Patreon LogoYour support makes Blue Moon possible (Patreon)

Turning down a RP pitch

Seranda

Seranda

Fighting Evil by Moonlight 🌕
Joined
Jan 20, 2013
Location
Aterno City
So we obviously talk to a lot of people here. Hopefully most conversations are cordial and even nice, but not everyone is going to gel together. Still, we should respect each other.

We do not write together if we do not plan something beforehand. Detailed or vague, in regards to what we want to do. But what happens when you get a message with content you just don’t care to write? What’s the best way to politely say no?

What if you receive a big bulky message, some 500 to 700 words, but in all honesty, it does nothing for you?

Do you owe them a big response in return?

Will “Thank you for the message, but this isn’t something I am interested in.” Be sufficient?

I’ve had my pitches be completely ignored, I’ve thanked anyone that has turned down ideas.

I try not to throw 700 words at someone without knowing that they even care for what I have to offer.

I’d like to hear thoughts. I don’t want to disrespect anyone, but apparently saying “That’s not what I am looking for. Thank you.” Is still somehow rude?

Maybe next time I just won’t respond at all.
 
For me it depends on whether I can tell the person reaching out to me has actually read one of my threads or posts, and whether the ideas they're offering actually line up with what I already expressed to be interested in. I've had plenty of messages along the lines of "I saw you like this kink/fandom, how would you feel about this variant of that kink or this pairing in that fandom". Typically, those aren't ideas I'm interested in at that moment, but I don't mind revisiting later -- I've had some really great RPs and met some fantastic writers that way.

Of course, if you can tell you won't be interested in that idea at all, I don't think there's anything rude about saying exactly that.

However, pretty much all 300+ word PMs that don't directly address one of my recent request threads, don't address my preferences at all. They're blatant copy-pastes of their own request threads, recycled starters from their past RPs, or just general cold calls that ended up in my inbox just because I happen to be online, mentioned a kink once, or have anime thighs in my profile picture. I'd encourage you to ignore those, and even report them to the staff -- chances are they're sending the exact same messages to others, as well.
 
Ah yes cold calls. I have gotten big messages that weren’t cold calls. I appreciate the effort, but I am simply not interested
 
Honestly it's something I need to get better at. I'm not great at telling people that I'm not interested. But a lot of the time I do get these huge responses and some of them I'm not interested in. I also think people tend to ignore what I want, thinking they'll be the "exception!"
 
This is a hobby, something we all do for fun. No one here owes anyone anything on here. Not a reply, not a response, not a reason for why they don't want to write with someone, nothing. So I think taking the time to say "No thank you, I am not interested." Is more than enough to turn down a pitch. If you feel you should add more then do so. If you don't feel they deserve a response then don't respond. You are here to cater to your wants for an rp, not everyone else.
 
I'd prefer a "Sorry, but it doesn't interest me. Thanks for your time." Over being ignored, or given a "Best of luck/best wishes/hope/wish you the best/good luck in your search/writing/whatever" line that doesn't make me feel any better, even if they mean well.

Rudeness these days can be anything, even if people feel they are not 'compatible' or their 'writing style' won't 'mesh' with someone. Even civility can feel rude, even without sounding it. At this point, it's a struggle to know what someone will perceive as rude or inconsiderate, might as well make a thread to try and at least give examples of what sounds rude and what sounds polite with the way society has changes or differences region to region.
 
It's absolutely fine. If they typed that much without really considering you or your character/preferences, then it wasn't for you. It is most likely a copy-paste and deserves the same level of effort (or none!)

If they really did write all of that for you specifically, without considering that you deserve to have input as well, then that's their problem... Maybe next time they will learn to discuss before putting forth that much effort, if it was a bother for them!
 
Kosmik_Khaos said:
This is a hobby, something we all do for fun. No one here owes anyone anything on here. Not a reply, not a response, not a reason for why they don't want to write with someone, nothing. So I think taking the time to say "No thank you, I am not interested." Is more than enough to turn down a pitch. If you feel you should add more then do so. If you don't feel they deserve a response then don't respond. You are here to cater to your wants for an rp, not everyone else.
Click to expand...
Thissss.

And I always try to provide people with common courtesy, but if they completely lack it, I may just ignore them.
 
Imagine being told that you're rude, and you'll be blocked henceforth so they do not cross your path again.

IMAGINE.

Anyway, I think I get the general idea. I would stop my courtesy in this case. We should treat our usernames as brands. Believe it or not, you CAN build a bad reputation.
 
If you say in your request threads that you hate ghosting and one liners it would seem hypocritical to do either of those in response to a long custom reply.

Similarly if you make demands on someones application, especially for a writing sample, some ConCrit would seem appropriate.

That said I did save your RT as someone I might be interested in if time ever permits. However I noted that you seem...challenging. Since "fuck off" seems to be advertised as how you often reply to requests if you don't like their approach, I'd have take anything else as having done alright. :p
 
I do my best not to RP with anyone who feels too strongly about ghosting in general. The most stressful partners to deal with are those that expect replies in a hardset timeframe, who will message you if you are even five minutes late, even if they know you struggle with ADHD and depression and have a whole career to worry about–. To me, they seem to miss that people have very dynamic lives and families and careers that can't be predicted or planned for, and sometimes the vibe just changes. Sometimes they begin to feel uncomfortable.

I feel the same about anyone expecting prospective partners to tell them they were not interested in the message sent. It's hard to say "no" but it's easy and less stressful to just ghost. I've said "no" to partners before who have gone on to say very bigoted things to me. After all, no one remembers the 99/100 cases where everyone is polite and cordial. We only remember, or fear having to remember, the 1/100 that are extremely stressful.

You don't owe me anything, and I don't owe you anything. My understanding, especially when life gets in the way, is unconditional. Never feel the need to justify yourself.​
 
If I get the vibe we aren't going to be compatible or a potential partner doesn't give me enough information about what idea or plot they'd like to write with me, I will say, "Thank you for messaging me, but I don't think we will work as partners."

What they do with that after is of no concern to me. If they reply back politely that's great, if they reply back with some attitude I just leave the conversation.
 
Wapato said:
If you say in your request threads that you hate ghosting and one liners it would seem hypocritical to do either of those in response to a long custom reply.

Similarly if you make demands on someones application, especially for a writing sample, some ConCrit would seem appropriate.

That said I did save your RT as someone I might be interested in if time ever permits. However I noted that you seem...challenging. Since "fuck off" seems to be advertised as how you often reply to requests if you don't like their approach, I'd have take anything else as having done alright. :p
Click to expand...


Point 1: No it isn’t. We aren’t roleplaying. In fact, I am shutting down the idea or suggestion of roleplaying with you. Know the definition before you use big words.

Point 2: Saving my RT has nothing to do with the topic at hand and I did not post this to find partners. This is also not the place to critique my request thread as it’s neither wanted nor asked for.
 
My options are :

1) Ignore the PM when it turns out that the person has barely read my ad or RT and instead tried bringing their idea to me - often happens on-site, and with PWP-style pitches.

2) Reply that I'm not interested in a partnership, but give a brief explanation as to why that's the case if they gave me a custom intro that stuck to what was included in the original ad/RT.

3) Reply that I'd love to write with them, but our preferences are complete opposites, and given the way I write pretty much requires me to be on the same page as my partner 24/7 as far as the story and themes go, it wouldn't work out.

I don't really think reputation has been a factor in how many interest checks I get whenever I post. A very recent acquisition in my roster PMed me after a while since my latest bump and she'd just joined the site. I do try being as nice and accomodating as possible to people I see on the Forums though, and if it doesn't work out, the 'Ignore' button is a thing that I don't feel bad about making use of.
 
Personally, I think it super depends on the message that was received. And that's saying something because I'm usually down to write just about anything.

If it's a simple message going "Wanna rp?" or a "Hey, I saw your RT and wanted to know if you're still down?", then yeah, no, I'm not gonna respond to that. Now, if you give me a message where you're introducing yourself, providing me with some plots that interested you along with some of your own ideas, then I'll respond and let them know that I might be a bit busy at the moment but would love to reconnect whenever I might be less busy. One sentence messages also just give me a bad vibe because the people who send them (in my experience) are often confrontational. So even if I give them a message explaining that I won't write with them, they'll just go off. Hell, they even go off if I ignore the message, so it's a lose-lose regardless sometimes lol.
 
My two cents are;

It all boils down to your personality, and the tone of the pitch itself. Personally, I really respect effort. Odds are, anyone who could put the time and the effort to weave up a proper intro, complete with a nicely pitched idea to boot, that person knows a thing or two about effort. I respect effort, and turning down a pitch like that for me, would not necessarily mean shutting down any potential partnership with the person in future. If I see a custom pitch with effort and vibes from the pitcher that I dig, I'll offer that we craft something else from scratch that could satisfy both our interests. Met some worthy partners that way.

Now for pitches that I get a bad vibe from; I see a pitch that shows clearly that the pitcher hasn't gone through my thread, or is confrontational and shit, I shut it down politely anyways. Even if I won't be looking to work with the pitcher in any capacity. I can read into tones well enough to be able to anticipate potentially 'rough' customers, but again, I respect effort. If the pitch did show some genuine effort, I'll spare the effort of politely stating that I have no interest in it, and that's that.

One liner pitches with zero effort are a 50-50 for me. If my attention span allows it, I could fire off a half-assed rejection and be done with it. In any case, backlash in any form does absolutely nothing to me. I'm not gonna lose my manners and proper etiquette because some stranger on the internet chose to do so. I think, sometimes we fear too much about what MIGHT happen, that we alter who we are to counteract it.

Backlash and toxic people without manners and commonsense are an unfortunate and big part of the internet. Running into them can happen at anytime, regardless of if we're in situations that make it likely or not. I mean, I remember once, I bumped my thread, and to my utmost amusement, some random user here PM'd me, only to REALLY rant about how much she hated it, and how uncomfortable it made her feel (I'm talking some 800 words worth of this stuff). Imagine that!

My latest policy on matters like this is a simple one; I'm gonna do me, no matter what. If someone wants to throw a childish tantrum over me politely turning down their pitch, I'm gonna laugh, leave the convo, and forget it ever even happened.
 
I’ll be honest here, but nobody owes the same amounts of answers as another.

Turning someone down just because they write the less is really rude.

That answer does sounds polite, but to me, it’s an indication that someone doesn’t consider it as a hobby, which i like to reminds, IS a hobby, not a job.

I do what i can at my pace, it’s simple and more healthy than stressing myself for nothing.

It’s sad how it isn’t really understood nowadays.. Being comprehensive and trully open doesn’t hurt.
 
I've had it before where somebody sent me a huge block of text that they put so much effort into to request a role-play. They really thought out what they had to say and honestly, it was good to read and it felt great that somebody went to that much effort.

However.

It really wasn't something I was interested in. I very nearly started trying to write with them just because the message was so well written and they seemed, genuinely, lovely. I knew that it wasn't a concept I'd be able to stick with though and sooner or later I'd struggle to keep my muse for it. I tried to put effort into telling them I appreciated what they went through but it wasn't for me but, ultimately, I felt bad that they put so much effort into that message only for me to reject it with several lines of text.

I felt like I was compelled to write a long message back to them but really, doing that just to reject them, felt like a moot activity. Thankfully they were super nice about it and were just happy I took the time to reply to them.

From then I always try to reply to everybody who messages me even if it's just to politely turn them down. I know that's what I'd want rather than being left on read.
 
Newer person to the site here! So I want to put some fears to rest, and also give an opinion on the topic as a whole.

If you are receiving a looooong message from someone requesting a play, they might not have written it fresh right then and there. At least a chunk of it. Which I say because I will copy and paste the intro I have in my RT sometimes, and then edit a few things - take things out that might not be necessary, for instance. So while it can be like "omg they took so much time" for a 700 word message, it might not have taken quite as much time and effort as you think.

That said, I do sometimes write out a lengthier message that does take me some time. But I do that for everyone's benefit. Part of it is that I want to be absolutely sure that I get everything across to the other person, so that they know where I stand, the things I like, etc. This way the other person can make a fully informed decision about whether or not to go forward.

All I really want? Just a response. Something to let me know that you read my message, whether you want to set something up or not. If all I get is "No thank you, I'm not interested" then that tells me that you are really not interested, and that is perfectly acceptable. You can try to be gentle about it and give a soft rejection, but it's really not necessary. We are all adults, and while we do have feelings, they should not be so easily hurt by a simple one line of text response to a message.

On the flip side, if I don't get a response at all? Well that's an answer too. And I think we have to be willing to get no response, and accept it as an answer. Because at the end of the day... no answer is an answer. One that they just don't want to say to you, perhaps out of their own fear of pissing someone off and starting drama. Which I am sure we can all understand on some level, as those things can happen, and the possibility alone is enough to make somebody want to avoid it. I don't blame them.

Finally, do not put yourself through the set up and start of a play if you already know you aren't going to like it. Ultimately you'll just be putting off replies for it, you'll probably start to have regrets, and it's just not a fun situation all together. Everyone should be trying to have fun in a healthy, respectable way. <3
 
As someone who does send long initial messages, it's a way for me to show that I'd be a dedicated, passionate partner. If I actually take the time to do a personalized message, which is 100% of the time, I never copy and paste anything-- then it shows that their thread appealed to me in such a way.

I personally, take no offense if they reject me outright, in fact I appreciate the honesty if I wouldn't be a good fit. At the end of the day it was my choice to write out the message knowing full well there was a 50% chance we'd work out.

I appreciate a 'Thanks but this isn't what I'm looking for.' But as many have said nobody owes each-other anything-- it's just polite to say a quick no thanks if you can. That's just my two cents, I do the same to anyone who actually reads my RT and sends me a thoughtful message but I don't think we'd work out long term. Honesty and politeness are important qualities to me-- and even if it doesn't work out then, assuming the potential partner is kind and courteous, I've been known to reach out again when/if what I'm looking for has changed or I decide to give them a spin again-- I've gotten a long-term partner like this once or twice just cause they acted politely, so it can make a difference!
 
For me it really depends what kind of their pitch was.

I usually say that I have to decline their offer due to reason X and Y, thank them for the interest and wish them good luck in the search. If I really enjoyed their pitch I will add that if they wish to play with me later and see me bumping my thread they should poke me then (or I can poke them either works). If the pitch was long and detailed one I try to express that I really appreciate that they took time to write the pitch, however in my case a long, detailed request and them checking all the boxes that I wish from a possible partner go hand-in-hand, so rarely have to do that.

If the person asked nicely and their pitch doesn't fall into any category I mention below they will get a polite, on-point declining from me at the very least.

If the pitch is cold call, something that immediately breaks my limits or is clearly just a pitch that is sent around to multiple people I just ignore them. I see no reason to engage with the person who didn't even bother reading the basics from my thread, and at that point I don't even care if the pitch they have is multiple paragraphs long and detailed. I try to give people benefit of the doubt in some cases, but you can also clearly see when it's some person just shooting their shot regardless of your preferences, limits etc.
 
Truthfully it's up to you. I usually just tell the truth so there is no confusion later, that I'm not interested and/or unable to accept new partners at the moment.

The worst thing you can do imo is accept and not have fun, because it will show in the writing. Don't waste your time or thiers and just be 100 percent up front Immediately if there is a pack of I terest on your part.

Also slight tangent, but I HATE COLD CALLS. That should be avoided at all costs to avoid rejections and increase your odds.
 
Rule of thumb is to at least write a couple sentences saying you’re not interested. What you provided (Seranda) is more than enough. You don’t need paragraphs to say no. Just a handful of words is fine.

When someone shoots me a pm. I’ve done such a curtesy, and even arguably more, when I’ve been approached. I at least hear her out even when I’m not feeling like we’ll be a good match based on her first post. But I probe further nonetheless to make sure. I like to see what she’s craving before coming to my final conclusion on whether or not we’re going to roleplay.

As for when I shoot a pm. It’s gotten to the point where I click the “ignore” button on a person’s profile if they don’t even do that simple curtesy. If you can’t turn down my offer after a week with a sentence or two then I don’t want to see your request thread in the future. I won’t waste time on another pm and you don’t have to read my message. It'll save us both of our time in the long run. It’s a win for us both.

You get one chance to make your first impression so make it great. This goes for both parties.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom