Patreon LogoYour support makes Blue Moon possible (Patreon)

éclaboussures de sang Français

Status
Not open for further replies.
RoryN said:
I am horrified to report that I have become enamored with Hellraiser fanfiction. The first two movies had so much potential for the Pinhead character that I desired to see more. He's so badass and I really wanted to see him get his hands on Kristy. But the rest of the series seems like an embarrassment for Clive Barker and the Cenobite characters. So, I looked elsewhere and I found what I was looking for. I will agree that a great bulk of fanfiction is crap and full of "wtf?" but there are well-written gems amidst the sewage.
Click to expand...

i can not believe it you are rationalizing it! D: i disown you forever you slut!
 
I had a bad dream last night. I don't remember a lot of details except that Makida was there and one particular chilling part stuck out to me: I deliberately stepped on the head of a crying infant to quiet it. It might have been hers, I'm not sure. Anyway it was really very disturbing.

I was able to watch films like Hellraiser, and the Saw series over breakfast, so I'm not one to be affected by body horror. But one thing that has and always will unsettle me: squishing/crushing. There haven't been many examples of it in movies or shows that I've seen but the best example that comes to mind is the scene in AKIRA near the end where Tetsuo is mutating and picks up Kaori, engulfing her in his organs before uncontrollably crushing her to death. I seriously cannot watch that scene without being affected by it for hours/days afterwards. The rest of the film is fine though.
 
RoryN said:
I had a bad dream last night. I don't remember a lot of details except that Makida was there and one particular chilling part stuck out to me: I deliberately stepped on the head of a crying infant to quiet it. It might have been hers, I'm not sure. Anyway it was really very disturbing.
Click to expand...

nooooooooooooooo! D: my baby! that is really creepy though wonder what it means.

lol squishing and crushing really? your balls never had a problem with it when we used to play. ;]
 
RoryN said:
damnsit! i cant fdnd any good pinheasd eroticsa! Looks lioke ill hasce to write my own! <3!!!
Click to expand...

omg!you drunk bastard you better not or i will send you to hell where pinheads will chew on and molest your soul! D:< if you go much further into the dark side rory there is no way i can bring you back! resist! resist!
 
I had the best night ever. In highschool, there was a small group of us(8 total) who would hang out by the library or the auditorium between classes and sometimes after school we'd get together and do shit. We were all really close but after graduation, everybody kind of went their separate ways for schooling and stuff. But we've kept in touch and we recently decided to get together again. None of us live in our old city anymore, but three of us(me and two other guys, because they're fucking stalking me) live in the same town, so we all thought it'd be easier to have a gathering near here.

Last night we had a nice big dinner at a family restaurant and it was just so great getting to see everybody again. It's like we never left and we stayed well into the night, drinking, catching up and reminiscing. I'm so proud of some of these dirt bags who didn't seem like they were ever going to do anything with their lives, ending up with goals and on their way to big things. Kind of makes me feel a little bitter about my own life but I fucking love my job so it's not like I'm needy or anything. We all define success our own way, you know?

Makky wasn't able to come last night because she had other obligations and everybody really missed her. The atmosphere definitely felt like it was missing something without her there.
 
Had a doctor check-up today and my CD4 count is down about 50 from last time. Which is not good.

Feeling kind of out of it and numb, like I've just been wandering all day.
 
Do you ever get really protective of your friends but feel completely powerless to help them? For whatever reason, your aggressive, righteous anger leaves you impotent and ineffectual because of distance. If you were there with them, there is no way you'd ever allow them to feel threatened or useless or as if the only choices left to them is simply giving up. You'd never stand for them becoming a shell of their former selves and withering away, but over the phone or through messages, all of your "well wishes" and well-meaning threats to save them and right their world turn out to be just pathetic gestures on your part. Because no matter all of the "I would do this if I were there..." or "I'll help you through this..." they're still there alone and you're nothing but words.

Every solution I can think of is drastic and with all of my own problems going on I feel helpless to make an impact in her life, that wouldn't end up hurting myself and possibly end up hurting us both. It's no good to jump into the ocean to save someone from drowning, only to become exhausted and dragged down yourself before either of you can reach a shore. She doesn't say it but I also feel like I'm running out of time.

This month is starting out just shitastic.
 
I've given it some thought and although drastic, I think I'm going to ask Makky to move in with me. I have enough room(as evidenced by the myriad of dillweeds who regularly crash at my apartment because I'm too protective and nice to let them leave drunk or high) and if I stop drinking or playing Magic for a while, I can have enough money to support us both. It'll be tight, but I don't eat very much and other than my "hobbies" I don't spend very much(and even those, each individually just cost a couple of bucks here and there; the drinking though, is probably a hundred dollars a week) I just sort of had a panic attack last night when she didn't answer her cellphone the first couple of times I called. All I could think about was how hopeless she sounded the last time we talked, fearing that she did something drastic. Although I won't be able to prevent her from doing what she wants to do, even if she were right here with me, at the very least, I can get her out of that situation and hopefully turn things around.
 
So, she's going to move in and I'm heading out tomorrow to help her pack because she's got no friends down there and HE won't lift a fucking finger to help her leave. I seriously hate him so fucking much and I feel my stress level and blood pressure shoot through the roof every time I hear about anything he's said or done. He's been nothing but a bastard about everything. She'll be so much better off.

On a lighter note: my best friend is coming to live with me! I don't usually use emotes because they're dumb, but I'm so excited to see her, I think it'll be okay this one time. :D
 
Moving day! Wish me luck! Also pray that I don't come home with an assault charge on my head because if I see that son of a bitch, I'm going to beat the ever-loving-shit out of him.
 
Makida's home! So, everything went well yesterday. I swear to God, as I got closer to her place, I was so ready for a fight. Thankfully, her now ex boyfriend was not home and he didn't show up while I helped her finish packing and we loaded her boxes into my car. He knew i was coming today and he knows how close she and I are, so he probably hightailed it out of there to avoid a confrontation. ...or he just had work yesterday... Either one, probably. His whole reaction to her "I'm moving out.." speech was "You leave and I'm absolved of all further responsibility. Thanks and don't let the door hit ya on the ass!" so I can see him just not caring at all and going on with his day like normal.

Anyway, she was such a trooper yesterday and I'm really proud of her. We didn't talk about it at all and just acted like she was hanging out like old times. On the way back to NJ, we stopped and ate dinner at a crappy diner and giggled to ourselves about all the odd people who came to eat there. Finally, I get her home and I situate her in my bedroom. The couch pulls out but I really don't want her sleeping on that when she's due in just 2 months. So, I'm taking the couch and until further notice, the bedroom is her space. She's going to get settled in tonight and later I'm going out with the guys for an event at Jupiter. I wasn't going to go drinking with the guys after but Makky insisted I go out and have fun tonight.

I'm not sure how this'll work out in the long-term... and I'm not sure what'll happen when she has the baby but things are looking up.
 
Sometimes, I entertain the thought that while I'm away from work for more than a day, the cashiers on the front end try to make their little "issues" and "dramas" with each other big enough that when they tell me to fix their problem(i.e. "Make so-and-so stop looking at me whenever I walk by her register!") the instruction "Get over it" will hopefully no longer apply and I'll actually be forced to take action. Honestly, in what sane world do you go from "I do not like K because I think she doesn't like me" to being unable to occupy the same space as someone else.

Alright, so the store has been actively selling paper shamrocks for a dollar each to support the Muscular Dystrophy Association. At the moment, I have 20 cashiers working under my direction and we started selling these things in the middle of last month. Out of that 20, I'd say 5 are actively trying to sell them every day. The rest will only sell them if I get on their case about it at the beginning of their shift. Despite that, we've reached about $33,000 as of this week. As an added incentive to get these gals pumped about it, we're offering $10 gift cards for any of the places the store offers gift cards for, for every 100 shamrocks they sell. And the first and second and third place prizes get additional monetary amounts.

Anyway, this past week we got a box from MDA full of 20 T-shirts to give to the top sellers as an added reward. Since none of my cashiers give a flying fuck about it, I gave them to the top 5 people selling these things. Yesterday, I get emails from a couple of my cashiers and a phone call from the assistant manager about some drama they're now having. While I was gone Monday and Tuesday, the two gals who man the service desk, despite not selling any shamrocks, but being veteran employees, asked for shirts and were given some by the assistant manager. This upset Trisha and Katie, the top two sellers who already got T-shirts, because they deemed it "unfair" for those two to get shirts when it means now we don't have enough for everybody. In addition to sending me emails about it, I found out today that both Katie and Trish were busy yesterday campaigning(read: gossiping) in an attempt to get the other cashiers to care about being so deprived. Lucky for me, it didn't even half work as well as they thought it would and still, about 80% of my cashiers could care less what the hell MDA even stands for. In discussing it with the assistant manager, I was concerned that they even had enough time to run their mouths. Deciding that they simply didn't have enough to do, today we started "facing" all of the product on the shelves in every aisle whenever the front end was not busy.

I come in and Trisha comes to me wanting to talk about it privately. I decline and ask a different girl whom I'd already talked to, trying to get her to sell the shamrocks because she consistently has come up with 0 almost every day. She flippantly offered to let one of the service desk girls have her T-shirt and I shrugged at Trisha, asking if that was a solution for her. It didn't make her happy but she got my point. Still, the fact that she even had to be that petty about this really gets on my nerves and it's one of those things that just absolutely grates on me with this job - the immaturity of those I've employed. So, I just have a tiny rant for Trish:

1. Let's put it in perspective, shall we? You're a cashier at a supermarket. I don't want to degrade you in any way or make you feel worthless or like the service industry is something you should feel ashamed of - not at all, because I love my job and I'm very proud of what I do. But you're basically arguing over who gets "what they deserve" in a job where everyone gets paid the same amount anyway for the same amount of work. There's not a lot of demanding sacrifice or talent required here, so acting so aghast when someone threatens your spot without even trying, really is taking it a little too seriously on a low and pathetic level. Even I, as intense as I am, and as no-nonsense and intolerant of unprofessionalism as I am do not even take myself that seriously.

2. Let's put it into even more perspective, 'kay? I really hate to tell you this but... it's a goddammed T-shirt. That's not even the real fucking prize for this little contest, but just an added thing to sell the damn things and say "Hey, lookit me! I'm selling shamrocks and donating money to a cause1" It's like those T-shirts that you get at summer camp that say the name of the camp or the camp's theme for that year with the year printed on them and possibly your name or something. Except it's not even as good as that because it's not even a memorable event. You wanna know why? Because every couple of months, the thing changes. Last month's sell cause was "sneakers" for juvenile diabetes. The one before that was some sort of Christmas/holiday thing. The only thing the T-shirt represents is as an advertisement to sell more shamrocks. Your not even doing anything particular special either. YOU'RE not the one donating to the cause; you're just getting other people to do it. So, this "pride" and "ego" you've got for this supposed badge of honor isn't even what you're trying to make it out to be. "Goddammit! You're right! How dare Lucy and Kelly take the opportunity to be a walking billboard away from other people who truly deserve it!"

3. Actually, they're not. They were given to me and the assistant manager to give to the top sellers and we were given 20 to dole out as we saw fit. I sincerely doubt that those not selling anything feel deprived of T-shirts. And honestly, I do not see the difference between ALL 20 cashiers getting T-shirts making none of us special or noteworthy for selling anything but just for showing up to work every day, and Lucy and Kelly getting a couple because they wanted them. Honestly, somewhere along the line someone who didn't do jack shit is going to get a goddammed T-shirt for their "effort". I really do not understand being upset about what other people are or aren't getting. If I'M doing a good job and I get recognition for my efforts, regardless of how much love someone else gets, that's all that matters. And it's not even the point of the job but just a nice bonus. You came here to work and do well, not be patted on the head and have your ego-stroked.

So... shut the hell up, Trisha.

THIS sort of shit is why I need a vacation and yet also, the exact reason why I'm terrified of leaving for more than a 24 hour period. If left to their own devices, these girls will kill each other. What sort of mess will I come back to?
 
--+Hahvoc Requiem+-- said:
This is why in a female dominated area, the Amazons could not have possibly lasted more than a few weeks.
Click to expand...

I really don't want to admit or seem like I'm encouraging sexual stereotypes, but it DOES get very competitive and nasty between the female cashiers. The few guys I have on the front end(I've got 7 male cashiers) are so easy going and relaxed and they all have a great repore with each other, compared to the women who seem to see enemies in every coworker. Not all of them are like that but at least once a month the communication and professional facade ripples or breaks apart to reveal conniving bitchiness underneath.
 
It's party because: 1) Some of them hate their job. 2) Some of them just don't like people. 3) Some are just hormonal bitches. And 4) Some women just suck all the fun out of everything and have to make everything into a bitch contest.
 
I'm starting to realize, that it's really great to have someone here. Someone to come home to.

Small things touch me. Like coming home last night with her cooking in the kitchen, making me dinner "to thank me for letting her stay in my apartment." It has seriously been forever since I've eaten anything that doesn't involve the microwave somehow or was made by magic in a restaurant. After I was done marveling about the voodoo she performed to make the stove actually do shit(WITCHCRAFT!!!) I sat down to a supper that made me jizz in my pants with every fucking bite. I didn't even realize chicken cordon blue(sp?) was even a thing outside of a hot pocket box(what sorcery is this???). Then she listened to me rant about the stupid T-shirt drama and cheered me up with her snarky analysis. She's so unapologetic and crass and it's completely at odds with the "mothering/wife" image she invoked last night.

Or coming home tonight, late shift, finding her curled up in the dark on the couch with the TV still on. I accidentally woke her when I turned it off and attempted to guide her into bed where she'd be more comfortable. It awakens surreal feelings within me to put my arm around her and direct her on wobbling feet(while she sleepily bitches and whines at me, assuring me of her independence as she teeters enough to have to grab the wall for support). A protectiveness that is completely at odds with the way I normally feel about her and the way Makida normally is. I don't know if it's just the pregnancy that's made her more vulnerable or possibly the recent crap her boyfriend put her through, or if it's simply living this close to her allowing me to see a different side of her(possibly a combination of those things) but it's not an unpleasant picture of her.

I like having someone there, taking care of me, even just being there so I don't come home to an empty house. And I like taking care of her, whether she thinks she needs it or not.
 
Alright, in 4 days, we're going up to Ottawa for a couple of days to hang out, have fun and relax. It's not too bad of a drive and I've already made hotel reservations on the 21, so the rest of the money can be spent on food and touristy shit. So excited to go and despite her balloon status(which does worry me a little) I'm really glad to have Makky going with me.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top Bottom