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Two Cops and A Feeling (Candira and Jugger)

When he heard the familiar sound, he turned to look at Lea, though his expression was unchanged. He still had the same, dull, depressed look on his face. "Hey..." Was all he said back, that being the only thing he had said to anyone since his awakening. He turned and looked out the window again, trying to remember what to say...or trying to find out what to say...but he didn't know what was needed to be said...he just felt he had to say something...'But what...?'
 
Ok, so this was dumb. She couldn't stand it anymore. She rushed over to him and put her arms around him, careful not to reopen wounds or disconnect wires. "I'm so glad you're okay. I was so worried about you." She closed her eyes and smiled softly, little tears in the corners of her eyes.
 
His eyes flicked open a little more when she hugged him. He looked at her with...surprise in his eyes as his hands began to shakily make their way to her back until he was hugging her. "A-Ah...Lea..." He said in surprise as he hugged her. "I'm glad it was me and not you...At least if I die, it wouldn't matter to much..." He murmured. "I saw my life flash before my eyes...and to everyone I know, I finally noticed all I did was bring misery and downfall to them..."
 
"That's not true," she said, looking up at him as he hugged her. "You were always a good partner. Maybe a little overeager, but you were always good. And you're a fun guy. I bet a lot of people can tell you all you remembered was the bad stuff." She hugged him a little tighter. "Please don't say that. And they said you'd be okay." She nodded, wanting so badly for him to come through it.
 
"It would probably just be better off if I was dead..." He murmured to her. "I thought being a cop could change my life around but...I just end up worrying you to death in the end...the chief kept talking about how you were so worried about me...then the sarge came in and started spouting the same crap but with more of an attitude about how it was my fault that you were tearing yourself up...I just pushed the thoughts out as I could only find one thing to say to one person..." He looked to her and sighed. "I'm sorry Lea..."
 
"So who died and named them the only important ones? I'm the one who was worried, right? So I say all that matters now is that you're okay." She glared at him. "I wouldn't be better off if you'd died. And it wasn't just your fault. We should have been better prepared as a team, and I should have protected you. I should have been the one taking that bullet." Lea frowned and shook her head. "You just needed more training that's all. Everyone who joins the force thinks the same way you did at first. I did. But I listened to my partner," she said, making a little face as if to point at that he didn't. "You're my partner now. And I don't want to lose you. So stop talking like that, okay?"
 
Hearing her brought a small, simple smile to his face and he nodded. "Alright Lea...for you, I'll be sure not to die." He closed his eyes and leaned back into the bed and took a deep breath. "Heh...I guess the reason I didn't die was cause I still wanted a piece of you, you know?" He began to weakly act like he was polishing the barrel of his shotgun again, though his hand was shaky and he still looked pale from blood loss. "Its good to hear such kind words from you though Lea...Thank you."
 
She laughed and rolled her eyes. "Well I'm glad you think so highly of having sex with me," she teased. She saw how weak he was and found it hard to watch. She'd never seen him this way before. Still, even when he was vulnerable he had a spark left. She smiled as he thanked her. "If you're that interested, maybe I'll have to actually let you one of these days," She chuckled and kissed his cheek softly. "Do you want me to stay?"
 
"Haha...You...don't have to owe me anything like that..." He chuckled gently as watched her as she kissed his cheek, causing him to gain a little red on his cheeks though he didn't seem embarrassed, as much as he was. "You can stay...if you want." He said with a smile. "I'm glad you visited...I knew you would...but there was always a doubt that you'd be too angry with me for...having put myself out there like that...And I feared you'd not want to come see me...unless you wanted to scold me."
 
"Oh, don't get me wrong. We're going to have some words, you and I. And don't think the chief won't do it too. But it's just not right to kick a man when he's down." She smiled and ruffled up his hair. "Yeah, I'll stay with you. Long as I can anyway. I'm glad you're going to be okay." With that, she sat down by his bed and watched him curiously. "Were you scared?"
 
"Scared...? Not of dying..." He said with a sigh. "The only fear I had when I got shot was the fear that I wasn't able to say 'goodbye' to you." He said with another sigh. He closed his eyes. "Damn...I'm not looking forward to our 'talk' later...Might as well get it over with now." He opened an eye to peek at her. "Go ahead. I don't mind. Better to get it over with than to keep it pent in for you, and have me worried the whole time for me."
 
She sighed. "Well, you asked for it." She stood up and closed the door before turning to him. "Nathan, you did the absolute wrong thing at the very wrong moment. First of all, we're not on a conquest--those criminals are still entitled to their rights. They could sue you for wrongful treatment if you get too carried away. You didn't read them their rights, you basically just stood there like a bully and pointed a gun at someone's head. You could have been ruined! And then you got shot! There's a reason we move rookies up slowly, damn it!" She frowned and watched him. "Now I need your word that you will control your actions or I will make damn sure that we are not partners and all you ever do is traffic duty."
 
He sat there, watching her with a blank look on his face, but it showed understanding as he listened to her. When she was finished, he sighed. "You don't need my word for it anymore Lea..." He said with a frown. "I'm quitting the force...So there is no point in me giving you my word, me being your partner, or me being a traffic cop..." He laid back down and turned away from her. He had already planned quitting after he got shot and woke up in the hospital. He knew he couldn't do it anymore...he'd be too paranoid, too panicky, too cautious...he probably couldn't even hold his gun without his hands going weak and just dropping the thing.
 
She sighed and came to him, sitting on the edge of the hospital bed. "That would be a really dumb thing to do, too. Wasting all that time and training and enthusiasm you had." She frowned and leaned toward him. "Let me ask you this--if you leave the force, what will you do instead?" Lea hadn't meant to scare him out of the force. She'd just hoped to scare him into the proper mindset. "You've got talent, you just need to calm down is all. You got carried away--it's a rookie mistake that a lot of people make. Most people don't get shot, but then you're special," she said, teasing him a little. "Why do you want to quit?"
 
"...I...I'm scared..." Was all he said. "I saw death, the bony and hell-bent face of death stare me in the face and reach out to me, only to be saved by paramedics who didn't even remove my bloody clothing...I still have the scent of blood in my nostrils and the pain in my chest...I...I can't...I already know I'll be even more useless..." He continued on. "God...this sucks...Why...Did this happen to me..."
 
She leaned forward and hugged him again. "You don't have to be scared, hun. I'll protect you this time. And chances are you'll be filling out paperwork in the office until you can pass the physical exam again, so there'll be a nice buffer between you being released from the hospital, and you being back on the streets." She smiled and kissed his cheek softly. "You weren't useless before, kid. You made mistakes because that's what rookies do. But you were learning," she said with a smile. "If it makes you feel better, it wasn't all your fault or my fault. There was a sniper on the scene. We don't think you were the intended target, but we didn't catch him either."

She sighed. "If you want to quit, that's your decision, but I really think you'll be making a mistake. Besides, then I'll get some other new kid and you'll have to deal with him if you wanna get a piece of me," she joked.
 
"At least this new kid will be more deserving of a piece of you than I ever will be." He didn't react at all when she had kissed him. He sat there, looking down and feeling like a shell of a person he once was. "I'm quitting..." He said finally. "I've stared death in the face...I've seen everything that I've done in my life and I don't approve..." He bit his lip. "I dunno what I'll do to be honest...I may quit...I might not...But I don't want paperwork...I don't want to do any of that...that SHIT..." He bit his lip and glared down at his legs. "Just go...get out of here...I already know they probably won't piece us up as partners. I got...the target killed with my stupidity. I'm lucky to even having gotten this hospital...I'm lucky I'm not being sued...I killed a person that didn't deserve to die..."
 
She knew he'd take it hard. Regret always came hand-in-hand with hindsight. He'd done something stupid and it had gotten someone killed. Of course, he'd almost died in the process. She sighed and shook her head. "You're being too hard on yourself." She lifted his face so that he had to look at her. "There may have been things that you regret doing in the past, but you've done a lot of good with me too," she said, letting him go. "In the end, you have to do what you feel is right, but if that sniper hadn't shot you, he would have taken care of the guy under your foot," she said.

"And this face," she said, gesturing to the sad expression he was wearing, "is exactly why I wanted to hold off on this little talk." She leaned into him and gave him another hug. "Don't be sad, hun. Learn from it.
 
"Dammit Lea its not the talk thats got me feeling so sad about myself..." He said with a frown. "I'm sad because I almost died and I already feel I can't even go into the face of action without...without fearing death...its just something I feel I'll live with if I ever wear that uniform again.." He put his hand on his bandage. He began to think about what she had said before about her having a new partner. He began to hear her words echo in his head that he would be the one getting a piece of her rather than he was...He began to take it the wrong way, thinking that she would so easily give it away to someone after having lost her partner, if he had died or if he had just quit.
 
She frowned and looked up at him. "I'm sorry. Here I was hoping to cheer you up, and look how good of a job I'm doing," she said with a chuckle "I'm not sure what to say. I would be really sad to see you go just when we were getting to know each other," she said with a little smile. "I guess you can always call me if you need me." She sighed and rested her head in her hands, feeling her relatively sleepless night settle in. After all that worrying and wanting to be with him, she had no idea what to do.
 
"Whatever...you can stay if you want...you look tired and I don't trust you driving when you're sleeping...so just go ahead and take a seat and nap...I'd offer you this bed to sleep in, only, but...well...they'd be against it." He shrugged and looked at her with a small frown. "Your care is enough to cheer me up Lea." He smiled gently to her, yet it was mainly because of how weak he felt in those moments in the hospital.
 
She doubted that it was enough for him. Lea looked up at him and thought it was sweet of him to worry even in his condition. She sat on the edge of the bed, so she merely swung her legs up and put her arm around him as she lay down there on her side. "If they don't want me here they can come tell me. All I care about is what you want."
 
He blushed lightly as he heard her say that, and began to regret thinking the way he had done so before. "We've only been partners for such a short time...and I've been a horny little snob to you the whole time and...its just surprising to see how comfortable you are with me and how caring..." He murmured to her as he felt her warmth warm his weakened body.
 
"Ego is ego, no matter who it comes from," she said, closing her eyes and relaxing. "You've got a good heart, kid. Why do you think I didn't report you?" She teased, laying there and relaxing a bit.
 
"Because you probably got hit on enough to not care too much about it is all...thats what I assumed..." He said as he looked her in the eyes. "Huh...I think you look a lot sexier in the uniform though...Or maybe its just I love a woman in uniform is why..." He teased as he smiled to her gently. "Thanks Lea...for caring..."
 
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