Proposed Chat Etiquette

[Kikora]

Members should have at least a degree of respect for others. If a topic is making another member uncomfortable, and they tell you... Then drop it. There doesn't have to be drama, or angst, or anything of the sort. You don't need to clarify the rules to see if you -have- to drop it, or get into a discussion on why you have to take it to PMs.

Making a big joke out of it...? Not cool, not funny. That's just being ass-ish.

 

[Mr Master]

I think, though, that there ought to be a degree of respect and expectation on both sides. I mean, it's situational, but all parties have to realize it's about group consensus and it's highly variable.

Example 1: Folks in chat, couple of people come in, start getting amorous, person who doesn't want to deal with it asks them to stop, they ought to realize, Okay, well, yeah, not the place. And thus etiquette and respect win the day.

Example 2: Folks in chat are mostly engage in a freewheeling sexual reference orgy. Nobody's raised an objection as yet, and most folks seem to be into it. New person comes in, doesn't want to deal with it, but they're coming into an existing permissive situation that the consensus has demonstrably little problem with. My expectation is, in that situation, the newcomer, rather than shouting everyone down and demanding they stop, ought to think "hey, yeah, chat's out of control right now, I don't have the right to make everybody stop just for me, I'll just come back in 15, 20 minutes and see if everyone's calmed down yet." That also is etiquette and respect, in that the newcomer respects that the consensus situation in the chat when he or she enters is not to personal preference, and rather than single-handedly enforce a new "consensus," allows it to burn itself out (as it inevitably does) and doesn't get involved.

Problem with that is, there's no hard and fast rules on it. It's the kind of freedom we want, and the kind of mutual respect for both individual taste and the evolving group dynamic of the moment that we ought to have, but what can you do about the asshole who DOES want to enforce their singular will on a group of people who were doing fine all together before that asshole came in?

 

[Cygnas Kain]

There is very little to be said that hasn't been said already. Be that as it may, I'll throw my two cents in as well.

Again, the overuse of the word 'rape' is an issue for some. To those offended by this, they most likely have a good reason for it, so this should, by all means, be respected. Also, there are some very touchy subjects that occasionally come up and often cause tension or even incite conflict.

This is why we have mods and there is almost always a mod in chat. Also, let's not forget pvp. If two people have an issue that needs to be cleared up, or want to just have it out, you can always take it there. Usually though, it never goes that far. More often than not most are willing to apologize, show some respect and we can all move on.

As far as the 'pda' I can understand, to a degree, how someone could be offended by this. Easiest thing to do is politely ask them to stop if it makes you uncomfortable and it can be taken to PM's from there.

Chat is also a type of 'free for all' environment. You come in and you never know what you'll run into. Though it is there for everyone to enjoy there is a fine line between:
1: making someone stop what they were doing, just because you showed up

and

2: someone feeling they need to leave rather than ask for a little respect

Should there be a few loosely framed rules of engagement? Perhaps so, but there again, this is why we have mods. I can safely say though, out of all the times I've been in chat. Only twice can I recall someone actually getting offended and having to say something.

 

[Mr Master]

Just had a thought: there's also shades of expression.

I mean, someone could ask "Hey, that's getting a bit graphic; you think we could abstract it up a bit?" if they don't want to put a damper on everyone's fun but they're not feeling comfy. That doesn't kill the fun, but it does move things back to a more comfortable level; therefore, there's more than just two positions on the dial.

Or they could suggest "Hey, can we steer the discussion to the side a bit? This direction is giving me the wiggins" or something like that. If they're really bothered, that is. Again, conversation isn't a switch, and this uses the ship metaphor for moving topics along.

I think people need to be aware of how they present what they want, and how other people are presenting to them. I mean, it's one thing to go "That's not appropriate!" in a kind of laying-down-the-law way, and it's another to say "Look, I get that you are enjoying yourselves, but this is a touchy subject for me, and I'd appreciate it if we could discuss something else." Thing is, one is clearly harsher, the other is clearly more peacable and respectful, so the person phrasing their request should consider what direction to take. BUT ALSO, the person receiving the request ought to consider how it's being presented.

I've actually seen people get a perfectly calm, rational, polite request and react as though they had been accused of baby sacrifice (um, assuming they think baby sacrifice is bad, that is). I've heard tell of petty vindictiveness stemming out of a reasonable request of the type we're discussing here, that lasted days of trying to get back a the person who made the request. And that's just as much a difficulty as the theoretical asshat trying to exert their will on a mass of strangers. Plus it's so completely high school Mean Girls, it's not even funny.

If there's anything we can try and enforce, I would think it should be mutual respect and politeness. Which is a highly variable and subjective issue to begin with, but if we're trying to preserve as much flexibility and minimal rule-making as we can, it seems the most general term we can use.

 

[Hahvoc The Decepticon]

Personally, I'm starting to get tired of the constant sex topics. I don't mind kidding around, and I don't mind short discussions, but when it starts getting into huge detail, I would think it would be taken somewhere else.​

 

[Mr Master]

That's when you'd be within your rights to say something. Perhaps in a playful tone, perhaps suggesting getting nongraphic, more abstract, or whatever, but yeah, you should be able to voice it.

And people should be as respectful of your request as you are in making it. I mean, I'm not saying "obedient," but like, "Okay, yeah, you are feeling off-put by this, let's work with you to find a median we can all deal with" sort of thing. Whether that's altering the talk or taking it private or whatever, that's up to negotiation (which all parties ought to be flexible about in the spirit of mutual respect and cooperation).

I mean, that's the ideal situation. Clearly, people's moods and such are going to play into it, etc. And I know I get oblivious sometimes when I'm caught up in my own sense of fun, so situations like that, I might not notice someone getting annoyed/distressed until it is made plain. No system is perfect. But it wouldn't be intentional, nor vindictive. And it could be worked out.

 

[Alex]

If I wanted to watch someone cyber, I'd go in their roleplaying thread and read up. It doesn't matter if I can just 'ignore it.' It's a place for people around the site to chatter and the boundaries of the patrons should be at least respected, if asked politely to discontinue. Why should I ignore something that makes me uncomfortable, when I'm trying to talk to a friend? Yes, it's an adult website. Therefor, we all should be acting like adults when it comes to this.

I'm the same way with my friends. If I am uncomfortable with seeing two friends making out as if it's the last kiss they'll ever have, I will say something about it, without trying to offend. They are adult enough to leave the room and go elsewhere.


*Shrugs.*

 

[Hahvoc The Decepticon]

If I wanted to watch someone cyber, I'd go in their roleplaying thread and read up. It doesn't matter if I can just 'ignore it.' It's a place for people around the site to chatter and the boundaries of the patrons should be at least respected, if asked politely to discontinue. Why should I ignore something that makes me uncomfortable, when I'm trying to talk to a friend? Yes, it's an adult website. Therefor, we all should be acting like adults when it comes to this.

I'm the same way with my friends. If I am uncomfortable with seeing two friends making out as if it's the last kiss they'll ever have, I will say something about it, without trying to offend. They are adult enough to leave the room and go elsewhere.


*Shrugs.*

This is why I married you.​

 

[Mr Master]

If I wanted to watch someone cyber, I'd go in their roleplaying thread and read up. It doesn't matter if I can just 'ignore it.' It's a place for people around the site to chatter and the boundaries of the patrons should be at least respected, if asked politely to discontinue. Why should I ignore something that makes me uncomfortable, when I'm trying to talk to a friend? Yes, it's an adult website. Therefor, we all should be acting like adults when it comes to this.

I'm the same way with my friends. If I am uncomfortable with seeing two friends making out as if it's the last kiss they'll ever have, I will say something about it, without trying to offend. They are adult enough to leave the room and go elsewhere.

*Shrugs.*

This is why I married you.​

Me too!

This is also why we have a chatroom guideline over not getting particularly graphic. I mean, we do lots of stuff, but it ought not to be lengthy or detailed. That's not public consumption (or at least not chatroom consumption). I'm with you.

Specifics can vary with who's in the chatroom, but yeah, too much cyber is not accepted. That's a general rule.

I suppose I'm talking other uncomfortable topics as well as just sex stuff. That's where respect (and lack of same) also comes in.

 

[Rubyliday]

Personally, I'm starting to get tired of the constant sex topics. I don't mind kidding around, and I don't mind short discussions, but when it starts getting into huge detail, I would think it would be taken somewhere else.​

How is that solving anything? "I want people to feel comfortable in chat, but if everyone else loves the poop and gore talk... just come back later"

I said the same thing about the chat orgies. If everyone's enjoying them at the time, come back later. If it's still going on, ask them to stop.

So what I am gathering Hahvy, is that if you are the only one that's bothered by it, Goatse thinks you should just go away and come back when its over...

 

[Hahvoc The Decepticon]

Personally, I'm starting to get tired of the constant sex topics. I don't mind kidding around, and I don't mind short discussions, but when it starts getting into huge detail, I would think it would be taken somewhere else.​

How is that solving anything? "I want people to feel comfortable in chat, but if everyone else loves the poop and gore talk... just come back later"

I said the same thing about the chat orgies. If everyone's enjoying them at the time, come back later. If it's still going on, ask them to stop.

So what I am gathering Hahvy, is that if you are the only one that's bothered by it, Goatse thinks you should just go away and come back when its over...

I'm not gonna lie and say I haven't been apart of "chat orgies" or "messing around in chat," and from what I've gathered, a lot of people are having fun with it. But after a certain point, it's just not fun to some- like me- it just gets annoying- like really boring sex that repeats over and over or just too graphic to even deal with. I have no problem with stepping out of chat if people are having fun- I'm not gonna be the type of person who is gonna be like "WELL GUYZ. TOO MUCH." And ruin everyone's fun. But if it is too graphic and too much, I have no problem with saying stfu and take it somewhere else.

The thing is with being the ONE person to step in and be like "Guys, this is gross." Most people with either ignore you or tell you to leave and come back later. It's almost like coming into a group who are talking about mom jokes and KNOWING they are and being like "My mom's dead." [Nothing against people without moms, but I've already talked about this with a motherless friend.]

Shit happens. Be grown up enough to either ask the topic to be changed to something everyone can enjoy [if several people are uncomfortable] Or if everyone is already engaged in a topic/activity that they are enjoying, be grown up enough to leave and come back later. It's not that hard and doesn't need to turn into a huge debate.

Since this is an Adult Website, it doesn't mean it's about sex all the time. It doesn't mean people need to act like children over a topic. Same with chat. It can be goofy, silly, crazy, insane, etc, etc. Or insightful and you learn something. A little respect goes a long way. No need to be pushy and such when it comes to an uncomfortable topic. If it's uncomfortable, get it changed, but if everyone is engaged in it except you, then go do something else. You have the power.​

 

[Corporal Bunny]

Its not about being uncomfortable on most degrees. Its' about beind down right annoying with all the cybering when one is trying to have a conversation with friends. I"m not into outlandish things but I still enjoy Goaty throwing up in my ass more than I like watching bad grammar spelling attention whores cyber in a public chat.

 

[Corporal Bunny]

To be honest, thats what I liked about E. The PG 13 rule. In ways, it was hindering to conversation, but in others it aided a lot. There was no abundance of sex, people had to use sexual innduendo. More converstaion was done in the actual chat box. Rather that someone going "Hi" while someone get's their dick sucked. Now, I'm not trying to be hypocritical. I've come in and "humped" someone. But, to me there's a big difference between a single joking sexual line, and a "you get me so hot" paragraph that takes up my screen every 2 minutes. Role play where its suppose to be. In otherwords, I point out when its annoying, as I have many times during chats.

Adult site blah blah blah. But, theres a time and place for it, and adults should know the difference.

 

[Hahvoc The Decepticon]

To be honest, thats what I liked about E. The PG 13 rule. In ways, it was hindering to conversation, but in others it aided a lot. There was no abundance of sex, people had to use sexual innduendo. More converstaion was done in the actual chat box. Rather that someone going "Hi" while someone get's their dick sucked. Now, I'm not trying to be hypocritical. I've come in and "humped" someone. But, to me there's a big difference between a single joking sexual line, and a "you get me so hot" paragraph that takes up my screen every 2 minutes. Role play where its suppose to be. In otherwords, I point out when its annoying, as I have many times during chats.

Adult site blah blah blah. But, theres a time and place for it, and adults should know the difference.

I haven't been on E so I don't know what it's like there, but I agree with you.​

 

[AkumaTsuki]

Hereâ??s a quick and easy guide to Chat:​

If your posts look like this:
(15:48:55) HappyKatt sexzors bunny
(15:49:01) Cum-bunny moans

STAY​

--------------------------​

If your posts look like this:
(15:48:55) HappyKatt sticks his engorged cock into bunnyâ??s ear filling it to near bursting after fucking her mouth for a good 20 minuets without much enjoyment. He loved the feel of her huge floppy ears. They reminded him of dicks, which if he wasnâ??t so into bunny heâ??d be totally sucking on one right now.
(15:53:01) Cum-bunny moans in delight at the experience, her tan ear feeling like a cream filled éclair. She creams herself like a baker making cake.

TAKE IT PRIVATE​

THE END

 

[Corporal Bunny]

CUM BUNNY!? WHATS THAT SUPPOSE TO MEAN!!!

 

[AkumaTsuki]

CUM BUNNY!? WHATS THAT SUPPOSE TO MEAN!!!

Absolutely nothing. It sounded adorable...and like an SN you'd see in an adult RP site.
I luff you my wittle cum-bunny! :lol:

 

[As Day Fades]

He loved the feel of her huge floppy ears. They reminded him of dicks

There is something extremely wrong with you.
I like that in a woman.

 

[Kingschoolyou]

pfft, bahahahaha, that was the best chat etiquette example ever Aku.