As a tip, I'd put the bulk of what you want to say in one post. Usually I'll skim a thread before I actually read them. If I see the first post is short, I'll assume they're saying something like "So like... yeah. I'm looking for a RP to do with some hot slutty chicks. Just PM me or reply here. I have some ideas and my kinks are listed below." It's very vague and I usually run from those who are vague. But your overall flow is good. But for things I'd suggest adding... I didn't see preferences in RP location and formation... like PM, thread, IM, Email, etc. And you should always mention your literacy level. There's very little lit (no problem doing one liners for speed), semi lit (a few lines to a paragraph or two), lit (usually 2-5 paragraphs and higher quality in grammar and detail), and advanced lit (5+ paragraphs and high/professional quality in grammar and details). This is actually one of the major deciding factors for a lot of people.