[KylarStern & Tortoise] Dancing With Myself;;

[TortoiseShell]

Spotlight, scene, spectators; it had all felt so natural and peaceful. Desiree Dâ??Aether, a young dancer, quickly made it big in the world of show business and dance. A well-known figure in more serious styles such as ballet or classical dance, oftentimes able to receive the leading role, she oftentimes indulged in more light hearted things, playing in an occasional movie or music video, which brought her relative fame among the younger audience. The woman was by no means Angelina Jolie, yet when she mentioned her name most people with a hint of general culture or knowledge of the pop scene exclaimed that they knew who she was. All was well.

Although the girl went through a divorce with her first love that, despite being slightly older than her, was impossibly immature in many ways, and whose down to earth attitude she could hardly stand after a while, things quickly began looking up. Of course she missed him at times, yet as years flew by he became a faint memory. She became successful financially, and men had never been an issue for the young beauty. With the amount of time she spent working on her physical condition her age was usually estimated between twenty three and twenty six, few guessing that she was already thirty.

At some point, she even met a man â?? her manager, namely. He was arrogant, cold, yet those attributes of his were idealized by the young woman. She thought of him as a fairly spiritual person, perhaps even a snob, which at the time appealed to her. It appealed to her enough to accept the silver ring she bore on her finger, while waiting for a large, pompous ceremony that was their marriage. Just as things seemed to be at their best, however, everything went downhill.

In a chain of seemingly unrelated events, she was hit by a car. It was nothing serious â?? a few stitches and all was well. The doctors smiled at her, telling her that it would take mere months for her to walk as she did before. It wasnâ??t until a nurse pointed out whom she was that her physician took an apologetic air, informing her of her inability to ever perform in the same way. For a while, it was all tears. She refused to leave the large, expensive house, hardly doing anything other than her exercises. Things have changed in every way.

She couldnâ??t stand her future husband although tried to hide it, and realized how pathetic he truly was. His whining and complaining was getting to her â?? despite her being stuck up at times, she was a strong woman and despised any show of weakness. So, she took a hold of her life again. She had a college diploma, and paired with her immense experience she was invited to take a position at a prestigious university. She was a professor, a title that amused her immensely.

Taking all her courage in hand, she found herself making it through the first week. The first day was simply hectic. Her department â?? not only students but also staff, felt obliged to ask her for her autograph and to tell her that they were sorry about what happened. Truth to be told, the constant reminder did little other than hurt her even further. Thankfully the students were talented young people, even the few young men who forgot their place and attempted to hit on her.

Completely worn out, she left the building, having a huge gap between lectures and classes. Her office wasnâ??t set up yet, and the weather was far too bright to be hiding behind the four stuffy walls. She walked along the campus, taking in the sight of young people laughing, holding hands, singing. The campus itself was quite a sight â?? beautiful, old looking, it had a simplicity and grandeur that almost gave her shivers. Everything was so nostalgic. A soft sigh escaping her full lips, the dancer thought back to her ex-husband, suddenly wondering how he was.

A few whistles in her direction flattered her yet also tore her out of her thoughts. She flashed the painfully white smile at the young men and moved on. Age did her good. She was a beautiful creature before, yet with years came a certain maturity and an air of seduction and sensuality that followed her around. Her dark chestnut hair grew out, falling down to her waist in careful waves, framing her thin doll like face. The womanâ??s eyes were simply striking â?? large pair of almond shaped orbs was of a bright leaf shade, with hints of honey surrounding it as well as on the inside, the long thick eyelashes casting a slight shadow over them. Her skin was smooth and firm, lightly tanned yet not too dark, contrasting nicely with the pink plump lips. Desireeâ??s body complied with the standards for a dancer. Not too tall yet not small, she was extremely frail and delicate. Her legs were long and slim, waistline as tiny as a beeâ??s, stomach flat yet with a curve of abs, rear round and firm and her breasts were a full C cup, edging a D yet looked big in proportion with her body. She was dressed simply - a pair of tight washed out jeans, sneakers and a grey fitted t-shirt with the Great Britainâ??s flag on it. She had a blazer with her, yet left it at a new acquaintanceâ??s office along with her things. She didnâ??t need to go all out with her clothes â?? she wasnâ??t a neuroscience teacher after all.

A few bracelets hanging on her wrists, a small bag with her lunch in hand, a stack of papers containing the things she asked her students to write about themselves along with the course outlines she hadnâ??t distributed pressed to her chest. She hummed softly to herself, watching her reflection in one of the windows of a building standing nearby. The mirror made her walk look so casual and easyâ?¦Anyone who knew her, however, would have been able to tell that the cat-like fluidity of her movements was yet to be regained, and pain showed through the stoic mask she wore.

Looking away with a bitter expression, she turned the corner to head to a spot her colleague described as remote and quiet, when all of a sudden she entered into a collision with a strong form, the papers and her lunch bag falling about in a white rain. â??Iâ??m so sorry,â? she exclaimed in her smooth, seductive voice, kneeling to amass the papers that were just about everywhere. â??I wasnâ??t loo-,â? she started, looking up at the person simultaneously only to freeze midsentence as she saw who the person was.

 

[KylarStern]

The school bell rang long, announcing the end of class.

As the kids all began to gather up their books and bags in a frenzy his voice floated over the clamour trying to get their attention.

â??Remember assignments are due next weekâ?¦ and there just maybe an impromptu assessment testâ?¦ so be prepared.â?

A few groans of dismay and a couple of 'Yes Mr. Kimble's could be heard over the noise as they started to troop out of the room. Standing just shy of 6 ft, he didnâ??t look the typical academician. Pushing a few years over the big 3-0, he was still lean and muscular, but not overly so. His broad chest tapered down to a slim waist and the muscular legs of a runner. Unlike the rest of the male members of staff, his skin had the healthy glow of a man used to the outdoors. Laugh lines around the corners of his mouth stood out against an otherwise smooth face, suggesting a predilection to laugh at the slightest excuse. His sense of dressing, right now a faded blue shirt casually thrown over a white round-neck t and black jeans, was often frowned upon by the more traditional members of his ilk. He did however get a few eyeballs from the younger more feminine members of the faculty and occasionally, to his embarrassment, from those of the student body as well. He was smiling now as he gathered up his papers and stuffed them into the worn leather satchel that had become so much a part of his identity.

There was however a time, in the not so distant past, when that satchel held mostly old LP records from the 60â??s and 70â??s, stuff heâ??d dug up from the back rooms of old music stores, curio shops, antique dealers and on one occasion even an old pawn shop. He hadnâ??t always been the sandy haired, bespectacled and respectable professor, but it sometimes felt like it was a whole lifetime ago.

Ambition. That was what they said he lacked.

Even in high school, he was what youâ??d call a carefree soul. Whoever had come up with the words happy-go-lucky might well have been describing him. He was neither the nerd nor the jock, and yet accepted by both as an ok sorta guy. He played a little high school basketball, but more because he enjoyed the game, than any sense of competition. He was never their first pick for the team and he was perfectly fine with that. He also, almost always, came up in the top ten percent of his class. But never beat himself up over a test score that didnâ??t go so well. He liked to think of himself as well-adjusted, his parents and some of his teachers however, felt he never lived up to his potential.

Jonathan Kimble, or Nathan as his friends called him, was happy to be an ordinary sort of fellow.

But the high point of his life had been her. Desiree. He had first noticed her on one of the rare occasions some of his friends had convinced him to tag along to a party. She was on the floor dancing and even a blind man could say she was in a league of her own. She was the most beautiful creature heâ??d even seen. She had an over abundance of natural grace and she moved like a dream. He wasnâ??t much of a dancerâ?¦ two left feet some said. But the next thing he knew he was on the dance floor making an ass of himself.

All he saw was her laughing. It trilled over the sound of whatever innocuous music was blaring through the room. And he laughed with her. It took him a while to realize she was laughing mostly AT him and that slowly brought him down to reality and he was quick to make a hurried retreat.

But later on, she had found her way to him and theyâ??d gotten talking. She was a dancer, no surprises there, with a dream to take it up professionally. Theyâ??d stayed together through the rest of college, and had gotten married soon after graduation. She was easily the best thing that ever happened to him. Their life had been blissful. Perfect even. It took him a long time to realize that he had been blind to reality, but by then it was too late.

Ambition. Thatâ??s what she said he lacked.

After the divorce, heâ??d almost withdrawn into a shell. Depressed and lonely, he had shut himself off from the world. Sinking into the murky depths of self loathing, occasionally buoyed up by copious amounts of alcohol, psychedelics and the strained vocals of Dylan, heâ??d become a wreck. But time the great healer had done as much as it could, to close some, if not all, of the raw wounds that had bloodied his heart. He picked himself up with great effort and went back out into the world. He did everything he could to try and forget her. He joined a gym and whipped himself back into shape, got himself a teaching job and put himself back on the market with a vengeance. A string of blind dates, corny pick-up lines and unsuccessful relationships later, he had given up. It also didnâ??t help that sheâ??d gone and become famous too. Now every time he flipped a channel or read through some magazine, heâ??d see her beautiful face all over.

She was living her dream. She was happy and he realized that he was happy for her. She was engaged to her manager and they were soon to be married. He couldnâ??t deny the fact that he had felt a little jealous at that. It seemed she had indeed moved on. Then came news of her accidentâ?¦ followed by the even more devastating report that she wouldnâ??t ever dance professionally again. But there wasnâ??t anything he could do. They were worlds apart and had never even spoken to each other since the divorce. He had shrugged and tried to forget it.

He picked up the satchel and slung it over his shoulder and was soon trudging across the campus. He had a few hours free before his next class and was thinking of grabbing a bite at the deli down the road. He wasnâ??t a huge fan of the cafeteria fare. He was looking at the students all around. Some hurrying to their classes, others catching up on some reading under a tree and hang onâ?¦ were those two making out?! He shook his head with a smile and moved on.

He was humming â??Tangled up in blueâ?? to himself, as he turned a corner round one of the science labs only to crash into someone coming from the other side. His first impression was she was a student, he was still looking at the papers that were fluttering all about when she had looked up at him. He bent down quickly gathering up the papers before they all flew away. Bunching them up together he turned to her with an apologetic smile, â??Iâ??m so sorryâ?¦ guess I was a bit spacedâ? he said as he held out the papers to her.

Thatâ??s when he really saw her. His heart skipped a beat and his smile faltered and disappeared as recognition washed over him like a tide, threatening to drown him in the wave of emotion that welled up inside.

Shock, joy, sadness, even a hint of anger all flitted across the canvas of his clear blue eyes. But a whispered, â??Dee?â? was all he could manage to force out of himself.

 

[TortoiseShell]

â??Dee?â? Resonated the familiar whisper, a single word shattering the young womanâ??s premarital bliss, if there had ever been one. For a split second the entire world seemed to freeze, the remaining papers pausing mid-air, every other being ceasing to exist. The dancerâ??s first instinct was to lower her eyes to avoid meeting his. The way he addressed her was so reminiscent of their past. No formal, reserved â??Desireeâ??, no, he just had to bring back the waterfall of memories, crushing down onto her shoulders.

There were so many thoughts in her mind that it took her a few seconds to reach out and take the papers from his hand, the large bright eyes moving up to remain fixated on his ones for a while. It wasnâ??t until she realized that she looked like a deer in front of headlights that she offered him a meek, awkward smile, brushing her hair out of her eyes nervously. It was one of the few tics of hers, none of which she managed to get rid of following the divorce.

â??Nate,â? she nodded slowly, her voice a whisper matching his own. Things seemed to slow down even after the world began to turn again. She studied him in a stunned silence, trying to figure things out. What was he doing here? Why was he here? She bit on her lower lip, dragging her teeth along it slowly. He was a professor. Clearly she wasnâ??t the only one to change. The time did him good, however. He seemed to be in a better shape than ever.

With scorn she thought to herself that his new girlfriend was not feeding him well enough, although clearly more muscular, he also seemed a lot thinner. The thought of him being single never even brushed her mind, how could a man like him ever be alone? One of the reasons she was drawn to him was the certain vulnerability his lack of ambition gave him. She had felt as though she had to protect him, make sure he remembered to hand in his work and cook his dinner. Those were subtle things, yet in the past they reassured her somehow, since on a larger scale he was the one protecting her from herself and the rest of the world. Despite her ambition, she was by no means infallible. She put all of her being into everything â?? failure, whether it was her own or that of a sports team she loved, or the suffering of people she saw in the news or movies drained the life out of her. At times, seeing someone in pain made her distraught for a week and he always managed to pull her back onto her feet.

It took her five minutes to fall in love with a squirrel. After the divorce, she had to struggle to get rid of that habit since there was no longer a man beside her to help her up when she fell. The reality of such things struck her after he was gone from her life, and many a times she regretted her decision. Dozens of times she dialed his number yet never pressed the â??callâ?? button. However, as time went by, she too felt her wounds steadily heal, or perhaps she simply was so overwhelmed with the fame, overtime practices and the attentions from her manager that she never realized how much she missed Nathan.

In a sense, she never found closure, just as she never offered him any. It was perhaps for that reason that their encounter was so awfully awkward. She had no idea what to tell him â?? was he angry, or did he miss her? She didnâ??t know where he was in life, what changed since their divorce; she figured that there was a possibility that he was a father, or that he was divorced once again, possibilities were quite endless.

She wondered if he knew about all the things that happened in her life. It was odd, yet so many people knew the most intimate details from her life â?? such as the fact that her ring was worth a fortune, that she was getting married in two months, that her father passed away. It was that very ring that she twisted in her hand at the moment. A beautiful thing made of silver with a large diamond incrusted into it. Her fiancé went all out with it, yet somehow it wasnâ??t as beautiful as the one Nathan gave her one day. Not because of the value, the new ring was definitely more expensive, but because of the meaning attached to it. Nate could have given her a plastic thing worth two dollars in a distributor, and it still would have been the most beautiful thing in the world to her.

For years, when she believed in such things, he was The One. She often thought of the way they met. He seemed so different from every other guy at that party. She could see the lust in most eyes, the preparedness to say anything to get her in bed. He, to her, seemed like he was having fun dancing in that silly way. It was then that she knew that she would never meet anyone like him.

And now, when she expected to never see him again, she ran into him in the silliest of ways. When she finally broke the silence it was in a way she never intended to. All of a sudden, she heard herself laugh in the very same way as years earlier when they first met. â??I-Iâ??m so sorry,â? she sat back onto the ground, trying not to laugh. â??This is just so ridiculous,â? she shook her head, wiping the tears that formed from laughing too hard. She felt awful for laughing â?? after all the years they finally met and the only thing she could do was scoff? Calming down, she exhaled slowly, her gaze traveling over him. â??Help me up?â? She offered, outstretching her hand.

On one hand it was because she wanted to touch his hand, to see if he was still furious with her while on the other she didnâ??t want to be humiliated when she would stumble from putting too much pressure on her legs.

 

[KylarStern]

He was having a hard time believing his own eyes. What was she doing here? One of the first things he had done, back when he was trying to pick up the pieces that his life had been shattered into post their divorce, was to get out of town. He had moved out here in the hopes that it might help him forget her.

There were too many memories back there. Every tree and every alley way had seemed to whisper to him of her â?? of moments never forgotten that he had shared with her there. He knew that he wasnâ??t leaving to get away from simply a place, he was running away from her, from the memory of her. And now, she had found her here. Why?

What could she possibly want with him now? Then he remembered the papers he was holding and realized they were course materials and student intros. Oh heavens noâ?¦ she wasnâ??t teaching here, was she? It had been a bitter battle for him, trying to purge himself of her. And it wasnâ??t a war heâ??d won. But still, he had managed to get on with his life. And now she was here, threatening to destroy everything he had worked so hard at trying to build.

It took him a few moments to get over himself. Her accident! He felt a right fool now. Dancing had been her whole lifeâ?¦ and he knew better than anyone else how much it had meant to her. If she was teaching here, it wasnâ??t to spite him, how could he have even thought that? He still remembered how fragile her heart was. How a sad movie could make her cry for daysâ?¦ or how seeing someone in pain could give her sleepless nights. It wasnâ??t merely her bone that had shattered in the accident; it was her dreams, her whole life! He couldnâ??t even begin to imagine how that must feelâ?¦ or maybe he did?

She had been his whole life, and he knew what losing her had done to him.

When she said his name, his heart lurched within his chest. He knew that he had never really gotten over her, but he wasnâ??t prepared for how just seeing her again had this effect on him. It was as if all the time that had passed, just didnâ??t matter. That nervous manner in which she brushed the hair out of her eyeâ?¦ the way she bit her lips, dragging her teeth over her lipsâ?¦ he remembered it all like it was yesterday.

And she looked better than ever. He had of course seen recent pictures of her, but only now realized that they really didnâ??t do her justice. It was as if time had ticked backwards for her. She was gorgeous. It wasnâ??t surprising that he had mistaken her for a student. She lookedâ?¦ youngâ?¦ there was no other way to say it. And her eyes were still the same deep pools of emerald that could ensnare him and hold him captive for hours at a time. But there was something elseâ?¦ something new about herâ?¦ an air of sensuality that sent his pulse racing.

But he was quickly brought back to earth. He saw her twisting the diamond ring that adorned the same spot that years ago proudly wore his own. It was a massive stone, worth a fortune, if one believed the media gossip. And while his heart sank, he had to admit it seemed right on her. Much more so, than his tiny ring ever didâ?¦ she was a princess and she had always deserved better. If it were up to him, heâ??d have set the moon on a ring spun of the first golden rays of the morning sun and put that on her fingerâ?¦

He was shaken from his moment of mush by the tinkling sounds of her laughter. It was the same laughter he remembered. It reminded him once again, of their first meeting. For a fleeting moment, he wondered if now too she was laughing at him, just like back then. He smiled as she held out her hand. He rose first and then took her hand in one of his own and pulled her up.

It was such a small thing, so ordinary an act, and still it flooded him with emotions and memories. Her hands were as soft as he remembered, but there was also a new strength in them now. But the worst effect was it reminded him of countless times he had helped her up in just such a fashion. Those had been good days, carefree ones. When the whole world had seemed like such a perfect paradise, simply because he had her by his side.

Lost in his own thoughts, he had held her hand for longer than he had intended to. He tried a small smile, as he said, â??Wowâ?¦ it is wonderful to see you again.â? After a moment as his wits started to gather round him once more, he said â??but what are you doing here?â?

 

[TortoiseShell]

Desiree sheepishly returned his smile, tilting her head to watch him, her hand never moving back from his until he let it go. â??It is lovely to see you too,â? she nodded, disgusted by the formality of her statement afterward. While he gathered his wits, she struggled against herself, biting on her lower lip to avoid cussing. It was something she picked up over the past years, and it was a lot harder to stop than she would have ever thought.

There was nothing the young girl wanted to do more than to pull the heavy ring off her finger and toss it away, pretend that the white band of skin underneath it suggesting that she wore a ring was simply there because she lost their wedding one. Instead, she kept it on, acting as though she was perfectly happy with the way things turned out.

Acting was something she has gotten used to over the past months â?? acting as though everything was fine, as though Jamesâ?? attitude did not bother her and as though she wouldnâ??t give anything to go back to the days when the only thing that mattered was the amount of time she managed to spend with him.

Looking at Nathan made her realize that she wanted more. One more touch, one more kiss, it was never enough. When they were parting, the reality of separation didnâ??t fully get to her until she understood that the â??one moreâ?? she wanted would never take place. The thought that he was forever gone was impossible to cope with.

â??Apparently, Iâ??m a professor,â? she laughed, shrugging. â??I canâ??t really dance for now,â? she explained although it was an exaggeration. Every single article about the accident explained that she could never dance again â?? heck, it would be a miracle if she ever managed to walk with the same grace she possessed in the previous years. At that point with the therapy still far from an end she could only muster small walks without looking as though her foot was still broken. It killed her, caused her to grit her teeth in frustration yet over time she learnt to see the positive aspects of the situation.

For example she no longer needed to dress up as though she was a businesswoman or anything along the lines, since for the first time in a while there was nobody to impress â?? no teachers, employers, nothing. Her love for blazers remained yet the rest of her wardrobe grew a lot more laid back, almost matching the type of clothes he used to wear. She no longer worried or practiced, living one day at a time.

â??But, you know, figure skaters do it, Iâ??ll dance soon as well,â? she shrugged with a carefree smile. She always referred to figure skaters. In her opinion it was the most marvelous sport around, a Russian male figure skater being her greatest idol. Whenever there was a technicality or any problem at work, she would ask herself, what would he do? And more often than not did the same thing.

â??What are you doing here?â? She suddenly wondered, arching her eyebrows. Surely he didnâ??t come back to study? Or maybe his girlfriend went to college and he was there to pick her up? It wouldnâ??t surprise her much; he was a stunning man in her eyes. She didnâ??t know how anyone wouldnâ??t want him. She quickly arranged her papers, glancing to the side to realize that her lunch was crushed. She let out a defeated sigh and quickly bended over, thankful that the garbage can was next to where she stood. The humiliation of walking as though she was in pain was too much to bear. She wanted him to remember her as the young, beautiful girl she once was, not a person with a shattered dream. â??Heyâ?¦My lunch got killed, and I have a few hours to kill before my next class, could you maybe keep me company?â? She wondered almost shyly.

â??I mean, itâ??s a lot to ask, you donâ??t have to say yes. I just donâ??t know anyone, or anything around here,â? she added with an apologetic smile, the type that got him to forgive her just about anything in the past.

 

[KylarStern]

He was still holding her hand when she replied with the customary pleased to see you too routine. The formality of her response and tone, reminded him that he still held her and immediately pulled his hand back with an embarrassed flush. Ah, how he wished that he wasnâ??t still so under her spell, even after all these years. But he was a goner, the moment heâ??d walked into that party all those years ago.

And her ring reminded him of all that he had lost. She was betrothed to someone else. It had always been him, whoâ??d helped her up just like now, every time she fellâ?¦ literally and metaphorically. But in her hour of greatest need, it was another man who stood by herâ?¦ his hand outstretched. But there wasnâ??t anything he couldâ??ve done. They had grown so far away from each other and he hadnâ??t tried to bridge that gapâ?¦ assuming that was what she wanted. And wellâ?¦ it wouldâ??ve looked pretty pathetic anyway.

When she confirmed what he had guessed already, that she was a professor here and so casually added that she couldnâ??t danceâ?¦ he knew she was faking the indifference. It also made him realize, that the years had made her stronger. She had refused to let herself be crushed by the cruel hand that fate had dealt. She was back on her feet, looking to turn her life around, when everyone expected her to be grieving. He couldnâ??t help but feel proud of her. He knew there was a reason he was so in love with her.

â??A professor! Wowâ?¦ I mean thatâ??s great!â? He was actually thinking that it was all pretty ironic. What with him running away all this time, just to get away from her. And here she was, doing the exact same thing he wasâ?¦ after all these years. He would never ever have wished this upon her in a million years, but heâ??d be less than human if he didnâ??t admit at least to himself, that he was secretly a little pleased. He had gone through hell without her. He hated himself, the moment the thought had entered his mind.

He had no idea what she meant about figure skaters, but didnâ??t want to ask her to clarify. That would only bring up more talk about her inability to dance, and he didnâ??t want her talking about it just now. No matter how carefree and brave faced she tried to portray herself, he knew herâ?¦ better than he cared to admit. She was devastated inside. Truth be told, he was too. He loved to watch her dance. The first time he ever laid eyes on her, she was dancingâ?¦ and that was how he hoped heâ??d always remember her.

â??I teach here as well. Some coincidence, huh?!â? he said, explaining what he was doing here. So, they were going to be seeing a lot of each other, around the campus. He wasnâ??t sure how he felt about that. He was happy to see her, for sureâ?¦ but knowing she was going to be married to someone else and that too pretty soon? She was going to put him through it all over again. To finally meet her once again, after all these years, only to watch her walk off into the sunset with some other guy and that too, with the light glinting off that diamond ring!

How cruel are the games you play, Fate?

â??Yeah sureâ?¦ I have some time as well and was just going to head down to the deli to grab some lunch. You can join me if you like.â? She was pushing his buttons, just like the old days. He didnâ??t think she was doing it on purpose, but he was still surprised that she couldâ?¦ even now. He was planning on walking it down, but he had noticed how she was favoring a leg, even though she tried hard to hide it. â??And my carâ??s right thereâ?¦ so what do you say?â?

 

[TortoiseShell]

Desiree smiled warmly, her gratitude toward her ex-husband growing by the second. The fact that he offered to take his car was heartwarming on one hand since it meant that he hadnâ??t changed at all, yet it was devastating o the other for it meant that he knew. She let out a slow sigh, considering her options. Despite the injury she remained the same prideful person she had been earlier in her life, refusing to let anything in the world humiliate her.

Dancing was the only thing she knew. She has never been able to make it in figure skating because she was secretly afraid of the ice, which was probably another reason she admired that sport. Growing up, she watched her mother â?? a once famous ballerina, dance on the television, in the old VHS. Her mother retired by the time she gave birth to Desiree, at thirty years she found love and decided that she wanted a child more than she wanted to keep up with the demanding lifestyle. So, the young girl pursued her motherâ??s steps and landed where she did. Oddly enough, despite the overwhelming pain she felt every day, she did not regret a second of it.

â??Oh wow, Iâ??ll be seeing a lot of you then,â? she voiced his thoughts although it came out in something resembling an innuendo â?? the last thing she intended. Clearing her throat, she shrugged. â??Could we walk?â? She offered, studying him slowly. It was in part an experiment. She wanted to see how he would look at her now that the thing drawing him toward her was gone. Now that she stumbled when walking. At times it was a pathetic sight, especially so due to her continuous tries to get back up and hide the pain.

She walked up to him, her hand still clenching around the papers. â??May I?â? She smiled, her hand sliding under his elbow to partially use him as a support. She tugged on his arm gently to get him walking, looking about.

â??Itâ??s a nice place,â? she mused, trying to distract herself and avoid staring at the man beside her. Things always seemed so natural with him that she had a hard time not pulling him into an embrace or giving him a casual kiss. It felt as though she saw him only yesterday, yet so many things have changed. â??You look good, Nate,â? she pointed out, smiling up at him. â??I take it a lot of students have tried to get you to bend the rules, hm?â? She nudged him playfully, an inaudible sigh escaping her lips.

â??What Iâ??m trying to say is,â? she started, trying to put all the questions that were spinning in her head into one sentence yet failing to. â??How have you been?â? She finally asked, figuring that it wasnâ??t too personal in case he wanted her to stay out of his business, yet didnâ??t sound like something a completely uninterested person would say.

She glanced down at his hands, trying to find a ring or a trace of one. A lot of time has passed, after all. She was thirty. It took her a while to realize that. At first, she figured it was just a number. After all, she could still dance just as well. However, when her friends that used to be eccentric musicians and posh artists in grey berets called her up and informed her about an upcoming wedding or a childâ??s birth she realized how lonely she was. It was perhaps for that reason that she accepted Jamesâ?? ring and ignored the never ending stream of whining about her not being in a good mood, refusing gigs and so forth.

 

[KylarStern]

Yes, it was true. They were going to be seeing a lot of each other. From anyone else the innuendo would have at least earned a smile from him. But, in her case, he wasnâ??t sure how he was going to handle having her around the school all the time. And in any case, he was still a little shook up from running into her like this.

He simply nodded in response. She wanted to walk... for a moment that flustered him. He wondered if she realized that he had noticed the pain she was in. The last thing he wanted to do was offend her and heâ??d offered the ride so she could pretend it was his suggestion and still keep face. Guess that plan was shot to bits. He was a little sad though. He knew she would ignore the pain and keep walking as if absolutely nothing was wrong, just so he wouldnâ??t think that she couldnâ??t. What made him sad, was that she felt she needed to pretend even when she was with him. They had seen the best and worst in each otherâ?¦ so he had hoped she could just be herself with him.

â??Yeah sureâ?¦ we can walk.â? He said. He supposed that keeping things at least a little formal between then, was the best course of action anyway. Running into her like this wasnâ??t going to help him get over her, he knew. And the more they acted like nothing had changed, the worse it was going to be. Still, he knew he wasnâ??t going to come out of this unscathed. It was absolutely brilliant seeing her again. He hadnâ??t realized how much he had wanted toâ?¦ until now. But his rational mind, and his own sense of self-preservation, told him this was a big mistake.

She surprised him by slipping her arm through his. His heart was racing again. Feeling her so close to him, smelling her perfumeâ?¦ and she did smell wonderful, she always hadâ?¦ the feeling of her leaning on him, it all felt so good. Like a double cheese burger with bacon did. You knew it was going to kill you, but you are just too weak to say no. He shook his head with a smile, and led her across the grounds. Well, at least he could support her, in case she needed any help.

It wasnâ??t a long walk, but they did have a ways to go. He was still a little nervous... when she commented about his looks. That had made him laugh. She had always been able to do that. â??Hmmâ?¦ occupational hazard I suppose,â? he said referring to her jibe about the students. â??Thank youâ?¦ but nowhere near as good as you look, Dee!â? he said. â??All that working and dancing, seems to have put some muscle on youâ?¦ in all the right places too.â? He said with a grin, and almost immediately wished he hadnâ??t. What was he thinking? The way she had ribbed him about his looks had reminded him of the old days and heâ??d forgotten himself. He almost blushed as he stumbled to apologize, â??Oh, Iâ??m sorry I didnâ??t mean toâ?¦â?

He was almost relieved when she asked him how he was doing. But then again, was he? He didnâ??t want her to know just how bad it had been for him. He didnâ??t want her to have the satisfaction, but he also knew that it wouldnâ??t help to lie to her. She always could catch him at a lie. But then againâ?¦ it had been so long he wondered if she still could. â??Iâ??ve been well enough, I suppose.â? he said, hoping she wouldnâ??t think anything of it. â??I drifted around for a while and ended up here a little over a year agoâ?¦ been working ever since.â?

He didn't have to ask her how she was. He'd been following her career pretty closely, even if he didn't want to. And the accident of course. He didn't know if she was ready to talk about that yet. Well, pretty much the only good thing he could think of to ask was about her marriage... and that was the last thing he wanted to hear. But no point avoiding the inevitable. "I see you've got a new ring. So when's the big day, then?" He wasn't sure if he sounded as bitter for real as it did in his head. He hoped it didn't. Even after everything, he didn't want to spoil this moment.

 

[TortoiseShell]

Where was the line? The question spun in Desireeâ??s head over and over again. Her attempts to find it were growing desperate. At first, she was convinced that the fine line they were not supposed to cross would be obvious, that once they were near a discomfort would surge. Instead, there was nothing. She didnâ??t feel wrong from being next to him, from being alone or occasionally pressing up against him when the pain and pressure on her leg grew too hard.

Giving up, she decided that things would end up working out just fine. They always seemed to. She smiled to herself as she mused about fate. Only a day earlier she was cursing destiny for being so cruel with her, for stealing the only thing she had left after she made the mistake of leaving Nathan. Then, all of a sudden, she was walking next to him on a cozy, beautiful campus where she was a teacher. Perhaps it was for the best. She could retire without having made a single mistake in her career, with her head held high as her fire burnt out with passion instead of slowly fading away until people grew tired of hearing about her and moved on to younger people.

Hearing Nathanâ??s comment, she laughed in her melodious voice, sounding genuinely happy to be with him. Every few steps she turned her head to steal a subtle glance upon him. He was hard not to look at. â??Yes, I have been working out,â? she grinned, wiggling her eyebrows. â??Donâ??t worry, Nathan,â? she murmured softly, her free hand pressing against the side of his arm briefly in a reassuring manner. When he spoke about himself, however, concern and guilt came over her face.

What were you doing before? She wanted to ask him yet didnâ??t. Knowing that she made him suffer only to be able to pursue her career was ridiculous. Over time she realized that while career was important, it was hardly worth giving up certain things for. There were far too many of her acquaintances that retired and all of a sudden had nothing worth living for. While work was there, things were well yet once it was gone there was nothing left.

James should have changed that, made her feel like she had something worth living for. Instead, there was nothing but a void in her. She told herself that it was just the stress, oh how she tried to convince herself that she truly loved him, yet it didnâ??t seem to work all that well. She dismissed the thoughts about him, along with the guilt she suddenly felt for leaving her phone in her office to avoid his calls.

And so, she didnâ??t say a word about the past years. It would probably hurt his pride, and it was too early to open up old wounds. Oddly enough, when he changed the topic and started speaking about the marriage, the song that played at their one filled her mind. She had to fight not to hum it out loudly; it wasnâ??t the most appropriate thing considering the situation.

â??Oh, itâ??s inâ?¦two months or something,â? she shrugged casually, the realization that she really didnâ??t care hitting her like a bucket of cold water on a winter morning. After the words came out, she figured that he would realize it as well. When he proposed to her, she was the happiest woman in the world. Happiness and love were oozing out of her pores, contagious to those around her.

The planning was something she took over completely â?? her personality allowed her to get quite a lot done at a fairly low cost. She went around the entire town in search for something that would be inexpensive yet at the same classy and beautiful. Although everything went wrong right before the wedding, in the end it was a wonderful ceremony. It was, without doubt, the most wonderful day of her life. She only realized it when it was far too late, of course. â??I think James is taking care of it,â? she sighed, looking away briefly.

She wanted to tell him that she didnâ??t want to get married, to tell him everything she never told anyone yet it was impossible. So, she tried to smile yet it came out looking very wrong, almost as though someone was forcing her to grin. â??What about you? I havenâ??t noticed any rings,â? she wondered, curious.

 

[KylarStern]

Despite his own misgivings, and conscious attempts at keeping things as formal as possible between then, he found he was failing. He felt himself relaxing in her presence and the smiles were returning. His yearning heart was slowly slipping back to a better time, when things were so different between them. It was tough trying to be formal with the woman you had shared your life with. They knew each other so well, the good and the bad, the cutes and the quirks...

He was also conscious of it, every time she seemed to lean a little heavily on him. He wasnâ??t fool enough to think anything else of the action. Her leg mustâ??ve been hurting something fierce and she was still trying to keep a straight face. He wished there was something he could do to alleviate her discomfort. He had always had a hard time seeing her hurt. Even if it was something as silly as their team losing a game of football, he could never see the funny side of how she would bawl like a baby at it.

She had just laughed at that little wayward comment about her looks and he had grinned both in relief and in genuine happiness that things werenâ??t awkward between them. They could still share a laugh and say stupid things to each other, without having to worry about offending anyone. Well, at least in the sillier things anyway. That touch, when she patted his arm so casually, felt a little too good though. She felt good. She was even prettier than he remembered her and he felt his attraction surge anew. He was treading dangerous ground now, he knew. But it was hard to be cautious, when all he wanted just then was to grab her and crush her to his chest like heâ??d never let go. It almost hurt physically, just trying not to!

He too couldnâ??t help stealing a look at her every now and then, and heâ??d noticed how her face fell when heâ??d sidestepped the question of how he was doing. She could tell he wasnâ??t being completely honest, but was perceptive enough not to press the matter. He didnâ??t want to talk about it. And he sure as hell didnâ??t want her knowing. At some point, it was also because he knew it would make her feel guilty and sadâ?¦ and he just couldnâ??t let that happen. It was also one of the reasons why he never tried too hard to contact her. He had believed sheâ??d be happier without him in her life.

But what really shook him, was the off hand manner in which she had said that her marriage was in a couple months. She didnâ??t seem very excited about it. That was so unlike herâ?¦ she always threw herself completely into anything she did. Just like dancing was her whole life, she was passionate about each and everything that she did. At their wedding, she was so excited that she almost single handedly planned and organized the whole thing. It was impossible to imagine her letting someone else do the planning, and that too, from the sound of it, with little or no participation from her. She was making it sound like she didnâ??t really care at all about it.

He wondered what was wrong. Was she not happy to be marrying the guy? Did something go wrong? Was it the accident? So many questions flooded his brain, itching to break out of him. But he wasnâ??t sure if it would be appropriate to bring it up right now. Plus, he was afraid he wouldnâ??t be able to muster enough concern in his voice. It wouldnâ??t do to sound pleased about it!

He blinked and forced a smile when she commented on the lack of a ring on his own finger. He looked at his hand for a minute with a rueful smile. The long spate of meaningless relationships heâ??d been in and out of, rushed through his mind. He looked at her with a strange smile. Fact was, he did have a ringâ?¦ their ring. And though he had stopped wearing it on his finger (as it raised too many questions), it was still always with him. He was also glad she couldnâ??t see it. It would have been a little too embarrassing, had she knownâ?¦ that on a silver chain round his neck, there hung a tiny band of goldâ?¦ one that he had vowed over, to hold and to have her, for better or for worseâ?¦ till death did them part.

His smile only broadened a little as he looked at her and simply said, â??What can I say, itâ??s been hard finding someone. You are a hard act to follow!â?

 

[TortoiseShell]

Desiree could only muster a weak smile in response to his words. There was nothing she wanted more than to tell him that she still loved him, to hold him close and not let go that time. Have two kids, take them to soccer and figure skating practices. Instead, she was stuck with James. Their kids would be followed by paparazzi from time to time, and constant rumors about the couple would circulate in the press, leaving the kids to wonder when the gossip would turn out to be true.

â??Yes, I suppose I am pretty awesome,â? she grinned with a chuckle. Her expression then grew serious as she was about to open up to him of all people. â??Nate, can I tell you something?â? She murmured, looking up to him. It was odd how easy yet at the same time incredibly hard it was to talk to him about such things. She led an internal debate, trying to figure out whether she should talk to him about it or not.

â??I know that Iâ??m probably not allowed to talk to you about such things, and that Iâ??m not being fair, but youâ??re the only person I know would listen,â? she let out, her voice hardly louder than a whisper. â??A few months ago, I was happy â?? I was dancing, and it was all that mattered. He was always there to help out, so when he proposed, I figured that he was the one to make me happy,â? she explained, staring off into the distance with a thoughtful expression.

â??Then, all of this went offâ?¦,â? she sighed, shaking her head. â??And now that I canâ??t dance, I realized that heâ??s not what was making me happy. I should be all pumped for the marriage and stuff, right? Instead, I hardly remember the date, he pisses the living hell out of me,â? she frowned, voicing out her concerns making her realize certain things.

â??Am I making a mistake?â? She finally wondered, trying to overcome the overwhelming guilt at least until he answered. She wanted him to say that she was, that they were meant to be together, that James was just a secondary character in their story. Of course it would never happen, yet one could hope. Trying to distract herself, she looked around, spotting the Deli he mentioned they were going to â?? at least she figured out it was that. She doubted that she could go on much longer, her leg beginning to hurt quite a lot.

The prospect of teaching another class that afternoon was not the most wonderful thing around, either. She should have listened to her mother who told her not to take more than she could handle. One or two classes would have been fine â?? one about the theory, the history and so forth and one more practical, correcting their mistakes and building choreographies. Instead, she took two of each and had no idea how she would muster all of it. The job made her realize how much respect professors in the university deserved.

 

[KylarStern]

He had grinned and squeezed her hand when he heard her light hearted reply and the following question. â??Of course you are and you know you can tell me anything!â? he replied. But the moment she began, his heart had filled with dread. He had tried his best to remain stoic as she told him of her fears and doubts. It was ironic really, that she should be asking him for advice about whether or not she should be marrying another guy.

He couldn't believe his ears. For a moment there, fantasies of the two of them together again, rocked through his mind. It was as if all his hopes had been realized and nothing else mattered. Not the years of separation or the depression or the pain... none of it mattered at all. If only he could hold her again like he used to. Whisper sweet nothings in her ears and listen to her giggles and see her blush like he used to... and hear it back from her, the one and only person who ever mattered to him. The one and only person he could ever loveâ?¦

But he knew that this was a dream too good to be true, and that if he wasnâ??t careful, it was going to be darkness all over again. And there was no saying, if heâ??d be able to make it back out a second time. But he also knew she wasnâ??t toying with him. She was truly of two minds about this marriage and it was killing her. The thing was, he didnâ??t know what to say to her. Any other friend might brush it of as pre-marital jitters and try to assure her that she was making the right choice.

But he knew one thing. This time around, if she were making a mistake, he didnâ??t think sheâ??d be able to pull herself out of the marriage. Unlike the case with their nuptials, if this one should go south, sheâ??d sink with it. When she had left him, it was for a life that had been her dream for as long as she could remember. This was something he had always understood, and so was never able to truly hate her for what she had done to him. He understood her. It hadnâ??t made her leaving any easier to bear, but it was the reason he still hung that ring around his neck. To him, a part of her would always be close to his heart, just as a part of him would always be missing without her.

He had to think carefully before he answered. He could tell her right now, that he thought she should call the whole thing off. But even he had to question his own motives for that. Was it in the hopes that he could get back together with her? Or was it truly what he believed was best for her? He also knew, that without ever having met the said James in question, he had no idea what kind of a guy he was. But the very fact that she was here alone, when now was when she needed him the most, suggested a certain callousness that Nathan could not tolerate. Not when it involved her.

Also, what would she think?

â??Deeâ?¦ Iâ??m not sure Iâ??m the right guy you should be askingâ?¦ but, Iâ??ll tell you thisâ?¦â? he had stopped and turned her round so they were facing each other.

He still held her, his hands on her arms just below her shoulders, â??for as long as Iâ??ve known you, you have always followed your heartâ?¦â? his eyes drooped for a moment as he added, â??â?¦even when it took you away from me.â?

But as he looked up again he was smiling once more, even if it was only for her â??And right now, no matter how hard you try not to show it, I know your heart is even more broken, than your leg. And it doesnâ??t feel like any of the answers are thereâ?¦â? his hands slipped up to cup the sides of her face gently caressing her cheek with his thumb, â??â?¦but they are. You just have to trust yourself.â?

He realized how intimately close they were standing to each other and very reluctantly started to pull back. They really werenâ??t all that far from the campus, and it wouldnâ??t do to be seen like this. Nobody else knew their history, after all. As he straightened he said, â??I can say one thing though. Itâ??s best that you address these doubts soonerâ?¦ rather than later, if you know what I meanâ?

They were at the Deli. Still, he waited for her to indicate that she was ready to go in. He didnâ??t know if his answer had helped her at all. But he knew that there was no way he could make an impartial decision for her. This decision was hers to make... and only hers.

 

[TortoiseShell]

Desiree walked beside her ex-husband, listening to his words with a dark, serious expression. Marriage was not an easy matter, especially at her age. There was no contract she and James have made yet, and while most of the times the woman won, in their case things would be different if they were to separate. He had a lot of lawyers, ones that could get him out of just about anything. Unless she caught him cheating or he left, there was no way she would keep much of it. Of course on the other handâ?¦The girl blinked, frowning.

She was trying to figure out how she would divorce a man she hasnâ??t even gotten married to yet. All of a sudden, Nathan came to a halt and stood in front of her. It took all of her willpower not to press her lips against his ones at that very moment. He was so stunning, dressed like a professor yet conserving his laid back attitude that had always made her heart pound. The meeting with him made her realize just how awful her mistake was. Fame, money, none of it was worth leaving him for. If only she had known that earlier.

Instinctively, she leaned against his hand, her bright gaze meeting his. When he began to pull away, one of her hands slid up to his wrist, only to prolong his warmth against her skin for another moment. Finally, noticing a group of students who were pointing at them and murmuring something to each other, she stepped away. They werenâ??t her students, yet they seemed to know her, and their grins toward Nathan suggested that they knew him as well.

â??Iâ??m so sorry Nathan,â? she murmured, one of her arms loosely sliding around his neck as she stood on her tiptoes, lightly pressing her lips against his cheek. Moving away, she released him once again, returning to their previous position. Regrets seemed to surround them â?? both of things she has done and the things she would never get to do again.

Would she? As he spoke, she wondered if starting over was possible. How far would it get them? She let out a sigh, shaking her head. â??Youâ??re right,â? she simply said without elaborating on it. In her case, it could mean just about anything. She seldom explained the entire story or all of her thoughts, keeping everything inside and doing everything her way in the end. It was a flaw, yet most of the times it worked out.

â??I missed you so much,â? she whispered, her voice hardly audible. She then tugged on his hand, pulling him toward the Deli. As long as they were moving, she felt safe from herself. Once they stopped, the way they did moments earlier, she worried that she would jump at him and hurt the man again. Although he didnâ??t admit it, or openly said it, she could see that it took a lot of him to get back up on his feet.

She smiled as they entered the Deli. It was so similar to the one next to their school. Old black and white tiles, a few scattered tables and the large fridge filled with just about every kind of meat. She studied the place, trying to figure out whether they served hot food or not. She glanced up at her ex-husband, pausing just in time to avoid calling him â??honeyâ??. â??Are we going to eat here, or take out?â? She wondered, shifting about, inspecting the food. She seldom ate meat, her diet beyond strict despite her love for food.

The last time she ate a cheeseburger was during one of their dates, and it has been about seven years since. Realizing that, her eyes lit up. â??Do they have cheeseburgers? I hadnâ??t had one in seven years,â? she exclaimed, releasing his arm to walk around, studying the menu that hung above the counter. â??Or do they have some kind of specialty?â? She wondered, looking up at him, assuming that he passed by the place often enough. It was just about the only place next to the campus that was not a KFC or a McDonaldâ??s.

 

[KylarStern]

She had leaned into his hand when he had cupped her face. It had been very difficult for him to pull away. But he hadâ?¦ only to have her grab his wrist and press his hand against her cheek one more time. He had been a little surprised at thatâ?¦ but even more so when she had kissed him.

It would have been so easy for him to have turned his head ever so slightly and returned the kissâ?¦ lip to lip. He mightâ??ve done it too, if the action hadnâ??t so been unexpected. He had been rooted to the spot. Even as she practically dragged him into the deli, he could still feel her hand at the back of his neck. All of a sudden it was as if the sun had burst forth from behind the clouds and was shining down just on him. He was still basking in its warmth as he came to stand beside her. She was scanning the menu.

There were a few booths here, and they could have themselves a little meal right there. â??Oh, letâ??s eat here!â? he nearly grinned as he realized this was turning into quite the date! It had been a while since heâ??d gone on a date himself. For a while heâ??d tried it, but quit when he realized he was trying to find her in every one of them. And none ever matched up to his ideal woman. It had been hopeless.

â??You left me AND cheese burgers?!â? he grinned. It was not everyday he could smile about the divorce. But somehow, having her here right now and realizing that there was still â??somethingâ?? between them, no matter whether or not it would grow into something more, had put him in a much better mood than heâ??d been in a long time. â??Cheeseburger it is then!â? he smiled as he ordered the same for himself. And a diet coke to go with it, â??How about youâ?¦ what will you have to drink?â?

He saw an old jukebox by the back wall and left her for a moment as he went to select a song. He flipped through the selection and stopped when he saw one particular number. It was kind of a surprise to find it here and he was grinning as he punched it in. As the first few strains of The Temptations singing â??My Girlâ?? broke through the silence he turned to look at her with a little grin.

He went back to her and picking up the tray with their lunch, he herded her to one of the booths. He didnâ??t know what it was about this song that it always made him feel a little happier. And soon enough he was grinning away like a silly school boy bobbing his head in time as he hummed the tune. He took a sip of his coke and asked, suddenly thinking of it, â??So where are you staying by the way? Have you found an apartment yet?â?

Most of the neighborhood was occupied by students and faculty anyways. It was always tough finding a place if you came in during the middle of the year. He himself had a little apartment not far from here. It wasnâ??t much, but it was cozy. And it wasnâ??t like there was anybody else living with him, nor did he bring anyone over to his place. He had become a very private person over the last few years. He had a few acquaintances here, but not too many friends. A couple of regulars at the pub always welcomed him at their table whenever heâ??d drop by. Seeing as how there were always students about the place, it wasnâ??t a very good idea to be a wild party animal around these parts anyways. And it pretty much suited him fine.

 

[TortoiseShell]

Desiree looked around again, surprised by how empty the deli was. Of course it was quite nice outside, the weather having yet to degenerate toward rain and eventually snow that would melt before it even hit the ground. She laughed at his comment, despite the fact that it really wasnâ??t funny. No, it was more on the tragic side.

â??The first and last time Iâ??ve eaten a cheeseburger was with you,â? she chuckled. â??Iâ??ll have water,â? she told the cashier, watching her ex suddenly walk away. When she saw where he was going she smiled, shaking her head with an amused expression. He had the oddest tastes in music. There was always a song from the earlier decades playing in their house while they lived together. She missed those days. Their apartment back then was nothing compared to the large house she now possessed, yet it was warm and cozy. Her house now felt empty somehow, if it hadnâ??t been for her dog it would have been like a prison.

Quickly paying for their meals, she informed the waitress about where they would sit and walked off to a secluded cabin, taking a seat there. When he returned at the light hearted tune filled the silence she laughed, studying Nathan with a smile. â??I see your tastes in music havenâ??t changed,â? she pointed out, humming with the tune.

â??Actually, I bought a house two years ago; itâ??s not too far from here. Right outside of town, next to the beach,â? she explained. â??I bought a Labrador and called him Pogo,â? she beamed. It was her dream for years, to get a dog of that breed and call it that name. While it added up to the list of things they should have done together and havenâ??t done, it still rejoiced her. The dog was young enough to get used to him, she heard herself think.

â??Youâ??d love him. Heâ??s one now, but heâ??s one big puppy,â? she cooed. â??James lives about a half an hour from there, but heâ??s gone for a few weeks,â? she said, almost relieved to say that. No nagging to tell her to avoid walking, no complaining about her new job, it was bliss to her.

â??But you should really drop by this weekend, I love walking Pogo but he needs someone fast and strong, which is not exactly what I am right now,â? she explained, instantly coming up with an excuse. Truth was she simply wanted to see him again only in a more intimate setting. The fact that there had been no awkward silence between them told her that maybe they could at least be friends. With everyone getting married and not having time, not to mention her inability to walk in high heels, she was extremely lonely most of the time.

â??So tell me, what are you teaching? Do you like it?â? She wondered, thanking the waitress as the latter brought a glass of water. Finally sitting down, Desiree looked a lot more relaxed, the pain mostly fading away.

Teachingâ?¦The thought of him in front of a large audience was extremely amusing. Her classes was tiny, yet the rest of school offered lectures for up to five hundred people at a time, which was quite a lot to manage. He, so laid back and â??chillâ??, was probably one of the studentsâ?? favorites. At that thought she decided that he was a great professor and her heart warmed at the thought that perhaps he was finally happy again.

 

[KylarStern]

So sheâ??d been here for two whole years and theyâ??d never once run into each other? He realized how different theyâ??d become over the years. It was painfully obvious. They moved in very different circles. He wasnâ??t the type to be caught dead in one of them high brow shindigs. Where as, her charm and elegant grace wouldâ??ve made her the queen of the ball. They were complete oppositesâ?¦ like two poles of a magnet. And just like that, theyâ??d been inexorably drawn to each other.

But a house on the beach?! This wasnâ??t Miami for sure, still that was a pretty penny, he knew. He was painfully aware how successful she had become since they had parted ways. But, neither money nor fame had held any attraction for him. He was a simple man of simple desires, down to earth and, as she had so succinctly pointed out before their divorce, devoid of ambition. But he was happy being who he was. The only thing missing in his life had been her. He wondered if things between them would ever be what they were.

â??A house on the beach? Iâ??m impressed!â? he said with a grin. And she had a dog? He loved dogs, if it wasnâ??t for the fact that he spent so much time at the university and had a tiny apartment, he wouldâ??ve had one himself. Although, heâ??d most likely have gone for a spaniel rather than a larger breed. But the idea of spending some time with her was certainly tempting.

â??Iâ??m sure I willâ?¦ you know how much I love dogs!â? She almost sounded like she wanted him to like Pogo, and to get to know him. He wondered at that. Maybe his mind was playing tricks with him and he was hearing subtle innuendos where none really existedâ?¦ maybe he was simply hearing what he wanted to hear.
But when she so casually dropped it in the conversation that James was out of town, he wasnâ??t so sure if he was simply hearing things. Of course, heâ??d like nothing more than to spend some alone time with her. But did she want that too? Was she even hinting at that or was he simply being foolish?

Wellâ?¦ she did invite him over on the weekend, to a house on the beach, while her fiancée was out of town! He couldnâ??t help himself as he leaned forward with a mischievous grin and in a not so subtle tone said, â??Sure Iâ??ll take your dog for a runâ?¦ but are you seriously asking your ex-husband, who is quite possibly still very much in love with you and has already let slip that heâ??s been checking you out, over to your house, when your fiancée is out of town?â? He wasnâ??t sure if heâ??d pushed his luck just thenâ?¦ but there was nothing to be done about it now. He just grinned as he took another sip of his coke while watching her eyes.

After a while he said, â??Literatureâ? and then on seeing her slightly confused expression, his smile broadened and he explained, â??I teach literature at the university.â?

 

[TortoiseShell]

The girl smiled, nodding at his comment. Their love toward dogs was one of the few things they had in common. However, it only seemed to heighten the attraction. Her and James had a lot in common, including over achieving personalities, yet after a while she realized that it was tiring and not so exciting to know that your boyfriend does just about everything you do, completely invading every aspect of your life.

Hearing him speak, she felt her eyes grow wide for a moment despite herself. He was putting everything so awfully bluntly that she wondered if he was being bitter or sarcastic. He was still very much in love with her. Butterflies filled her stomach, all hunger disappearing instantly. She felt the way she used to feel on their first dates, when she would sit by her phone, hopeful that he would call her again.

â??Literature, thatâ??s nice,â? she nodded after having realized that she had remained silent long enough for him to answer. â??I bet youâ??re a great teacher,â? she smiled warmly, twisting a lock of hair between her fingers as she sought appropriate words.

â??And to answer your questionâ?¦,â? she started with a deadly serious expression, â??yes, thatâ??s precisely what Iâ??m doing. Of course the ex-husband can say no if it makes him uncomfortable,â? she added, her lips melting into a toothy grin. She was probably pushing things too far â?? way too far. When he summed up the situation that much became painfully obvious. Being alone with a man while oneâ??s fiancé was out of town was bad enough, yet when that man was an ex-husband she still loved? Their status was making things so complicated that she wished she was single.

Picking up her cheeseburger after all, she took a bite, her expression filling with ecstasy. â??Oh god, this is good,â? she exclaimed playfully, setting the thing down. It was a heart attack on a plate, yet the deli sure knew how to cook. â??Oh, I finally learnt how to cook by the way,â? she beamed. Considering the fact that she seldom ate anything other than vegetables she knew how to prepare a number or light salads yet never went beyond that. After her career ended she figured that she could let herself eat and started learning. It turned out to be quite a fun task, and surprisingly enough she still hadnâ??t gained any weight.

â??If you do come over, Iâ??ll cook something for you,â? she nodded with a resolute expression. She wished he would come â?? Pogo loathed James with passion, and she never figured out why. The dog was like her child, and if the dog approved, a man was definitely father material. Desiree mentally slapped her at the thought. She was awarding points to the two men to figure out what to do. It was far from being the most mature solution, and she doubted it would be a very effective one, too.

 

[KylarStern]

He laughed when she took that bite and moaned in ecstasy over a cheeseburger. Now there was a sound that set his pulse racing and threw any semblance of a decent thought out the window. He watched her chew through the burger, getting little smudges of mayo and mustard on her lips that she licked off slowly. She wasnâ??t teasing him or anything, she just had a natural sensuality that always got his boat rocking.

When they were married, he could just sit and watch her for hours at a time. He had never met a woman who could make something as mundane as doing the dishes, look like foreplay. She always had an enticing figure, but he was even more conscious of it now. She had aged like expensive wine. Looking even, dare he say it, sexier than before? Watching her, he had this overwhelming urge to lean over and kiss herâ?¦ to feel those soft, full lips pressed to his own.

With great effort, he reeled his mind in and said, â??And why does that sound like a dare?â? The air between then was sexually charged and there was a palpable current of attraction that was finally obvious to the both of them. He took a long sip of the now insipid drink, all the ice having melted and watered it down. But the cool drink helped to calm his nerves a little.

He shrugged and said with a smile, â??Ah wellâ?¦ Iâ??ve not had many complaints so I guess thatâ??s goodâ? referring to how great a teacher she thought he was. So sheâ??d learned to cook? Now there was a surprise. She had always been a light eater. It wouldnâ??t do for a dancer to put on too many calories, after all. For a moment he was saddened when he remembered that, that part of her life was as good as over. So thatâ??s why she was having a cheeseburger after so long. Instead of moping over the accident, she had decided to turn the other cheek and live for herself. She had decided to enjoy herself and everything that sheâ??d denied herself for so long. He wondered if that included him. Although, he never thought of himself as something sinful that she had â??deniedâ?? herself. But it was a nice picture and he smiled.

â??Desiree Dâ??Aether! I hope you arenâ??t trying to impress me now!â? he said with a mock serious expression, which quickly dissolved into a grin. And then to a smaller smile as he looked her straight in the eyes and whispered, â??â??Cos you know you donâ??t have to try.â? He was already looking forward to the weekend. Home cooking, possibly a walk on the beach with a big olâ?? Lab frolicking around themâ?¦ the picture looked almost like a family. A happy one.

He couldnâ??t help but wonder, if it would lead to anything more.

 

[TortoiseShell]

Desiree laughed at his comment, a sly, mischievous expression gracing the pretty face. She shrugged, tilting her head to the side, turning her straw around in the glass. â??Maybe it is, maybe it isnâ??t,â? she murmured, her voice low and almost seductive although the latter wasnâ??t quite intentional. The sexual tension quickly became obvious to her as well. She hasnâ??t been with a man since her accident, and itâ??s been over a month. Jamesâ?? absence, although satisfying in many ways, left her extremely lonely in the most physical of senses.

Now, as she was sitting with the man she was still convinced was the one, she was realizing to what extent. As their conversation turned that way, she couldnâ??t help but remember a more intimate aspect of their marriage. Where James was more conservative, Nathan managed to satisfy her in just about every single way. Although it clearly wasnâ??t all about sex, the sex did take place often and was beyond incredible to her. They were like two pieces of a puzzle, made for one another.

She briefly shut her eyes, the image of them tangled on top of the covers coming to her mind. The memory of it alone was so arousing she had to open her eyes and dismiss it before she did something stupid. Their date on the weekend was probably a giant mistake; if she hardly resisted the temptation when they were separated by a table and surrounded by people, what in the world would she do when there was nobody but them? Her teeth dragged along her lower lip as she thought of that, clearly suggesting that she was either nervous or thinking about something dirty. Her habits were awfully predictable â?? at least to him, since he has had the time to learn most of them.

â??What?â? She blinked as he spoke again, growing flustered. â??No, of course not,â? she giggled, cursing herself for acting like a schoolgirl. â??I just thought youâ??d be proud of me, I could never really cook,â? she smiled meekly, his words sending her heart racing yet again. She took another bite of her burger, setting it aside. Halfway through it and she couldnâ??t take another bite. â??God, the burgers here are huge,â? she exclaimed, brushing a disobedient strand of hair.

â??Iâ??m really happy we ran into each other,â? she stated, laughing as she realized to what extent her sentence was literal. There were so many things she wanted to tell him. Reach out and grab his hand. Lean over the table and kiss him. She glanced at the papers that rested next to her, sighing. â??I teach dance, its history and all that, which shouldnâ??t require a lot of work on my behalf, but god! Itâ??s the first day and I already have to go through a couple of hundred papers. I admire you,â? she smiled warmly. â??What timeâ??s your next class?â? She wondered, glancing on a watch that was lost between her bracelets. She only had a half an hour left.

 

[KylarStern]

He was grinning too by now, happy that she hadnâ??t withdrawn from all the suggestive banter or decided to cancel the date. She was playing along and it was getting rather uncomfortable in places he didnâ??t care to mention just yet. He looked away with embarrassment writ all over his face, trying to get his composure back. Even such silly talk between them was starting to turn him on. But what clearly encouraged him was that she wasnâ??t totally unaffected herself, he could tell.

He fidgeted in his chair trying to find a slightly less â??constrictingâ?? position, stretching out his leg hoping it would help. Unfortunately as he did so, his foot lightly brushed her leg and immediately he was filled with concern, afraid he might have hurt her. When she did not flinch, he relaxed a little, but kept his foot right next to hers. It was a silly thing but that inconspicuous physical contact, felt oddly good to him.

All sorts of inappropriate images were flashing through his mindâ?¦ images of them, naked and sweaty in each otherâ??s armsâ?¦ and it really wasnâ??t helping his situation much. He realized that she wasnâ??t far from affected herself. He remembered the way she bit her lower lip when she was nervous orâ?¦ and he smiled. She was clearly not nervous just then. Not about being here with him. So that could only mean that she was probably thinking something along the same lines as he was, and he averted his gaze with a mischievous look as he lightly rubbed her leg with his.

Playing footsie at their age?!! He shook his head a little, trying to grapple with idea that she could affect him so profoundly. He had always harbored a secret desire that theyâ??d run into each again someday. But this was surely not how he had pictured it would be. He had imagined it might be uncomfortable and a lot more formal. But here they were, teasing each other like not a day had passed. Like nothing much had changed between them. And he found himself hoping again. There was still attraction hereâ?¦ and maybe more.

She was giggling and the sound was music to his ears. â??I am proud of you Deeâ?¦â? he said with a smile, â??â?¦in more ways than I think you realize.â? It was true that she couldnâ??t cook much, in the old days. But that hadnâ??t really mattered. He wasnâ??t a complete klutz in the kitchen. And somehow, they had seemed to complement each other at every turn. Made for each other, he thought ruefully. Suddenly, all the time they had lost weighed heavier on his mind. They were perfect together. He knew he could never be happier with another woman, or even AS happy. She was the only one, for him.

He grinned when she couldnâ??t finish the burger, she never could. He on the other hand was a big eater. And whenever they went out, she had the habit of dumping stuff in his plate. It was almost reflex when he reached out took her plate with a grin saying, â??Here let me help you with that.â? It was just like old times and he nearly stopped himself. But then went ahead and took a bite.

â??I'm glad we met tooâ?¦â? he said and reached for her hand, â??â?¦you have no idea how much Iâ??ve missed you, Dee.â? He wasnâ??t ashamed to admit it now. He was happyâ?¦ hell, he was on cloud nine! But her comment about classes quickly brought him back to reality. He glanced at his watch and realized that he hadnâ??t noticed it was getting late. Time had flown by and he was almost disappointed. â??Yes, we better get back soon. And donâ??t worryâ?¦ it gets easier once you get into the groove of thingsâ? he said about the classes and the course work. He took the papers from her and started to get up, â??But we should be getting backâ?

 

[TortoiseShell]

Desiree shifted slightly, all of a sudden feeling his foot touch the side of hers. Despite herself, she blushed, her body briefly tensing. It wasnâ??t due to the pain, however, but because of the strange electricity that spread through her body the moment their bodies touched. It was incredible how much it felt like the old days. She almost laughed as she thought of their past that way. â??The old daysâ??. It made her feel ancient.

Nonetheless, playing their little games at their age was in fact ridiculous. Nonetheless, it didnâ??t make it any less fun. She shifted slightly, her foot rubbing up against his ankle, a playful grin playing on her lips. Despite the fact that any romance between them would be not only stupid but also forbidden considering her commitment to James, she felt the way she did when they were flirting with each other and nothing was certain yet. Her stomach was filled with butterflies and her heart was pounding so loudly she could hear it. It was a thrilling and horrifying feeling at the same time.

When he went on and took her burger she couldnâ??t help but laugh, it reminded her of the older, better days. They didnâ??t have much money, yet they were happy. There was no fame, yet at the time she didnâ??t feel a need for any. Truth was, she never has. She simply wanted to accomplish her dreams, to meet the famous dancers and they turned out to be wonderful people yet not quite her cup of tea. All of them have initially sought fame, few were in it for the dancing.

â??I missed you too, Nate,â? she murmured, giving his hand a squeeze. She hesitated and let go of him, standing up. â??Hold on,â? she smiled and ran over to the counter, ignoring the pain. She leaned over and murmured something to the cashier who gave her a pen and a paper. A few moments later, she returned to their seat, sliding the paper over to him. It was a small carton, on which she wrote her name in the usual pretty letters, her number appearing right under. â??Iâ??m not here tomorrow, and I have to do something, but if you are up for the weekend, or if you want to talk, text me or call, okay?â? She smiled warmly, standing up again.

She glanced outside, sighing softly. The last thing she wanted to do was to go back there. However, she stood up and pulled him along, her arm returning under his. The waitresses smiled at each other when the two were leaving; seemingly thinking that it was sweet for two people to be so in love that they followed everything down to the otherâ??s career paths. It always seemed to be that way. People smiled when they saw them walk by. Perhaps it was because they looked like they were in their own world, built for nobody but them.

â??Donâ??t talk anymore, okay?â? She suddenly murmured, smiling playfully. She found out that talking to him was extremely comfortable, yet she wanted to see if the same went for silences. In the past, they could remain silent for hours, yet not because there was nothing to say, simply because it felt right somehow. Now, as she walked by his side, she realized that it was still the case. â??My next class is here,â? she stopped in front of a building across the road from the deli. â??Iâ??m really happy I met you again,â? she murmured, smiling. She had to resist the temptation to kiss him. â??I hope Iâ??ll see you soon,â? she whispered and stood on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek, before pulling away to leave.

 

[KylarStern]

He clutched the little scrap of paper on which sheâ??d written her number down for him, as he waited watching her walk into the building where her next class was. It had not been a long walk from the deli and he felt a pang of regret. It had been wonderful to see her again and he was beyond glad that there had been no awkward moments. And when she had wanted to walk back in silence, it had been a comfortable one.

He was smiling as he walked the rest of the way back to the university where his next class was. A couple of the students who saw him wondered what was up and he was certain he heard a few giggled speculations as to its reasons. But he couldnâ??t care less. In fact, he doubted he couldâ??ve stopped smiling even if he wanted to. It was as if a cloud that had come to rest over his head, had finally moved on.

But now that he was alone once again, he found heâ??d started to miss her already. The rest of his day dragged unimaginably slow without her. Oh how he wished it was the weekend already, so he could be with her again. He went through his classes, behaving like a perfect candidate for the role of absent minded professor. Every so often, his hand would slip inside his pocket as he touched the paper with her number on it. She had said he should call if we wanted to just talk. And hell, he did.

It wouldâ??ve been a right sight creepy if he did he knew and so restrained himself. After all, why spoil something that seemed to be going quite so well? It wasnâ??t very long, although it felt like an eternity, before he was done for the day. He didnâ??t have any plans for the evening, and so decided to drop by the pub for a few short drinks. But once, heâ??d reached thereâ?¦ he was reluctant to go in. It had been a perfect day. And suddenly, this wasnâ??t how he wanted to end it.

He decided to take a little walk instead, back to his apartment. His neighbour was walking out of the place, just as he reached. Having exchanged sufficient pleasantries so as not to appear impolite, he bid good night and walked up the stairs to his room. Having let himself in, he put on some music and poured himself a little wine, before changing and heading in for a quick shower.

Once he was out and settled in his favourite armchair, he found himself thinking once again of all that had transpired today. It was almost a dreamâ?¦ and he wished theyâ??d had more time together. He couldnâ??t help but wonder if there was still hope for them. She may be having second thoughts, but the fact of the matter remained that she was still engaged. And if anything should happen between themâ?¦ would she feel guilty about it later?

That wasnâ??t a comforting thought. He didnâ??t want to walk back into her life only to ruin it all for her. If she chose to end it with James, that was another matter entirely. But could she live with herself, if she cheated on him. And what kind of a strain would that put on their relationship? Would she even look at him after that? Suddenly, he wasnâ??t all that sure of the upcoming weekend. He knew he wanted to be with her so much, it ached in places heâ??d forgotten existed inside him. He wished life wasnâ??t so complicated.

 

[TortoiseShell]

The sunshine seemed brighter and leaves greener that day. Throughout the lecture, Desiree too found herself grinning. Sadly enough however, she was no longer a student and other peopleâ??s attention was not an easy thing to dodge. Thankfully quite a few of her students thought that she was simply a warm person, a pleasant surprise considering her reputation in the world of dancing. Behind the scenes she was gentle, helpful to those with less skill than her, yet all they knew was a woman whose movements were filled with passion while her face and mainly eyes remained cold.

Following the lecture, she drove back home, the strain on her leg proving to be quite impressive. Hardly able to walk over to her couch, she plopped down, remaining still through most of the night. Her dog rested beside her, despite the fact that the piece of furniture was made out of leather. James told her that she was crazy to let her puppy do as it pleased around the house, yet she didnâ??t see the reason to owning a couch if the creature she considered to be part of her family couldnâ??t use it. The fire crackled in the fireplace, creating a soothing atmosphere as the soft sound mixed with that of waves crashing against the shore.

On her thighs rested the numerous papers containing studentsâ?? information and so forth. She flipped through them with a smile, surprised by the incredible diversity of the group. Peopleâ??s dreams, aspirations, past â?? they were all completely different. The only thing uniting all of them was dance. She found it so beautiful that she couldnâ??t help but let tears trickle down her cheeks. Perhaps the beauty of it was merely an element contributing to her tears, most of them caused by the fatigue and her encounter with Nathan.

In an hour he shifted her world, turning it upside down. She was still in love with him. That thought came to her as she read one of the questions she placed on her questionnaires. â??What do you want most?â?? It read. Some said money, others fame, yet one girl simply wrote â??Loveâ??. At first, it made Desiree smile with contempt. What a childish thing to write, she thought to herself. However, as she thought about it, she realized that in the end, it was what most people wanted. Money was good, yet as long as someone was there to share it with. The same thing went for fame.

It was then that it became obvious to her that she had to break things off with James. He never made her heart beat as fast as Nathan had, and she doubted she could live with him. If only it was as easy as it sounded. She was terrified. If she made a wrong step, everything would crumble down. She wasnâ??t young enough to allow that to happen. What other ways were there? Cheating on her fiancé seemed an obvious one, yet what would follow? She would know whether she and Jonathan could create a new life together, yet it would inevitably change things.

He wouldnâ??t be her husband, the man who first held her in every way. The man who first stole her heart and never gave it back. He would be the man she cheated on her fiancé with, she realized it as well as he did. Nevertheless, she couldnâ??t help but steal a glance at the phone every once in a while, wondering why was it that he wasnâ??t calling. She wished he would at least text her, she had no idea what his phone number was after all.

The following day would last an eternity, she thought to herself with a thigh as she put the last paper away. She walked off to the shower, keeping her cellphone close. Another day of therapy separated her from a weekend that could change her entire life.

 

[KylarStern]

For a really long time his thoughts chased each other in a maddening circle inside his head. He knew what he wanted and he knew it was probably a mistake. But he still couldnâ??t help imagining her in his arms. And it was true, she had only grown more beautiful in the time theyâ??d been away. Where as, heâ??d fallen in love with a girl who had danced her way into his heart and life, today heâ??d felt the same love for a woman who had chosen to stand up defiantly against the vagaries of fate.

Of course, it didnâ??t help that she had grown into this ravishingly desirable woman. A small smile played on his lips as his thoughts returned to the time they had spent together. Sitting across her at the deli, his eyes had surreptitiously taken in every little detail. Her body had been great, but now it was perfect. Countless times during the day he had wanted to pull her to him in a hug, just to feel that perfection pressed to himself. Her lips... pink and full begged to be kissed and moreâ?¦ her eyes still had that enigmatic quality that made him feel like she could see straight into his soul. He wondered for a moment, if she really couldâ?¦ and whether she knew just how much love burned within him for her still.

A warmth was spreading through him and he wondered if it was her or the wine. Just thinking about her was turning him hot under the collar, and he grinned at how much she could affect him without even being in the same room. His fingers snaked up to the silver chain around his neck and he pulled out the golden band that hung strung though it. He slipped the chain off his neck and removed his wedding ring. He stared at it for a long time, wondering why heâ??d never been able to get rid of it, or at the least put it away some place. Instead, he carried it around with him everywhere he went, strung around his neck.

He quietly slipped the ring onto his finger and slowly turned his hand this way and that. It still felt right he decided. It belonged on his finger and nowhere else. Of course he couldnâ??t possibly turn up at her doorstep on the weekend wearing that. It would be such a weird and pathetic thing to do. And just like that, his confusion had vanished. He would goâ?¦ he knew that now. As the decision was made, he felt his heart lighten and the yearning returned. He shook his head slightly, knowing that he was smittenâ?¦ all over again.

He suddenly realized, he was still holding on to that paper sheâ??d jotted her number down on. He couldn't remember how it got there, but realized that he really wanted to call and hear her voice again. He was nervous, what if she was busyâ?¦ or had already slept. He looked at the clockâ?¦ it was almost 10 pm. He himself was a late sleeper but he knew her to be more disciplined. And would he come across as desperate?

He shrugged knowing there was only one way to find out and so reached for his phone. He wondered what heâ??d say to her. Then smiled remembering their little trysts on the phone, back in the day. She could be shy and coy sometimes when they were together, but put her on the other end of a phone and her inhibitions vanished. It brought an unbidden grin to his face as he remembered. Of course, there was little chance of that now!

He punched in her numbers and listened to the line connecting. When her phone started to ring, he was feeling a little nervous and his heart fluttered in his chest. It was a feeling he hadnâ??t felt in a long time. As the phone continued to ring he wondered if sheâ??d pick up at all. He hadnâ??t given her his number, so it would show up only as an unknown number.

 

[TortoiseShell]

The night was slow, every minute lasting an eternity. Following a glass of red wine â?? she generally took one every few days. In certain ways, she was a health freak. Eight hours of sleep per night, balanced diet, all of those things that seemed to take a lot of effort for most came naturally to her. That night, however, she had a hard time resisting the chocolate bar in her fridge.

Her phone was silent if it hadnâ??t been for Jamesâ?? calls. She didnâ??t reply to a single one of them, refusing to speak to him. That day changed her world, and she was worried that she would make an irreversible mistake. He annoyed her, he had been since the accident, yet that day a snowball turned into a large sphere, rolling down the hill. Everything steadily piled up and she was the type of person who did things and regretted them later â?? on the personal front at least.

Annoyed with everything, she turned on the television and watched Cinderella, a cartoon she landed upon accidentally. As usual, she ended up in tears by the end. There was something about the cartoon that struck her. All of the fairytales ended with marriage. There was no previous passion, no pursuit, merely happiness. It was then that she realized the true reason she divorced him. She was afraid of happiness. It terrified her, made her feel like she would lose it so she left it willingly, expecting that it would make things easier. She didnâ??t want to wake up one morning and realize that their passion was gone and merely the quiet happiness remained. The prospect of living with the same man who would eventually lose interest in her because she was so readily available, the prospect of losing the fire in her life â?? it was hell. She preferred great suffering to indifference, her source of life being emotions.

What in the world was she going to do with that knowledge was the main question to her at that point. Was it appropriate to tell him what she realized or was it a piece of information to keep to herself? She nipped on her thumb, trying to figure things out. With Nathan, she felt like she belonged, like he could understand her without speaking, like she could tell him anything at all. Hiding things was most likely a mistake, yet how would she put it?

Before the night ended, she too was wearing the ring he gave her. She never had the heart to get rid of him, for it would mean that things truly were over. She kept it in a hidden compartment of a desk. The hiding places were another small obsession of hers. On book shelves stood empty books, in furniture were hidden spots and so forth. She hid their pictures, articles from her past and family heirlooms. At times, she forgot what was where, yet when she managed to find anything it was a little heaven for her.

As the clock reached ten oâ??clock, she was getting ready for sleep, her eyes remaining puffy and her voice still sounding as though she has spent the night crying. Pulling on her pajamas, she crawled onto the bed, her dog resting under her head as a pillow. â??Pogoâ?¦You know, I love you,â? she nudged the dog with a smile, receiving a comforting howl. She laughed softly, kissing the dogâ??s nose. â??You evil little creatureâ?¦let me have my pillow back?â? She nudged the dog again yet the latter refused, prolonging her time awake by a good ten minutes. When they finally settled, she shut her eyes, ready to drift away, having lost all hopes of Nathan calling her when suddenly the phone rang, causing her heart to leap a mile an hour.

She picked up the phone with a shaky hand only to see an unknown number. Her heart beating wildly, she pressed the on button. â??Hello?â? She murmured, her voice sweet and delicate, filled with hope despite her attempts to hide it.