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The Lives We Didn't Choose (AJS Roleplaying x Kita-san)

AJS Roleplaying

Returning veteran
Joined
May 24, 2025
Location
The Emerald Isle

The Lives We Didn't Choose
A Roleplay Brought to You By:




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Adrian 'AJ' Carlson Jr.
written by AJS Roleplaying




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Verena "Rena" Bristol
written by Kita-san


 
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Verena wrapped both hands around her coffee mug, letting the warmth of it seep into her palms like it could ground her—settle the tangle of thoughts that AJ's words had stirred loose inside her. Her eyes had stayed on him through most of it, even when he wasn't looking—especially then. He had this way of offering ideas like they were pieces of his heart, casual and unassuming, but layered in quiet intention. And when he said "I just want you to be somewhere that feels like breathing," something in her chest caught and tightened in that soft, achy way.

She didn't speak right away. She needed a second. The art gallery—that pulled her first. God, yes, the idea of that. She could already imagine the space: raw and unpolished, maybe a little too warm from body heat and bad ventilation, but full of soul. Of noise without sound. Paintings that didn't explain themselves. Installations you had to feel before you understood. Her fingers twitched slightly on the mug, already craving the act of sketching something she saw there—not the art, but the people looking at it. Their posture, their hesitation. The exact moment a painting made them forget themselves.

But then there was the art shop. She bit her bottom lip, smiling to herself as AJ described it. Brushes more expensive than his car payment. Pigments that looked like candy. She knew that kind of store—the smell of it, the quiet reverence of it. Like walking through a chapel built for creation. She'd lose her whole afternoon in a place like that if she wasn't careful. And she'd love every damn second of it. Still… when he said rooftop, her breath had stilled in her chest. Because it wasn't just the idea of it—the cheap wine, the sketchbook, the lavender sky. It was them. It was what they always became on rooftops.

She remembered the last time. Somewhere halfway between midnight and morning, high above a city that didn't care whether they stayed or left. AJ's arm beneath her head, his voice soft and unguarded for once. No one trying to fix anything. No one performing. Just the two of them, a bottle between them, her pencil tracing lines on the back of a receipt. He'd watched her like she was the sky. She hadn't told him that. Maybe she never would. Verena turned slightly in her chair, her knee brushing against his under the table. Her expression softened, thoughtful.

"I… want to do it all," she said finally, her voice low but certain, like the words had spent time forming somewhere deep. "I think I should take advantage of everything while we're here. The gallery—definitely. That kind of raw work? That's the stuff that stays with you. I want to feel something like that again."
She lifted her cup, took a sip, then lowered it slowly, her gaze drifting toward the window before she looked back at him.

"But the rooftop…" A small smile tugged at her lips, quieter than her usual grin, more real. "That sounds like peace. And fun. Like exactly what I want without having to explain why.” She shrugged lightly, a soft, graceful roll of her shoulders, the corner of her mouth still curled. "I'll never say no to cheap wine. And I'm always down for a charcuterie board. You know that." She paused, letting that thought sink in before adding, "And drawing next to you? That's already one of my favorite versions of us."

Her words hung there for a moment, and then she tilted her head, her hair sliding forward over one shoulder. "So," she said, voice warmer now, touched by something like mischief. "How about this—gallery first. I'll soak up all the art until I feel properly overwhelmed. Then you rescue me with a rooftop and food that probably comes wrapped in too much plastic but still tastes like something we'll talk about a year from now." Her fingers reached for his under the table again. Not tight, not desperate this time—just certain.

"And then," she added, "we watch the sky give up."
 
"Sounds perfect," AJ said with a smile that wasn't forced, but genuine in the way a late morning can make possible - when the day stretches out ahead with no urgency, and the company at the table feels easy, familiar, maybe even a little sacred.

Their breakfast arrived not long after, the plates carrying the promise of indulgence rather than necessity. Everything felt unhurried. Even though a plan for the day had been settled - loose, light, and deliberately undefined - it didn't impose itself on the moment. Time had softened at the edges. It bent around them, took its cues from their bodies and not the clock. There was no checklist looming in AJ's mind, no internal script of productivity gnawing at his calm. This day belonged entirely to them. The choices they made could unfold without pressure, and the slow rhythm of their morning would set the tone.

AJ felt a quiet kind of gratitude, not the dramatic kind that announces itself in waves of euphoria, but the subtler sensation of noticing that things were good. The sunlight through the window caught the edge of Verena's glass, casting a warped halo onto the table between them. There was something oddly spiritual in it, though AJ wouldn't have called it that. He just felt it, in his chest, and let it stay unnamed.

Breakfast took its time, as did they. There was no conversation that needed filling. No performance between them. Just the pleasant clatter of utensils, the hum of other diners, and the occasional shared glance across the table that lingered just long enough to matter. When the plates were empty and the coffee cups had cooled past drinkable, AJ motioned for the check. He didn't hesitate. There was no pretense, no ritual dance of insisting or deferring. He simply paid, because he wanted to, because it felt good to do something quietly generous. He tucked the receipt away and led the way out, the morning air brushing against his face with a whisper of promise.

Outside, the city greeted them with a certain restrained warmth. It was the kind of sun that San Francisco rarely offered without caveats - without fog lurking in the wings or wind cutting through your sleeves. But today, at least for now, it was gentle. They stepped into it, unshielded, unbothered.

"The gallery is a short walk," AJ said, turning to her, his voice light, shaded with contentment. "Let's enjoy this sunshine."

He meant it more than it sounded. There was an almost sensual pleasure in the idea of walking with nowhere to be too soon, nowhere to arrive that couldn't wait for them to linger along the way. The streets sprawled out ahead, a tapestry of muted motion and colour. Cable car bells rang from some distance; the echo bounced off buildings with the softness of memory. Pigeons flurried near the curb. A bike courier wove through traffic like a needle through silk. The city felt alive in its usual chaotic grace, but somehow, in AJ's periphery, it seemed to move slower - like the universe was adjusting its pace to match his.

He didn't look at Verena directly, though he felt her presence as clearly as heat on skin. She walked beside him, close enough that he could sense the subtle shifts of her body as they moved in sync. They had walked together before - on colder nights, on busier sidewalks - but this was different. This wasn't just going somewhere. This was choosing to arrive slowly.

The gallery would be waiting, quietly humming with the hush of polished floors and curated brushstrokes, with pieces meant to be observed and interpreted, but for now, there was art in the street itself. In the shadow of trees bending against the wind's suggestion. In the reflections rippling off car windows and shopfronts. In the scent of roasted coffee trailing from open café doors, mingled with something faintly floral from a nearby planter in bloom.

AJ breathed in deep, not consciously, but reflexively - like his lungs were trying to match the ease of his thoughts. This was the kind of day he didn't often allow himself. One without achievement or ambition tethering it. No inboxes, no looming deadlines, no treadmill disguised as routine. Just sunlight. Just sidewalks. Just her beside him.​
 
Verena let her fingers drift around the rim of her empty mug, her eyes down but not unseeing. There was something sacred about the quiet between her and AJ—something whole, wordless, and real. No one was performing. There was no need to fill the space with chatter or mask the silence with jokes. The space just was. And she found herself… settling into it. Into him.

The soft scrape of cutlery, the faint jazz leaking from a speaker near the counter, the murmur of conversations happening at other tables—it all fell to the background, like a muted film reel. Her eyes met AJ's across the table only once or twice, but when they did, it was enough. There was no forced smile, no over-thought expression. Just the small, honest flicker of something steady. Present. Comforting.

It wasn't that she forgot James—but for the first time in what felt like years, she didn't compare. She didn't analyze. She didn't drift into old, hollow moments wondering what she could've done differently. James had never taken her to breakfast just to be with her. Not without some tension bubbling under the surface. But with AJ? There was nothing she had to brace for. Her body didn't tense. Her smile didn't feel like armor. This wasn't just a meal—it was reprieve. One she hadn't realized she needed until now.

The walk to the gallery was a slow unfolding. They moved in an easy, unspoken rhythm, their shoulders occasionally brushing as they navigated cracked sidewalks and sleepy intersections. The city buzzed around them but none of it reached her. Not really. Her world had narrowed to the warmth of the sun on her forearms, the sound of AJ's quiet breath beside her, and the way his presence filled the space between them without ever feeling like pressure.

As they approached the gallery, Verena felt her chest lift, light and expectant. The sign outside was small brass plate with the name etched in hand-script. She loved it already. She was expecting to be quite surprised, she just had a feeling that she was going to lost in a world of inspiring, beautiful art. Inside, the gallery swallowed them into a cocoon of quiet. Cool air, faintly scented with paper and aged wood, met her skin like a balm. The space wasn't vast, but it felt expansive—open white walls and clean lines, with bursts of color where the work lived. The pieces weren't orderly. They weren't here to be polite. They disrupted the white space in waves—textiles exploding with threads of gold and ochre, bold brushstrokes that refused to explain themselves, sculptures that felt both ancient and futuristic.

Verena exhaled as she stepped deeper inside, her eyes hungry. "Oh, my god," she whispered, though no one had asked her anything. She reached for AJ's arm without thinking, her fingers curling loosely around his wrist. "Look at this," she said, stopping in front of a mixed media piece layered with thread, ash, and what looked like torn scripture in a forgotten language. "It's like it's breathing."

Her voice was hushed, reverent. This was her kind of church. The kind where silence wasn't absence—it was respect. She walked slowly, letting the work speak to her, tug at something visceral. She didn't ask AJ for interpretation. Didn't over-explain her reactions. He didn't need her to. They spoke in subtler ways—the way his hand rested briefly on the small of her back when she lingered too long in front of a piece. The way he waited until she was ready before moving on. The way he looked at her like she was art.

Verena wasn't trying to be impressive. And for once, she was being with someone who saw her exactly as she was, and stayed anyway. As they reached the second room—smaller, more intimate, the pieces more raw—she glanced over at him, a slow smile curving the edge of her mouth. "This day is starting off so well. Good sex, delicious food and now this!” It was clear she was enjoying herself.
 
AJ moved through the gallery with Verena at his side, but his attention was anything but focused on the canvases or sculptures adorning the pristine white walls. The art, no matter how masterfully composed, was rendered secondary in her presence. It was not that he didn't appreciate the works, but they paled beside the living, breathing artistry of Verena. She moved with a quiet ease that made the curated space come alive in a different light. There was something magnetic in the way she seemed to absorb the atmosphere, drink it in through her pores, and transform it into something brighter, more vivid. This gallery was her domain. Not because she owned it, or even because she'd curated any of it, but because she belonged to this world of ideas, of colour and silence and considered beauty. It loved her back. That much was clear.

He observed her with the awe of a man who could not quite believe his own fortune, caught in the strange alchemy of loving someone in their element. AJ had known many sides of Verena - some sharp, others soft - but this version of her, the one who walked slowly past each frame with that half-smile of quiet communion, stirred something in him that went deeper than lust or affection. He felt reverent. Humbled, even. To be permitted so close to something this vivid. And yet, it wasn't all awe. There was hunger, too. A kind of slow, smouldering desire that had nothing to do with the explicit heat of the morning they'd already shared and everything to do with the intangible electricity she seemed to carry into any room. Her presence was an atmosphere. A weather system. AJ didn't so much follow her as drift in her current, drawn in without resistance.

"The day is still young. Imagine how we will fill it," he had said with a crooked grin, eyes lingering on the smudge of jam at the corner of her mouth, the kind of detail that would be forgotten by anyone else but committed to memory by him.

Now, inside the gallery, the world had narrowed into something hushed and slow, like a film reel running underwater. They moved together, loosely tethered - his hand brushing hers from time to time, fingertips grazing the small of her back in quiet acknowledgment. He didn't need to speak. He didn't want to. Words would only interrupt whatever spell she had woven around them. His touch was just enough to say: I'm here. I see you. I'm yours.

The gallery offered no windows, only artificial light and the silence felt sacred rather than cold. AJ let it press against him, let it fill his lungs. This was her pace, and so it became his, too. He felt himself recalibrating to the hush between her footsteps, the pause in her breath when a particular piece caught her attention. He found he loved those pauses - those tiny, secret moments when the rest of the world fell away and she was completely elsewhere. Present in a way that made his chest ache. She wasn't smiling constantly, but when she did - when some detail in a painting pulled her mouth into that sly, knowing curve - AJ felt it like a physical thing. Not because it was directed at him, but because it came from something deeper. He wanted to chase those smiles. Catalogue them like rare treasures. Frame them.

He didn't know how long they'd been walking. Time, like everything else, had bent under the weight of her presence. At one point, they'd passed a room hung with enormous abstract canvases - violent slashes of red and black that seemed to shiver in the light - and he had watched her looking at them, her head tilted ever so slightly. He didn't ask what she thought. He didn't need to. He was content simply to watch her watching, to witness whatever storm or serenity passed behind her eyes.

In this environment, her environment, Verena seemed to expand. Not in volume, but in intensity. As if she became more fully herself with every step, every glance at the art. And AJ, ever the willing satellite, simply orbited her. Not mindlessly, not without his own gravity, but drawn to her centre all the same. There were times, especially like this, when he thought about what it meant to love someone without needing to contain them. To worship, but not possess. Verena was a constellation of selves - artist and siren, philosopher and wild thing - and he had long since stopped trying to capture all her forms. It was enough to be allowed close. To witness her unfold.

There would be more to the day. More touches. More words. Perhaps another drink on a sun-drenched terrace, or another collision of bodies back in their hotel room. But right now, in this quiet sanctuary of stillness and shadow, AJ had everything he needed. Just her presence. Just the way she breathed among the art.

That was the masterpiece.​
 
Verena was gone—utterly, blissfully gone.
The moment she stepped past the threshold of the gallery, the noise of the outside world, the bustle of the city, even the subtle awareness of AJ at her side, all faded into a gentle hush. Her world narrowed to color, to line, to the weight of a brushstroke and the negative space between forms. The walls, white and humming with quiet energy, held more than paintings. They held language. Emotion. Truth.

Her fingers brushed lightly against the thin air in front of each canvas, never touching, only tracing, as if the energy might leap across the space and into her skin. She didn't read the plaques, didn't need to. The work spoke to her directly, bypassing words, weaving straight into the part of her soul that only art ever reached. Verena breathed this. It lived in her marrow. She didn't just look—she entered. With each new piece, she vanished a little deeper into that invisible current that only she could follow. Her eyes lingered over the details others might skip: the fragile tension of a shadow, the uneven stroke in a corner, the way two tones bled into each other like a whispered secret. She tilted her head slowly, caught in a wordless conversation. Sometimes her lips parted slightly, the barest sign of awe. Other times, her eyes narrowed, curious, skeptical. Always engaged.

She didn't speak. She didn't need to. AJ's presence hovered at the edge of her awareness, warm and grounding, like sunlight bleeding through closed curtains. She didn't look at him, but she felt him—there, constant, quietly orbiting. His nearness didn't intrude. In fact, it gave her more space to be. That was what she'd come to love about AJ. By now, she wasn't afraid to be herself with him—fully, unfiltered. Not the poised gallery girl or the seductive muse or the elusive mind behind sharp opinions. Just Verena, the woman who got lost in oil and pigment, who felt more real in front of a canvas than in most conversations.

And he let her. He saw her, and then stepped aside to let her expand. As they entered a new room filled with stark, minimalist sketches—just pencil on paper, bare lines trembling with restraint—Verena slowed even more. These were her favorite. Not because they were showy. Because they weren't. There was something raw about them, something naked. She stood still, barely breathing, as if the paper itself might shatter if she moved too suddenly.

Behind her, AJ moved like a shadow, his footsteps soft, respectful. She felt the air shift as he passed close enough for her skin to tingle, and then drifted just out of reach again. It was intimate in a way no touch could match. She smiled—not for him, not even for the art, but for herself. For this moment. For the simple joy of being seen and left untouched, trusted to exist in her wholeness.

She didn't notice how his eyes tracked her, how he watched her with the reverence of someone looking at something sacred. She only knew he was near. And that was enough.

One piece—a charcoal sketch of a figure bent over a table, mid-motion, their face half-lost in shadow—held her still for longer than the others. There was grief in the line. Or maybe tenderness. It was hard to tell, and that was why she loved it. She inhaled slowly, deeply, like she was taking it into her lungs, letting the art etch itself inside her. This is it, she thought. This is who I am. Not just what I love, but the place I live.

Eventually, her hand rose, unconsciously seeking the weight of AJ's, but she didn't turn around. She just stood there, still, anchored in the piece, letting herself be felt without needing to speak. She knew he wouldn't interrupt. They would move on. Eventually. Maybe share a laugh at something abstract and absurd. Maybe end up wrapped around each other before the sun dipped beneath the horizon. But for now—here, in this hush, with her breath slowed and her heart stretched across a gallery wall—Verena was content.

After some time she looked at AJ with a light smile on her face. “Ok, this was just amazing. We have been here for some time so we can head to the rooftop now.” She knew she could stay here all day but she didn’t need to do that. Besides she wanted to spend some fun, intimate time with AJ. “Let’s go get some wine and charcuterie.” She kissed his cheek before leading him towards the door to exit.
 
"I know this great rooftop nearby."

He said it with the offhand confidence of someone who knew the city by muscle memory, who had once lost entire nights to its pulse, and now carried its secrets with a casual familiarity. Verena didn't answer - didn't need to - and AJ took her hand again. It was a simple gesture, but it held the weight of quiet certainties, of something unspoken but growing bolder with each shared breath.

The city lay before them like an unfinished sentence. San Francisco, with its bruised lavender sky and breath of salt and fog, wrapped itself around them as they walked. The streets were slick from an earlier drizzle, shining like old mirrors, and the air smelled faintly of eucalyptus, exhaust, and something floral carried in on the sea wind. They moved at a pace that wasn't hurried. Time had unspooled a little, turned elastic. With her fingers in his, AJ felt the edges of the world soften, blur.

The rooftop wasn't marked by signs or lit in neon. It was the kind of place that lived between lines on a map, accessible only through the right doorway, up the right set of stairs, through a fire escape disguised as nothing much at all. And then, suddenly, it opened up. Space. Air. An unobstructed sweep of skyline. It was the kind of view that didn't shout, but whispered, coaxed. Lights twinkled below like spilled glass. The hum of the city softened into a lull, and the wind curled lazily around them, warm despite the hour.

AJ led her to a table tucked into the far corner, half-hidden by a wall of ivy that moved like velvet under the ambient string lights. They sat beneath the golden glow of Edison bulbs strung in lazy zigzags overhead, the bulbs swinging gently with the wind. The rooftop was neither crowded nor empty - enough people to feel alive, not enough to feel watched. Jazz hummed softly from speakers nestled into the foliage, the notes thick and honeyed, curling like smoke through the air.

A server appeared, ghostlike in their efficiency, and AJ gestured to the charcuterie menu, ordering without looking. He knew exactly what would come: thin slices of prosciutto folded like ribbon, creamy brie and sharp manchego, dark olives glinting with oil, sun-dried tomatoes marinated in herbs, glistening figs sliced in half to reveal their rich pink hearts. A bottle of red - Syrah, earthy and full-bodied - followed, poured generously into wide glasses that caught the candlelight in their curves.

They sat without urgency, their bodies turned inward, angled into each other. AJ could feel the electricity between them settling into something heavier, denser, like gravity. It wasn't that she was touching him - though she was, barely, the side of her knee against his beneath the table - but that she could, at any moment, and the space between that potential and reality was unbearably erotic. The air between them shimmered with it. Every breath, every glance, every movement of her fingers to her glass carried the intimacy of a promise.

He watched her in profile as she lifted her wine, the stem of the glass delicate in her long fingers. The red caught on her lower lip, staining it like a secret. Her hair caught the breeze and tumbled around her shoulders, and he felt the ache of wanting rise in him again—slow, deliberate, not just hunger, but reverence.

Here, in this small citadel above the world, she was unknowable and wholly his. Not his in any possessive sense, but his in the way a poem might briefly belong to the reader who understands it completely. AJ didn't speak. He didn't need to. The silence between them had become a language of its own, fluent and precise. He shifted slightly in his chair, letting his knee press more fully against hers, and when she didn't move away, didn't blink, didn't change anything at all—he knew.

They lingered over the food, though neither was hungry. It was ceremony, not sustenance. He tore pieces of bread from the warm loaf in the centre of the board, dipping them in oil, in cheese, in nothing at all. The wine darkened his blood, made him slow, thoughtful. The city stretched out around them, luminous and indifferent. But here, in the hush between clinks of glasses and the slow melting of cheese on a warm plate, AJ felt time fold into something intimate, and strange, and a little bit holy.

And for now, that was enough.​
 
The rooftop stretched wide and low-lit before them, wrapped in ivy and edged by brick, as if the city had forgotten it existed. Wind tugged playfully at her sleeves, carrying music from somewhere — soft jazz, dusky and smooth, like it had drifted out of another era. Golden bulbs hung overhead in an imperfect tangle, their light pooling in soft halos across the floor, dappling the mismatched tables and the scattered potted herbs that perfumed the breeze. And it hit her — this was one of those places. The kind that never shows up on a map, the kind you only get to see if someone wants to show you.

Verena felt herself relax, the atmosphere drew her in instantly. No matter where she was as long as AJ was around she felt relaxed. This place was perfect to Verena, this is where she could truly just exist with AJ by just being present. Sitting there, she let AJ order. She was always impressed with his wine and food choices, he seemed to know what she liked anyway.

The charcuterie came out like something from a half-forgotten dream: figs so ripe they nearly burst, brie gone soft from the night's warmth, the deep red stain of wine already bleeding into the linen napkin folded beneath her glass.
And there was AJ — lounging with an elegance that felt unstudied, a kind of effortless attentiveness. He wasn't on. He was just with her, fully, openly, as if time outside this rooftop had simply stopped mattering. And god, did it feel good. They didn't need to speak. Their silences had shape and texture. Laughter bubbled up when it wanted, easy and brief. She caught herself watching his hands — how they broke the bread, how they held the stem of his glass.

She let her foot rest against his now, more deliberate. Felt him lean into it just slightly, and something about the quiet yes in that gesture made her heart lurch. Not because it was dramatic — but because it wasn't. It was natural. Casual. Like they'd always had this closeness waiting for them to arrive. Her gaze drifted out toward the skyline — all those buildings cut out of night, windows blinking like stars fallen into geometry. She exhaled slowly, a curl of breath caught in the sea breeze. The wine had settled into her bones now, slow and warm, making her feel like everything inside her had gone a little more liquid, a little more true.

And sitting there — elbow on the table, chin resting in her palm, one hand wrapped around her glass — she felt herself unspool in the most delicious way. Not unraveling. Unfolding. Like a woman returning to herself, and finding someone else already waiting. She glanced sideways at him, and for just a second, there was no city. No lights. No hum of strangers or clink of glass. Just AJ — the soft line of his jaw in the half-shadow, the storm of something deep and still in his eyes. It wasn't love. Not yet. But it was something. Something slow and certain. Something that didn't ask for definition. And up there, in that quiet pocket of sky and music and wine, that was all that was needed.

Verena poured herself some more wine before looking back at AJ. “What are you thinking about?” She asked. She always liked to hear his thoughts. Talking with AJ was easy for Verena and it felt natural to. “Are you thinking about how much it’s going to suck for this trip to end?” She chuckled softly knowing she didn’t want it to end.
 
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