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Rape: the woman's fault?

I

Ivy Walker

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Apr 9, 2010
When it comes to rape we keep hearing it repeated that if a woman is raped it's not her fault. But then you've got people throwing in wrenches to muddy the waters about the issue: if she wears provocative clothing, if she's drunk, etc. that translates to her somehow "asking for it".

What if the woman initiates sexual contact and then says "No"? I was having a discussion about this with someone earlier and apparently if she starts it, a woman is not allowed to change her mind.
 
Letting the punishment fit the crime is an extremely important facet of justice, especially when the crime is easily encountered as it can cause people to escalate things drastically.

If you equate a lack of response to a reversal of consent with the full act, you risk someone caught in that trap doing more serious things either to cover their tracks or 'fuck it, I'm going to jail anyway' - especially risky when you're talking about a crime of passion in the first place. So you might consider the five second rule to be bullshit, something significant could be charged as a form of misdemeanor and more serious crimes on upwards.

One of my best friends was raped several times a day, for four months straight, when she was twelve. Equating that with a lack of response to reversing consent makes me ill. Even putting it on the same level does.
 
Not to put in another wave to the argument, but people would say (and I agree) that sex with anyone under the age of 16 (some would say higher) is rape, with consent or no, because they don't have the mature mindset to know what they are getting into. The Grey Area is with holder women/men.

I read this, and it got me wondering, because I'm not sure if there would ever be a clear cut answer. If a woman starts it, then says no afterward/during, is it rape? It was their choice to do it in the first place, did the action that started it, then say they don't want it. It's a highly situational thing, but still... it's puzzling.
 
Well, for me, anyone under the age of 18 doesn't even enter into the question of "Is it rape?" and consent.

But yes, I was originally so sure when discussing this with this person to begin with; "No" means "No" and all that and if the person is not able to give consent then it's analogous to "No". But this guy basically said "If she said let's screw, then she's screwed" and it made me doubt and I wondered if I was the only one who saw something wrong with that or if other people felt that way. And what about implicit nonconsent?

Suppose a woman indicates willingness to have sexual intimacies, and these begin, or are about to. Then she indicates: {choose} hesitation, ambivalence, reluctance, resistance (mild or moderate); being ill at ease; regretful, uncomfortable, or not fully aware of the situation.

I'm not talking strictly about whether it is rape or not; I'm talking about if she starts the sex and then makes it known in some way that she does not want to continue, is it her fault that she got raped? Is there a point where a person releases blame for their actions when it comes to these scenarios?
 
Before intercourse, no means no. Very few exceptions, like if it was roleplaying and discussed beforehand.

But My question is, after the start of intercourse, she said yes (hell, even going with her putting it in, so to speak), then saying no after they have started. Is it rape?
 
Raziel99 said:
Before intercourse, no means no. Very few exceptions, like if it was roleplaying and discussed beforehand.

But My question is, after the start of intercourse, she said yes (hell, even going with her putting it in, so to speak), then saying no after they have started. Is it rape?
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I think, if the man continues after that point then yes, it IS rape.
 
Although, I will make a note that it's a shitty thing for a woman to do to jerk someone around like that and play games. If she's unsure at all and doesn't think she can go through with it, then she should make it known before hand(there are exceptions, like if she experiences discomfort, etc. but just changing her mind in the middle is kind of a jerk move if she's the one who started it). Also, when I say woman, I mean for anyone starting a sexual encounter that they do not plan to finish.
 
Wow...um...I don't know. If it's with another man and he's on the receiving end and he says no after initiating it, then YES, it is rape if the other man continues.

But if it's heterosexual...and the man is the one penetrating... Can a man be raped that way? :? I don't mean to sound sexist or anything, but I honestly am not sure if that qualifies.
 
I am speaking of a heterosexual couple having sex, and if you go by what you said earlier (because a woman can be on top or in another way have the man pinned down) and he says no, and the encounter is not ended there, it is rape.
 
Penetration has to be done by the male. I think it may only really be rape if that person wasn't in the right state of mind at the time. I.E: Drunk, taken advantage of...so it's very POSSIBLE, just not all too common.
 
Men can be raped by women. It seems like a daft idea, but it is possible.

Your body reacts in ways your mind wouldn't. While your mind's screaming no, your body could be reacting to touches, and seem to be screaming yes. Women can restrict men, and render them helpless, whether it be restraints or the help of someone else. Even though the man is penetrating the woman, it would still be classified as the man getting raped if he told it to stop, and didn't want it to happen.
 
Um...Well you can't just let the man stick it in you and thrust a couple of times and decide you don't wanna fuck anymore. That's just ridiculous. Why would you decide to have sex in the first place if you weren't sure you wanted to? Why would you even touch and feel on the guy if you feel somewhere in the back of your mind that it's maybe a mistake? Yes, I believe the rape of a woman can be caused by the woman herself. Especially when she makes stupid decisions like getting drunk and partying with guys who just scream I wanna fuck you. Or doesn't travel with a pack of people, or just one person she can absolutely trust to watch over her while she's partying and carrying on.

I just think if you're gonna have sex, make sure you want to do it...it's really as simple as that. Telling the guy you don't wanna fuck after he's either stuck it in you, or you got him riled up to the point where he's anxious to stick it in you is just so fucking wrong...and shouldn't be done. There are exceptions to this, if the girl is like in pain or something...specially if she's a virgin or whatever...or if she needs to leave for something urgent and doesn't wanna hump anymore...I believe the guy should back off.

By all means, I'm not saying raping is cool or anything....it's just why the fuck would you engage in anything sexual if you know you aren't ready to? Ugh....females...so fucking complex. And another thing....if you don't want to get raped, then don't lead a man on...especially if you don't know him all that well. Flirting is cool....but not to the extent where you are touching and feeling on him, basically saying it's cool to do it....and you really don't want to....or aren't sure you want to.
 
There is such a thing as insecure people who think that if they make that next step with someone, they're somehow growing a sense of appreciation from them. I've seen girls throw themselves at guys to feel pretty, to feel like they're "worth something", even if they're not comfortable with the fact that they're really being seen as a sex object. Yes, if she's gotten as far as letting the act start, she shouldn't have let it progress that far before stating she wasn't comfortable, but that doesn't give anyone the right to disregard what she says and continue with it anyways.
 
Never said it did.... That's what therapists are for.... And well once the act begins....it begins. There's that sudden rush of getting some that ignites in one's body and you can either stop or you can't... My best advice for women like that, is don't fucking have sex at all...you're not suited to it. Wait until you get some help and come to terms with your insecurity....wait until you are stable enough to make good decisions instead of just throwing yourself in a man's bed for ridiculous reasons, and then trying to renig on the situation.....
 
That's the thing, most of those women are dependent on that attention. I wouldn't know personally, but they're most likely not even aware that they need some kind of professional help. And not everyone can afford to see a professional, not for the money that they ask for.

Everyone makes weak, and poor decisions in their life. I'm just saying that just because someone makes a bad choice, they shouldn't be suppressed to something like rape because they weren't in their right mind. Of course, they shouldn't have even bothered making a decision if they weren't in their right mind, but most people don't think beyond one step at consequences.
 
What you say is true, but I'm just stating the principal at hand. I'm not saying they deserved to be raped or anything, but I know somewhere throughout this girl's life that she has definitely met more than several people that have told her, her actions aren't going to amount to anything good. And even so, the stories of all these rapes floating around is enough. That right there is proof that perhaps you should think a little more on how you carry yourself. But in a sense with most people, it is a mental problem, and if they are really looking to change their ways they'll find professional help, or make a way to get the money and all that jazz.
 


I think that Army makes it very clear that we don't put up with any kind of Sexual Assault or Harassment. As for consent, the Army says that if the word NO ever pops up, everyone better stop whatever their doing.
 
In the state of Massachusetts- The law of consent is that it is rape if the woman/man doesn't or does say no but never says yes. If the person is drunk/intoxicated somehow- there is no such thing as consent because they are mentally impaired.

Wearing provocative clothing in my opinion just makes you look slutty- but it doesn't mean you are asking for it from every John, Rick, or Larry out there. You are always allowed to change your mind from yes to no if you are having second thoughts or whatever the hell. Being drunk- well, derp. You aren't in the right state of mind. I don't think rape is ever the victim's fault. I think rape is only the woman's fault if she is the one doing the raping-which most people are under the impression isn't very likely to occur but it does happen.​
 
--+Hahvoc Requiem+-- said:
In the state of Massachusetts- The law of consent is that it is rape if the woman/man doesn't or does say no but never says yes. If the person is drunk/intoxicated somehow- there is no such thing as consent because they are mentally impaired.

Wearing provocative clothing in my opinion just makes you look slutty- but it doesn't mean you are asking for it from every John, Rick, or Larry out there. You are always allowed to change your mind from yes to no if you are having second thoughts or whatever the hell. Being drunk- well, derp. You aren't in the right state of mind. I don't think rape is ever the victim's fault. I think rape is only the woman's fault if she is the one doing the raping-which most people are under the impression isn't very likely to occur but it does happen.​
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There were 13 cases of woman on man last month here in Yongsan, S.Korea. :)
 
Rape can never be the victim's fault. sometimes, even completely sober, once the act is started, THAT is when the woman, or sometimes the man has second thoughts. That's one of the worst thing about being human. you can be all into something, then once the guy's cock is in, the woman might realize 'no i do not want this'. and if the word no ever slips from her lips, she has expressed her desire to stop. if it doesn't, it's rape. and it isn't her fault. or the reverse in the case of woman raping men
 
metal-blood-fire said:
Rape can never be the victim's fault. sometimes, even completely sober, once the act is started, THAT is when the woman, or sometimes the man has second thoughts. That's one of the worst thing about being human. you can be all into something, then once the guy's cock is in, the woman might realize 'no i do not want this'. and if the word no ever slips from her lips, she has expressed her desire to stop. if it doesn't, it's rape. and it isn't her fault. or the reverse in the case of woman raping men
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Damn fucking straight. Thats how the army looks at it!
 
Hell yeah, Tathariel, and this may be off topic, but thank you for serving this country. i'm sure you don't hear that enough these days.
 
Ivy Walker said:
Suppose a woman indicates willingness to have sexual intimacies, and these begin, or are about to. Then she indicates: {choose} hesitation, ambivalence, reluctance, resistance (mild or moderate); being ill at ease; regretful, uncomfortable, or not fully aware of the situation.

I'm not talking strictly about whether it is rape or not; I'm talking about if she starts the sex and then makes it known in some way that she does not want to continue, is it her fault that she got raped? Is there a point where a person releases blame for their actions when it comes to these scenarios?
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This is what happened with me my first time. I though i was ready and wanted it, but when we got down to it, I wasn't. I said no(nearly fifty times), told him that i wasn't ready that I was wrong, that i wanted to wait a little longer. I didn't use enough force for the situation, and let him have his way with me.

Do I think I was rape? Not really. Do I feel violated? Yes.
 
Tathariel said:
--+Hahvoc Requiem+-- said:
In the state of Massachusetts- The law of consent is that it is rape if the woman/man doesn't or does say no but never says yes. If the person is drunk/intoxicated somehow- there is no such thing as consent because they are mentally impaired.

Wearing provocative clothing in my opinion just makes you look slutty- but it doesn't mean you are asking for it from every John, Rick, or Larry out there. You are always allowed to change your mind from yes to no if you are having second thoughts or whatever the hell. Being drunk- well, derp. You aren't in the right state of mind. I don't think rape is ever the victim's fault. I think rape is only the woman's fault if she is the one doing the raping-which most people are under the impression isn't very likely to occur but it does happen.​
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There were 13 cases of woman on man last month here in Yongsan, S.Korea. :)
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I was speaking in general. In the US, it's rare for reports of woman on man rape. And in the European countries it's mostly the same. Most guys- not all- are too prideful or ashamed to admit a woman had her way with him. I remember the story about a male stripper who was jumped by three female clients and violated in a way no one should ever be violated and the case was against him because he was male and a stripper and because of those prime things, he should have wanted it, right? Wrong. Anatomy shouldn't define whether or not you want sex from someone.​
 
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