Patreon LogoYour support makes Blue Moon possible (Patreon)

~Venting a bit~

Does Canada have the equivalent of unemployment like the U.S. does? If so, she should apply for that as soon as possible. It will help tide you over until she can find something else. In the meantime, I'll be hoping for the best for the two of you! *Hugs*
 


We have unemployment here, but its kinda retarded. I dont really know how it works. Hopefully she can get it soon enough. I don't what we'll do otherwise. I hate this shit, life's hard enough with out.
 
Nonsensical ranting time begins-

So. I went to a friends house last night, and we were drinking so we decided to watch some horror movies. We watched the Messengers. And I must say, it completely scared the shit out of me until the end, when I realized the ghosts were only giving warnings about the man who killed them...and I thought it was really lame. The movie also managed to ruin one of my favorite actors for me. John Corbett. In everything I've seen him in he plays the nice soft and cuddly/ reliable and friendly type guy, and now all I see is a psycho murderer.

-end.

I also should mention I am a bridesmaid in my friends wedding whenever it happens and I was EXTREMELY touched that she actually picked me as one ^.^.
 
Serenity,
Pardon me for writing here but I agree with DA and Dream. I think you suffer from what is called Dysthymia. It is a chronic depression. I am 0ver 50 now and I have suffered from it my whole life. And I can relate to showing the happy face while sometimes feeling empty inside. But take heart too, a lot of very creative and smart people have suffered from depression. I would also urge you to try to get some help. A counselor and maybe some meds. Having a therapist and medication literally saved my life. And someone as young and expressive as you should get some relief. I don't know about Canada, but here there are low-cost or no-cost clinics you can go to and get to see someone. I would look them up on the internet in your city and see what you find. Just realize you are not alone and there are people that understand. Like Dream I also will offer that you can vent or talk to me at any time as well. Take care of yourself, and <a respectful hug>
 
There's nothing to pardon >.< if I was going to get uppity for it I wouldn't have posted it in a public forum. And thanks for the offer, I appreciate it ^^. Hopefully I can find one of those clinics and motivate myself to go. I guess we'll see.
 
Bleh. So today majorly sucked. I woke up feeling like crap, and it only went down hill from there. I was arguing with my mom (About stupid stuff really, but I honestly feel like if it were anyone but me she'd do what I was asking) And that got me all pissed off and grouchy, then I went to work. Joy. Only to realize that two of my favorite people are moving out of the province for school next week. And honestly for the first two hours of work I didn't leave the office cause I couldnt keep myself from crying. And then I just felt like a baby, but I cant help it, I hate it when people leave.
 
Yesterday was pretty awesome. Shot my first gun! Boy was it loud! I kept jumping violently every time someone fired, it wasn't so bad if it was just me, but it was pretty bad when the two guys to either side of me shot. It was a great learning experience though, I loved it. And hope to do it again sometime. I think I'm pretty decent at it, I'd post a picture of the paper man I shot, but I'm to lazy right now, maybe another time.

Today on the other had was just downright BLAH. I woke up feeling kinda irritated with everything and everyone, it only got worse as the day went on. And on top of that the first of my two friends is gone today. Hes not actually moving til next week, but either way, I probably wont see him again for a long time along with my other friend. Which is highly depressing.

*Heavy sigh* So I'm just gonna zone out and watch tv I spose, since nothing else seems appealing.

Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
The night is here and the day is gone
And the world spins madly on
 
Ugh. So I had my first beer ever yesterday. Not good! It wasn't sooooooo bad the first sip I had, but after that I don't know...it just got worse and worse. I never thought I'd find alcohol I couldn't drink. It was just gross. I ended up giving it away like three sips in. I just couldn't do it....

 
Serenity said:
Ugh. So I had my first beer ever yesterday. Not good! It wasn't sooooooo bad the first sip I had, but after that I don't know...it just got worse and worse. I never thought I'd find alcohol I couldn't drink. It was just gross. I ended up giving it away like three sips in. I just couldn't do it....
Click to expand...

Yes. Beer is very much an acquired taste!
 
Bleh. I really really really hate it when people cancel on me. It happens far to often. And makes me super paranoid. Sigh. Oh well. Not much I can do about it I spose.
 
I am so BEYOND pissed off, irritated, and annoyed with everyone, and I do mean absolutely everyone (In real life, mostly). I honest to god want to beat people, or just put everyone in general in some big building and blow it the fuck to hell. I'm so tired of how inconsiderate and just plain fucking idiotic and stupid people can be....

And I'm done, there's not much else to say other then this month is turning out fucking fantastic. Goddamned brilliant.
 
Blah. I feel so trapped, I really hate it. I hate my job, it REALLY sucks. Yet I cant quit because I need the money. Its either suffer through the job or go without a place to live and all the comforts that go with it. Its so stressful. It honestly depresses me, and I'm back to wanting nothing but sleep. -sigh-

I tried to kill the pain
but only brought more
so much more
I lay dying
and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
am I too lost to be saved
am I too lost?

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

do you remember me
lost for so long
will you be on the other side
or will you forget me
I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
am I too lost to be saved
am I too lost?

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

I want to die!!!

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

my wounds cry for the grave
my soul cries for deliverance
will I be denied Christ
tourniquet
my suicide
 
Hmm, it's been awhile.

Life is still a rollercoaster. Right now I seem to be hitting the good parts of it. The job still sucks, though its mellowed out slightly (But thats often how it goes. I get comfortable, and mildly ok, and then something happens. My boss has too many different moods, and too many different faces.)

Now though, it seems to be home thats the problem. Me and my mom have been fighting like cats and dogs. Its hard cause she gets in moods and takes them out on me (This isn't always the case, the majority of the time I deserve her wrath, not this time though.) and my sister gets made into the golden child. But that shall soon be taken care of, me and a friend have been talking, and I'm going to room with her, get my first taste of freedom ever o.o. Should be interesting. I'm super excited about it.....as well as super terrified. Its scary gaining freedom, and thinking of all the things that can go wrong once the security blanket is pulled away, so to speak. It really hurts, and frightens me to leave my mom. But its time. It will happen eventually whether I like it or not. And it certainly wont get any easier.

So for the last like, month or so I've been busy busy busy it seems. Always at this persons house, or that persons. Hangin' out with friends on me days off. Which is good and bad. I need my days off to myself sometimes to just chill and do whatever. I get really stressed otherwise. It just feels like I've had no space. But at the same time sometimes I just crave human contact. Along with this have been many a drunken night! Those have definitely been good fun.....almost too much fun. Actually not almost...its a good thing I sobered up before things got too carried away. But all in all I've been doing better...for the moment anyway. But I guess thats all I can really hope for, is brief moments of happiness. It makes life worth living and struggling through though.

Peace out.
 
I owe quite a few apologies, so I'm just going to make them here. I bailed out of a lot of roleplays, I just didn't really have the energy to take them on despite asking for them. A LOT has been going on the last couple months, some good some bad. For roleplaying, as of right now, I can't really commit to anything, I might want to start something today and lose the will to respond tomorrow. So, I'm just going to hold off on it for a little while longer.

As to the welcoming committee, I'm sorry I've been such a slacker, and I'm going to strive to improve as I still love welcoming the new members of Blue Moon, and I still wish to be a part of this awesome community.

I had actually planned on writing more, but when I started writing I realized there's really not that much that I had to say, or am willing to write down here at the moment, so I'll just leave you with what I have. ^^
 

How does life get this way
When you think nothing will ever be okay
The doubt and fear, they cloud your mind
And you search for a shard of hope you'll never find
No sun will ever light the way
And darkness will always rule the day
​
 
Words cannot express the vast emotions masked by apathy,
They run through my veins, hollowing out body and soul,
Consuming every good feeling and happy memory,
Leaving sadness and confusion in their wake.
And I'm left questioning what purpose is there in living,
Is this mundane existence what life is supposed to be?
We're born, we live, we do meaningless things,
And then we die, we're buried, and life goes on,
Just the same as it did before, only we aren't there to see it.
 
People piss me the fuck off. I seriously dont even have words to express just how much. -_- but I needed to come here and bitch, it just makes me feel a little better *holds forefinger and thumb a few centimeters apart* sigh its just going to be one of those days where I want to punch people. grr and back to work I go.
 


An empty room
Lined with bars
A soul trapped,
Forever caged
Silently begs
To be heard
Its wails a plea
To be set free
To sail the skies
Like a bird in flight
Wings spread wide
To catch the cool night air
A breath of freedom
Forever denied
To the lonely soul
Trapped inside.
 
Become like ice
Sparkling and hard
Glittering brightly in the sun
A fortress of glassy surfaces
That none can break through
Nor even try to touch
Look out at the world with an icy stare
Its easier to live in your perfect ice world
Wrapped in a blanket of solitude
Away from any that can do you harm
To keep the trust you locked away
You live in your perfect world of lies
Of safety and comfort without pain
Of a life with out friends
none can get close
No one to hurt you
or make you cry
No one to miss when they've said goodbye
But one day you'll realize
The ice worlds a lie
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom