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𝑏𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑘 𝑚𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑎𝑢𝑡𝑖𝑓𝑢𝑙 ᵇᵘᶰᶰʸ ⁺ ᶳᵗᵃᶤᶰᵉ ᶰᶳᶠʷ

Bunny

ᵗʰᵉ ᵐᵘᶳᶤᶜ ʷᶤˡˡ ᶠᶤᶰᵈ ʸᵒᵘ
Staff member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 8, 2020


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0:00ㅇ──────── 3:24
↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

The elegant building before her made her lip curl to the side. Posh. Preppy. This is where he’d run away to and left her in hell. Alexandria toyed with a curl, ignoring the woman before her in the little power suit. The principal of Eden Academy was prim, proper and unless Lexi was mistaken an absolute bitch. Oh she said all the right things. Condolences on losing her parents. Her record would be ignored. A fresh start. It was the tightness in her lips, the coldness in her eyes and the way she’d looked over Alexandria like she was some filthy little bug.

Tattered jeans and a band tea so worn with age the black was now grey and the logo was peeling. Her converse were dirty and her jeans and penned designs along the thigh. Her nail polish, black, was chipped. Her fiery locks were left wild and the number of times she’d been called Merida was beyond counting. The sharp heels of the woman along the pavement told Lexi she was moving. Shifting her pack on her shoulder, she followed. “You will be staying with your brother, in one of the staff cottages. It is a bit unorthodox, but the dorms are full.”

Honestly, which fate was worse? Being forced to attend this Stepford academy or being forced to be in close proximity to the brother he had abandoned her. That was a tough one. Her hands itched with the building stress. One thing would fix it, but she’d need to be alone. Rules were being listed off and Lexi allowed her mind to wonder as she looked over the students on the lawn. Cute little skirts, blazers. Ties and thigh highs. Snorting softly, she nodded as the woman paused to look at her. The action automatic, one that she’d gotten used to in the past month since her parent’s death.

Mark and Lisa had overdosed. Not for the first time, but for the last to be sure. The moment Lucian had come of age, he’d fled. Left her, the little sister he’d promised to love, behind. He knew what sort of monsters their parents were. He’d left her.

“Well I will leave you to get settled, Alexandria. Your brother will be done with class in,” she paused to look at her watch. “An hour and a half.” A noncommittal noise left her and she watched the woman’s lips tighten with some satisfaction before she turned and stalked from the quaint little cottage. Nudging the door closed with her shoe, she turned to look at the living room.

Was the decor her brother’s doing? Had it come furnished? Dropping her bag she moved to the leather couch and collapsed on the soft, buttery surface. Feet dangling off the edge, she exhaled slowly. The need to cut herself was itching at her skin. Like ants along her nerves. Gritting her teeth she exhaled. It had to wait.

The flash of crimson. The sharp sting as skin parted. The endorphins that her body needed so badly. The high. Biting her lower lip hard enough that a shuddering breath left her Lexi closed her eyes.

She could wait.

#a077b1
 


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For Lucian, his parent's deaths had been the best news he'd ever heard. Harsh, normally death was something he wouldn't wish on anybody and if any of his peers knew his thoughts he had no doubts he would be seen as callous, cold and cruel, but they didn't know. He wasn't close enough with anybody here, at least not close enough that he had told them of his past, of how his parents had been. Drug addicts and drunks, unable to hold down jobs and relying on the government to provide for them, and he suspected more than a few criminal activities...he'd definitely seen his father turn up with wads of cash some nights, and he'd seen so many different wallets that the only conclusion he'd ever been able to draw is that among other things hid dad had to be mugging people. They'd gotten by, but he'd always had the bare minimum...tinned food heated on the stove when they had paid for the gas, pop tarts...going to school in faded, second-hand clothing and being bullied for it...it had been difficult to endure, and when his little sister had been born it hadn't been just for him but it had been for her too. Their parents had rarely been in any state to look after a newborn child, it had been a miracle that they'd managed to take care of him so at only 8 years old he'd had to do a lot of it himself.

That had been his life, for so long. At least once a week he had tried to talk to them, tried to appeal to whatever humanity they had left in them and a few times he thought he'd seen something in his mother...he'd definitely seen tears, she'd hugged him and Lexi close and promised to do better and for a few days she had tried...she hadn't done well but she'd tried, and then she'd turn up stoned or drunk again and everything went back to normal, or normal for them at least. Those few moments had helped, he supposed, at least they had been times where their mother had gotten more shopping in. Lucian himself had turned to stealing at some point, nothing major just shoplifting to get food for them, stealing chocolate bars as treats as Lexi had grown older and when he'd finished school, then college had come. Despite his situation at home and the bullying at school his grades had always been good, he'd applied to a lot of different colleges too but of course, he'd never been able to afford any of them and he didn't want to leave Lexi behind so he'd gone to the local college instead, and worked a part time job to help pay for himself. With his wages he'd tried to buy her better clothes, some better food, he'd learned early how to live on a budget for himself so for the first couple of weeks most of the money he didn't need to buy his college supplies had gone to her...but then they had found out. He'd kept the job a secret, made excuses for where he was going but one of them must have seen one of his cheques because suddenly they were demanding a cut for rent.

For a while even that he'd managed to put up with, it was worth it because he could come home every night and spend time with his sister, he could save what he could to treat her even if he was now paying half his paycheque to them, he'd lasted two whole years funding their drug habits and his own education and was approaching his twenty-first birthday when he'd graduated with honours and he'd started to look for a proper job. He knew what he wanted to do...his teachers had made a huge impact on his life, the reason he'd done so well in school was because they'd always helped, one in particular had even brought him lunch multiple times a week. He'd never told them the exact situation at home but they seemed to know it was bad anyway...and he wanted to be a teacher too. He'd applied for several jobs, most of them in public schools but it had been Eden Academy that had accepted him. Impressed with his grades they'd offered a paid TA position, with the caveat that it was a boarding school and teachers were required to live on the property. He'd fought with his parents for weeks over it, he wanted to go but to leave Lexi with them...he'd asked if he could take her with him, they never paid much attention to her anyway, they were never interested in raising a child but to them that wasn't what she was...she was a government cheque in human form, just like he'd been before he finished school. He'd come to blows with his dad, beaten him near to death after a particularly bad argument and left to go cool off. When he'd tried to go home, they'd been waiting for him. Threats of calling the police if he didn't leave, saying he'd tried to kill his own father, and they'd wanted money too...no amount of arguing or begging had helped, they wouldn't let him stay, they wouldn't let him take Lexi or even see her anymore and the best he'd managed to get is that if he kept paying, they would spend some of the money on her.

For the past six years that was how it had been. He'd sent them a sum of money every month, and in addition he'd gone to her school and paid for her school meals to be provided, but there was no more he could do. He'd tried to see her but he'd been threatened, they had proof of him assaulting his dad and a criminal record would lose him the opportunity he had at Eden, they'd probably get a restraining order too and go back to mistreating Lexi even worse. He gave them letters to give to her every week, he tried sending some through the post, he tried sending gifts for her birthdays...it killed him not to see her but he never felt he had a choice until he'd gotten the phone call about their deaths. His colleagues had given him their condolences...he'd been here for six years now, he wasn't an assistant anymore but a respected teacher with his own private lodgings instead of the shared dormitory of the teacher's assistants and he'd stored up enough good will that when he'd gone to the board with the request that she be allowed into the academy they'd voted in his favour...narrowly, but it had been enough. The Principal hadn't liked it, but thankfully it wasn't her decision, all decisions like this went through all of the teachers.

He was in class when he was notified that she'd arrived. She'd be staying with him in his private cottage since there was no more room in the dorms and he was both excited and nervous...anxious even. He'd never even had the chance to say goodbye to her, she'd been eleven years old when he'd had to leave, was seventeen now...he knew what she must think of him, he had felt guilty every day, she had constantly been on his mind and he didn't know how many of his letters and gifts she'd received but he'd never gotten a response. When he'd asked if she'd written one or had anything to say, they'd told him she hated him for leaving them...words that had cut deep. Finally he was done with class and his heart was pounding as he approached his cottage...his home...he even fumbled with the key at the lock, he was more nervous than he had been in his entire life when he entered and saw her sitting there on the sofa. Six long years...she'd grown up, wasn't the child he remembered but he could still see those features, her fiery hair like his own though even longer...she was skinny too, he'd expected that, he knew she wouldn't have been eating as well as she could. He fought back the tears, standing there in silence wearing some smart jeans, a deep green shirt and a brown jacket over it. "A-Alexandria...Lexi..." He didn't know what else to say. How did he begin to talk with her? What was the standard for a situation like this? "I've missed you...I'm glad you're here, I...are you hungry? We can order some food, you must be hungry, you look hungry..." He was babbling, he knew, he still hadn't moved from the doorway and was already reaching for his phone to order.



#a077b1
 


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0:00ㅇ──────── 3:24
↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺


The sound of his voice pulled her from her thoughts with a jolt and unfriendly eyes rose to meet his own. His voice babbled and she watched him silently as he did. A brow lifted and she pushed herself to sit upright and then rose, and grabbed her bag, looking at him expectantly. Though she didn’t say a word, it was a clear demand. Which room is mine? After a moment, a slight frown on his features, he led her to her room. If he spoke, she ignored him. Dropping her bag on the bed she turned to face him as he lingered in the doorway. Lexi was so angry with him, she had been for years. He’d abandoned her to the monsters and not looked back once.

Calling him a liar would have been the easiest thing to throw his words back at him. He’d missed her? Yeah right. “Sure you missed me” She finally offered. Her voice was icy and cold. Crossing her arms, she shifted her weight. “Missed me so much, while you lived in utopia while leaving me in hell.” As his mouth opened she lifted a hand. “Save it, big brother. I am sure you have a litany of excuses, but in the end, you left me there, knowing what they were both like.”

Now he’d brought her here, to a place that she’d never fit into. From the manners to the fact that she’d not even be in the dorms with them. All of it would make her stand out. Her friends, her school.. All gone. The offer of food would have been ignored, but her stomach rumbled and she growled softly. “I want Indian.” Turning, she looked over her shoulder at him. There was something close to hatred there, mingled with anger. She knew he didn’t like Indian food and asked for the one thing she knew would be a punishment to him. A small cut of a thousand more she planned to inflict on her big brother.

Leaving her had been bad enough, but to move somewhere so idyllic? It was salt in the wounds. This school. The ground, the people he’d surrounded himself with. So far from who she was, what they were. Like he couldn’t run away fast enough, change himself fast enough. Her back to him now, Lexi began to unpack the meager possessions she had, his dismissal clear.


#a077b1
 


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Lucian was already nervous...seeing her for the first time in six years? Seven years? He'd not seen her for so long and it wasn't exaggerating to say he'd missed her every single day, thought about her every single day...and to see her there, sitting right in front of him...even through the anxiety relief flowed through him. She was safe now...he'd always worried, he knew her life had probably been hard, he'd tried to do what he could but he had a lot of doubts that she'd gotten any of the money he'd tried to get through to her, any of the letters he'd wrote, any of the support he'd tried to send her way. No, he was pretty confident hid parents would have kept that from her for selfish reasons, spent the money on alcohol and drugs...but now she was safe, she could live a normal life. He did falter when she looked up at him, it was painfully obvious that her expression showed her anger towards him...he wondered had they spread lies about him too? He wouldn't doubt it, but even if they hadn't he could understand why she'd be upset with him so when she grabbed her bag without a word without replying to him, he frowned. He hadn't been able to stop it.

"Ah...I s-suppose you want to see where you'll be staying, okay, follow me." He led her towards the bedroom he had set aside for her, the spare room all of the staff cottages had just in case of visitors. He'd never had to use it before, he didn't know anybody outside of the academy so he had never really had any reason to decorate it. It came with a comfortable double bed with grey sheets and covers, teal pillows on the bed and a basic but nice looking wardrobe, dresser and bedside table with a few drawers in it. He'd gone ahead and bought a television for her room too and mounted it up on the wall and in the beside table were two gifts; a brand new laptop and laying on top of that, a brand new cellphone, the latest model that was available. He hadn't bought them out of guilt, though he'd felt guilt on having to leave her with their parents for the last six years, he'd gotten them because he wanted to spoil her. He knew she'd had it hard, he'd had it hard when he'd been there himself and treating her to things others their age generally enjoyed as a bare minimum felt right. When they reached the room though...the hostility in her tone caught him off-guard. He remembered how sweet she'd always been with him and he'd expected some resentment but this was more than that, it sounded like pure hate in her voice. He opened his mouth to try and explain what had happened, how he'd been kept away from her by their spiteful parents, how he'd really had no other options and the last thing he'd wanted to do was to leave her alone with them but she cut him off before he could even speak.

So he stopped trying even as he felt the tears starting to form in his eyes, and he only nodded when she said she wanted Indian food. He didn't know if she'd developed a taste for it or not or if it was just to spite him because she remembered he hated spicy food, but it didn't matter, right now he'd do just about anything to make her happy so he left her without another word and ordered the food. He hadn't even hung around to find out exactly what she'd like so he ordered several different dishes for her to choose from and for himself he managed to find some fries on the menu as well as a milder chicken tikka masala, still not something he'd ever naturally order but better than nothing.

It took around thirty minutes before the food was delivered, and when it was he unpacked it all onto the table in the front room, right by the sofa, then went to knock on her bedroom door. "Lexi...Alexandria..." Weird, how uncomfortable he felt talking to the person he loved most in the world. "The food is here, in the front room. I...I'm going to watch a movie while I eat, if you'd like to join me, or you can bring it back in here..." This wasn't like him...Lucian was generally assertive, he'd always been like that, it's why he'd clashed with their parents so much because he'd been unwilling to just accept their abuse and judging by how she'd been so far he was sure Lexi was just the same but he just couldn't find a way out of this anxious spiral he'd been in ever since seeing her again, seeing how angry she was at him. He just didn't know what to do.


#a077b1
 


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0:00ㅇ──────── 3:24
↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺



Softness, kindness was not something she felt for him. The man who had abandoned her to hell. Had Lucian tried to explain to her what had stopped him, it wouldn’t have mattered. There had been options, alternatives and he’d cowtailed to them.. Knowing what they were like. He had been worse than them in her eyes and it would take a lot to ever make her see him otherwise. Hatred was part of it, but the betrayal was the part that she’d struggle to overcome. Lexi didn’t think that Lucian was a bad person. Not even a little bit. She thought he was weak and spineless. The thought driven home when he said nothing but turned to leave.

She had seen the tears, but he’d not fought back. Just like he’d not fought for her. Nothing had changed. He’d been her protector and then he’d vanished. Looking at the laptop and cellphone, she left where they were and sat on the gray bed and sighed, falling back against the comforter. All she had wanted was for him to fight for her. It was the least he could have done.

Knocking had her eyes opening. As her mind had wondered,s he’d closed her eyes. Not quite sleeping, but not awake either. Groaning, she sat up and rubbed at her eyes. She still felt on edge. Alexandria wanted to cut herself, to release some of the frustration, the anxiety. A growl left her lips as she stalked out of the room. “Are you always such a pussy?” The question was thrown over her shoulder as she passed him. “I mean you're a teacher. Do you ask the spoiled brats that go here if they want to do their homework, maybe.. Please?”

Picking a curry, she plated it with some rice. Naan was added and a handful of fries. “Or do you try and bribe them with things like cellphones and laptops to get them to behave?” She turned to face him, her wild curls falling freely down her back. “You fought once, but once you were free, you gave it up. For me. For yourself. It’s fucking pathetic.”



#a077b1
 


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It wasn't that Lucian had lost any of the fight he once had...he wasn't actually soft on his students, he didn't take anything lying down and he fought tooth and nail for everything he believed in but it just wasn't the same...some fights he knew you just couldn't win, like the fight between himself and his parents. The moment he'd hit his father in anger he'd lost that one, they had leverage enough to stop him from ever coming back, from ever being able to see Lexi again and they'd made it clear they were willing to use it too. It wasn't a bluff...they were terrible enough people that they really would ruin their son's life for the smallest of reasons and worse, they would have ruined Lexi's too. The deal he made with them kept her safe...she was unhappy no doubt, he'd known that, but as long as they were getting something from him they wouldn't hurt her as much, wouldn't harm her...so many terrible things he'd been worried would happen to her once he left but they wouldn't risk losing what he provided for them so in a way, he felt he'd been helping her too.

He knew she wouldn't see it that way, he knew she couldn't possibly know what he'd been through himself and he couldn't blame her for her feelings...that's why he didn't say anything when she yelled at him, why he just turned away and left her to herself. What could he say to make things right? Nothing...he knew nothing he could say would make up for the years she'd been alone with them and anything he'd done, well it didn't matter now. She'd still suffered, so when she finally came out of her room and looked just as angry he stayed quiet again, when she started yelling at him he bit his tongue and looked away from her in shame. Even if she would be able to understand, he didn't feel he deserved any forgiveness from her. "Lexi...w-watch your language, you won't get away with that in this school...it's okay here, but the other teachers...and you can't in front of the students." Even now he couldn't look at her as he spoke, it was a mental block...his own guilt was preventing him from even making eye contact with her while she was venting her emotions at him but as she grabbed her food and he took what he'd ordered for himself out of the bag, noting that she'd taken some of the fries he'd ordered for himself too, she continued. It was like a dam had burst and she just had to let it all out at him no matter what.

"Lexi, that...that's not a bribe, those are just for school, I figured you didn't have them...they wouldn't have used the money for that, I know that, I..." He clenched his fist, a flash of the old anger he had whenever he thought about their parents returning for an instant and then dissipating just as quickly as Lexi continued with her verbal assault. "Lexi, stop, you...you don't know..." Did it matter though? That she didn't know, did it really matter? Whatever the actual reason, he'd still left her, so he deserved this, right? That's what his head was telling him but the more she pushed the harder it became to just not say anything, he felt he had to speak up but the words just wouldn't come...until she said those last ones. That he was free...then it came spilling out as he laughed bitterly. It wasn't funny, none of this was fucking funny, but he was laughing anyway at the irony of it.

"You think I was...free? You think I was ever free of them?" The words were soft at first, his voice trembling both with sorrow and anger and he finally turned to face her. He hadn't bothered wiping away the tears which had slowly began to roll down his cheek as she'd berated him and his soft eyes glistened...but there was a hardness to them now, like their used to be when he'd stood up to their father so many times. "I was never fucking free...I paid those assholes more than half of my paycheque every god damn month so that they wouldn't take my little 'rebellion' out on you...once I punched dad so hard it broke his fucking jaw that was all I could do to stop them getting me arrested...and do you think they'd let me see you?" The tears were starting to flow more freely now, bottled up emotion released in a burst. "Of course not, I begged them to, I pleaded with them, I paid them for your schooling, your clothes, your food, I gave them all that and more so that they could spend the rest on drugs or alcohol or whatever the hell they were doing that month and they still felt they had to punish me." His hands were balled into fists, his knuckles turning white, he had to hit something and his hand came crashing down on the arm of the sofa. It was cushioned, padded...it still hurt but the pain felt good for a moment. A release. "If you ever let her see you again we'll go straight to the police, that's what they told me and you know they'd have done it, do you know how relieved I was when I got the news that they'd died? How worried I've been for you for six years? Not a day goes by when I haven't thought about you, wanted to see you, hear your voice, you're the only person I ever cared about and I couldn't see you, didn't even know how you were doing...all I could do was pay them and warn them that if I ever hear you were being hurt they'd get nothing more from me...did they even give you the letters I wrote? Did they fuck, I know they didn't because I have them all here, return to fucking sender...don't you dare tell me I was free when they used you to keep me shackled, Lexi...like there was anything I wouldn't give up for you..." He sobbed...it was all too much...he'd wanted to talk to her about this slowly, confront his feelings and maybe take her to see the school councilor with him when they were ready but she'd just had to push him. He turned away, closed his eyes and focused on his breathing exercise, in...hold for four seconds...out...


#a077b1
 


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0:00ㅇ──────── 3:24
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His words were halting, hurt and Alexandria couldn’t find it in herself to care. Her big brother had once been her whole world and suddenly one day he was gone. He’d been her father and mother. He’d made sure she had food, had checked her homework, made sure she had clean clothing. More than that, he’d kept their mother and father from hurting her. Had been there when she cried in the night. He’d been her rock and he’d abandoned her. Lexi knew she was being a bitch.. But it almost felt good to unload on him. To let the vitriol spew forth, bedding from her after years of hurt and growing resentment that bordered on hate.

The fact that he let her? Only seemed to encourage it. It was almost as if he agreed that he deserved it. At least that was how it seemed until Alexandria finally pushed him too far. It started soft, his voice rising. Though, he didn’t yell at her. Even now he was careful, though there was anger there mingled with his sorrow. His eyes, so like her own, had misted with tears, the blue shimmering as they filled his eyes and then turning to glass as the first tear broke.

Lips parted, Lexi could only gape as he said his piece. Part of her wanted to call him a fucking lair and he could see the anger simmering in her eyes. The doubt slowly crept in slowly and then gave way to uncertainty. Was he telling her the truth? Part of her wanted to just believe he was lying, but part of her wondered why he’d lie about this. The memory of her father one day, coming home bloodied had stood out and she wondered if that had been Lucian. Biting her lower lip she gripped her plate, the tension in her small body causing it to vibrate.

Money had been paid to keep her safe. A part of her had always wondered how her parents had kept in the life they had picked. The drugs and booze. While they’d spent almost all of what he gave them on such things, there had been scraps for her. She’d gone hungry once and a while, but not as much as she should have. A tear snaked down her cheek, surprising her and she dashed it away angrily. “Prove it.” She finally ground out.

Letters. There were letters to her, returned to sender. They’d have dates, right? Couldn’t be faked. If he had them, then he could prove it. The plate hit the table with a soft trump and she crossed her arms, tears still swimming in her own eyes. His were stormy seas, her own were Caribbean. Similar and different. “Prove it, Lucian.” She demanded again. Was he a liar?

A bubble of hope was forming in her heart. As if he hadn’t left her in hell.. Hope that he loved her. Cared for her. Lexi wouldn’t let herself blindly believe it though. Her life had been turbulent, painful and a living hell. If what he said was true, there would only be two people to blame.. Not three.



#a077b1
 


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Lucian was almost panting...it took it out of him like it was an actual physical activity, speaking his truth after all of these years, it was...exhausting. Holding it all in had been the norm for so long, letting everything slide off him...the taunts from their parents, the threats, the smirks. It wasn't like he had been a passive man back then, he'd had to be aggressive just to survive in that household and deal with his parents...he'd been beaten too, their father had loved to lash out when he was drunk, so much so that it had always been a relief to him when they did drugs instead of drunk alcohol. They were still nasty, that never changed but they were less violent when they were fucked up by the drugs, less energetic. When he drank his temper came out, and Lucian had born the brunt of it until he'd turned 16 and grown a little taller. He hadn't known it at the time but it was usually like that with bullies...so long as you were weaker than them they would never stop but once he'd become old enough to fight back there had been hesitation in their father's eyes when he got angry, like he didn't know if he could hit Lucian without getting put on his arse anymore. That had suited him just fine, it had also helped him to protect her, his baby sister, but once he'd left, once he'd been forced out because he'd finally put it to the test and found that he very much could overpower his old man, he hadn't been there. Lexi had every right to be angry, if he'd just kept his own temper he could have stayed and protected her forever.

And now he'd lost it again. He should have just kept taking her barbs, let her yell, let her get it all out but instead he'd grown angry. Not at her, never at her, but at the injustice of it all, at being forced to abandon her and having the only person he'd ever loved hate him like this, it was all too much. He'd thought he would be able to handle it if he ever saw her again and now, it hadn't even been an hour since he walked through the door and the armour he'd tried to shield himself in had cracked. He'd let it out, let everything he'd been holding back out and now he felt deflated. Prove it, she said to him and he looked over at her, the image of his sister blurred through his own tears but he could see the start of hers rolling down her cheeks, he could hear the shake in her voice. He sighed softly and without a word he stood up and walked away, towards his bedroom. Every single letter had returned to him. That first year he'd sent the most...there were over thirty of them, he'd started by sending one every week hoping one would get through before they had finally had enough and threatened him some more. Even then he had still tried to send one on her birthday every year. He had them all...he'd sorted them into a pile, in chronological order with the latest, sent earlier that year on her seventeenth at the top. None of them had been opened but he'd kept them all in as perfect a condition as he could, one day he'd hoped he'd be able to give them to her but this...this wasn't how he'd wanted it to go.

He took them out of his bedside table where he kept them and nothing else and brought them back into the front room. The date was on them all, they had stamps, the older ones were clearly faded and all were handwritten. He placed them down on the table in front of her after turning the pile upside-down and sat down, laying his head back against the sofa and closing his eyes with a soft sob. He couldn't watch this...he'd always thought he was strong but seeing Lexi in pain felt like dagger after dagger and he didn't want to watch her read the words their parents had never let get through to her. He still remembered the oldest letter like he'd written it the day before, fresh in his mind, and that was the one on top of the pile now.

Dear Lexi


I'm sorry I can't be there with you, I wish I could. I miss you already and it's only been a week since I've been home, since I've seen you smile. I know I'm not there now and I know it must hurt but your big brother loves you very much, you're the most important person in my world and if I could I'd have you with me right now. Please stay strong...I've done everything I can but I hurt dad, and if I come back I'll get sent away to a much worse place and I won't be able to help anymore. Don't provoke him, try to stay away from both of them as much as you can and I swear to you I'll come for you one day, I'll be there the moment you no longer have to stay with them. I'm trying to make them let me see you, I'm asking every day and I hope I get to see you again soon so please stay safe for me. I love you with all my heart.

Luci.


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Turning without a word, Lucian walked to his bedroom after setting his food down. A minute later he was back with a stack over envelopes. Setting down her own plate, she accepted the bundle of letters. It was not a small stack either and she worldly watched him move to sit and moved to the sofa, head back, eyes closed. Turning away from him she left the room, heading for her own. The door closed softly and Alexandria sat on her bed and turned over the oldest letter.

He’d not been lying, she’d known that by the time she’d finished the first letter. Slowly, she made her way through each and everyone. Often they were about how much he missed her, about the milestones in her life. He also told her about his and for the first time, she was able to see what his life had been like. Her tears were soft, falling freely, but never once did she allow them to hit the letters. They were precious to her.

The last letter was slipped back into its envelope and she sat there for a long time, trying to come to terms with what she’d thought and the truth. It should have been easy but small parts of her wondered why he’d not tried to meet her at school or something like that. It still hurt, but not nearly as much. Rubbing her face in her hands she sniffled and rubbed at her temples, a headache forming. Inhaling deeply she rose and made her was back into the living room, Lucian still where he had been when she left.

Eyes closed, head back, his cheeks drying in shiny watches from the tears. Carefully, she climbed into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck, hiding her face against him. This close she could smell him. That scent she’d forgotten for so long. Spicy, sweet and cozy. It enveloped her like a blanket and she hugged him tighter, her eyes closed tight.

Saying sorry didn’t come, she couldn’t find the words. She curled closer to him, like she used to do as a child and just held him. When his arms slipped around her, she felt the tears start again. He’d feel them against his skin, warm and wet. She didn’t make a sound, but the trembling of her body gave her away, if the tears that stained his shirt had not.



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Lucian, after placing down the envelopes, didn't have the strength to watch her read them. He wanted to, he wanted to watch in the silly hope that she would understand and forgive him for leaving her, that she would finally know the truth but what if she didn't? That was just as likely to him, that she wouldn't find any excuse acceptable, any reason for leaving her in that hellhole. He couldn't fault her if that was the case, but he didn't want to get his hopes up so he had sat back and closed his eyes. He could still hear her, he heard her footsteps moving away from him and the sound of a door opening and closing and still he didn't move. He could feel the tears rolling down his cheeks, he wiped them away a couple of times but gave up when they kept falling and every now and then he sobbed softly as a particularly hard memory flowed through his mind. He was lost in there now, thinking back to all the times he'd thought of her. When he'd seen something he thought she'd like to eat, when he'd tried food from somewhere new he'd always felt a pang of guilt and wondered what she was doing at that time, if she was being fed. When he bought himself clothes he'd wondered if she had any new clothes, she'd been growing and surely deserved them, and he'd given enough money, but he had no way of knowing.

Memories of driving past her school hoping to catch a glimpse of her, knowing that if he was seen and she mentioned it to their awful parents they might decide to punish him, either through her or directly by having him arrested so he'd always pulled away. Once or twice he thought he saw her in the distance but he couldn't let himself get close...even if she did see him it would be too cruel to let her see her older brother driving away from her, and he couldn't talk to her...every memory was more and more painful. Finally he heard the door open again and the memories dissipated. She was back.

He didn't know what to expect...would she be crying, would she yell at him, would she still be angry or would she be broken...he was about to move when he felt the weight on the sofa shift slightly, then felt her...her warmth as she climbed into his lap immediately bringing back memories of when they were younger, how he'd hold her when she was upset or how she'd comfort him when he'd had a rough day by crawling into his lap. It had always helped soothe him, no matter how angry he was, no matter how much pain he was in from talking back to his father once he'd been old enough not to be terrified of him...her presence in his arms always brought him to his happy place and she was there again. His arms closed around her and he couldn't hold back the soft sob as his body shook, he held her tighter than he ever had.

"L-Lexi...I...I thought you'd never want to see me again, I'm sorry, I'm s-so sorry for ever leaving, I never wanted to hurt you, I thought about you every day..." His voice cracked and his cheek rested against her head as he held her like he never wanted to let go again. "I'm glad you're here, I...I'm glad they're dead, y-you're safe now, I'll take care of you like I always should have done, I p-promise I'll never leave you again..."


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