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[KylarStern & Tortoise] Dancing With Myself;;

If he'd been nervous before, he realized it was nothing compared to what he was feeling now, wondering if she'd answer. And if she did... what would he say? He wondered if it was too late to be calling and maybe she'd already gone to bed. Would it seem weird to be calling her so soon, when they'd just met that afternoon. Sure, she'd said that he ought to call, even if he just wanted to talk but...

His train of thought was cut short when the ringing suddenly stopped. For a split second he wondered if it had rung its course and been cut, but then her sweet voice floated across the line to him and his breath caught in his throat. She seemed almost hopeful, expectant... and he sure as hell hoped it wasn't someone else's call she was expecting. He couldn't think of anything to say. "Hey... it's me, Nathan" was the best he could murmur and it sounded lame even to him. "Hope I didn't wake you." He added feeling he should say something more.

It was funny how she could still affect him so, even after all these years. And that too simply over the phone. He wished he was with her right then... that they were having this conversation face to face and not over the phone like this. He wished he could look into her eyes, in the hope that it might give him at least an inkling of what she was feeling. He knew there was so much he wanted to ask her... to tell her... but he knew he wouldn't. So much that he couldn't.

There had been a time when they could tell each other just about anything... or nothing at all, when there was no need for words. It was uncanny how tuned in to each other they used to be. She had a way of knowing just what he was thinking and what he needed, and would so often do stuff for him when he least expected it. And it wasn't something she had to think about for hours on end either, it was like a simple reaction... so natural that she should know exactly what to say and when. And he knew that he missed that intimacy in his life. In fact, it was one of the reasons their separation had hit so hard. She had become so much a part of his life, his being, that without her he'd felt empty... incomplete. He almost laughed at how corny that sounded, but it was true.

She had truly been the other half of his soul.
 
Desiree rolled around in her bed, the split second between her reply and his introduction lasting an eternity. When he spoke, she didnâ??t need him to tell him who he was â?? she would have recognized that voice anywhere, a weight lifted off her shoulders, or at least partially. She had to struggle to avoid exhaling in relief when she found out that it wasnâ??t James, switching phones in attempts to reach her. Deciding that she was being unfair to him, she told herself that she would text him later on, tell him good night and add a corny line. That generally made him forget about everything.

â??Nathan,â? she repeated, the smile on her face audible. â??Hey, no, donâ??t worry,â? she shook her head as though he would see it, almost stumbling over her words like a schoolgirl. The truth was she felt like one. Her heart was beating wildly as she tried to figure out why he was calling at such a late hour. She worried that he realized that they were making a mistake, going far beyond the boundaries of what they should have been to venture past the thin line separating their past from their present. Things were different now, she understood him. The mere thought of his call being about it caused her heart to freeze in her chest, an uncomfortable aching forming in her throat.

â??I was about to go to sleep, Pogo was getting tired,â? she explained in her sweet voice, rolling onto her stomach, her legs bouncing back and forth as she played with her hair. She was almost certain he knew what looked like at that point, a thought that almost made her chuckle. They were both acting in such a ridiculous way. â??But Iâ??m glad you called,â? she continued, dragging her teeth over her lower lip, her hand sliding onto her dogâ??s head to mess up its fur.

â??Soâ?¦How are you?â? She wondered, too terrified of the reason for which he was calling to ask anything more meaningful.
 
She sounded happy, he could almost see her smiling. And he couldn't help feel a little delighted himself. He was mentally kicking himself for not having called her sooner. "I'm actually doing pretty well..." and the more he thought about it, he realized that it was the honest to goodness truth. "...much better than I've been in a while." He wasn't sure why he added that. It was true. Not that he was about to open up to her with his sob story, but he just wanted her to know that he had missed her.

He was surprised that all that nervous tension he was feeling right up until he heard her voice over the line, had simply vanished in a heart beat. He added with a little chuckle, "I guess what I'm trying to say is... I'm really happy we met again." From all the shuffling and rustling he heard, he assumed she was in bed already. He could almost see her right now... curled up in bed, probably in her PJs... playing with her hair. It was one of those little things about her, that he had loved. And when he saw her do it at the deli this afternoon, he couldn't help smiling. Just as he was now. It always made him want to reach out and touch her.. to hook the errant strand behind her ear.

"You know.. it sounds like you are in bed already" Even though she'd said she was glad he had called, he wondered if she was merely being polite. But she sounded genuinely happy and it was a feeling that was rubbing off on him. "I really hope this isn't a bad time... wouldn't want Pogo to feel jealous now!" He was grinning and it certainly carried through in his voice as well. Of course, a part of his grin was also thanks to the fact that he felt a little jealous of Pogo. And it had nearly made him laugh when he realized he was actually envying her dog! But it wouldn't be unpleasant to be in bed with her, he was thinking as his grin just got sillier by the second. Suddenly, he remembered she knew him well enough to probably realize something of his thoughts from that grin. For a moment he was mortified... but that soon passed. It seemed his mood was enchanted and right now, nothing was going to dampen it.
 
Desiree felt her heart skip a beat when he told her that he missed her. It was more than enough for her eyes to fill with tears â?? most likely a side effect of her crying session following Cinderella. He missed herâ?¦She could hear the hurt in his voice, the scars that had yet to shut completely. The realization of how much she hurt him hit her then. She destroyed something so perfect that it was frightening and unreal. Stories like theirs only happened in movies. She sniffled despite herself, clearing her throat. â??Iâ??m really happy we met as well,â? she whispered in relief, flashing a smile at her dog. â??Iâ??m sorry, I just watched Cinderella,â? she laughed apologetically as she realized that he could hear the change in her voice.

â??I havenâ??t grown up at all,â? she chuckled, rolling around once again to stare at the ceiling. She wished he was there next to her instead of being so far away. His voice, however, was more than what she has had for years and she would never take it for granted. â??Pogo will just have to deal with it, you were there before him,â? she chuckled, her laughter abruptly ending when she realized what she said, a blush coming over her face. â??What I mean to say is I donâ??t want you to hang up yet. And Iâ??m pretty sure that youâ??re nowhere near your bed now,â? she teased, reminiscing on the days when she would try to drag him to sleep and he would sneak out of bed and stay up. She knew that he was thinking about such things as well â?? she could feel him grin on the other end of the line.

â??Hey, Nathan?â? She murmured softly, the same love and affection as years earlier apparent in her voice. For some reason, just as she had when she was living with her parents, she felt a need to whisper. It was ridiculous to keep on sneaking around and hiding at their age, yet it really was what they were doing â?? she was hoping James would never find out and did her best to avoid him. â??Can you come over tomorrow, if you finish early? I have therapy in the morning, but then Iâ??m freeâ?¦And I know that itâ??s weird, but I really want to see you,â? she whispered, leaning up against her dog as she waited for the answer, almost able to hear the static on the line.
 
He smiled thinking of her watching cartoons with Pogo. He knew better than to think that little quiver in her voice was for the stepmother's cruelty. He realized she probably knew something of what he'd gone through, and so thought it best not to bring it up again and to quickly change the topic. He laughed at her comment that he'd been in her bed before Pogo had and couldn't help but say, "Well.. Hope he doesn't do everything I would"

"And you are right... I'm not.. don't have you to drag me to bed anymore" It was kind of a ritual with them. He'd get lost every now and then, watching the telly or reading a good book or even sometimes on the computer. And she would have to come and fetch him.. literally dragging him to bed. Now that he thought about it, he couldn't imagine how he'd been able to stay away from the bed at all. Right now, all he could think of was, how much he'd like to be in bed with her.

When she invited him over the next day he took a moment to think about it... "Tomorrow?" he said. "You know.. that's too long.. how about I come over tonight?" he grinned, and then added more seriously, "Yes... you know I will. I want to see you just as much and it's driving me crazy. I couldn't imagine having to wait another day just to see you."

So, therapy. That's why she wouldn't be at school tomorrow. When she'd told him she had something to do, he had wanted to ask her. But had not wanted to seem too nosey. While he felt a little bad being reminded of the accident, he couldn't help feel happy that she seemed to want to see him just as much as he wanted to see her. And this was great... finish early? Hell, he'd take the day off if it meant he could be with her. "So when do you want me to come over? I don't think I have any classes in the afternoon tomorrow."
 
Desiree laughed softly at Nathanâ??s words although she could feel a blush heat up her cheeks. Inevitably the memories of the two of them sprung back, almost causing her to suck in a breath. â??Mhm, you should really start thinking about getting into a stricter schedule Nate, weâ??re getting old,â? she replied with a playful chuckle, her voice low and sultry through their conversation.

â??Oh how I would have loved that, but you know my sleeping habits,â? she giggled at his comment, although the first part of her response sounded dead serious because truly thatâ??s what it was. â??Good,â? she added to his words about his inability to wait another day to see her. The realization that they were flirting, acting as though the few years of their separation was inexistent was at thrilling and awful. Instead of sneaking out in the evenings to avoid her mother finding out she was with him virtually all the time, she was sneaking behind Jamesâ?? back to play Romeo and Juliet with her ex.

â??I donâ??t knowâ?¦,â? she replied slowly, thinking. â??I should be home around noon, and we could just order something because Iâ??ll cook Saturday, if thatâ??s still on. Soâ?¦Come by any time after one,â? she nodded to the phone, trying to stifle a lazy yawn. It was almost an entente that something would happen the next day. Their conversation was already far beyond the line, and the sexual connotations in some of their words was making it hard for her not to jump into her car and drive over to his place.

No, it would take an incredible amount of self-control but she would resist doing anything. â??I better go,â? she sighed reluctantly, decided that things went too far as it was. â??Goodnight Nate,â? she whispered and pressed the off button, quickly texting her fiancé to apologize for having ignored his calls, giving him a perfectly viable excuse.

The following day was a prelude to Nathanâ??s arrival. Through the morning she worked harder than ever, ignoring the overwhelming pain and acting as though everything was fine. Youâ??re making incredible progress, her doctor told her. Soon youâ??ll be able to dance, Iâ??m sureâ?¦Not as well as before, but dance is dance, right? She half agreed with the man and left the hospital with a smile on her face for the first time since the beginning of therapy.

Upon return, she called a local restaurant to order things she knew Nathan liked and gave them an hour at which to deliver them â?? namely one thirty, since she figured that Nathan wouldnâ??t be late. He generally was very punctual when it came to their dates. The time between noon and one was a torture. Running around and trying not to stumble, she quickly took a shower, letting her hair fall about in messed up waves, giving her the air of a lion.

The weather was fairly warm, so she ended up wearing a simple white dress covered in polka dots with a square cut and thin straps on her shoulders that reached her knees, the skirt of it looking like the one Marilyn Monroe favored. She studied herself in the mirror, flashing the reflection a smile. She looked wonderful â?? somewhat like a girl waiting for her fiancé to come back from the war. Beautiful yet not revealing, something she hoped would reduce the tension.

At that, she took a seat in a small swinging couch on the porch, her dogâ??s head rested on her lap, her fingers absently running through its fur as she studied the sea and the road, hardly able to wait for Jonathanâ??s arrival.
 
Discipline was a concept so totally alien to him that sleeping on time was just out of the question. But no sooner had she hung up, he'd jumped out of his couch and headed to bed. He'd long ago come to the conclusion that the reason he (and probably most people) stayed up as late as he did, was simply because they were reluctant to let go of 'today' and wasn't really looking forward to 'tomorrow'. But tonight, he couldn't wait for the day to end. Couldn't wait for tomorrow. Couldn't wait to see her again.

Of course, going to bed and falling asleep were two entirely different things. Every time he closed his eyes, he would see her again... both of them. He tried to imagine what the morrow would bring. Judging by their conversation, the sexual tension between them was palpable. No matter how hard he tried to keep things cordial between them, at the sight of her and the sound of her voice, he was helplessly transported back to when they were together. And it simply felt so right.

But he knew he didn't want her to do anything she'd later regret. So he vowed to try and keep things... as responsible as he could! It wouldnâ??t be easy, because there was nothing heâ??d like more that to crush her to his chest and kiss her like he used to the moment he saw her. He shook his head trying to force that image out before, his mind raced ahead. This wasnâ??t going to be easy. Finally though, he managed to drift off into sleep and his dreams took him to a time when things were not so complicated between them.

He had slept fitfully and woke up way too early. He was simply too excited with the prospect of seeing her and spending some time alone with herâ?¦ catching upâ?¦ that there was no way he could sleep anymore. He had some time to kill, so he decided to do a little swimming along with his customary jog, hoping the water would help cool him down some. But he didnâ??t expect it to work.

It didnâ??t take him very long though to realize that there was something very wrong with the day. Time just seemed to crawl. It was uncanny... his classes seemed inordinately long and very minute took an hour to pass. It was unbelievable that no one else seemed to notice anything. Throughout the day his eyes drifted to every clock, watch and shadow he passed. It was a titanic struggle just to keep his mind on the subject at hand. But eventually, the morning turned to noon and he was done for the day. And not a moment too soon.

He rushed home for a quick shower and a change before he headed over to her place. Pulling on a simple pair of khaki trousers and a white linen shirt, he hopped into his car and drove out to her place. He stopped along the way to pick up a bouquet of her favorite flowers and little chewy toy for Pogo.

He had never been to her place before, so he slowed down as he drove past the houses along the waterfront, looking out for her number. He didnâ??t have to thoughâ?¦ even as he approached the house he saw her sitting on the porch looking like a dream. The sight almost took his breath away and he felt an odd catch in this chest. Her dress, the swing, the porchâ?¦ it felt like time had rewound. He remembered her say last night that they were growing old. Old? For a moment he wondered if his mind was playing tricks with him, she looked exactly like she did so long ago on that dance floor.

It took him a while to realize he had stopped the car and was just staring at her. With a sheepish grin, he pulled in and parked in front of her house and got out. Never once taking his eyes from her face, he slowly walked up to her. â??You lookâ?¦ beautifulâ? he said as he offered the flowers to her and slowly managed a smile.
 
Desireeâ??s house was one of the long row, a large modern place, mainly made out of glass and white stone. Other than the porch, the house was extremely modern looking. The living room was partially visible from the large glass windows, although a fraction of those was shielded by white linen curtains. The living room was mostly decorated with dark stone, the walls almost looking as though they were made out of bricks. On the far end stood a fireplace, the floors matching the walls in a dark shade. Through the darkness burst bits of lighter colors. A cream leather couch stood next to a large white carpet on which stood a glass coffee table, two armchairs standing beside it. The kitchen was separated from the living room by a bar, red stools visible from the window. Other than that, the houseâ??s contents were unknown.

The woman hoped he would like it, almost as though he was to move in. She caught herself thinking it and quickly dismissed the thoughts, yet they kept on creeping through anyway. Refusing to be disturbed in her peaceful little world that day, she turned off the sound on her cellphone and simply unplugged her phone. The only person to interfere with them that day would be the delivery man in around a half an hour following her ex-husbandâ??s arrival. The day would be perfect, she decided. The beach, a dog, her empty house â?? it all felt as though they were starting over only not at the first case.

She nervously wondered whether this time things would end up different. No longer a teenage girl, she knew what he wanted, yet somehow it didnâ??t make things any easier. Probably because the teenage girl knew what she wanted while the woman had no idea. She wanted him, she didnâ??t want to make a mistake, she was terrified. The thought alone of losing him again, of messing up but for good this time was frightening, especially after she witnessed how very much alive their feelings still were.

Being with him seemed as natural to her as breathing. Why was she complicating things? Suddenly, she was torn out of her thoughts when a car approached. Had it been hours? It certainly felt like it. Sitting up, she watched Nate step out of the car. Even their clothes matched, she noticed, almost chuckling at the thought. Nonetheless, her chuckled was quickly stifled and she simply watched him with a small smile. His stare brought a light blush to her fair skin. He looked the way he had the night they met â?? there was that same emotion in his eyes.

Her heart pace instantly accelerated, her heart leaping happily. Pogo was the only one to not lose any time. Instantly darting to his feet, he eyed the intruder with suspicion before happily parading over to lick his hand, following the man to Desireeâ??s side.

Desiree meanwhile stood up, tilting her head slightly to watch Jonathan for a few more moments before speaking. â??Thank you,â? she whispered her voice on the verge of breaking as she took the flowers from him. He still remembers, she realized, studying the beautiful white lilies in her hand. â??Oh wow, they are beautiful,â? she murmured, fighting the urge to kiss him with all her might. Just as she decided that she won, she realized that she leaned in slightly, her body mere inches from his.

Clearing her throat, she stepped back, trying to ease the tension. â??This is my Pogo,â? she nudged the dog with a smile. â??And surprisingly enough he likes you,â? she laughed softly, watching the puppy wag its tail. â??Come on in,â? she motioned and took his hand, leading him into her house, straight into the living room. With the curtains out of the way, several awards graced the walls, as well as a large poster of Desiree dancing and a few pictures scattered about, a painful reminder of the past.

â??Would you like to drink something?â? she wondered, turning around to face him instead of releasing his hand, once again finding herself almost pressed up against him.
 
He could barely take his eyes off her. Fortunately, the dog came bounding up to him right then and would not be ignored. With a grin he pulled out the little toy he'd brought for Pogo and offered it to the dog. That seemed to go down well with the pup from the way his tail was wagging. He scratched the young lab behind its ears and patted his neck a few times before straightening back up to Desiree. "Yes... i remembered these used to be your favorites" and then seeing how happy she was, realized they still were.

She looked breathtakingly beautiful. That and the overwhelming desire to pull her into a crushing embrace was addling his senses. Right then all he could think of was how much he still loved her and how much he would like to kiss her. Perhaps, it was that thought that made it impossible for him to believe that she'd leaned in when she did. He figured his mind was playing tricks with him. But then she straightened and he realized the moment had passed. He was mentally kicking himself. His own resolve to keep things uncomplicated between them was so totally forgotten.

"Hello Pogo" he said as he held out his hand to the dog.. and grinned as Pogo raised one heavy paw and patted his palm with it. "Smart dog" he smiled as he turned back to her. If only he'd been half as smart he thought to himself, as his eyes strayed to her lips. But she took his hands and started to lead him into the house. It was a beautiful place, but then she'd always had good taste. Having seen the porch, this wasn't quite the interior he was expecting. He looked around with an appreciative smile. The play of light and dark shades was well balanced. And the furniture too, looked like they were chosen for comfort as well as looks. He looked around noting all the portraits and pictured that adorned the place, bitter reminders of her dancing days. He knew it wouldn't have been easy for her to be seeing them everywhere all the time. But then again, maybe they inspired her every day... to fight the pain and stick to the therapy.

He took a moment to just look around and take in her home. When he turned around and saw her again, he thought he saw an anxious look in her eyeâ?¦ almost as if she wondered if he approved of the place. And of course he did, for a moment he couldnâ??t help picturing them living here together once again. He quickly pushed that thought out of his mind and with a smile just mouthed, â??Wowâ?.

When she asked him about the drink, he suddenly became aware of their physical proximity. It was sending his pulse racingâ?¦ oh he could drinkâ?¦ drink in the sight of her. His eyes roamed every inch of her face. The curve of her eyebrows, the depths of her eyes, the fall of her hair, every line of her face. Last but not least he came to her full lips and he couldnâ??t help wanting to kiss them again. They were so close, still holding hands, and he looked down now into her eyes. He squeezed her hand ever so lightly as he stared at herâ?¦ his body leaning in of its own accord.

Their faces were mere inches from each otherâ?¦ when he quickly pulled himself away struggling to gain a modicum of control over himself. Noâ?¦ this was exactly the sort of thing he had promised himself he would do his best to avoid. And here he was, trying to kiss her even before theyâ??d crossed the threshold into her house. â??A little wine perhaps, but only if youâ??ll have some yourselfâ? he said, forcing a smile and doing his best to ease the tension between them.

But even soâ?¦ she still held on to his hand. And neither was he about to let go.
 
Desiree smiled happily, almost like a child on a Christmas morning when Jonathan approved of her house. She never cared about what people thought of her or the things surrounding her, always living in her own way. Some of the things she did were ridiculous, she had the weirdest of quirks, and many didnâ??t understand her. Nathan, meanwhile, accepted and embraced them and he was the only person whose approval she sought to get. At times, when he disliked something, she would subtly get rid of the thing later on. The secrecy in that was a way to defend her pride and avoid showing him just how much she cared about things he said. Of course he probably realized it over the years, yet she chose to believe that he never had.

One of her quirks, an awful habit, was to hide things around. She had secret compartments in her furniture, and would hide things in them only to forget where she hid what. The forgetting part, oddly enough, was the very purpose of hiding. That way, when she would be looking for mundane object, she would suddenly stumble upon a lost memory by opening one of her secret places. The only secret place she would never forget was the one where the ring he gave her was. She never had the heart to get rid of it and kept it in a secret place that was hardly secret. It was in that very room, in a small riddle box on the coffee table. He could probably figure it out â?? she used the same code she used to when they had been together, but James thankfully never got around to it, simply thinking that it was a decoration. Otherwise, their old pictures were scattered about the house, as well as pictures of her idols and herself on stage.

Lost in those thoughts, she suddenly felt her hand being squeezed and looked up to see Jonathan leaning in. She felt her body respond, closing the distance by another inch or two, and their lips almost touchingâ?¦when, to her loud heartbeat, she saw Nate pulling away. For a moment, there was a sense of disappointment in her eyes, for not letting her taste him once again, yet it was quickly replaced by gratitude. She knew that it was hard for him, it was as hard for her, yet that kiss could have been the beginning of a downward slope. A part of her thought that it was completely worth it despite her attempts to convince herself otherwise.

â??Alright, Iâ??ll have some,â? she smiled warmly, once again thankful to Nate for making things easier. She rarely drank alcohol, yet the occasion seemed perfect for it. â??I...Iâ??ll go put the flowers in a vase and bring the wine,â? she offered, still hesitant. She didnâ??t want to lose the warmth of his hand just yet. â??Soâ?¦Take a seat, make yourself comfortable,â? she smiled and finally released his hand and quickly turned away, disappearing down a hallway. The kitchen was visible from the living room since it was only separated by the bar stand, yet she needed a vase first. Returning moments later with the vase, she struggled not to look at him while she set the flowers onto the bar counter and turned away to fill up their glasses with wine.

A few minutes later, she returned to the living room, offering him a smile and the glass. â??There you go,â? she motioned, patting the dogâ??s head and sitting down on the couch. â??Soâ?¦â? She started, studying the beautiful lines of his face. He looked wonderful, almost as though he rejuvenated over the past night. â??How was your day?â? She wondered, flashing him a smile. It seemed like the easiest thing to ask considering the tension between them. Already she had a hard time not leaning up against the man beside her.
 
He could tell she was happy that he liked her place. A little smile touched his lips at that... of course it was beautiful, but she was never the sort to be bothered about what people thought so he was surprised. He remembered her asking his opinion of things after she'd bought something or done something. It wasn't like she always made it a point to ask him before. She had always been her own person and very sure of herself and what she wanted. It was one of the things he admired about her. Well, it didn't hurt that she had impeccable taste. He couldn't help think about the old days... and he seemed to be doing a lot of reminiscing of late.

He shrugged and let the thought go. Especially when she broke the contact between them. Just something as simple as letting go of her hand seemed to instill in him a sense of loss, as if he felt diminished somehow. He knew this wasn't healthy. He had to get a grip. When she offered him a seat and turned to go find that vase, he couldn't help his eyes as they followed her. What was that old dialogue he'd heard somewhere, 'Hate to see you go, but love to watch you leave'. He so understood what the writer had meant just then... as his eyes roamed a little as she walked away. Under other circumstances and maybe if it were another person he'd have been embarrassed by his behaviour, but with her he never did. Maybe that was 'cos he had never stopped thinking of her as his wife.

His hand slowly crept up to where he usually wore their wedding ring. He'd thought it prudent to leave it behind today. After all, why make things even more awkward between them. Plus, he knew that if talk of it came up and she hadn't kept his ring the least of his worries would be his own embarrassment. He sat down and found his initial impression of the couch was indeed right. It was brilliantly comfortable. He let himself just sink down into the plush cushion and the obviously expensive leather of it felt just great. He almost sighed audibly as the cushions molded itself against his back.

He was still smiling when he noticed the familiar little riddle box on the coffee table. He wondered if she still used the same old code. She always kept her most special knick knacks in there. He lifted it up and shook it slightly and realized there was something in there. He felt the sudden urge to look inside, but didn't think it was the most appropriate thing to do. It was surely an invasion of her privacy and definitely not the sort of thing you did on your first visit to someone's home. But while he was still debating whether or not to open the box and look inside, he'd absently fiddled with the riddle and before he knew it a tell-tale click told him, that whatever his reservations about it, he'd already opened the box. With a little shrug and a not too displeased expression he lifted the lid a little at a time and took a peek inside.

On seeing the contents, his breath caught and he suddenly felt like the proverbial deer in the headlights. He quickly scanned the room to see if she'd noticed him, shut the box and put it back on the table like it were burning coal. His pulse was racing. He wondered if it meant anything, that she would keep their ring and keep it, albeit well-hidden, in so prominent a place in the room. Then he remembered her habit of forgetting where she would hide what and realized that it was very possible she didn't even remember it was there. But he couldn't help the surge of hope that welled inside him on seeing the ring. Just the thought that she too had kept it... and close... maybe there was still a chance for them? Arrgh.. this was just the sort of thing he knew wasn't going to help his cause.

He was still lost in his thoughts when she returned with the vase and having put the flowers opened out a bottle of wine and poured them both some. He took one glass from her and stared into the murky depths of the drink as she sat down next to him. He forced a smile, one that got easier with every second he sat so close to her, "Terrible! It felt like time was dragging his feet just to spite me!" he said, trying in his own way to tell her how much he had been looking forward to seeing her again. "But other than that, it was pretty much the usual" he shrugged with a smile. Then he turned a little more serious and his voice sounded a little concerned as he asked, "How was you morning session... eh.. does it hurt?". He wasn't sure how comfortable she was talking about the accident, so he hoped he wasn't making her uncomfortable.
 
Desiree stole a glance at the table nervously, almost like a naughty child wondering if his mischief was discovered. For a moment, her breath caught at the back of her throat. She thought that the box had been moved, yet quickly dismissed the thought. She was simply paranoid that he would come to discover it and think that she was crazy to keep it so close. The things kept in such boxes were always ones she valued most, and considering the emplacement of the little thing this one was the most valued of her possessions. She kept it there because she often opened the box and even tried on the ring to make sure that it still fit. Although over the years it grew somewhat loose, the thing still looked wonderful on her.

When he spoke, she slowly looked up at him, a glance that was almost tentative and hesitant, offering him a smile. Her teeth slowly dragged along her lower lip as she considered his words. It had been a slow afternoon. The girl couldnâ??t help but feel her heart pace accelerate when she realized he really meant that he wanted to see her. She too could feel her sanity slipping as she considered the possibilities. There was no way the two could get married again after they divorced, things like that never happened.

It was one thing to play out a forbidden romance and a completely different one to get used to each otherâ??s quirks all over again, to adapt to the otherâ??s lifestyle, to completely erase the guilt and the blameâ?¦There were so many things that were making it quasi impossible for the couple to make it once again.

But on the other hand, if something was to ever happenâ?¦She felt a shiver run down her spine from the mere thought. They could go back to their perfect little world since now she couldnâ??t dance anymore and he found himself a good, steady job and nothing was there other than their past to influence the future. She could finally be in his arms again, feel his strong body on top of hers, do all the things she dreamt of doing again for years. Lost in a daze, Desiree was brought back to reality by his question, quickly shaking her head to lose the odd, almost aroused and extremely sensual expression that graced her face while she openly stared at him.

â??Yeah, kind of,â? she smiled sheepishly, shrugging. She didnâ??t particularly enjoy talking about the accident or the events that led up to it, it was a stupid accident, yet a part of her was for some reason convinced that if she shared things with him the pain would fade away or at least numb. â??But itâ??s getting better,â? she nodded happily. â??Of course the ballet is over for me, but contemporary and hip hop can still work out. I hope,â? she chuckled, shrugging. â??Itâ??s alright though, maybe its best that way. I loved my work, but maybe itâ??s best to retire when Iâ??m at my best, before the new generation finds someone to out dance me,â? she giggled. â??What Iâ??m saying isâ?¦The accident hurt and all, but Iâ??m happy it happened in a way,â? she stated, looking up at him with a meaningful air.

What she really meant was that without the accident, she would never have realized who the man she was about to marry was. She would never have accepted a teaching position, she would have continued dancing until she just became overrated and steadily faded away. She preferred to burn out in one shot. And of course she would never had met him again which, although extremely difficult was also the best thing she could ask for.

Shifting slightly to move closer to him, she turned to be able to face the man, sipping at her wine. â??I ordered some food, it should get here soon,â? she smiled, figuring that he would be hungry and looking for an excuse to just stay there, sitting next to him instead of walking around on the beach. Leaning forward, she rested her chin on his shoulder where his arm joined it, her head pressed against the back of the couch. â??Iâ??m so happy youâ??re here,â? she stated earnestly, her bright gaze trailing over his. The two almost-kisses earlier made it so hard for her to control herself.

She wasnâ??t used to being polite and detached with him. For almost as long as she knew him she was allowed to touch him and kiss him as she pleased. Now she was supposed to keep a distance yet she had no idea why or how to do it. Affection toward him felt as natural to her as oxygen. â??So tell me about those years I havenâ??t seen you,â? she whispered, eager to find out everything to fill in the large blanks.
 
He couldn't get the ring out of his mind. He kept searching for rational explanations as to why she would have it.. and that too in that particular box and right there. He wondered for a moment whether she had wanted him to find it. Considering she knew very well, that he knew how to solve the riddle box, that was one possibility. But if that were the case, what did she want or expect? Was she trying to tell him something? But his initial argument reasserted itself. She very likely did not remember it was there and so hadn't thought of moving it. He was almost certain it wasn't just so he could find it.

He knew her better than that. If she wanted him to see the ring, she'd have been wearing it. Or at the very least, she would have shown it to him. She wasn't the type of person to put it there on purpose for him to find... that wasn't how she was wired. That was simply a little too convoluted for her. And he realized that the bigger question was why she'd really kept it, at all? It wasn't a very valuable ring. But why in that riddle box. He wondered if it were for the same reasons he kept his ring so close to his heart all the time. Did she, like him, harbor a secret hope that things could ever be the same? Could they make it work one more time? He knew he wanted it. And he wondered if he wasn't trying to read too much into the presence of the ring, for just that reason. Because he wanted so much for it to be true. He tried to shrug the thought away and concentrate more on what she was saying.

He was even more concerned when she admitted that the therapy and her leg still hurt. But she tried to shrug it off as if it were nothing. He knew better than to press the subject, 'cos it was obvious she preferred to avoid talking about it. He respected that, although he wished she would talk to him. Sometimes talking about it eased your hurt. And he knew it was more than just her leg that had been broken in that accident. And it hurt him knowing how integral a part of her, dancing had been and how much she would miss it. Better this way? He could hear her explain her reasoning but it sounded a little too contrived. He knew her better than that. But what really shook him up was when she said she was happy it happened. Again that statement send his heart racing in all sorts of directions.

In a way, even he was happy about it, 'cos they wouldn't both be here.. right now.. on this couch.. so close to each other, if it hadn't been for that accident. But he knew that was a selfish point of view. But to think that was why she was happy about it too, would be pushing it. A case of hearing what you want to hear. But the look she gave him was a little too suggestive of the same thing. He smiled although it didn't touch his eyes and he was sure she'd notice it.

When she moved closer to him and turned to face him, he felt this insane urge to put an arm around her. It was a struggle not to. "Good thing too.. I'm famished" he smiled... also he was glad that meant she wouldn't have to leave his side to get the table ready or anything. That simple thought really made him happy. When she moved forward and placed her chin on his shoulder, he too tilted his head until their heads were gently touching each other... and before he even thought about it, his arm was bending raising his hand to gently caress her cheeks. Suddenly, their faces were so close to each other.. he could feel her breath on his cheeks.

She was asking him something.. something about all those years.. but he barely heard her. Somewhere at the back of his mind there was an irritating sensation that seemed to, in some manner, remind him of alarms... he couldn't quite place it. All he could see, were her lips.... all he could feel was her breath on his cheek... all he could do... was tilt his face a little more, brushing his lips against her's so gently it wouldn't even qualify for a kiss. His head was buzzing.... her lips were so soft... so full... that he couldn't help himself as he gently kissed her again...
 
In a matter of seconds everything changed. From two coworkers, ex-spouses, perhaps even friends they went back into what used to be so normal yet felt like a forbidden fruit at that point. When he turned his head toward her and their foreheads touched she knew what would come if she was to remain motionless. His hand sliding up to her cheek in a gentle caress was a yellow light, the final warning before it went green. Still, she didnâ??t move, hypnotized by his eyes and his touch. It was still as soft as ever, causing her to lightly lean in against his palm.

The lack of response to her question was fairly evident and she didnâ??t question it, instead bracing herself for the inevitable. The tension turned the air around them static for the few moments before his lips grazed hers ever so slightly. Although it was hardly a kiss it was enough to bring color to her cheeks and shorten her breath. It was a sensation both extremely familiar and foreign. Jamesâ?? kisses could never begin to compare with what even the slightest touch on his behalf made her feel.

James. The word rolled through her mind, reminding her that she was engaged, that she was wearing someone elseâ??s ring on her finger. She had to stop before things between her and Nate turned into an affair â?? there was no way from an affair to marriage. Or was there? Their case was so messed up, so strange and fairy tale like that she was at a complete loss of words or actions.

Left with nothing else to do, she shifted slightly to press her soft body against the side of his arm as he leaned in for another kiss. Her eyelids slowly fluttered shut in acceptance toward their actions, her hand slowly sliding up to rest on his chest. It was flat against him, almost as though she was still hesitating whether she wanted to push him away or not.

Her lips meanwhile were an entire different story. A low pleased sigh escaped her lips as she responded to the kiss. There was nothing pressing, frustrated or even heated about it. It felt like their first kiss, when they simply explored, tentative and innocent. Her lips responded to his in a slow, sensual manner while she indulged in the overwhelming pleasure of being with him again. His taste was addictive, making her woozy and she was certain that if they were to stand her knees would have been too weak for her to keep straight.

It was easily one of the most tantalizing kisses she has ever experienced. While on one hand it lacked the complete surprise their kiss had, it held the affection and love no words could ever transmit. Her hand finally slid up the side of his neck, her slender fingers slowly intertwining with the threads of his hair. A soft whimper came from her throat, vibrating against his lips.

Desiree was on the seventh cloud. She wanted so badly to take him to her bedroom and continue the exploration of a known territory, see if they were still capable to make the other scream out and writhe in pleasure. Nonetheless, as all good things the kiss had to come to an end. Her dogâ??s soft whimper was one of the things that tore the woman out of her daze and causing her eyes to slowly part as she reluctantly pulled away.

Even though she returned to reality, she didnâ??t move too far away, her lips still mere inches from his ones, her eyes studying his face with a surprised air. Complete silence reigned for what felt like an eternity but really was a minute or so as Desiree struggled to find something to say. She was afraid to ruin the magic with the wrong words.

Her hand softly caressed his neck before moving away and dropping onto his knee somewhat as a form of support. Shifting aside she set her glass onto the table and returned to her previous position, the brief distraction clearly not of much help in her quest for the right words. Finally, she decided to settle for a single word. â??Nate,â? she uttered slowly in a confused, quiet voice, dragging out the word, hopeful that he would take the relay and fill in the sentence, tell her what to think. A pained expression flashes through her face yet quickly vanished once again. Oh how she wished they had drunk more, alcohol was such a wonderful tool. They could have just blamed it on it. Instead, they were completely sober and in a fairly awkward situation.
 
It wasn't a passionate kiss. It wasn't hurried or intrusive or even stolen. It was a kiss that rose from the depth of his feelings for her. It was tender and loving and soft. And it wasn't something he'd planned on doing. It was simply natural. He'd been fighting, struggling with himself not to let something like this happen. But it was a battle doomed to fail from the moment they'd run into each other again. If he'd been full of apprehensions about something like this before, the moment their lips had met, all his fears had vanished. The clouds had parted and the sun shown through. Everything was so clear, his nerves were tingling from the contact and he felt more alive and content than he had in a long time.

He knew he should be feeling remorse or guilt. She was promised to be married to another man. The ring she wore testament to it. And yet, none of that mattered right then. It all felt so natural and so right. When she did not flinch or pull awayâ?¦ he felt her hand on his chest, but there was no pressureâ?¦ she wasnâ??t pushing him away. He knew she felt it too. Right then, he could walk away a happy man just knowing that she loved him still. He felt her fingers curl in his hair. He felt her body press against his armâ?¦ and felt her moan into his lips.

When finally she broke away, at the sound of Pogo whimpering, he opened his eyes and looked at her. They didnâ??t say a word for a while. Neither knowing where this was going, nor sure if they really didnâ??t want it to go there. He felt her hand caress his neck, before she turned to put the glass away. Even so, she remained seated as close to him as ever. He slowly turned to face her while his hand rose to her cheek and cupped her face longingly. His thumb caressed her cheek gently.

Just one word escaped her lips and it spoke volumes. He knew she wanted him to decide for the both of them. He knew that if he pushed now, theyâ??d probably end up naked in each otherâ??s arms before long. â??Iâ??ve wanted to do that for a long time.â? He whispered to her, his hand still on her face. He too set aside his glass of wine and said, â??Pretty potent stuff huh?â? trying to lighten the mood between them. When he straightened again, he took her hand in his.

â??These last few yearsâ?¦ all Iâ??ve been doing reallyâ?¦ is trying to forget you.â? He looked down then at her hand. â??I wasnâ??t very successful... as you can see.â? He covered her hand with his. â??You really donâ??t want to know all the gory detailsâ? He realized he didnâ??t mind discussing it with her anymore, although he still didnâ??t want to tell her everything that had happened. But unlike her, he wasnâ??t feeling awkward at all about what had happened. Perhaps, that was weirdâ?¦ he didnâ??t know.

Just then the door bell rang announcing that their lunch had arrived.
 
Desiree smiled at her ex-husbandâ??s words, the smile breaking into a soft chuckle at his comment. â??Yes, pretty damn potent,â? she nodded, leaning back slightly when he straightened. Her thumb brushed against his hand as he held on to hers and she listened without attempting to stop him or tell him that she was sorry. The thought that he spent those years trying to get over her was overwhelming. It was enough to make her feel guilty for the rest of her life, not precisely the most wonderful sensation around. She tried not to think about it, to come up with an answer, but concern was pasted over her face.

For a few months she could hardly sleep, used to his presence by her side. She tried to forget him, and while she obviously never succeeded either, she was able to stay distracted because she had something else that matters as much as him â?? at least thatâ??s what she thought for the first year or so. After that the pain became numb and she thought of him without realizing to what extent she valued him. Either way, things were extremely hard on her while she had it relatively easy. She dreaded to think what those years had been like for him.

â??Nate, Iâ??m so sorry,â? she whispered weakly, suddenly disrupted by the sound of the bell. She attempted an apologetic smile and stood up, quickly walking toward the door. Quickly paying for it, she brought it back in and set it up onto plates, leaving them on the counter between the kitchen and the living room where she assumed they would sit.

Returning to the couch, she studied him in silence for a brief while, not quite sure whether she was supposed to go back to the topic or simply act as though there was nothing wrong. â??If I could just undo those years, I would have,â? she murmured, fighting the temptation of leaning in and kissing him. Her hands meanwhile fought the temptation of removing the ring on her finger and calling off the wedding right there and then. Perhaps her fiancé hadnâ??t paid yet. At least the invitation werenâ??t sent out.

â??And the divorce, it was the biggest mistake Iâ??ve ever made,â? she continued, dragging her teeth over her lover lip nervously once again. Leaning in, she lightly kissed his cheek, brushing the tip of her nose against him lightly. â??But...I donâ??t know what now,â? she added, biting on the inside of her cheek. She spoke out of the assumption that both knew that the other was still very much in love, it being obvious from her tone.

â??I think we should go eat,â? she motioned and stood up, walking up to the counter to take a seat on the stool. She took a bite of a tortellini, for the first time in her life eating to compensate for the stress. She glanced back at him, trying to think up the right words, ones that would magically make everything perfect. Unable to come up with those once again, she sighed. â??What do you want to do about this?â? She wondered, as usual desperately needing his opinion. He had always been the stronger, wiser one in their couple after all.
 
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