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A Simple Crushed Daisy

RE: A Simple Crushed Daisy

It's been a long time since I've had to be strong for anyone other than myself. It's almost like I've been in some sort of seclusion for the last six months. I spent the past couple of hours attempting to figure out how I can both be supportive, and still honor my own needs and wants. I don't know how this is going to work out, and my feelings shift between being uneasy to deliriously happy and relieved. I am determined to get through this one way or the other. It is so worth it.
 
RE: A Simple Crushed Daisy

Yay yay yay, photo shoot went awesome. Feels great to be back in front of the camera and doing something that I love. Such a refreshing event. Going to get the portfolio updated and sent to some agents. I don't know why I have put this on the back burner for so long, guess I was just burnt out from years and years of scrutiny. Now I feel confident and sexy and am ready to pursue many different avenues that make me happy.
 
RE: A Simple Crushed Daisy

I'm tired but I seem to have a lot going on in my mind for various reasons. Well. One main reason, like usual. I reached out tonight and I almost never reach out. I am usually confident enough to say if someone doesn't want me in their life, then I don't make the effort to change that. But it's different with him. It's always been different with him. I really don't think I've asked too much and in my experience, if someone truly wants you in their life, then they will make sure that you are included. That being said, circumstances do matter and life has a way of throwing major curve balls that change people. I've missed him so much and hearing his voice gives me hope that he is still there somewhere. I'm sure so many, including him, think I probably should have moved on and to be honest, if I could have, I would have. But my heart just doesn't work like that when it comes to him. The heart wants what the heart wants. And like anything else, my head is just too stubborn to allow me to talk myself into anything else. I wish that you could get passes in life to get just a little sneak peak of the future. Like if I could just look and see where things end up with us, maybe I would be encouraged or just be so completely discouraged that I could ultimately let go. But, knowing me, I would just try to hold on anyway and wait for the heart break. Stubborn, stubborn woman. I'm thankful to hear his voice, and I'm thankful that he's always kept his promises to me. I hope this is a new leaf to an old story. I want it so bad.
 
RE: A Simple Crushed Daisy

What a wonderful weekend this has been. For the first time in months I feel whole again and the smile on my face is sincere. In fact, I can't seem to get rid of this smile and it is intoxicating. I can't get over how shocked he is that I would hold on this long. As if I had a choice. Timing has always been shifty for us, but now for the first time, it's like the timing is perfect and we can finally move on from this rather dark place we've been separately stuck in. I've always heard people say that their significant other saved them and I never really understood that because I've always been the one who has saved me. I get knocked down, then I claw my way back up...but I know I have the opportunity now to be an incredibly positive impact in someone else's life and I can't wait to fulfill that. It's incredible how outside sources that you once loved so much can be such a destructive force on a person. When you care about other people so much, it's easy to put their needs in front of your own and then things start to unravel and you lose track of number one. I'm never going to be good at looking out for myself, but I am lucky to have someone who will always put me and his son above everything else. And that's perfect for me. Absolutely perfect.
 
RE: A Simple Crushed Daisy

Had a crap day. Figures, after such an amazing break and weekend. Nearly missed a make up class, did miss an assignment, and didn't finish all my reading for class. Basically, I was the worst student ever today and didn't even realize it before it was too late. I was able to talk to my baby, who made things a little better but time was short tonight. We've spoken like we did years ago lately though and that makes me very happy. He's so supportive and even mentioned looking for jobs in my area. That's exciting stuff!! I hope that i can nail down a job soon so that I am better able to know where my life will be next year. Plus, it will be a ton of stress off of me. I'm getting so burnt out at this point and probably depending on others a little too much. I need to go to sleep and stop being such a grump.
 
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