After her encounter with Caroline, Esmeralda moved only to escape the hotel room and crawl home. There, she shut herself up until hunger drove her to the store, then she crawled back to her apartment. She ignored Mr. Webber's anxious calls, until he called one last time to call off their relationship in lieu of its discovery. She also ignored calls by her friends, her parents, and even her brother. She heard the messages her boss left her, culminating in her firing from her job. She barely slept. She ate only enough to satisfy her hunger, and spent most of her days watching daytime TV. She couldn't bear to go back outside.
I'm sick, she told herself. I'm a shameless nympho. If I go out, I'll probably run after the first pretty face I see. Oh, what is wrong with me? When she wasn't numbing herself watching talk shows for housewives, smart-Alec judges listening to domestic squabbles, and melodramatic soap operas; Esmeralda was staring at her naked body in the mirror. My breasts are too big, my tummy's too flat, I have all the wrong curves in all the wrong places... I wish I was skinny as a beanpole or as fat as a hippo. Why couldn't I have been ugly? She thought about gorging herself on junk food, but she'd eat 2 servings, break into tears, and throw the rest out. She considered getting breast reductions, but she couldn't bring herself to so much as look up a plastic surgeon. She just couldn't bring herself to destroy the body God had given her. But that same body had gotten her raped - and by a woman, of all people. That was most embarassing and demeaning, especially when that woman had gotten complete control over Esmeralda with a kiss and a cuddle. Esmeralda wondered if she'd ever be able to so much as hug anyone ever again.