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Just Correct: Me, plain and simple

My lady told me today how much she loves me, and the way she said it shocked me.

"I love you unconditionally, and that means accepting all of who you are."

Asking her what she meant, and telling her she was not going to be in trouble, she of course continued.

"You never hide from me you are a person, and you always show me all of you. I just don't know why you hide from everyone else."

I couldn't answer her for several minutes, mostly because when I answer that question, in never is good enough of an answer. I believe in simple answers, though they really are not easy to accept, sometimes not even for me. She accepts the simple reality that I am her Master, and all that means. And that is why with her I don't hide who I am. She is the one of the few people who has earned that right, because she has never turned away from me or made like she is threatening to do so. What she said next really hit home for me, though.

"Yeah, and I love you even when you see a "threat" in something that was really a plea for you to accept something that had to be."

I now know just how bad I screwed something really good up.
 
Yesterday... was just a total disaster.

Someone once told me that January weddings are cursed, and now I am REALLY beginning to believe them.

The short version is thus. My lovely lemon drop and I (if you cannot handle a Master who still calls his slave sweet nothings, don't read my Journal.. had enough of that lately in the real world. lol) were at her cousin's wedding. I knew I should have sensed things were ... amiss let's say... when there were four police units assigned to patrol around a Methodist church and the block around. That just doesn't happen down here... like asking Bob from the Joy Of Painting if he could tone it down... No one would address when it was asked, but I had to duck out and answer nature's call, and I found one of the officers also in there.

While thoroughly washing, the officer and I, like guys can tend to, struck up a conversation. It was still a good hour before the wedding was going to happen, and we talked for a few. I didn't directly broach the subject, in fact he offered. "Oh, we're here because her ex is getting released, just isn't getting it is over , and they are scared the wedding is going to be interrupted because of it."

Let me go on record saying this: I think, on the whole, most people make weddings out to be something they are not. Fortunately, I don't have to deal with the really big three as far as that is concerned. I have a woman who is NEVER going to be a Bridezilla, a potential MIL and mother who both give input but know this is OUR wedding, and we do have a bit of help from a planner who has the same view as the moms, but also isn't afraid to tell us when something may or flat out doesn't work. However... that is not the situation here. Methodists, tied with Episcopalians and Presbyterians for a close second behind Catholics, have intense wedding related issues, and produce or have all of the three above much worse than any others from my life experience. Needless to say, I had a very small argument with my lady, but she apologized as she didn't know all of the story and I also digressed and let go of my discomfort at the possibility, however minute, that I could ruin a very nice suit helping to tackle a ex-con who doesn't get that his EX is in love with and marrying someone else today.

The rest of the hour passed, and everything was going smooth. EVERYTHING, I will say very succinctly, from the wedding colors (three very complementary shades of blue) to the designs of the bridesmaids dresses (yeah, I notice this, because I do give a shit.. guys.. women WORK THERE ASSES OFF TO LOOK GOOD.. learn to appreciate some of it...lol), to the piano that was playing. They even wrote their own vows, which I always find cool and very personalizing of a wedding. I had almost forgotten about the ex.... until the moment came.

"If anyone here knows of any reason......"

(I pause for a moment to say here that, though this recounting is long enough as it is, I have to give a short list of how many weddings I have attended, or been a part of, where things didn't go as smoothly as even in those romantic comedies....

1990- accidentally spilled punch on the bride's gown (fortunately, it came out and she was only shocked by how cold it was hitting her breasts
1991- let out a HUGE fart that stopped the wedding (fortunately, again, no one realized it was me, and it being in a church without proper air conditioning people took my blush to being flustered from heat)
1992- (a two for year) ended up at three in the morning the best man at a shotgun wedding and ended up at a wedding at a snake handlers' church (INFORMATION I REALLY NEEDED AT THE TIME.. and much worse than the shotgun one, by FAR...)
1994 - Was best man for a close friend who "got lost" on his wedding day in the French Quarter of New Orleans (I just now can go into those four bars I was banned from now... another LONG story....)
1995/1996/1998 - FIVE separate weddings which weather caused the wedding to nearly be ruined.
1997- my first gay wedding (fuck that "commitment ceremony" shit.. they are married. The one mother got into a fistfight with the other mom, blaming her that "I am never gonna have grand babies now.."

That is a small swath.. but you get the idea, and that is just from the 1990s.... back to the main story of yesterday...)

"If anyone here knows of any reason...."

"I do!! She loves me!! I know she does!!!"

At this point, a little detail that was missing needs to be pointed out. The GENDER of the ex was not addressed.. till this moment. The bride, a very lovely young woman, was in total dismay as ANOTHER very lovely young woman came charging down the aisle. This turned out to be her ex-bisexual lover who just outed the bride in front of her entire family, friends, and about... oh... 250 OTHER PEOPLE... as bi also. She hopped up on the arm of one pew, up onto the back of another, and FLEW over a bunch more onto the groom....

Fifteen minutes later.... after I, the groomsmen. and three others (TEN OF US) had pulled her off of the groom (who spent another fifteen stopping a nose bleed, making certain it was stopped, and using ice to reduce and make up to conceal a black eye) and the cops arrested her for violating the restraining order, she was forced, to watch the wedding in cuffs.. standing at the back of the wedding... eight cops around her....

Of course she was not at the reception... And now I am wondering what will happen at my own nuptials... cold feet, anyone?
 
Work is very slow today, but it seems that way because I let myself get ahead of things. Being that as it may, though, today is a nice day and I genuinely wish I could share it with other people. Not overly warm for this part of the season, but nice, cool, and very tranquil. Which is the total opposite of what I recounted from the wedding, and that is how it goes.

I have to admit that I am glad that so much happens. I still am very wary of weddings, but the truth is that "normal" doesn't exist. I deal with some of THE most (and it is not unwarranted by them by any means) egotistical enlightened educated idiots the world has ever seen. I get paid to show them what they cannot put into a manuscript and publish and why, and then I have to deal with people who supposedly are "geniuses of the written word" telling me that I don't know what I am talking about.

What I hate most happened today, as I had the pleasure of getting DEFENDED by a Russian woman who, repeatedly, USED to do that very thing. Had a meeting with one of those writers that I most often deal with, has a following but the market is small compared to "international best sellers" (which, you would be surprised, has a surprising profit margin and allows for more anonymity than one would think) and this person accused me of "being against freedom of speech". I laughed at the person, who got upset as I started to walk away, as the Russian woman was waiting for me to get to meet with her and hers, and this person followed me to the other room ranting that I was a fascist, nazi, communist.. and a whole bunch of other terms that all contradicted each other but he did it to show of his "immense vocabulary". The Russian shut him up by picking up a small pocket sized book and placed it into his hands, and simple said: "You need to read this." It was a copy of "The Pocket Patriot", which contains a complete copy of the Declaration and the Constitution with all the Amendments. She finished with saying. "Because by what you were saying, you are a Loony who never really read it in school."

This brings me to the point, which isn't a rant really, but rather a window into me. Free speech... free press, has both guidelines and consequences as well as flexibility and rewards. I live it every day, deal with it all the time, and sometimes it pushes my buttons. That is because, quite frankly, even on the internet, everything you say and post can be used against you. It really is only courtesy that most people don't get their asses sued or in some other way penalized for what they write. We love to think that the days of Grace Metalious getting penalized for writing Peyton Place, but the truth is we're not, and we never will be. The truth is, I am not really sorry to say, is we have to have that in place, just not to make it a double standard. Everyone ought to be penalized or not penalized at all for the same level things, and give the same penalties accordingly.

Simple, just not easy.. or rather.. not easy for people to accept so people go to far to one side or the other.
 
Today.. Punxutawney Phil didn't see his shadow.

http://news.yahoo.com/spring-near-punxsutawney-phil-doesnt-see-shadow-182143466.html

The little chubby bugger who had, if by proxy, a starring role in one of Bill Murray's BEST movies of all time, "Groundhog Day", of course, has giving the green light for an early spring. Having said that, I kind of hope for a more mellow 2013 weather wise than 2012 was.

The weather on this planet is cyclical, and I remember things that many others don't. I may not remember the name, but I do remember back in the mid- to late 1980s going through a couple of hurricanes that knocked things out down here similar to Katrina back in 2005, just not for an entire month or the level of damage.. but some places still had it worse.

Not being gloom and doom, rather I am asking... Why do we humans come up with bullshit to "explain" things that we already had happen.. or didn't have happen.


.. anyone out there still thinking that Mayan crap is EVERY going to happen?????
 
There are days I hate not having anything to say, and I don't want to just say something totally trivial. that leads me to today, and something that has become abundantly clear.

As I was having some lunch with my office door open, I listened to several of the women that are in the office as assistants and the topic of conversation was interesting. The topic on something that, up until now, I honestly was thinking was either dead or that was common knowledge. It was on "why some men seem so helpless at (insert household chore here)". As I do not owe loyalty to all other men on the planet just because I have a penis and testicles, I got up from my Phad Thai Supreme, and went in and very calmly went to get my own refill of tea. Coming back, as the girl I had given the advice about guys vs. men in an entry above was one of those talking, she and the rest of them asked why. As I don't see the reason to lie, I decided to inform them of the truth... something that, as sexist as this sounds, is beyond true. Below is pretty much word for word what I said.

"To paraphrase legendary comedian Bill Cosby: men are geniuses at FAKING stupidity. For everything that they REALLY cannot do, they are faking two out of three to nine out of ten things. The one of the reasons for that (answering one young woman's question of "why do that?") is simple. It is the same reason for Faking knowledge when it is something we REALLY don't know about... it is because we SHOULDN'T HAVE TO KNOW EVERYTHING that is expected, and we also don't like being treated either like idiots or children over things we OBVIOUSLY know about. The other reason is that we may not (read that as meaning DON'T) want to do it, and we WILL may it where someone (even if it is one of our own children if we have them) will stop us from, in the words of more than a few women, 'blowing up the house'. Their are four classifications of men this doesn't apply to: geeks, 'self-made' men, Dominants/Masters, and 'the average gay man'."

I pause here, as I feel that as three of those apply to me, I need to explain as I did to them. I NEVER just leave it at that, as I know what I am dealing with with young women ages 18-24. Condensed here are the reasons why those four subdivisions of men are usually not in that classification. Geeks (of all types) either had to go through hell to even get a woman or they were either "friend zoned" or "pack-mule utilized" to the point that they listened to ALL of the stories that the women around them told while they THOUGHT the said male was too busy looking at breasts and asses, and spent enough time living in a situation they had to do many things themselves (sorry.. the "living in mom and dad's basement/attic" thing was made up by jerk-off guys and drama queen overgrown adolescent girls more than it is real)/ "Self-made men", as they didn't get their jobs or means from always kissing someone's ass feel no need to lie as they are probably as aware of what is in the house and now to use them. Dominants/Masters are a combination of the previous two, and most certainly know how to do many things (many actually MAKE their own "play" gear so they are true JOATs (Jacks Of All Trades). The last doesn't need explaining. Those four not only have no fear of telling a woman they won't do it even if they know how, but they also will have no fear of telling her when SHE is doing it wrong even if she "has done it that way for..... however long.

I then finished and returned to my still very warm lunch, as I did cover it back in the container. I then answered the only snide comment that I heard.

"If that is true, how come Cosmo, Redbook, and... (several other women's magazine names) .. doesn't write about that?"

I looked right at her as I said it, my Honey snickering as I had told her this before.

"That is because those articles in those magazines are written by women who either have pussy whipped milquetoasts for men, women who are perpetually getting married or divorced, or women who buy into Oprah "empowerment" and are just as without men as she is."

For some reason, I am the favorite guy in our office simply for telling the truth. I cannot imagine why.
 
There are things I just didn't want to know. Today was a very simple example.

I took the day off, and I spent the day with my babe and all. I went with my nephew and niece to our classes, and then I had to go to take care of a ticket I got. I deserved it and I didn't contest it, rather I went to take care of it as a good citizen would. When I got there to the mostly empty court room, I noticed that I recognized both the not bad at all looking female bailiff and then the lawyer from the DA's office. After going up and talking to the lawyer, I sat down and I waited for the judge to arrive as I wanted to get out of there before . As there were only five other people there, and I had the last letter last name for the docket, I was last after everyone else left. The judge also was looking at me funny, and then after she dismissed the court asked me if I knew a certain name that I use at conventions like DragonCon. I told her that I did, and owed up to it. and she then politely informed me that we had met before. She had been in costume at one of my earlier con attendances. She was Batgirl and my first "Con weekend girl". The lawyer also identified herself as the "Psylocke" from several of my Con trips in the past, and the bailiff revealed she also remembered me as well as she was "Supergirl" for me also.

My fiance was there. I blushed not because of our remembering each other, but because of where it was taking place. Fortunately... I got out of there without a fine because I had the proof that the ticket required. They gave me their numbers and said if the two of us ever want to play, there would be no problem with their significant others.

That was around 2 Pm. I am still red as a beet and she is still laughing her ass off every time she thinks about it.
 
Yesterday evening, a pretty intense tornado hit here. The primary damage was to the University here in town, the bus housing and repair barn, a bit of damage to the high school, and signs, lights, and power lines down on the main road through the middle of town. The lessons for me, my niece, and my nephew are understandably cancelled for today, but there were over 60 injured and now there is a lot of work being done to find out if that is all the major aftermath. There are trees bent in areas all over town that will need to be handled, but that is why every city service with access to sirens is all over the city. We made Yahoo news.. finally real people with real crisis to deal with and no lies about how horrible and backward people are here.

On an aside... I think "storm chasers" are crazy.
 
Today was a very good Valentine's day, one for the record books.

The short version is just special. My lady and I went to a nice Japanese place for lunch, then did a bit of shopping (for our fun. LOL), and then we went and saw a couple of movies and then had Thai for dinner. The best part about it is we didn't have to pay for anything, as it was all gifts we got from friends and family. Nothing like a romantic day out, all of it free.. leading to a night of very intensive fun together.

A very Happy Valentine's for the both of us.
 
There really are some things that I should have been left in the dark about.... like what my future in laws told me today at lunch.

They felt comfortable enough with me and their daughter to inform us that they "dabbled in fun stuff too". To cut to the meat of it, they told us about how they loved dress up role play as "lord of the manor and the clumsy French Maid". They are not old by any stretch of the imagination, so there is not wiggling saggy issues to it. What is the point is neither I nor she either offered up information nor requested it. The image is still with me eight hours later... especially of her mom telling me her and his favorite positions....

closes eyes lamenting loudly like Christopher Titus at the end of "Titus is Dead" ep of his series.... I CAN STILL SEE IT!!!!!
 
Four days is a while, and some things suffered because of the fact I am dealing with one med not being effective any longer. The long and short is that my mercurial moods have really gotten the better of me and some things suffered and others didn't. My lady even was worried, and today for the most part I have been to blah to even not admit it.

We all get there, to the point where we just say we needed to not care for the moment. Sometimes it is because someone pisses us off, sometimes it is because we are off, but we all do. I am just sorry other people suffered because I thought I was fucking alright. But that is not the point. The point is that now I am going to have to get a new medication, and that is fine with me. I crashed and burned when the one stopped working, and now just have to deal.
 
At 9:30 PM last night, I had to go to the ER. My blood sugar went wiggy. Needless to say, I have not been on here to post to my journal till now.

It is also a frightening reality that I will never be able to eat like a college kid any more. In short, I really am barreling down the path of being middle aged (shudders at that.) But it really isn't that bad. I now get to tell my niece and nephew, and one day my own kids perhaps, the truth about a lot of things at the appropriate times.

I'm going to tell them about the college parties where I was stupid and paid the price. I am going to tell them about how many times I really could have ended up in lockup because of some stupid prank, or because of the girls whose IDs should have been looked at more closely. I even intend to tell them about the one and only joint I smoked that did nothing at all for me.

Why?? Because kids need to be reminded that just because it is fun, doesn't mean their are not consequences.
 
I didn't have much to post on here till now, but that happens sometimes. That is real life, that sometimes you don't have anything to share other than that you are alive and doing fine.

The last week really was just mostly the same old same old, but yesterday I really enjoyed the day. After work, my baby and I picked up my niece and nephew, and then went to both the riding and ballet classes. In the respective "communal learning experiences", I talked to an older couple who were "flower children" back in the day. They were a nice older couple, and they really were healthy and well rounded people, not like those who "pine away" for the days of Woodstock and the Summer of Love. They really were cool.. and they really were adult enough to admit that a lot of things they really shouldn't have done. I admire them in that, as any one who is a mature and well rounded adult admits that.

I am not an expert, but I do admit there are things I wish I could undo. MANY THINGS.
 
Tomorrow is a big day for me, and with it so close, I have taken a long look around and back, and I have asked myself the biggest question that is worth asking. The office party for me, a day early, had me thinking about it and I realize that any reasonable person would answer the question the same way. One of the most adorable of our offices assistants asked me, and I really got to take time to pause and think.

"Is there anything you wish you would have done differently?" The answer is simple. "Hell, yes."

Nothing in life is perfect, it is a balance of successes and regrets, and also of things you are glad you did and things you wish you never did. Some things I do regret totally, beyond and doubt, and there are chances either wasted, squandered, not seen, or not given. Today, It dawned on me the one thing I am not sorry for though, something that makes it clear to me what is so very cool about things in life for me.

I totally and genuinely accept two basic truths that so many only see through rose-colored glasses if they see them at all. Those things are that I cannot control everything, no matter what it is, and that the universe, in no fashion what so ever, ever has or ever will revolve around me. I totally accept that, and that is just the basic reality of things. The pure acceptance of that affects everything else, but I learned today, watching that guy who was fired finally getting the rest of his stuff out of what used to be his office, just how key those are to accepting that everything has both rewards and consequences. People who go through life, like him, who get everything they want, no matter how little they deserve it, eventually will have to deal, and some who do things they should will get measures of satisfaction and reward.

All of this at an early birthday party.. I know. I get very introspective in many situations, but the truth is that everything is a life lesson, always has been. That, and those realizations, I never apologize for. You don't apologize for getting it.
 
I am very happy about this week, the best part of which happened yesterday (I say yesterday as it is Saturday here now.)

My niece and I are now part of the competitive riding team, and we are going to get to go later this year to a competition in Tennessee. I am very pleased, as this means that she and I are going to go and spend time together. My nephew and I, of course, will also get to do some local performances for our dance class, and very much I am pleased with live in general. Things are going well, and I just realized the other day that I am happy. It is hard to say that, as for so long I had to worry about it, but you know how that happens. I am still going to vent from time to time, as not everything is all moonlight and roses.. or root beer and pizza as the case may be.
 
Today is the pits, and in more than one way.

Not depressed, rather that it is bad because I am ill. Every year, this time of year, I have one really bad case of sinus problems. It doesn't lead to anything else, but that is because I end up taking both Claritin AND Benadryl to knock it out. I have, unfortunately, a high drug tolerance as well. This is something that I have to deal with all the time, and in situations like this, it is really bad. I don't wish this misery on anyone for any reason, not even people who hate my guts. It is beyond inconvenient for me, especially as it intensifies my photosensitivity among other things. Right now, thanks to it, I am wearing my shades in my office, the blinds closed and the lights off, with my monitor at the lowest adjustment I can get away with to still do anything. It is not something that anyone should have to go through, let me tell you.

I will be going home early, as I made a deal with my boss. I have to take the rest of the day, or I will not be able to handle any of the classes tomorrow, and I refuse to disappoint my niece and nephew. I am their favorite uncle, and have to keep up that "image of invincibility" some nitwit (the one I see in the mirror) cultivated in them at an early age.
 
Very simple thing to say. The last eight days have been wonderful, and that really is all I have to report on here this time.
 
Some reflection has left me with some reality, and I have realized that there are things I just cannot do when I am thoroughly and totally pissed off about something. This journal has been one of them.

I have a lot of comfort in the reality that my online role-play and real life never intersect, and that is comforting. That is because, to be very honest, there has to be a line. That line has to be visible and present, no matter how thin it is or how precariously it is walked. I have learned from past mistakes, and I have to say that involving real life, in any way, with certain online things too much is very bad. It gets more messy than it should be, but sometimes those things just have to happen.

Hurting people you love happens both online and in the real world, and walls get put up, and that is understandable. How long those walls remain is not really for the offender to decide. I have seen it, and sometimes the wall has to come down from the person who as been hurts side. People on here know that one of my favorite writers is Laurel K. Hamilton, and in one of her novels, she writes the truth. "Love is loving someone no matter who they are and in spite of who they are."
 
This weekend has been interesting, but not overly out of the blue. My family is finally getting it that I am not putting up with drama from them, and that is very cool.

It is very hard to write in this journal sometimes because, like any human being with natural paranoia I don't share everything. I don't see it as something that is always needed, and I just try and censor myself. Sometimes that makes me realize that perhaps it makes few people give a damn about what I write, but then I try and right like if I am talking to someone in the first place. That means there tends to be rambling, although that when I am thoughtful past the point other people feel is needed or is "appropriate" they get upset. I just let them get upset these days. I let a lot of people just get upset because, and this is a commentary point that usually I don't label as such, in reality, we all get upset about things that don't really matter. I leave it there, and just let people who are going to believe what they want to believe do that. It isn't my problem, and that helps me stay sane with my life. I did that with my family the last six months more and more, and though I still like and love them and the people who project, it still is not my problem any longer. Not my baggage to drudge through.

My family finally is getting that though, and I think it is because I don't rant or rave anymore with them. Instead, I just simply and politely "pipe bomb". That is what we call around my work when a character in a book, movie, show, or anything even semi-scripted, just in a state of "my give-a-fuck-is-busted", says a few very truthful things, and then just lets it go. There used to be a lot of traveling "evangelists" (I say that in quotes for reasons that may be already known) who would, as a minister I know would say, "Blow In, Blow Up, and then Blow away. They would show up in a town or area, give some intense sermons, some "fire and brimstone", and then leave to let the rubble be sorted through. That was the kind of "church" that was frequent down here, and in many cases, it was bad because it was a lot of guilt layering to make people feel shame and ashamed about being imperfect. The big issue, though, came when the evangelist was legit, didn't give an "F and B" sermon, but focused on things that, as a student of human nature, they could see needed to be given attention. Sometimes it was gentle and loving, sometimes harsh and parental, but then they at least helped some before they left if it was their job.

The thing about that is... the "pipe bomber", no matter who it is, actually did something that sometimes we don't like. "The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off." While I think it is hysterical that Gloria Steinem said that, being the hypocrite she is, that is the point. It doesn't matter if it is a hypocrite, or a bitter person, or someone who "never gets what is wrong with themselves...", the matter in hand is... is what they said true? Is the spotlight, flashlight, or flood lamp beam of truth true? Are they talking about something you don't want to deal with and carry around all the time into every relationship and use it to project? I tell my family all the time this, and I just offer it up to anyone who may be bored enough to read anything I write on here. The most important thing we need to do is look at ourselves before we immediately get defensive. In the "church", that is called "removing the beam from your own eye" before offering to help someone else with the "splinter" in theirs.

We are all alike.. all human and all imperfect. It is just the biggest problem we have with each other is we don't like to be called a hypocrite... especially when it is true. I have the tendency, just like everyone else, so no claims of perfection here. But I find... the more of a hypocrite you are... the more upset you get for being called one. That is baggage I refuse to have put on my cart to the plane when it clearly has someone else's name on the tag. I have my own, not any member of my family's nor any of my friends, co-workers, online acquaintances, or role-play partners. I refuse to have that put on me. Just correct and simple and plain. Also.. I get accused of "sermonizing", but here is the truth.. it only sounds like that to people who need to read it and realize it is about them.
 
Today I have no pithy and witty things to say about the events of the last week or so, but I have something to say.

Terrorists are bullies, plain and simple. Tolerating them and giving them excuses for their behavior just empowers them.

Bullies are empowered by allowing them to have things that don't belong to them, allowing them to paint themselves as victims, or apologizing endlessly when they never will forgive you, even when you never did anything wrong in the first place. All terrorists are bullies, and they they get off on making people feel afraid and powerless, and the easiest way to stop bulliest is to deal with them.

"But things will escalate!" Perhaps, but then bullies find a way to make that happen no matter what. They use any little bitty excuse to press when they have the psychological advantage, and that is how they get advantages like blackmail, hostages, weapons, and so on.

It is time to stop being afraid of them, and start doing what needs to be done to bullies. They deserve what they bring on themselves, and so do those who follow in their footsteps. This is not about make it a "nice world where everyone can live in harmony". The song "Imagine", not to pick on anyone at all, doesn't happen because bullies are tolerated and too many people care more about the bullies' "difficult to meet needs" than the lives they ruin or outright destroy.

I have friends in Boston and Texas. I have friends in Israel, a city that has lived with this longer than anyone, and I am tired of people pretending that a kind word and a hug will make bullies stop. The time for that is over, and maybe it is time to start remembering that speaking softly and carrying a big stick... when having the choice between peace and righteousness and choosing righteousness is the way to go to stand up to bullies.. has come again.

But then.. I just want to continue to live in a world where sites like this get to be in existence... but never mind me. I never know what I am talking about anyway. Right?
 
The oddest thing happened today... and it think it is funny.

I was driving along home, and the 1987 Rick Astley song "Never Gonna Give You Up" came on the radio. It was at the very beginning, and I was so into it that I started singing along. I actually love the song, but then, after the end of the song I changed the station.

It was playing on the next station... and then the next... and the next.... and the next. For the next several stations.

I Rick-rolled myself. I was laughing so hard after a few minutes I pulled over to the side of the road and continued laughing. I couldn't help it at all. It till me about fifteen minutes to stop. I was laughing so hard I was crying, and I needed a really good laugh like that.

I Rick-rolled myself, and I cannot help but love that I can share that.
 
I got reminded today that I rarely talk about role-playing on here, in my journal. That is a bit of disservice as this is a role-playing board that this journal is on. Having said that, I think that how and what one role-plays, no matter how slightly or for a short term, reflects oneself. It reflects details about who you are, or want to be in some way. Both can be good, but both can be bad. I say this because there no matter the kind of role-play, it reveals.

I do table-top gaming, me and my baby, and one of our new players decided that she decided going to play a "balls out" neutral aligned character. Now, though I play many table top RPGs, I don't believe int "true neutral" personalities because they don't exists. Either your needs, wants, desires, or environment dictate motivation, so "neutrality" is impossible in a living person, it is just that simple. However, the young woman revealed that she seeks balance, even when at times it doesn't benefit her. That is a good thing, if you are that devoted to a balance. But as my baby told her when she asked about it in real life.. it doesn't work.

I am smack in the middle in some things, but never neutral. I equally offend and uplift, and just like many of my characters, I sometimes just say what I think no matter what. I don't apologize, as I don't think honesty should be. I do notice, though, that malice does turn it into a weapon. I rarely enjoy truth, as when I am right it really makes me sad and hurts me. Having said that, I do think there are a number of people who reveal much more about themselves in how they role-play than they think they do.

The myth, that in role-play you can hide who you are.... the reverse is actually true. Like how you really act if you won the lottery, how you role-play reveals more than one thinks about themselves.
 
This one is short and simple, something that I try to do more often than not. Today's simple truth is that pattern behavior screams its existence, and those who don't see it are just plainly in fucking denial.

Whether it is the pattern that Casey Anthony followed that reached the zenith of a month partying while her murdered daughter was first in the trunk of her car then elsewhere and then was acquitted by a jury that had no intention whatsoever of listening to any evidence at al.. or a man in Cleveland who kept three women who has similar appearances that he abducted and kept locked in his house while the local police didn't as little as they could when calls came in both about banging on doors and windows as well as naked women crawling on the ground in the back yard... the patterns are very visible.

Be it patterns of criminal behavior or hypocritical behavior, it is very easy to see.
 
Today was a very interesting day, mostly after getting out of work early for the coming Memorial Day festivities getting to spend time with the family and my lovely. It kind of is very poetic that it is coming up on a day soon we honor those who gave all of themselves for what they believe that things happened today, because I have to admit something about myself. I don't think I am perfect, because the idea of perfection that most people hold to is wrong.

My niece stood up for herself to some of her classmates, as they were ragging on her about her figure. She stood up to them and said that if people like her dad and uncle who don't see that there is only one way to look is beautiful, she can be herself. That made me proud of her, not because she was in any way quoting me, rather that she is comfortable with herself and knows people love her the way she is.

I don't apologize for not going with the flow, because going with the flow too much makes one hit the rocks at the end of the waterfall.
 
This past weekend was really good, following a week where my family did everything they could to show me that love, respect, and support me. I have had to take stock in that, as not everyone has that. But then, not everyone has those around them who take the full advantage of what they have in those that love them. I admit even I do that sometimes, but I love my family, and I would never ever want to be without them. I am meaning my soon to be in-laws as well, as they have done nothing but make me feel welcome and wanted (with only a couple of exceptions, of course, as no family is perfect). In those instances where I am not accepted, I just have given up the desire to care. I was born with the luxury of realizing that those who don't accept me for who I am are not worth the effort to try and win over, and if they don't help me in work and life or do not have anything to really contribute themselves, they are not going to be a problem for me.
 
I just found out that, thanks to what they call "doughnut holes" in Obamacare, the one diabetes medication that has been helping me to regulate my blood sugar now is where I cannot afford it. WTF?!?!? How in the world can this happen?? Turns out it happened because that is how drug companies operate. They, nor the FDA, actually really care about people who need life saving or life managing drugs unless they profit from it. Sorry to say this, but that has now made a shitty week worse. I am not going to rant about what else contributed, because really if that doesn't crystallize it, no other details will help.
 
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