Patreon LogoYour support makes Blue Moon possible (Patreon)

Talia's Tale (EvelynWillows x Collector of Rarities)

Collector of Rarities

Collector of Rarities

Withdrawn
Withdrawn
Joined
May 25, 2011
(Please note: this is a continuation of a game from another site. I do not know the rules regarding linking to other sites, so you'll have to make do with exposition until I figure them out)

The past few days had been a whirlwind. A very stressful, emotional, chaotic whirlwind, for Talia Hendric. The half-elf's Mistress, Misha, had died and she'd been given to Misha's older brother, who also happened to be the king of Gorea. Talia and Armond, her new Master, hadn't gotten along when the half-elf had belonged to Misha, so the first few days as Armond's new slave hadn't gone well. They'd finally had a chance to settle their differences, though, as well as gain some insight into each other's minds, and now Talia was ready to try trusting her new Master.

Talia was presently naked, having finished bathing about an hour ago, since Armond hadn't yet given her clothes. Talia stood at 5'6" with short, fiery red hair, emerald green eyes and C-cup breasts. She'd inherited her elvish mother's looks and her human father's charisma, which had made her an excellent Bard. However, after spending time with her Mistress, Talia had changed her training to be more combative so that she could defend her Mistress. Which she had failed in doing.

Misha's fate was unknown, but Armond presumed her dead and had commanded Talia to do the same. Part of Talia didn't want to let go of the woman she loved, but she knew that it was probably best for her sanity if she allowed herself to admit that she probably wouldn't see her Mistress again. At best, she was alive on some desolate plane of existence at the far edge of Creation and it would take years to rescue her. Quite frankly, the odds of her surviving weren't high.

So now Talia stood, waiting for her new Master to pick out an outfit for her. She had to admit, it was nice having her clothes picked out for her again. Her Mistress had enjoyed dressing her each day or, at the very least, leaving something out for her slave to wear. It was comforting to get back to her old routine, and it was also helpful for her to get used to enjoying pleasing Armond.

"Master?" asked Talia. "Shall I wear my jewelry along with whatever outfit you pick for me?"

Armond had taken the body jewelry from her body earlier in the day as part of the process of mourning her Mistress, but their plans had changed. Talia wasn't sure if Armond's designs for her appearance had changed with them.
 
The palace stood high above the city, overlooking the bay as the waves crashed against the harsh shore of the Gorean Empire. Blue green spires wound themselves into the clouds as seagulls screeched above the ships docked in the port. The city was prosperous and the people were fierce. They were a tall, strong race, with the ethereal look of Elven kind across their faces. There was where the resemblance ended. Their ears were like humans', and they had the same fiery passion that the shorter-lived races had. The race of the Goreans were beautiful. They had lightly tanned skin and platinum white hair. Most of their race wore it long, but the warriors of both genders kept their hair short. The nobility had eyes the colors of jewels, and they had hearts almost as hard.

King Armond d'Rio was a warrior among his people. His hair was short and his body covered in scars from both battles and torture. The nobility, it seemed, were not exempt from slavery or the fetters that accompanied it. The last king had insisted that his own children spend the standard years as slaves, though of carefully chosen masters, so that they would properly respect the power once it came their turns to hold the leash. In the Gorean Empire many people chose voluntary slavery as a way to pay off their debt or to repay their crime. Armond, like his siblings, had spent enough time in the collar to understand the power a master wielded. His status as the recently crowned king made him impatient with his newest slave, though; a half-elf he inherited upon his younger sister's death. They had a lot of history behind them. History that Talia Hendric wasn't content to let remain in the past.

So when she asked him if she should wear her body jewelry he shook his head 'no'. The jewelry consisted of a ring Talia's mother had given her, which she wore on a chain, two ruby studs she wore in her left ear to commemorate her two past loves; Princes Misha, now presumed deceased, and Jetsam, an ex-pirate girl Talia had rescued about 2 years ago. Both were no longer in her life for different reasons.

He pulled out a skin-tight blue leather outfit that had clever cutouts on it to reveal just enough skin but not make her appear nude. There were matching strappy boots with open toes to put on, and long gloves that reached up to her arms and then were clipped to the top. "Blue," Armond said, his eyes roaming over Talia's ample and curvy body. "Today I want you in the color blue." He picked up a ball gag and slid it into his belt. "In case I decide you need it later," he said with a wry smile. "Now get dressed. I'll expect you to be waiting for me when I'm done with my shower."
 
Talia frowned slightly, but didn't protest. While she had been hoping to get her mother's ring and her studs back, she'd also been asking about the other jewelry Armond had picked out for her: a pair of nipple rings connected by a chain and another ring for her clitoris. She'd initially worn a different set of body jewelry, but Armond had destroyed those. She supposed that she shouldn't have expected much: Armond had made a surprisingly, almost absurdly generous gesture by promising her to stop slave raids outside of his borders, so she wanted to try her best to please him today. Part of her wasn't sure he actually intended to follow through on his promise, especially since she had no way of checking to make sure that he was, but another part of her was very lonely and wanted to have a proud owner again. Talia had always loved the adoring look in her Mistress's eyes whenever she'd done something to please her, and the half-elf wanted to feel that again. Armond wasn't an ideal choice of master, especially since she preferred women, but Armond had shown a side of himself that Talia hadn't believed existed and it gave her hope that maybe she could fall into a pattern similar to the one she'd had with her Mistress with him.

"Yes, Master," she said, the word still a little strange on her tongue; she was still used to submitting to a Mistress. "Where shall I wait for you once you're done bathing?"

Once she had her answer, Talia began donning the outfit. It felt snug, similar to the leather armor she was used to wearing, but more revealing. Her studded leather armor covered her entire body from the neck down and, most importantly to Talia, it was red. Most other redheads, such as her mother, preferred to wear other colors to complement their hair. Talia, on the other hand, adored the color red and preferred to wear as much of it as possible. Of course, Armond had offered to let her wear her armor today, but Talia felt that she should start getting used to having her outfits picked out for her.

It didn't take her long to don the outfit and finished a full minute ahead of Armond, giving her plenty of time to wait where and how he'd instructed her to.
 
Armond instructed his slave to wait at the foot of his bed, kneeling on the floor. He went into the elaborate bathing room on the inside of his apartments and washed himself. He thought over the things that had happened that morning. There was a lot of changes brought upon them by his sister's death.

Disappearance.

Whatever.

He dressed in dark pants and tall boots. His white shirt was buttoned to his sternum, and he wore a red leather vest over the ensemble. Lastly he strapped on his sword and dirk. He went to a closet and pulled out two curved swords in matching sheathes and a heavy leather belt that accompanied them. Talia's weapons. It would be a test of faith, especially after what they had gone through and the lack of trust between them, but Armond knew that they had to start somewhere. Talia was hot-headed and would not back down in her accusations, so he had to take the first step.

Armond went out to the bedroom and saw Talia kneeling obediently at the foot of his bed. "Good girl," he said, smiling as he went to stand in front of her. "I want you to have these back. A king should have a proper Blade Dancer at his side, don't you think? And a Blade Dancer needs her blades." He held out her twin swords and belt in a peace offering.
 
Talia nodded, accepting the blades from Armond and buckled them on without rising. Unlike her mother, Talia usually only wielded one weapon at a time since she needed her other hand free to use magic. However, Armond had not returned her spellbook to her, so magic was out of the question for the moment. She doubted they'd have time for her to spend an hour preparing her spells anyways, but she missed the weight of the small book at her hip. Her swords would have to do for now, she supposed, and she could always use her training as a Magus to enchant them on the fly, so she supposed that it wasn't too bad.

Once the swords were on, she looked attentively up at Armond, awaiting his next order. She didn't have any intention of attacking him today, like she had on her second day with him. Tensions had been high between the two of them and Talia had been wavering in and out of being suicidal since she hadn't had any time to get her grief for her Mistress out of her system and Armond had been spending a good deal of his time insulting her and blaming Misha's death on her. She regretted attacking him somewhat, although she still didn't trust Armond entirely. He'd made a bad first impression the first time she'd met him and an even worse one when he'd come to collect her. Still, she was trying to get over her initial impressions of him, if only to keep herself from going crazy again.
 
Armond matter-of-factly snapped a silver chain onto Talia's collar and nodded at her. "Let's go. You walk to my left rear." He didn't know how much 'formal' training she had at the hands of his sister and nearly doubted that Misha had done much to school the girl. Yet Talia was smart; he was certain that she could simply 'wing it' if need be, and do a fairly good job of acting like she knew what she was doing.

He walked out of his apartments. The doors opened at their own accord as he approached them. Once he cleared his outer doors four guards fell in with the king and his slave. They knew where they were going with him, and if Talia were to notice them she'd see that they all wore the silhouette of a hawk; the symbol of Armond's personal bonded Blade Dancers. They had the ability to sense his surface thoughts and emotions, and he to sense theirs. It was an elite squad of people and only six at a time could bind themselves to one of the royal family.

Their bootsteps rang down the wide stone hallway. The last time that Talia had been here it was with her mistress, long before they left the country to move to Veneer and study at the University. Misha was an aspiring magus, and she seemed to blossom there under the tutelage of the professors. Talia was permitted to study as well if she had a desire to, though Misha loved that her slave ran the sex shop they owned so efficiently. Misha's talent was coming up with new toys and accoutrements for those who owned slaves or simply enjoyed sex with their partners. She ran a brisk trade.

Once they got to the great receiving hall, every body in the hall stood at King Armond's presence. He smiled and continued into the hall. Only when he was seated at his throne did everyone else sit as well.

The Hawk watched them from above; his shadows along the upper banister a constant presence protecting the king. Once the priest prayed a blessing over the day's business, Armond stood up and stepped forward. "Before we begin today I have an announcement to make. I have decided that Gorea will cease all slave raids outside of our borders effective today. Amend your petitions accordingly."

Murmurs of dissent broke out in every corner of the hall as nobles, merchants, and commoners voiced their disapproval. Armond glanced up at his Hawk and gave him a slight nod. The Blade Dancers were going to have to be on their toes now; the king's declaration was extremely unpopular, and there were bound to be assassination attempts on him because of it.
 
Talia nodded and followed Armond silently out the door. Armond had made it clear earlier that he didn't like her talking, primarily because she didn't have anything kind to say to him at the time, but she decided to take it to heart nonetheless since she didn't want to cause him any trouble. As they stepped outside, she noticed that Armond's personal guard was dressed in the same colors as she was and she quickly began to piece together what was happening; Armond had just added her to his personal guard. She knew that he'd agreed to let her train as a Blade Dancer, but she hadn't realized that he wanted her so close to him. It made sense, in a way, but she'd expected a trial period before he did something this drastic. Talia did her best not to let her nervousness show as she came to her realization; she took a deep breath, closed her eyes and let it out as she fell into step behind Armond.

Talia stood to Armond's left, left hands crossed beneath her breasts as she looked out over the crowd. She'd never had a problem with crowds, even when Misha had her demonstrating sex toys for the customers, but she was a little surprised at Armond's declaration. This was bound to be unpopular with his subjects and she was quite frankly surprised that he was prepared to go through with his promise after all of the trouble she'd put him through. Then again, she'd been quite the hellion for Misha for about a week, but her Mistress had still been willing to provide a loving, caring environment for her. Talia was starting to have her doubts as to whether her initial impression of Armond was fair.

The half-elf shook her head and began keeping watch over the room. She had little interest in politics and as such had no desire to listen to petitions, although she did occasionally tune in to see what Armond had to say on matters. It was certainly one way to find out more about her Master. She honestly didn't know how he could put up with the politics of being king for so long; she'd been shocked when he'd offered to make her his queen. Many slaves likely would have obeyed simply for the promise of holding that much power, but there was no quicker way to make Talia want to do something than offer her that much responsibility. Talia liked helping people, yes, but she was far too much of a free spirit to want to spend her days sitting on a throne and listening to petitions and modifying policy all day, let alone the nightmares of diplomacy. She wanted to see the world, taste new foods and have some adventures along the way. She didn't want to be stationary until she'd purged the wanderlust from her system.

She also couldn't help but wonder why Armond would have made the offer to her while she was still being openly hostile to him. Did he think that it would have calmed her? Offering to let her marry the man whom, at the time, she had despised completely? Armond was certainly turning out to be a lot stranger than she had anticipated.
 
The crowd was, for the most part, orderly. A few were obviously upset over the king's declaration and made sure to comment about how it would affect their businesses, but for the most part they kept their comments behind gloved hands. One large man, however, stormed to the front of the audience booth when it was his turn. He slammed down a stack of papers on the podium and glared at Armond. "You've killed my family!" the man declared. His dark eyes glared at the king. "You've put us on the streets with your decision to end slavery raids, and now I have no way to pay my debts! What am I to do?"

"Find another line of work Lord Debaucher. Or sell your current inventory. Now that the influx of new slaves is slowed, the costs will be driven up. You'll be able to ask a premium price for the slaves you still own."

Lord Debaucher frowned. "You've killed us! I was depending on cashing in on my hunting rights for the southern borders! I need that raid!"

Armond shook his head. "The decision has been made, no more raids."

With a grunt of frustration and disgust the man stormed away. Still, a dark cloud of foreboding hung in the air.

The rest of the audiences went well, and by the late afternoon most of the petitioners had been accounted for. Armond dismissed the court until the next day. The kings' guards flanked him to his private conference room, where the Hawk and a table set with food awaited them. Once the doors were shut the Blade Dancers seemed to visibly relax.

Armond went to the head of the table and sat. On his left was a kneeling pad, obviously there for Talia.

The other Blade Dancers sat around the table with the king, with the Hawk sitting opposite him. "Your highness, I would appreciate notice if you plan on announcing such dangerous policy changes again. There were four assassination attempts this morning alone, and I'm quite certain that they were spurred by your decision to end slave raids."

"People are always trying to kill me," Armond answered. "That's why I have you, isn't it?"
 
Talia's hand tightened on the pommel of her sword, but she didn't draw it when the large man rushed forward. She noticed that the other guards weren't drawing steel yet either, so she figured she could afford to wait. She couldn't help but smirk a little as he stormed away; Lord Debaucher made a living on the suffering of others, so perhaps he could use a little time with a collar around his neck to give him a bit of perspective. It was a way out of debt, after all.

When it was time to eat, Talia knelt quietly beside Armond and waited for further instructions, eating and drinking if food or drink was offered to her. She frowned a bit when Garrity mentioned that he'd stopped four assassination attempts; she hadn't noticed anything, which worried her. Still, she supposed that she had a long way to go if she wanted to surpass Garrity, and she very much wanted to surpass him. Talia had nothing against Garrity: in fact, she had a great deal of respect for the man, but he also represented a goal for her. She wanted to be his equal at the least and surpass him at the best. Talia had grown up hearing stories of legendary heroes and had made them her role models. However, most of the heroes in the tails were long dead and the ones who weren't lived on other planes of existence, finding the material one too boring. Upon meeting Garrity, though, she finally had a goal: someone to compare herself to. He was everything she wanted to be and she would train as hard as she could to get there.
 
Armond stroked Talia's hair and smiled down at her as she knelt at his side. "It was very nice to know that you were there today." He broke off a piece of soured bread and buttered it, before feeding her a piece. As Talia chewed he turned to his other Blade Dancers. "Men, this is Talia. She's new to us and I expect you to give her every bit of consideration you'd give another Blade Dancer, despite her slave status."

Then men nodded. Some looked over thoughtfully as they ate their lunch or drank the iced water before them.

The king smiled and gave Talia a drink as well. "You know my Hawk," he said, indicating Sir Garrity Greyspawn. The Hawk was a tall, lean man with the grace of a predator. Armond had rescued him off of a dinghy about 17 years ago and trained him to be what he was now. Rumor had it that Garrity was the son of the pirate Greyspawn, a bit of information that earned him a stint in the Slave House. Eventually he was released, but he spent a brief period of time married to Princess Misha because of it, before their marriage was annulled at Talia's urging.

The Hawk raised a glass to the half-elf. "Talia. Nice to have you with us, despite the circumstances."

"It's okay," Armond assured her. "When it's just us you may speak freely. My bonded ones are like a small family."
 
Talia accepted the bread that she was offered and ate it slowly. It felt strange having Armond's fingers in her hair when she was used to her Mistress's. She wasn't proud of what she'd put Garrity through: it had been her who revealed that Garrity was related to Captain Greyspawn, not knowing the trouble it would get him in. It was one of the reasons why she distrusted Armond: she didn't believe that Armond should have placed Garrity in the Slave House for so minor an offense, especially after seeing it for herself first hand. Garrity had not been put up for sale, but instead been sent there to be tortured, all because he wished to escape his past. Armond refused to share his reasoning on the matter, instead prompting Talia to ask Garrity why he'd been sent to the Slave House, but Talia wasn't interested in a second-hand account; she wanted to hear the answer straight from Armond's lips.

Of course, Talia had given Garrity her own share of grief. She'd respected him a great deal soon after she met him: he was wise and strong, but he'd also had to marry her Mistress, whom she loved dearly. Talia wasn't proud of how she'd acted towards Garrity while he was married to Misha and still had a bit of trouble looking him in the eye. She blamed Armond for a good deal of her Mistress's suffering, since it was he who allowed to matter to go so far. Granted, Misha could have put her foot down and said "No" at any point, and Talia still didn't quite understand why she'd agreed to marry Garrity as a way to save him, since Talia was the only one interested in saving him. She'd told her Mistress several times that she'd have tried to find another way, any other way, to rescue Garrity, but Misha had proposed the option and insisted that it was the only option.

They'd informed Armond of their plan, but he'd refused to pull Garrity out of the Slave House. He knew what would happen to his sister and for that, Talia blamed him. Perhaps he didn't think that she'd go through with it, or perhaps there was some other reason, but he refused to tell Talia anything, saying that he didn't need to explain himself to her. Whatever the case, Talia hadn't stopped her Mistress, partially because she hadn't yet had time to grow close to her, and Misha had married Garrity.

Talia's ears drooped as she remembered a story Armond had told her: Misha had initially had two sisters, both of whom had died. One had died because a jealous slave had killed her for taking a lover. Talia never would have harmed her Mistress, at least not intentionally (and she had done quite a bit of unintentional harm), but she realized how much she must have scarred her Mistress with her actions. After all, Misha had avoided male slaves because she feared being killed like her sister, so when the half-elf had started acting jealous, she must have been terrified. Talia hung her head, her ears drooping a bit lower, as she thought on just how poorly she'd acted towards her Mistress. She desperately wanted to look back on her memories of Misha fondly, but it seemed that every time she remembered something, she found another way she'd failed or harmed her instead. She understood that the blame did not rest entirely on her shoulders, but it was hard to come to terms with the fact that she'd been so horrible to the woman she loved.

Talia had enough self control not to cry in front of the other Blade Dancers, but her ears gave her away: elves' ears gave fairly clear indicators of their emotions. Talia was only half-elf and didn't have the full range of motion, but her ears would droop when she was sad, scared or shy. She bowed her head, allowing her bangs to hide her eyes, as she finished off the rest of the bread. "Thank you, Master," she said, her voice soft and quiet, "but I don't have anything to say."
 
Armond noticed her ears drooping and put a hand on her head, gently sweeping back her hair. "Talia." He reached down and took her hand to pull her up to his lap. "Come here darling. Why are you so sad?" He looked over at his men and then suddenly had more interesting things to look at.

"Talia..." Armond put his hand on her face to turn her towards himself. He had no idea how affected she was by Garrity's presence, or how deeply her feelings of remorse and doubt were. He stroked her cheek tenderly. "Talia. There is no reason to be sad. We are all family here. We're your family."
 
Talia turned to face Armond, but shook his head at his insistence that they were family.

"We aren't, though," she said, keeping her eyes downcast. "Things don't just happen because you say so or because you want them to. I'm an outsider here: I only know you in passing and I don't know that much more about Garrity and I don't even know the names of anyone else." She pulled away from his hand, sitting back on her pad. "Besides, you don't hurt your family and I've already caused plenty of damage."

She glanced vaguely in Garrity's direction, although she still couldn't bring herself to meet his eyes; even starring at his feet was difficult for her. Armond's insistence that they were family made her uneasy for two reasons. First, she didn't know if she wanted to be Armond's family. To Talia, family meant safety, comfort and trust; she felt somewhat safe with Armond and he occasionally made her comfortable, but she still didn't trust him all that much. There was still so much he hadn't told her and she couldn't bring herself to want to be family with someone who kept secrets like that. The other reason was Garrity. Garrity had claimed that he'd forgiven her, but Talia still hadn't forgiven herself for what she'd done to him. With the way her mind worked, it was unlikely that she ever would. She could deal with Garrity as a milestone, she could have even dealt with him if Armond had decided to hand ownership of her over to the Hawk, but she couldn't accept being his family. Family was a sacred bond: one Talia had already violated with Garrity through her actions. It was bad enough that he was just a man that she had harmed, but making him a family member she'd harmed was too much for her.

"I can be a slave," she murmured, her voice quiet and soft with a hint of fragility. "I can be a confidant and a bodyguard, but I can't be family. I don't deserve to be family."
 
The room grew quieter when Talia pulled away from Armond's hand. Even the Hawk grew deathly still. King Armond was being uncharacteristically kind with the half-elf and she was discarding his kindness. Not only had she pulled away from his hand but she was contradicting him.

Armond was slowly sitting up, his back growing straighter as he began to absorb her words.

"Sir? Armond?" Garrity stood up and walked around the table. The other Blade Dancers let him run interference with the king, knowing that he of all of them had the best chance of coming through such a thing alive.

The king didn't look at the Hawk but he nodded once.

"I need to take Talia for a few hours." He put his hand out to the half-elf. "It's...Blade Dancer stuff."

Armond's jaw clenched. He nodded once more. "Take her."
 
It seemed that, as time went on, Talia just felt worse and worse about herself. She hadn't meant to insult Armond at all, but that had been the result of her self-deprecating downward spiral anyways. Furthermore, it seemed that she'd gotten Garrity in trouble again, which was the last thing she wanted to do.She bowed her head, ears still drooping and her bangs obscuring her eyes as she desperately fought back tears. She docilely followed Garrity wherever he lead her, doing her best not to cause further trouble.

"I'm sorry," she murmured, once she was sure that they were alone. She was still unable to look the Hawk in the eye as she spoke. "I just keep making trouble for you. It's not that I don't want to accept Master's kindness: it's just that he's asking me to make a sacred bond with you and he and I've already broken it with both of you. I've failed as a sister or a cousin or whatever my position in that "family" would be before I even started."
 
Garrity took Talia by the hand and led her through the castle, knowing that she was going to be in a fog for a few minutes. Once they were in the atrium he stopped and paused. The atrium was a huge, glass dome in the back of the castle where a perpetual spring was in bloom. Whether it was the middle of summer or the depths of winter, things were always in bloom or fruit in the atrium.

The Hawk pushed Talia against a wall and stood with his hands on both sides of her head. "Talia. Seriously." He shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Okay, there's some things we need to work out, obviously. But the first thing you need to understand is that you never, never, pull away from Armond when he's being tender towards you. Don't reject him, Tal. You can't...you can't reject him like that." He shook his head and leaned his forehead against the wall. His hand came down and cupped Talia's cheek.

"Talia, what's going on with you?" Garrity's face was only a few inches from hers, even though he towered over her. "What are you doing?"
 
Talia sniffed back tears, but didn't pull away from Garrity's hand, although she still couldn't look him in the eye. She was confused: she didn't have any plan, she wasn't making a statement, she was just upset.

"I'm not doing anything," she sniffed. "I already told you what's wrong: I don't deserve to be family with you or Master. I feel horrible for everything I did to you: first accidentally getting you sent to the Slave House and then how I acted towards you while you were married to Mistress, not to mention how, through my own ignorance, I made the woman who was carrying your child commit suicide. I never hated you, Garrity: I've always admired and respected you. Whenever my mind wasn't clouded by jealousy, I could tell that you were the wisest of the three of us. But... but that didn't stop me from being petty and jealous, and if there was something, anything I could do to take it all back, I would."

Talia took a deep breath to collect her thoughts again, sniffing back tears as she did.

"And that's just how I feel when you're just a man that I've hurt," she said. "It'd be worse if you were suddenly family. The first rule of family is that you don't hurt your family, and I've broken that one from the start. You'd stop being just a man that I've hurt and become family that I've hurt. The same goes for Ar... for Master."
 
Garrity nodded. "So...you're not worthy. It's true, I suppose, but none of us are, Talia. None of us deserve to be loved or accepted or welcome into any family formed by choice and not blood. Dear girl," he shook his head, "you didn't get me sent to the slave house. I did. And good came out of it that you may never understand, but it was good nonetheless. You also didn't make Leslie kill herself. She did out of fear and impatience. Had she waited then we'd have been reunited again. For whatever reason, she was allowed to make that terrible decision, and I'm content to not know the reason but to trust that a greater good was served. In the same light you kept me and Misha from remaining married."

He sighed and tilted Carla's face up to look at his. "No matter how painful the entire thing was, I'd not have changed a thing. I believe that everything that happens serves a certain good even if you cannot see it. It's a matter of trust and faith, Talia."

"I want you to hear me. I. Forgive. You. Now you have to do the same. You may hurt me again or I may hurt you, but our bonds do not end simply because we've made mistakes."

He pulled away to give her a bit of room. "You cannot be hurt by someone who you care nothing for. To experience the greatest love you must allow yourself to be vulnerable to pain, Talia. I loved Misha for a long time. A very, very, long time. And I was allowed to be her husband for a few weeks. I wouldn't trade that for anything." He smiled. "Please don't be sad. There's a reason you're here as Armond's slave. We just don't know the reason yet, but that doesn't mean that your presence here is a mistake."
 
Talia hung her head and began sobbing quietly.

"I can't," she said between sobs. "I tried thinking that once before. I tried believing that Shelyn had a plan for me, that everything was happening for a reason, and I was happy. But then my Mistress died. I can't believe that everything happens because of some divine plan, because that would mean that Mistress died because of me. Even if I didn't do it directly, she died because she was connected to me. Even if it was an attempt on her life that took her from me, that attempt only happened because she was in my life. If there's a divine plan for me, I don't want a part of it anymore; I don't want to have to worry that someone else I care about might just drop dead because they happen to be my friend or my lover or even a relative. At least... at least blaming myself for what happened to you, what I put you through, gives me control over it. I hurt you. I took both of the women you loved away from you. It hurts so much more that way, but at least I can tell myself that you won't get hurt or vanish because you're in my life. So long as I'm responsible, so long as I don't try to kill you, you're safe, unlike if I believed that the gods put some... curse on me."

She put her back against the wall and sank down to the floor, pulling her knees up to her chest and hugging them.

"If I'm responsible, I can deal with the self-loathing: I still have a chance to be happy. If I accept that there's a plan for me, I'll live in constant fear that something will happen to the people I love that I won't be able to stop. If I'm responsible, no one's fated to die: if they're in trouble, I can save them. I don't have to lose anyone just because the gods say that it's their time to die."
 
The Hawk gave Talia a flat look. "Stop trying to control everything. Control yourself. That is difficult enough."

He took her hand and pulled her away from the wall to a standing position. "Remember when you learned that dance with us? The one that Armond had the entire group perform for the King of Frietia? It was difficult to learn your part, wasn't it? But imagine if you thought you had to learn everyone's part, and ensure that they all did their part perfectly? You couldn't do your own part very well if you were constantly worried that other people had their arms at the wrong angle or you didn't trust them to throw their swords perfectly. You have to take care of your own responsibilities and trust them to take care of their own."

He drew her against himself and wrapped his arms around her. "Talia, you have to let go of the feeling that you are responsible for everything that happens. What that is is...a kind of conceit. It's arrogant. Let it go, and allow yourself to be imperfect. Only then can you be a perfect you."
 
Talia took several deep breaths, relaxing in Garrity's arms. After a little while the tears stopped and she nodded slowly, nuzzling against his chest a bit in the process. She knew he was right and she was incredibly foolish for thinking that she had to protect someone far more capable than herself. It was downright laughable when she stopped to think about it, eliciting a few giggles from her.

"I'm sorry," she said, still giggling a little. "I'm not laughing at you, it's just... I thought I had to protect you from me. How stupid is that?" She looked up at Garrity with a smile. "I'm sorry for causing a scene back there. I'll apologize to Master when we get back, but I want you to know that I'm not trying to cause trouble for you. I think I'm still in that phase of grief where I'm going through and thinking about everything I could have done better to make Mistress's life happier or could have done differently to have saved her and... well, I kind of started projecting that onto other people. Everything's happening so fast for me right now and I haven't had a chance to catch my breath yet. Not two days ago I was at Master's throat and now I'm part of his personal guard: talk about whiplash."

She took another moment to compose herself, wiping the tears from her eyes and using Prestidigitation to clean up her face a bit. Her eyes were still a bit puffy from crying, but she looked better than the teary mess she'd been a moment ago.

"I think I'm ready to go back," she said, straightening out her armor a bit. "And, again, I'm sorry for making you put your neck out for me. I'll do my best not to let it happen again."
 
"What? Wait...you're ready already?" Garrity shook his head. "Talia, this is serious. You're freaking out. You can't just 'shake it off' and expect that everything was going to get better. If you need time to work out how you feel about Misha's death then you need time. I don't want you to freak out in the middle of something sensitive."

He stroked her hair and tried to get her to look at him. "Darling...don't rush things. Let's work through this. There's no reason to rush this when we have time to fix this properly."
 
Talia took a deep breath. Garrity was right: even though she was feeling better now, there was no guarantee that she'd maintain this attitude. Still, she gave Garrity a small smile and shook her head.

"Master wants me to be part of his personal guard," she said. "And it's just easier to deal with things when I have a task. If I'm looking for assassins or doing something else, it's easy to just push everything to the back of my mind. It's when I'm sitting still, not doing anything that it really hits me. It's a trick I learned back in the circus: the show must go on, after all. When you're performing, no one can know that you're suffering, otherwise it hurts everyone. It's better to just hold it all in and cry in your carriage once the show's over. Or, if it's really bad, just wait until your final act is over and get yourself cleaned up before the big bow."

She took his hand in both of hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I don't want to inconvenience Armond anymore. I worked hard to get this and I think it'd be pretty disrespectful for me to just turn around and tell him that now isn't the right time and I need a few days to pull myself together. Besides, I'd get all mopey if I just sat still, and if I did that for a few days, it might be hard to pull me out of my funk. Thanks for the concern, Garrity, but I think I just need something to keep me on my toes right now."
 
"You're still dangerous, Talia. Both to Armond and to yourself. I won't lie to you. What you're doing right now is simply pushing down the emotions you're feeling and doing what you think we want you to do. But...I want to talk to your heart." The Hawk reached out and made Talia wait for a moment. "We'll go back in there right now but I want to talk to you later. This situation is difficult, Talia, and I know that there is a lot of unresolved issues here. Let me help you."

In Armond's private dining hall, he and the Blade Dancers were quietly discussion their plans for the week and the security issues they had been having. Five sets of eyes would rise up to meet Talia and the Hawk when they reentered the room.
 
Talia frowned as Garrity talked to her. She'd lost someone she cared deeply about, it was true, and grief wasn't as easily dealt with as Garrity seemed to think it was. Besides, she'd told him everything that was bothering her at the moment, so what more was there to talk about? She had a Master to learn how to please and a new set of duties to get accustomed to: it was everything she could have asked for to deal with her grief. Maybe trying to move forward so soon after losing her Mistress wasn't the healthiest option, but what choice did she have? Life was going on around her whether she liked it or not, so she could either let it pass her by and spend her time moping or do something productive with her time.

Talia took a deep breath before entering the room, preparing herself for whatever reaction she might receive. She knew that she'd rejected Armond in front of his most trusted men and she had to make reparations for that, so she steeled herself for whatever Armond might have in mind. She walked forward and knelt beside Armond, gazing up at him apologetically.

"I'm sorry for rejecting you, Master," she said, balancing the formality in her voice with the familiarity that Armond seemed to want from her. "Master Garrity helped me understand how ungrateful I was being. I'm sorry for causing you so much trouble."

Talia felt that it was best for her to shoulder the blame entirely; there was no need to accuse Armond of anything, especially not in front of his most trusted men. Besides, it really was her fault for making a scene.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom