Patreon LogoYour support makes Blue Moon possible (Patreon)

Bunny Bits

Corporal Bunny said:
So, if you don't know. I'm pregnant. And we are keeping the child.

If its a boy. The most possible name is: Gabriel William Henesy.
If it's a girl. The most possible name is: Scarlett Evelyn Henesy.
Click to expand...
I called it~
 
The only shit you called was that id ruin my life and be miserable. I've done neither. So kindly mind your negative comments.
 
Today was a mix of alot of happiness, some anger and just a lot of sadness. When I had previously discussed with my SO if we would be keeping the child we had made an appointment at All Women's Health clinic. Listed under abortion in the phone book. I had called three seperate times and asked about procedures and the like. I wanted to inform myself before I made my choice. When I inquired, they told me I would only pay if the procedure was done. But, that the sonogram would be free if I decided I wanted to keep the child.

After we decided to keep the child, I kept the appointment. Because as I began applying for Wic and other benefits as a "single" young parent, I found that they needed "proof of pregnancy".

I arrived 30 minutes early with my boyfriend. His father met up with us. He asked to go previously, and I consented. Thinking that not only is he the grandfather, and showing his support for us, and me specifically, but that he could ask questions; we as young adults may not think of. I fill out some papers, already noting that the receptionist was slow and stupid. We wait 30 minutes past my appointment time. I asked if I could bring them back for my sonogram. I was told, "No, not for the sonogram"

To me, thats not all inclusive. Its specific. Meaning, I could bring them back at another time. When the nurse called me to get my blood and urine, I asked her. She stuttered and said, "I don't know.." Sent back into the waiting room for another 40 minutes I was eventually called and put into a room, and told to strip.

I was nervous, I wanted my boyfriend with me. It was important to me. But, I sucked it up, and thought how proud I was of myself for taking these steps alone. When the woman finally came in she was curt. I explained to her even as she pulled the stirrups out that I had never had a pelvic exam, and only had sex a few times up until this point. She merely grunted at me and told me to lay back. She was rough and impartial.

When she found the child on the sonogram she said "You're pregnant. I can see the sac."

Sac? SAC? I thought to myself. Maybe so. Maybe I would have thought of it as a sac. Some cells.. if I had decided to abort. But, that was my baby. I view it as my baby. I told her that I didnt want to go through with it. She glowered at me. GLOWERED. And said, "You dont want to have the procedure done" "No" "So, no abortion?" "No" "Fine, I guess you can go up front and they will take care of you." And she left.

As I was getting dressed I looked in the corner, there lay in the open the abortion MACHINE. It looked like a big box, attached to a large CLEAR tube, with a metal prong and what appeared to be something that looked like a steel hose... spout? In the open. In the fucking open.

When we had originally talked about abortion, I was very sure that I could do the pill. Pass the child like a period. But, not the surgery. And staring at it then as I got dressed, I was so glad of my choice. I got the little picture of my baby and walked to the front.

The receptionist told me it'd be 100 dollars... I would have argued.. given I had called 3 times in the last 2 days. But, I just wanted out by then. I paid as she rambled on SLOWLY about how my licence had a crab on it. WHAT? Bitch.

I left, and took my boyfriend and his father out, told them what happened and said I didnt want to go back. My boyfriend wanted to go back in, was rather pissed about how they treated me, how things were done, and the fact that I had to pay. But, as I showed him the picture, everything really disolved down to the fact that we had tangible evidence of our child...



654cd767.jpg
 
*hugs*
the first of many wonderful baby pics. <3

honestly, you should be proud of how you handled that. had it been me, i would've lost it and cried. try and push that crap out of your mind. you've made your decision and can move forward now. happier times will be ahead as you go through everything. some of it will be strange, some annoying and some amazingly wonderful. and despite everything, when you have that baby in your arms. trust me. all sooo worth it. :)
 
It's been really hard lately. On both of us. Its not the choice that weighs on us. Its the worry. The constant worry. Everyone seems so confident that things will fall into place. I am amazed I've been so pssitive.

Looking back, I found myself in Maryland scared of most things. Anxiety ruled my life. I went to therapy, and took medications. But, it was always something I wanted to deal with. So I found myself lying to my therapist about the medications I was taking. Simply because, I wanted to work it out on my own. But, it was hard. It held me back from a lot.

When I took a chance and moved here with him. I never thought it would go this way. Not in my wildest dreams. Don't get me wrong. It's not a bad direction. Its just such a sudden turn. A sharp, narrow road where theres no guard rails. Our parents are there, they are supportive. But, they can't help. They can't coddle us and shelter us the way they did years ago, or for me- mere weeks ago.

Speaking just on my terms, its a sudden change. Its drastic. I feel like a small kitten thats been pushed out of the forsale box, onto the roads of newyork, while it rains. I'm coping, and after a small time of adjustment, I am very happy.

But, there are times, when it's harsh. When the gravity of the situation really sets in. I'm sure, that being a mother isn't my concern. No, when I say it I smile. And I'm confident in my instincts. So far they haven't lead me astray. If I hadn't moved down here, I would have been pregnant alone, upstate... the choice could have changed. But, for some reason, a choice so out of my character fell into place here. At times I know, happily that this is how it was suppose to be.

I'm not religious, I suppose I'm spiritual. Whatever faith I have in myself, knows that I've done well. I've done right. And things will work out. I have no need to pray, I have no need to worry.

I found that I started this saying I was worried, and being depressed. I think its the symptoms of pregnancy. Getting out of bed is so hard. I feel.... so tired, exhuasted. The smallest thing upsets my stomach. You don't know exhaustion until discomfort keeps you awake, and a child feeds on all your nutrients. It is, indeed taking from my body. At times its hard to walk.

Its a weakness that cross from physical to emotional. Last night I found myself crying in bed in the dark for no real reason. Only saying to him, that I missed my mother. And I do. Oh how I do. I miss having her near, holding her, talking to her and seeing her. Even crying together. She at this point, would assure me, hug me, run her hands through my hair as if I was a child, and ask if I wanted some ice cream. We would settle for a movie, chat a bit more, but the seriousness would fade and all would be well; ideally.

Money is the biggest concern. But oddly, its not striking my anxiety as it would. We are both unemployeed. With no money. Luckily we have food from when we went shopping before hand, but not enough to get me the required vitamins, or even a book.

Of course, there are online sources, and thankfully the bills are paid until next month...

I have a few phone bills sitting around. But, it's impossible for me to pay. And I think it should be last anyway, in regards to my vitamins.

I admit that I should be more concerned. But, I put in applications everyday, and I've come up with innovative ways. Starting my own business for instance. It kicks off Monday. And tuesday we have an appointment for WIC. Which, will aid me through pregnancy with food and other things. Plus, Medicade will be calling me for an interview soon, and I not only get insurance and FINALLY get to go to a dr, but I might actually get cash.

So, there is brightness here. Its just a tough few days. I suppose I needed to work it out myself. Harmones do funny things to logic.

But, I'm happy. I'm so happy. And he treats me so well. Small things, thoughtful things. We make lunch together, and I'll put his carrots on a plate, and he'll open chips and place them on my plate for me. I know it seems silly. But, to me its always been small gestures.

Last night when I cried, I got out of bed and started a bath with some laveder scent and a candle. I tried to muffel the sobs with the water flowing, but he heard. He didn't say much as he came in. He approached slowly as if I'd bolt. Rubbed my back, and said he wasn't going anywhere. And though I said, I know, and that I dont regret anything, but that I just miss my mother and its all gone so fast... I appreciated the words...

I suppose the news that really caused all this was that my mother.. the only one I consider family. My best friend in the world... said she may not be there for the birth. And its not because I think its so sentimental for her to be there for her grandchild... but its because I'm her daughter. And I'm terrified, and I need her. I need her so bad, at least then. Because... I'm frightened of that.

But, I do have a lot. I talked to her everyday, and his mother is so sweet to me. We text, and yesterday she treated me to breakfast. As I was saying I'm so proud of myself. My gps didnt work, and I havent ever been there, nor in Flordia for long. I would have curled in a ball of anxiety and made an excuse not to go. But I found it with vague directions, without worrying. I just knew.. I knew I'd get there, and I did.

Then she paid for me to get a pedicure. Saying that when I get sick at least I'd know I'd have nice toes.

We talked a lot too. About the baby, some worries, my anxiety but mostly about how happy we are... how wonderful it will be, and how great her son treats me.

There is no exaggeration in the thankfulness and luckiness I feel to be with this boy. There is no doubt, there is no insecurity, there is only the fact that we are together, happy, and working through bumps together. I look forward to our relationship without worry or concern about how we will get along.

This has made the pregnancy, so much easier.
 
I'm glad you are happy bunny. Everyone deserves that. Money is a silly thing, something we need but is always hard to come by. I'm sure things will work out for you. If you ever need to talk or anything, or just chit chat sometime, let me know. Congratulations on the baby, the name choices are great! ^_^
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom