Suicide Heart

[FoxWriter]

WARNING!!!

The Following Roleplay contains deeply disturbing material.

Read at your own Risk!​

It was night, dark. It seamed right to do it in the dark. His name was Andy[/color][/align], Andy Bennett, he lived alone in the large two story house... alone. He was only nineteen, but he had lived alone since he was ten. He had always been alone, he had never really socialized with anyone, his own parents barley even contacted him, only through letters and the occasional Email, asking him pointless questions that burned and stung his heart like they where prodding him with Tazers. Andy sniffled and closed his eyes, pulling out the small item that he had bought off the internet, it was a sharp double bladed knife, the edge honed so sharp that it could cut a hair, he had tested... to make sure. They said that the sharped the blade was the less it would hurt... that was good, Andy was tired of pain, though he had never been hurt physically, he knew that he wouldn't like the hurt.

He sniffled again tears starting to roll down his cheeks as he looked around the house. It was clean, so very clean, struck by a moment of OCD he got up and laid out a long sheet of plastic, he didn't want to stain the floor with his blood, that in and of itself showed more than anything, that Andy was not entirely right in the head. He laid out the plastic, smoothed the wrinkles and sat down, settling the knife in between his knees, and set his wrists on either side, pressed, and yanked upwards...

he knew immediately that he wouldn't have to do it again, he had cut himself to the bone, and blood was spilling down his arms like a faucet turned on high. It was soaking his jeans, and for a moment he felt annoyed that he was going to have to soak them before they stained. Then he remembered that he was dying and he just smiled, staring down at his wrists as he closed his eyes, letting himself bleed, just so glad that it was all done and over... he would never have to be alone again... he might suffer in hell for the rest of eternity, but at least he'd have people to talk to. He sighed a little , feeling his life drip away, slipping deeper and deeper into unconsciousness until there was nothing but darkness.

 

[jamie_winchester]

Chaos Morningstar frowned as black wings flaired behind her, dark as night, as the space between stars. Black as the beinning of the world as she crouched down in ront of the boy, carefully hovering on air above the blood, apart of the world but not able to change it. Reaching out she used the minimual healing skill she had, knitted skin and replenished blood as she studied te boy so desperate to leave.

Settling back on her boot heels she settled in for the long wait, for him to wake. The angel was unlike your normal angel, which meant she was willing to do this and change the course of things. Because after all, Chaos morningstar was not like your normal angels.

Daughter of the Lucifel, the lord of hell, who's very name meant morningstar, heaven had been cruel in creating the child of two races, who's chaotic nature meant she was a brilliant warrior, but as welcome as fleas on a dog in heaven. For the very thing that made her brilliant, was the thing that condemned her to angels. For they were a clinical race, unmoved by their emotions, where Chaos Morningstar burned like a star in the darkest night with them.

 

[FoxWriter]

it took nearly an hour for Andy to wake, his eyes fluttering open and a sob spilling from his lips as he slowly sat up, shaking his head as he staggered to his feet, stripping off both his wet pants and underwear and ruined shirt, rolling htem up in the plastic he had laid down. so upset that he hadn't died that he hadn't even noticed the Angel standing bare feet from him. that, or he was so used to being alone, completely alone that he didn't even realize that she was real... how many people did he conjure up out of his mind that he just regarded Chaos as another figment of his imagination? he picked up the plastic and carried it outside, where he would bury it later. then he went upstairs and quickly scrubbed every speck of blood off his body, got re-dressed and then went back downstairs with a bucket of soapy water ad a sponge.

as always he settled onto his knees and started to scrub out the drops of blood he had spilled off the tarp, his eyes blank, sad, so sad that it was filling the room, like a shattered cup slowly spilling a dense fog into the air. he was sad that he had failed, and finally, once all the blood was done, he set his hands to his face and began to cry, sob into his hands as he pondered his life. it was no wonder his parents didn't want him, he couldn't even commit suicide right, he couldn't do anything right, he was only good for cleaning and ignoring. he didn't even seam to notice that his wrists where almost completely healed, they where scarred, yes... they would always bare the scars of his failed suicide, but he was alive at least... he could try again.... he might even succeed next time.

 

[jamie_winchester]

Chaos frowned as she watched the boy clean up, crouching thereo n her heels and watching him, teh great black wings taking up so much room in the house that it was amazing andy didn't walk into them.And yet....it wasn't tht surprising, because even if she could affect the world, could touch the material world, the material world couldn't always touch hers.

"Child...whatever are you doing?"Chaos sid in that softly melodious voice that was so indistinctly male or female that it would be odd if it didn't sound like bells chiming, that her normal speaking voice wanted to make your bones melt, the fact that she was trying to be soothing....there'd been demons halting a battle mid swing to listen to those beautiful angel born voice.

 

[FoxWriter]

Andy cleaned silently and jumped when she spoke, looking around before his eyes seamed to focus and he finally noticed her. he blinked at her for a moment, tears still spilling down the sides of his cheeks as he stared, shocked, too shocked to say anything. he hadn't spoken a word to someone else since he was ten, not even to the mailman, or the man who came every month to drop off new food. not a word and for a moment he was struck completely dumb. "i..." his voice was shaky and he cleared his throat. "i'm cleaning up the mess i made... i don't want the blood to stain the floor..." he muttered softly, staring at her, just sitting there on his knees, blinking at her as he examined the black wings.

"oh... did i die after all?" he asked, sadly enough he sounded relieved. "am i dead now?" he asked, sounding hopeful now. "are you the Angel of Death who's going to take me to hell?" he automatically assumed he was going to hell the poor sad child, but he was talking to her as if it wasn't strange at all to have been cleaning up his own blood after a failed suicide. he stood up and picked up the bucket, now filled with pinkish red water and dumped it outside before coming back inside, putting the bucket back under the sink, setting the sponge off tot he side to dry before he quickly washed his hands, realizing he had touched dirty things. that done he turned back to the Angel expectantly. "i'm ready to leave now." so certain he was dead... but what else was he to think? he had just tried to kill himself, and now there was an angel with black wings staring at him. it only made sense.

 

[jamie_winchester]

Chaos frowned as she watched him, looking more like a punk goth then any angel of death, or for that matter, a angelic general. Despite being barely 50, she was high general of the seraphim, and she heeded no one's call, not even death's.nd yet...there was a darkness about her, death and rage. So it was no wonder he made a mistke, even if she didn't entirely notice that she did lok like death and judgement. Her father no doubt would have found her amusing. And he did enjoy his heaven born daughter, it amused him greatly.But that was another story, for another day.

"No, child.You are not dead."She said frowning harder as she watched him clean, not understanding what he ws dong. While she did enjoy the human world in theory, she had not spent enough time there to understand things."You are going no where, You summoned me, I came."She said having felt his heart calling to her, a call so clear and demanding that it had driven the high general out of a meeting and into the realm of humans.

 

[FoxWriter]

he blinked at her for a moment, wondering why she was just staring at him like that. he had to admit... she was pretty... and he was a strong blooded teenager, maybe he could convince her to take his virginity before he was sent to hell, that would be nice. then he frowned. "i'm not dead?" he asked softly, looking down at his hands, scowling a little. "...oh..." he actually sounded disappointing. "well... that's ok i guess... going mad might be more fun than dying anyway." realizing he wasn't dead his brain leaped to the next logical conclusion. he'd gone mad, and the angel was a figment of his imagination. "at least i'll have someone to talk to." he mused staring at her. "i don't understand how i summoned you though." he admitted his head tilted a little. "i'm Andy." now he knew he was mad... he was introducing himself to a person that didn't exist. "would you like something to eat?" he offered, blinking at her before turning, not waiting for a response.

"well... i'm hungry at any rate... please sit anywhere." he ordered calmly as he opened the fridge, the fridge would be shocking to anyone. it was perfectly organized by size, and color. even the pudding cups and the milk was in a specific place. this boy was very much OCD. he pulled out a head of lettuce from the crisper and the thawed hamburger that was sitting at the bottom of the fridge and started to cook. he browned the hamburger, poured in tomato sauce from a cupboard that was just as organized as the fridge was and started cooking up some noodles, making spaghetti and a salad. "i have juice if you want some?" he offered to the angel, blinking at her. in shock, and in denial he was doing things that where familiar and was offering her things only because he was too polite not to, even though he knew she was just in his head his manners ordered him to offer her something to drink.

 

[jamie_winchester]

Caos frowned a little as she shifted her wings, settling them close to her back before shaking her head."No you are not dead."She said soft black hair falling around her face, the light nstead of shining off the glossy locks, seemed to be absorbed by it, as if se was really the morningstar that sucked all things into it. "No, youre not dead either. You're pain was to much, I had to see what it was."She sid sounding annoyed because it wasn't often something could break through a angel's natural defenses against getting invlved in things.

She smiled as she followed him into the kitchen,"I am chaos."She sid sitting at the table, though she really wasn't touching it, like a ghost she could pretend the world touched her, but in actuality she couldn't touch the physical world. "I would like to try."She said smiling slightly because she was interested to see if se could bend the rules of the world to her own ends

 

[FoxWriter]

he blinked at her a little and then shook his head. "that's alright... i can try again later, i'm sure i'll die next time... i just have to try harder..." he decided simply studying her hair. he thought it was very pretty how the light seamed to settle into her hair, as if her hair was sucking it in and catching it. holding it like the hair and the light where long time lovers. "Chaos? that is a very strange name..." he admitted blinking at her as he made his meal, dishing everything up onto plates and bowls, a salad for both of them, and a heaping plate for both of them, setting both in front of her before going back to the sink and washing the few dishes he had dirtied, dried them, and put them away before pouring himself, and her, glasses of sweet tea before finally sitting down and enjoying his meal.

dying took a lot of energy, and he was starving now as he tucked into his meal, saying nothing now as he enjoyed his meal, though his eyes kept glancing over to her wings. finally he could take it no longer and he reached out, dragging the tips of his fingers along her feathers, his eyes widening in astonishment as he FELT the silken wings. clearly he had expected his hand to go right through, thinking that she was just a figment of his imagination, but he had touched her, felt her... did that mean that she was real?

 

[jamie_winchester]

"If you try again,I'll just have to bring you back."She mused as she looked down at the plates in front of her the angel general focusing on her hands, on forcing her hand into feeling, settling her fingers around the fork as she started to eat, looking slightly amazed and amused that she was indeed eatin. As angels didn't have to eat, te very fact she was touching something in his world was amazing.

Yelping when he touched her wings, her head came up in startlement that he had touched her, tilting her head a little as she turned her head to look at him stroking the feather soft underside of her wings.As said before, angels were clincial beings, and being so, hardly ever touched each other. So the touch was quite startling.

 

[FoxWriter]

he stared at her, looking confused. "why would you bring me back?... that's not the point of trying to kill myself at all..." he complained frowning, looking puzzled. he smiled as he watched her eat though, clad that he was being a good host... he'd never had company before. he jumped when she yelped and he jerked his hand back, biting his lip a little. "s..sorry..." he muttered, blinking a little at the other, his head tilted a little as he blinked at her. "your real..." he muttered, frowning a little. "i just... i don't understand how can you be real? Angel's... don't REALLY exist do they?" he asked blinking at her. shocked and confused as he looked down at his wrists, the scars staring back at him, as if mocking him before he looked at her. "...are you my guardian Angel?" he asked blinking at her. "are you... here to help me?" he asked blinking at her, it was the only reason he could think of for a real life Angel to be visiting him.

 

[jamie_winchester]

"Because you should want to live."she said frowning slightly, not understanding the idea of dying because it hurt. Biting her lip as se looked down at the food she was eating before shaking her head a little."Its okay. I've just never had anyone touch me before."She said smiling slightly. "They do exist. They alwys have."She said gently, tilting her head before laughing softly."I'm here to help you,but no I am not your guardin, child. I am high general of the seraphim, master of angels."She said preening a little in pride, becuse she was the youngest to ever gain the title.

 

[FoxWriter]

he frowned a little at her, confused as he blinked at her. he didn't understand why he should want to live, no one cared about him anyway. but... maybe with her there, it wouldn't be so bad. she had saved him, that had to mean something right? "your... not my guardian?" he asked frowning a little, looking confused. "that sounds like an important title... shouldn't you be in heaven doing angel things?" he asked curiously. "why would you worry about someone like me?" he asked blinking at her, his head tilted before pausing, glancing out the window. "...i'm not going to have other Angels here looking for you am i?" he asked blinking at her. he was alright with one angel, one person... but others where going to toss him into a panic attack or something.

 

[jamie_winchester]

"No I am not a guardian.Though I guess I do fight to protect people."She said frowning thoughtful, before tilting her head a little."It is important, but its a empty title for now, since the fightinghas been brought to a standstill."She said frowning a little before shrugging."I don't know. I just felt your pain,and had to come."She said running er fingers through her hair sighing softly."No, they will not look for me."She said sounding sure, even if she wasn't. Raphael might let it go for a few days, but her second in command would probably be chasing after her if she went missing for awhile.

 

[FoxWriter]

he nodded a little as he finished his meal and took her empty dishes over to the sink, washing them and then wiping the table clean, hesitating as he looked around at the glistening room, no mess anywhere, biting his lip a little before he shook his head. "fighting? are you in a war or something?" he asked curiously, his head tilted a little as he blinked at her. "you felt my pain?" he asked, startled. "i'm sorry... i didn't mean to hurt you..." he frowned, studying his wrists. "it didn't even hurt when i did it... i guess i didn't think someone else might feel it instead..." he admitted sighing a little before smiling as she promised that no one else would be coming, biting his lip a little as he studied her. "...if your here to help me... then there must be something wrong with me after all... is that why no one ever comes here anymore?... why mother and father left me?" he asked. one day they had just left, and they'd never come back, he wasn't sure if they where alive or dead, he had never heard of them since. all he knew was that no one came after that, save the mailman and the man who dropped off the groceries. he automatically assumed it was his fault no one wanted to be around him.

 

[jamie_winchester]

"With hell,always."She said looking amused before tilting her head slightly."I didn't feel...pain exactly. It was more like...a summons, a demand to pay attention. And being hellspawn to, I figured it was a emon needing attention, I hadn't thought it would be a human child who needed me."She said frowning a little before looking startled at his words, looking lost for a moment on how to figure what was going on."No. There's nothing wrong with you.Why would they just leave?My father left me, but he had had to, not because he wanted to."She said looking confused at the idea of wy a parent would abandon their child. Her father had abandoned her because he had needed to keep her safe, not because something was wrong with her.

 

[FoxWriter]

he blinked a little at her. "oh...so...my soul touched yours?" he asked blinking at her. "your a Demon? i thought you where an angel." he complained frowning a little. "are you trying to steal my soul? you know if you'd just let me die you'd probobly have it already... you don't make any sense..." he complained sitting down, frowning a little. "i... i don't know why they left..." he admitted. "it was my tenth birthday... they left with suitcases... and there was a moving truck... men came in and took everything... well almost everything.." he admitted shaking his head. "i thought maybe they where just going on a vacation... they always go on vacation... but i never heard from them again... not even letters..." he admitted frowning a little. "...i always thought i did something wrong... i don't... even know my last name anymore..." he admitted frowning a little.

 

[jamie_winchester]

"I am a angel with a demon father."She said blushing a little.Because while she loved her father, in heaven it was a embarassment to anyone besides her to know that even if he had fallen, lucifer was still angel enough to be able to mate with angels. And that her mother had willingly accepted him into her bed.While her mother had died giving birth to her, it was heaven's most favorite taunt to its hated general, that she was a demon that had stolen her mother away. While she was powerful and deadly on a battlefield, she was still hated."I didn't come her for your soul.I came to stop your pain."

"...that's...what..."Chaos frowned stuttering a little because she didn't even know how to explain something like that. Didn't know what to think of parents abandoning a child. Her father had left her because he had to, to keep her safe.She had no idea how to explain this."Well.you're not alone anymore."

 

[FoxWriter]

he blinked a little, astonished his head tilted. "so you have the best of both worlds?" he asked smiling at her. "that's very cool... my mother was Japanese... i think..." he frowned a little. "i can't...remember now that i think about it..." he admitted shaking his head a little before blinking at her. "but i'm not hurt..." he complained showing her his wrists. "you healed the damage already..." he still didn't understand... maybe he didn't realize she was talking about the pain in his heart, maybe because he didn't realize how hurt he was inside. he smiled happily at her now. "your right! i'm not alone anymore!" he agreed smiling as he pondered that. "maybe... with your help i'll fix what's broken inside and my parents will come back!?" he decided happily as he got to his feet again. "come on Chaos... i'll show you the guest room." he decided leading her up the stairs and into a lightly, but nicely furnished guest room. large fluffy bed and a large closet and dresser, which was empty. she even had her own private bathroom. "this can be your room while you stay here!" he promised smiling at her. "i'll have to get you some clothes though... you can't wear that all the time... unless you have your own clothes?"

 

[jamie_winchester]

"I do.Sometimes."Chaos said smiling a little because it hurt her a little to consider that she had the best of the two worlds, but she wasn't able to live fully in either world. Frowning a little at his words, she wondered how to convince him that he needed more help,but he was okay for now. She'd work with him later."We'll see.Maybe we can find out whats going on with your parents."She said looking thoughtful as she followed after him, smiling slightly before looking down at her own clothes, glancing over her shoulder at the midnight black wings, shivering a little as she used that firey touch of demon magic, letting the demon blood surpress the wings, shivering hard as the wings melted into her back, becoming the inky black tattoo. Something that was soley hers, because lucifer was her father. The fallen angel had gifted her with his own ablitiy to hide his wings, and she could to. Which would make getting clothes easier."No,, I don't have any clothes. We'll get some."

 

[FoxWriter]

he blinked at her smiling a little at her, looking almost sad. "life is hard, even for Angels?" he asked softly, watching her with gentle, almost understanding eyes. he gasped as her wings suddenly vanished, shocked and amazed as he blinked at her. "wow! impressive!" he admitted grinning at her a little as he nodded. "i'll go and get my computer!" he decided. he did all of his shopping online, he never left the house... the outside was a dangerous place, the only time he left the house was to tend the yard, and he hated going it because the neighbors LOOKED at him so... he raced out and came back inside and started pulling up specific websites and started showing her the dresses, the underthings, the shirts and pants that she could choose from. "buy anything you like." he ordered smiling at her. "i have a bank account that gets money put into it every month... i never really buy anything so i have plenty of money."

 

[jamie_winchester]

"It is....at least for me."She said blushing ever so slightly because she was sure life was better for full blooded angels, or full blooded demons, but she was forever caught between the two. To emotional to be as clinical as a angel, but to emotionally removed to fight easily among her father's men.Looking confused at his words she frowned, wondering what a computer could be. Maybe a person?Looking at the computer as he showed her she pressed her fingers against the screen, whining softly when she couldn't touch the clothes."How do ou get them!?I can't get them!They're not there.And they're to small to wear. I need something else."She said sounding anxious because she didn't understand, and wasn't used to not understanding something.

 

[FoxWriter]

he chuckled a little as she complained about the computer and he shook his head. "no no, these are only pictures." he explained. "these are just what the clothes look like, so you can see what you want. the clothes themselves are far away." he explained. "you point to what you want with this thing here, it's called a Mouse." he explained as he ran a calculating eye down her body, trying to decide what size she was before blushing hard as he realized that she was a woman... and very close to him. "w..what l..looks good on...t..to you!?" he asked, indicating the lists of shirts, pants, dresses. "y..you j..just click this b..button here...." he explained how she would go about choosing her clothing, letting her decide what she wanted, making sure she got shoes, cocks underwear, bras, pants, shorts, shirts, dresses, skirts, pantyhose, anything and everything he felt a woman might need. he hoped he had thought of everything. "i selected next day delivery, so your new clothes should get here tomorrow morning, or the next day..."

 

[jamie_winchester]

Chaos frowned as she looked at what he was pointing at."That is not a mouse.I know what a mouse is."She said frowning because she did not understand this thing he was trying to show her.But she chalked it up to something human, and something odd,but something that he wanted to do. Which meant she'd just go with it.Smiling as she got everyting before looking over at him."How does this delivery work?Does it come with birds or something?"She said looking so cutely,adorably confused.


(...did you realize you wrote cocks underwear?XDD)

 

[FoxWriter]

....no... no i did not ><)

he smiled a little and shook his head. "no, it's just called a mouse because the original ones looked kind of like cute mice." he explained smiling at her. "it's just a name." he admitted smiling at her. "and no, we don't use birds. the people who own the clothes put them in a big box, tape it closed, and then print my address on it. then a person called a mailman, or a delivery man picks up the box from that person, and brings it to me." he explained smiling at her. "it's more complicated than that kind of, but that's the basic principle, the further away the box it, the longer it takes, and the more people have to give it to other people." he admitted frowning a little before brightening. "luckily this place is local, so only the one mail man handles the box." he admitted smiling a little.