Critique!

[Coyote]

So, I roleplay regularly in other places too, as I'm sure many of us do. Either way, I would like some critique on my writing, which you will find in the following link. All of the characters portrayed are played by me because no one really joined in T.T

I'm never really satisfied with what I write because I feel like it's lacking something, but since I've never really been able to find out what, I reluctantly let it go. Maybe someone can tell me what I need to improve?

http://forum.renaissancekingdoms.com/viewtopic.php?t=1536668


It would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Nihilistic_Impact]

You're link doesn't work for me, just takes me to the main page.

What is this site?

 

[Coyote]

It's a MMORPG, based in the medieval period of Europe. You could describe it as text based, you click buttons to make things happen. The forums of the game play a really big part, not just in roleplay, but in communication, politics, trading and the like. You can be mayor of a town, or on the county council, be the duke (or duchess) and just about everything else. You can be King (or Queen) too, but that's fairly new. Big thing with the game admin and all, because an admin used to be King but the top dogs made a deal and now we have a Player as king and, yeah, long story.

Either way, there's a ton of roleplay too, and I figured the link would work to go to mine, but I guess not : (