The room was eerily quiet as they lay there, still entwined, their breaths finally slowing. All the tension she had accumulated since this ordeal began seemed to dissipate in the moments they had just shared. Rough and raw as it had been, it was what they both needed, even if she hadn't realized it at the time. She felt a strange mix of relaxation and tenderness, her muscles loose and her mind hazy. The reality of what had happened began to seep in, but it felt distant, as if it were happening to someone else. She could feel herself drifting, the exhaustion from the ordeal and the alcohol catching up with her, when he shifted, gently withdrawing from her.
With her eyes closed, he carefully moved away, and she couldn't help but wince slightly at the sensation. She was sore, her body unaccustomed to such intensity. She watched through half-lidded eyes as he pulled up his pants, his movements quick and efficient.
"I'll draw you a warm bath... It should help with some of the... soreness. But let me get you something to clean up with first."
The thought of sinking into warm, soothing water was incredibly appealing, and she felt a surge of gratitude for the kind gesture. Knowing that their recent encounter had left her a bit worse for wear, she took the offered towel and stood on trembling legs. Wrapping it around herself, she felt a belated sense of modesty, though it seemed like the logical thing to do, rather than standing naked before him, even after what they had just done. He was still her father...
She looked at the mess they had made, and her face began to burn with embarrassment. She knew her cheeks were flushed red, and the thought of him having to clean up made her feel even worse.
Each step was a monumental effort as she made her way upstairs, her body still reeling from the intense sensations she had experienced. Gripping the bannister tightly, she pulled herself up, her movements slow and deliberate. Once the door to the bathroom closed, she let the towel slip from her body and slipped into the warm depths of the bathwater. It enveloped her like a gentle hug, soothing her aching muscles and tender skin. Leaning back against the porcelain, she closed her eyes and let the heat seep into her bones. For one moment, she forgot about everything else and took a breath.
For a moment...
The knock came, soft and swift, before the turning of the doorknob sounded. He placed a glass of water down and moved to slip out, but before he could pull the door to, Lily sat up. "Dad," she said quietly, breaking the strange silence that hung between them. "Um, about dinner... maybe delivery? Considering... things."
The door closed softly, and she leaned back once more. The breath she had just allowed herself felt like it was sucked right back out of her lungs as the door clicked shut. The awkwardness was thickβ when just a few moments ago, it had been fueled by lust, frustration, fear, and whiskey.
She sat up again, this time with less exhaustion and more anger towards herself. If it hadn't been for her, the illness would never have happened. If it hadn't been for her, her mother wouldn't have started drinking so heavily. Sure, a glass of wine here or there was fine, and she had witnessed on several occasions where her parents shared a drink with their meal or when she had gone off to practice her next recital piece.
The piano...
She lifted her hand to check the tremor that had become a part of her, and she had hoped in that moment it would be gone. She watched as the tremor still persisted, though who wouldn't be trembling still after what she had just done?
"Jesus," she spat out as she grabbed her loofah and started scrubbing her skin. Her outburst was quiet, but she growled the words through gritted teeth. "He's your fucking father!"
She could feel her eyes sting as those words began their relentless loop in her mind. One sentence, travelling at breakneck speeds, slamming into the walls of her skull. How were they supposed to act around each other now? After this...
No, this wasn't something she could tiptoe around. Better to rip the band-aid off, like the first time.
The first time...
Sweet Jesus... The memories flooded back, though they seemed different in some way. The latest chapter in her "treatment plan" overshadowed all but a few key aspects of that particular encounter.
She sat there for a long moment, closing her eyes not only to keep the tears from falling but to block out her surroundings. Focusing only on her breathing.
Thoughts still raced, but at least they were quieter than they had been. Pulling the plug to let the tub drain, she stepped out and wrapped herself in the towel she had shed. She quietly made her way to her room with the glass of water in a trembling hand.
Dressing in a pair of soft heather-grey sweatpants and a loose, faded Grateful Dead t-shirt she had swiped from her father's closet ages ago and never put back, then she took a seat at her keyboard. It had felt like forever since she had played, even though it had just been a few hours. Knowing that it would take her body a little while to recover from what her father had placed within her, and as her fingers began to caress the acrylic keys, she prayed.
She prayed to whichever deity would be listening in that moment.
For things to go back to the way they were...
Or to help her understand why she wasn't more upset about what she had just done...
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