given countless death threats, no matter who you are, how you behave online or anything else, acts like stalking and harassment are illegal and should be reported ASAP.

There are countless institutions set up across the globe to help young women like yourself deal with these sorts of problems, and all of them have strong legal teams and strong ties to the police so if you ever have a problem like this again, just go to one of those people and ask for help and they will provide it.
 
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