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Cutting the darkness

thebladeofchaos

thebladeofchaos

Banned
Banished
Joined
Jan 29, 2012
Location
Boston, Lincolnshire, England
you know, when I went hunting for an RP forum, I never expected to find this place. honestly, I was half expecting to find another set of Fandom Forums with RPs which, While I have nothing against (heck, I'm part of some) I don't want to join another where we have to follow the plot of the fandom to the letter or we're off course.

So, small Life lesson for those who don't know: don't stay up till 7 in the morning socilising when you have to be up at 7. it's not good for you physically, even though it is fun to do so.

so, I can safely say I haven't a clue what to put in here...heck, maybe a few small updates and such.

one main thing right now is that my Friday nights are taken up by a wargaming club I do with friends with some small roleplaying (most mature we get is language so don't get your hopes up).

oh, and I seem to appeal more to people overseas that don't know me face to face then I do with people here. over here, I am sorta popular. people are friendly enough, for sure. but when I've been talking to people from, say, the US...it's mental. I had a girl laughing at my pronouciation of words as they were strange to her. (Never thought I'd have a girl laughing so hard at my way of saying 'Aluminium.)

one last thing, I also write a bit of fanfiction on Fanfiction.net (again, mature combat with drama) and I record, or used to, trying to get back into it, videos for Youtube, both under this name. if your interested, go and have a look, you'd be more then welcome to pester me over some things.

so, if anyone actully reads this, I'll see you guys...well, you'll see the update rather...I think weekly. makes more sense in my eyes. Ciao
 
so... here's a little about my family. my Mum's almost a saint with the amount she helps me and my brother out, even when she is struggling. my Brother is a git with a complex of some sort, which I say is superiority. he has to be right, he has to be top dog, he has to be the boss. pft, he has to have a boot kicked up his backside.

with the way things were, I argued with James either a lot, or barely. he comes home at weekends to relax from working in Swindon (if your not English, it's quite a distance from there to here), often sorting out his week stuff as well. he organised the wargaming club to begin with, and it is his friends, even though I get along with them very nicely. he is more then happy to remind me 'they aren't my friends' and is more happy to block me if I say about asking my friends in.

so, with that sort of power, you'd a thought he'd be able to tell us the simple thing of 'oh, we're rescheduleing wargaming to the next day'. NOOOO I find out the day before it is happened that it's moved. why? so he can visit a friend of his in London. I try and get time out so that I can revise or even to do work and I'm told NO. heck, I told him I had online work and so wasn't taking part last week. so what does he do? unplug the router from the mains, so there is no internet access, and then lies to my face about it. (in our house, we ask mum if we can do something and if she says no, we leave it at that. well, mum was going to go online and he just did it, no asking).

so, on another note, my friday block is now Saturday, meaning I have Friday on here. Sweet. even better, he's back lunch saturday, leaving sunday to go to China Monday. GET IN.

and apparently, we entering a warzone on Sunday, as James' Ex is apparently going to be at Nan's...and they don't get along, even with the infant in the crossfire, who I am told I have nothing to do with one minute and told to bond with the second.

*sigh* things can never be simple can they?
 
I know I said I'd do it weekly, but you know what, I'm noctornal right now so DIG IN.

so, I've had an odd day. we finally got leaflets to delivery (kind of explains itself) and guess what...it's the heaviest snow I've seen around where I live. now, I'm one for snow. I freaking love the snow. but it's typical that it would come when I want to be running. now, while, yes, your not meant to run over ice and snow because you could fall, I love doing so. it's the risk I love, no promises you won't fall, none that you will. when I fall, I pick myself back up and just keep running. (what was the line? why do we fall? so we can pick ourselves back up)

We did war gaming as planned, with the snow getting heavier and heavier. we decided to go for a Mcds in the snow...the guy who was going was buying for everyone but had barely anything to get. so I thought 'you know, he won't need the help, he'll be fine'. James instantly pulls the boss routine and tells me to go when both he and his other mate are free, doing bugger all. I get ordered to go help and, with resistance, I do.

and you know what, I'm glad I did fully due to the snow.

we start playing Call of Cthulu, which, if you know your Cthulu, you kinda know how it works. we get going and around...1, 2 ish, our GMs on about packing up. I say it might be wise as it is snowing like hell. James shuts me down saying 'it won't get any worse'. I say I'd rather we pack up early and he's safe and then get shut down once more. joy, showing concern is a bad thing now.

after we pack up, I basically shut everything off, with James being lazy. and then I get accused of having an attitude...if I do it's because of how bullshit he treats me.

either way, warzone tommorow, and he's gone earlier due to the snow. another reason I love it.
 
you know, it's weird looking back on old work and seeing how different you were back then. it's even weirder when you can see how badly you did and where you are improving.

over on FF, when I was starting out I did a Zelda fic called 'the heroes ally' Mispelling it as well. not the best of starts when you are trying to make an interesting story. basic principle: person from our world gets dragged into their world and joins the hero. so I (giving myself the name 'Dark') went into Ocarina of Time and helped Link out.

I'll be honest, for a first story, I thought I wasn't doing to bad. it had a character, it had a subplot, it had combat. then I got my first proper review. experianced guy, got talking to him on a forum later and he is nice.

the story was so broken...it was silly. halfway through I started a story in the Dynasty Warriors section: same premise but the war and with a few friends involved.

it was so popular when I was updating it it was amazing. heck, I once had about 500 hits on week of posting. now, comparing the two, I have really improved, and that's only half a story difference.

my problem when making stories is that if I stop working on them due to something, then I can't start again. and the story is only half way done, with another story (based in Valkyria) getting a lot of hits as well. so it seems I can do the stories to a good degree.
 
It's been a weird week just gone by. Monday I find out my GF is leading me on, Tuesday we break it off (practically asking her BF the score as I thought we were a thing on Valentines, which is good timing for me) wednesday....I don't feel sad, it's weird. I thought I'd be crying in the corner by now, but I'm happier then ever.

anyway, got my new splitters through so all I need now is a good MPEG-2 editor and I can get some good recording done.

oh, and wish me luck, this week coming is going to be fun.
 
I think I need to appear more often. it's been an odd time.

so my laptop died, meaning I had to try and salvage my old one and...well, here I am now. it somewhat works but its as slow as hell. gotta save up to fix my new one which is a pain in the backside.
 
somehow my old laptop still lives despite several problems which can be worked around.

My apologies for my abscence but I've needed to take some time out of general RPing to focus on College, getting ready for exams and such. (only like....12 or so weeks left, including the easter break) I've also been thinking about things to do with my ex which I'm fighting to resolve and maybe get answers for. but, with this in mind, I am coming back.

my next exam is on Tuesday, from then onwards I'll be coming back proper. to those who I've left in the lurch, all I can offer are my apologies for my sudden disappearance.
 
PROMOTION, I'm remembering this date. hehe.

so, I passed the exams, thank god. apparently most people failed them so I can count that as good in my eyes.

I don't know why but I just don't feel like writing these days. I find that I just can't despite a want to, and it's annoying. I get so many ideas in my head of how to work things and just don't do them.

either way, I've got another week off before college begins again, might find my mojo before, and my god do I need it, Writing was a nice respite, and I can only play Thandor for so long (for those who don't know, Stratergy game, crap reviews, I enjoy it)
 
Never thought I'd argue with my brother over a few things that I have done...stubborn jackass.

either way, as people may know, I'm a console gamer with a bit of PC in me (and I mean old games on the PC) and I used to love FPS games, the pace, the weapons, that sort of things. so I got loads, with a side love for stratergy, RPG, Tactics and hack and slash titles.

now, with the appearance of MW3 some months back, my love of FPS is dying. right now I play BF3 and MAG (and MAG is old in PS3 standards) and...well, that's all I want to play of proper FPS. an update came up for BF3 which both me and James play so, what the hey, may as well download it and get everything ready so we can keep going.

nope, he starts an arguement because it's too big or whatever. he's also been moaning at me lately to buy a game so we can do multi, but moans when I buy a game. I got a free update to make sure the game is enjoyable longer and all I get is agro. terrific. remind me to make sure he can't get the update, it'll work out in the long run.

no, I wouldn't do that. too petty and it's like he's winning. either way, he's out of town for the week and I'm wargaming saturday and friday. James claims I'm an ass...well I'll show them I'm not. then we can finally get them to see what James truely is.
 
Let me be myself a second. no personas, no guises, no pretense, just me.

I'm normally quite a calm person with a hint of insanity. generally mature but sometimes think without thinking. and as far as things are, I hope not to offend people or indeed piss people off due to something I've done.

now, over the past few weeks, I have been talking about how I have had a messy break up with my ex after she cheated on me for 4 months in a long distance relationship. now, it's not so much the fact it happened, I can live with that, it's long distance, if they find someone close then you can't expect them to give up the personal side of things just to maintain a love with someone they met online.

The thing is, I've been fine with her doing this, the only thing I've asked for are answers as to why she couldn't just come along uring those 4 months and say 'hey, I'm with this guy'

so far, her excuse for not talking to me and explaining is 'lack of time'...now when I'm on this forum at night, it's normally my Laptop I'm on meaning I can't access Hotmail without my laptop going 'AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!'

so, I got looking today on the forum we're both on....and she spent two hours talking with two friends of ours about how they were going to keep the forum going, whilst somehow forgetting to remember I still make an appearance. convieniant isn't it.

She's not going to tell me....she's going to leave it until I disappear and then carry on because she doesn't want to think 'oh, I cheated on him, I'm in the wrong' as, well, who does when a relationship ends messily.

At least....at least I can walk away knowing that I have the moral high ground.

I'm going to be keeping an eye on the Xbox live things over the coming days, because I owe two people explainations as to what's going on, and I feel she'll be telling them her side of things....only difference being I'll be the one who's in the wrong as opposed to we're both guilty of things.

They never knew why I picked thebladeofchaos as a name. blade comes from my love of knights and swords and such, and chaos.

I'm not afraid of a fight, and when you hide something from me, then all hell will break loose.
 
Told her exactly what I was feeling....and I'm doing something that I didn't think I'd do.
I gave up, I told her straight out that she is bluntly avoiding me and that she is just looking for a way out.

well, it went a bit further, with a few attacks here and there, but nothing too major. she got back to that one. amazing, she can get back when it benefits here. Guess what she told me.

'Was gonna say you could Skype me over the weekend, but whatever'

well lass, your the one who deleted me, who cheated on me and won't face up to facts. it's not for me to do the legwork this time. your the one in the wrong and I don't give 2 craps anymore, so get your act together and, if you actually do want to do something, get to work.

I'm done venting about her....and I'm done trying to avoid memories of her because of what they mean to me (Heck had a conversation about a suit I was wearing, and wanted out because it reminded me too much of my ex's likes). you take the good with the bad, and it's how you recover from being knocked down that makes you who you are. I can sit here until the end of time going 'I don't want to do that because she was like that' but that's not going to help. I may as well remember the good and smile, and remember the bad as a lesson.

After all, I've got, what....at least 60 years ahead of me? I'll find someone else.

as for my dream of going to the US....I used to want to avoid Charleston due to her being there. but now it's another place on the map of oppotunity.

.....ok, I'll admit it, if I saw her whilst being an accountant, I'd charge double. :)
 
For some reason I keep coming back here to vent about my ex....maybe when this is all over I can finally get over her and actually fucking move on.

so, I did exactly what I said I would. I told our friends what was going on, only in a PM not on XBL which kinda downheartened me. either way, it's done...and I'm surprised what I got in reply.

I put in that I'm leaving the forum, explaining why with her cited as the main reason, telling them the blunt truth and adding a bit at the end: I will come back when she can answer me.

thing is, she won't. I know that, she knows that. don't know why I put that in. but still, the guys got behind me on that, saying they'd bother her until she got talking to me (one of them reported that she said she was gonna deal with it, a sentiment she could've held a while ago)

I've given her the tools to finish building the bridge, all she has to do it the legwork...and I doubt she'll do that much. I can walk away with the moral high ground, but it seems that she still wins.

although, saying that, I may have been able to turn two of her friends accidentally. if she doesn't get back to me I'm gonna let them know. maybe under a barrage of their persuasion she'll see sense and talk.
 
there's a fine line between Neutrality and belligerency. I've been trying to tread the line and...well, due to how I handle things, might have hit the Belligerent side of things.

The tales from my ex have involved her pet turtle dying. my way of dealing with a pet dying is...kinda cold. you can think 'oh, it could have been different if I did this' and chances are you'd be right, but there's no point in hating yourself due to what you didn't do. its safe to say it didn't go down well, people thinking I'm being an evil blighter but I can't help the demons I picked up during my life.

only thing is, I won't apologise for how I've grown. people can think I'm a cold bastard for the lines I've used, but still, their choice. I'm not going to say 'oh, I'm wrong blah blah' if it's how I've grown. when it comes to death, I am a cold bastard, when it comes to life, I'm happy go lucky.
 
Someone help me I'm about to strangle someone.

So, without letting us know, My Brother changes the night of wargaming to TWICE over the Weekend despite me saying I will not do so. Because? Bank holiday monday. well joy, another night of doing stuff.

and you know what, remind me to NEVER offer to help. got the yelling of a lifetime for not telling Mum the person she wanted on the phone was back when I had only just turned around to tell her that wen he only just returned.

O lord, please have mercy on me for this weekend is getting off to a flying start.
 
well, the weekend from hell is over. seems James isn't coming back for a week. THANK GOD!

on the bright side, someone asked me what was keeping me from coming back to another forum, so I basically told em...shame both were in public.

I can live without them, but for once...I feel good for saying it bluntly out loud. I walked away...doesn't mean I can't tell people the tale of the blade and the angel.
 
You know when you see something familiar in a game or film that has something rally bad done to it.? I use the example of New york in loads of films for Yanks.

well, now I'm on Mass Effect 3's endgame and it's in London...well, I've been there before....god it looked both amazing and upsetting to see how it ended up. Heck, thats just London, think of how quikly my county got abandoned.
 
GOOD NEWS whoever's paying attention to this (most likely a case of 'Hi Mum' lol)

To those who've seen me in the chat, I keep on saying about wanting to go to the US and such, with one of my Uni choices offering a place. well, had a bit of a fiasco yesterday where, the hour before an Exam, Derby (who offer a course in Accounting and American Studies) said 'no, you only have 160 points, and we want 280' (British UCAS thing, kinda hard to explain)

well, I went over it many times (who wouldn't? it's literally one of my major choices and wants) and they apparently weren't counting my IT diploma which covered the other 120. So began a panicky run to the office to find the woman in charge and finding out what in the high hell was going on.

AND!!!! DRAMATIC PAUSE!!!! she was at the Optictions (someone spell check that for me, Eye tester and such) and I found my main tutor instead. She asked me what was going on and I explained, so she sat me down, calmed me down and we got to work fixing the issue.

Turns out they somehow hadn't seen it, so I had to send them a new copy of my National Diploma (It's different to the Doctors stuff, so you don't have to call me Doctor Blade yet) and they can amend m offer after doing so. well, just seen the new offer. conditional, so long as I pass this year. Same with Lincoln.

Everything comes down to passing, but still, gotta sort out my finance, but should be able to be in the US soon. :D
 
so...I had an idea a few days back and was trying to figure it out and such.

basically, when I write, I listen to music, and find that it affects my writing in various ways, from writing things to fit the mood (listening to some of my more active pieces made good combat scenes) to just adding a tinge to the scene itself. (I somehow managed to make a scene with a stealth operation have a hint of fear when they nearly got caught, and people commented on how well it was done)

now, I was basically thinking of how to use this and develop my writing...well, somewhat turning this into a place for that could help. :)

if you see a massive piece of text on here with a link to a youtube video, chances are it's a story piece. :)
 
So for what it's worth, things seem to be going mentally but better if that makes sense.

at college I've got three exams after passing one who held me back so fucking long. (I shouted loudly in celebration so might look like an ass lol) with one taking place on...Friday or something like that. I'll get the details tonmmorow, but from the look of things....I'm going to make it. :)

getting ready for Uni is mental as well, got my student finance sorted and I'm ready to go, mostly.

just worried that when I get there I'll look like a twat and be unable to keep up, but damn will I try.
 
so now a hitch in my scheme to go to university: need to book accomodation...

how come I wasn't told? I was expecting to be given a room. set me back a good 230, yet to be paid. but in the end, it'll be worth it.

oh, and when I get to the US, I'm going to be working my ass off...paying off old debts.
 
ok, no idea how I'm going to organise this, but, quick bit of writing: first song is.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXkgn3QUA2w (for those who don't want to check it. Calling to the night by Natasha farrow)

anyway, to a story with no presetting: so yes, this will make no sense, but this is more 'just do what comes to you'.

anyway, moving on.
ok, when you see this (****) start the song not saying it'll be in time, or indeed as long as the song, but still, small incling for you.
____________

He coughed a few times as he woke, his head throbbing as all his world was surrounded in darkness. For all he knew he was dead, placing a slow painful hand to his head as he tried to help the pain. He felt his hand get coated in something, chances are blood, coming from above his left eye.

He was bleeding, that he knew. and bleeding meant alive, only he didn't know how alive.

He opened his eyes slowly, his left eye seeing a large amount of redness and whiteness as he did so, closing it once more as he threw his hand over it. damaged...he didn't know how...maybe a wound to the face.

He lowered the bandana above his face so that it covered his injuried eye, like an improvised bandage. He didn't know how much damage he would be doing to himself, but it was better then bleeding to death.

He closed his eyes once more as he moved his hands slowly, each and every little motion causing a thousand daggers worth of pain to stab his every muscle. He slowly pushed himself up, finding that, indeed, he was still alive, with all of his body parts still attached, albeit it coated in a sticky substances. he knew he had wounds on his legs...chance are it was all blood.

it was hell for him to even pick himself up, but he somehow managed it. he opened his eyes as he stood up, breathing heavily as he dug anything out of him, seeing him coated in so much dust, blood and chippings....stone chippings from what he could tell. He looked over his clothes quickly, seeing the tattered blue jeans, with wounds behind everyone. his leather jacket covering his blue shirt as he stood. He looked up, wondering where on earth he was.

****

He looked around the area, a mostly broken area of an underground cave system, brought down upon them by who knows what. he looked around, seeing a pistol with a torch attached, limping slowly over to it and picking it up, swinging the gun around in order to get an eye on the area. He almost wished he hadn't, with the light illuminating hell in earth.

Bodies all over the place...soldiers left right and centre with various wounds and injuries, none moving, none speaking, no sound, save for the breath of the man who stood with the flashlight. He put a hand to his head as it came back to him.

They had been hunting the enemy for 5 days in the mountains, making sure to shoot all those that they could dead. orders were brutal. no mercy given, none expected. the brave soldier led his men through the tunnels several times over, swinging his pistol at the front as the tribesmen charged with spears. he had pulled so many shots off this was almost childs play for him.

that was when the Bastards played their card, tnt loaded to the tunnel walls. if they were going down, they were taking the enemy with them. the soldiers never knew what hit them as the blasts ripped through, with only their leader somehow surviving.

He coughed as he limped through the caves, hoping to find either a sign of life, or indeed a way out. he noticed the blood coming from his mouth as he did so, wondering what harm he may have done himself. He coughed again, moving his light around.

"Oh Maria...you came for me" someone weakly spoke. the soldier, Travelyan looked once more, seeing an arm in the air. He limped as fast as he could over, grabbing the hand.

"Soldier" he spoke, grasping it firmly.
"Commander?" The soldier asked. Travelyan didn't need to see his face to know how bad it would be. he only need to look at his waist to know his ribs were being crushed. "Commander...I think...I'm not going to make it"
"We'll be lucky if anyone does" was the reply, the soldier groaning again, now coughing up blood. "I'm sorry...if I had known"
"Sir...this wasn't your fault" He looked at his soldier, seeing that, even through his scortched, broken and battered face was still a living man, despite the eye hanging out of it's socket. "we would have folowed you to hell and back....you know that..."
"Seems you followed me to hell" He sat down, looking over his man. "What have I done..."
 
Ever had one of those times when who you thought you were is generally pulled down beneath you through no sign of what you've done...Kinda just had one of them.

now, this is going to seem REALLY convieniant considering recent events, but trust me, this isn't on here.

I was on a big forum a while back, before I really even considered coming here at all. got talking to a bunch of folks and just about eve- ok, shortcut, aside from the adult side of things, it was practically BMR. just....well, no big chat room.

the ways things went we hijacked a chatroom from another site and used that, and we had a blast, talking and such. Now, one of the Mods left, and we had to decide on who to replace them. it wasn't really a contest, just the higher ups went 'yeah, we want this guy'

now, someone who had been on a shorter time then me who....suffice to say was more active got the role...which had a bunch of us confused. we still were happy for him but we had to ask why.

well, he got back to me recently, told me that the job wasn't worth it's salt. I asked him why he got chosen and...well, he told me the idea was he was likeable, kind and helped out all over.

well, I fitted two out of three....and I helped in the chatroom. He didn't tell me why I wasn't considered at the time, only saying I didn't try enough.

wel....here I was thinking I was likeable, helped a lot and kind....guess I need to do a lot more of the same...
 
Being a mod isn't about wanting the position.

It's about being able to do the job required of it without thinking you should get it just because you have certain traits.

Chin up, kid. You're a good person.
 
Not being rude when I say this Hahv, but like I said, this was a while ago on a different site.

honestly, I'd rather not have the world and their parents coming to me wanting a job done and such. (saying that I want to be an accountant lol)

besides, back on the site of question...let's just say it was a world away from who I am now. in more ways then one.

But, with modern times...I'd hope I am a good person end of the day. either that or I'm going to be up till....midday trying to improve myself in that respect lol.

by the way, someone actually reads this? here I thought I was talking to...well, the void
 
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