Pandamonium
Echos of Fate
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2021
"We always seem to try to hide our feelings, but fail to remember that our eyes can speak our secrets, too."
7:30 PM
Vincent sat at the small desk in his dimly lit bedroom, the soft glow of a lamp casting shadows as his fingers danced across the keyboard. At just 28 years old, he bore the weight of a world-weariness that belied his age. The constant pressure, the unrelenting stressβthese burdens aged him beyond his years, a heavy cloak he couldn't shake off. His sole mission: to carve a path to a better life for himself and his sister, a mission that consumed his every waking moment.A decade ago, a stark realization had shattered the fragile facade of his childhood. The looming threat of losing their home, the inability of their father to keep up with the mortgage paymentsβit all came crashing down on Vincent. The image of Gemma, his beloved sister, hungry and cold, haunted him, fueling a fire within him to take action. The sheer helplessness he felt in that moment lit a fire in his soul, propelling him to make a life-altering decision.
Vincent's body tensed as he leaned back in his chair, a dull ache pulsating through his temples. Rubbing the bridge of his nose, he tried to ease the mounting pressure that threatened to overwhelm him. The weight of responsibility bore down on his broad shoulders, a physical reminder of the sacrifices he made to shield his sister from the harsh realities of their fractured family.
A wave of exhaustion washed over him, the sensation of drowning threatening to pull him under whenever he dared to let his guard down. The memory of his mother's betrayal, the shattered illusion of a once-loving family, lingered like a ghost in the corners of his mind. In that pivotal moment when his world crumbled at the tender age of ten, he made a silent vow to protect Gemma, to be her unwavering anchor in the storm that raged around them.
As he sat there, lost in a swirl of memories and regrets, Vincent grappled with the ghosts of his past. The love he once felt for his mother now tinged with doubt, a fragile thread that threatened to unravel at any moment. Despite the heartache and turmoil that defined his past, he clung to the hope that he could forge a brighter future for himself and his sister, a future free from the shadows that haunted their every step.
"I don't see you like I should,
You look so misunderstood,
And I wish I could help,
But it's hard when I hate myself.
Pray to God with my arms open;
If this is it, then I feel hopeless,
And I wish I could help
But it's hard when I hate myself.
You look so misunderstood,
And I wish I could help,
But it's hard when I hate myself.
Pray to God with my arms open;
If this is it, then I feel hopeless,
And I wish I could help
But it's hard when I hate myself.
Late nights are the worst for me,
They bring out the worst in me,
Mind running, got me feeling like it hurts to think
If this is all that I wanted, I don't want it, gotta be more for me
All the core beliefs
And every morning I wake up and feel like I am not worth it because I'm at war with peace,
I go to Hell, walk up to the corpse of me
Look at the body like, "You ain't nothing but poor and weak"
It's kinda weird.
Lately, I been feeling like the only way for me to get away is if I pour the drink;
That's more deceit, more defeat.
Is this really what I'm born to be?
That's what you get for thinking you're unique
So poor, but I'm so wealthy
Need help, but you can't help me
What else can the world sell me?
Tell me lies, I still buy them like they're going out of stock,
But I know it's not healthy..."
They bring out the worst in me,
Mind running, got me feeling like it hurts to think
If this is all that I wanted, I don't want it, gotta be more for me
All the core beliefs
And every morning I wake up and feel like I am not worth it because I'm at war with peace,
I go to Hell, walk up to the corpse of me
Look at the body like, "You ain't nothing but poor and weak"
It's kinda weird.
Lately, I been feeling like the only way for me to get away is if I pour the drink;
That's more deceit, more defeat.
Is this really what I'm born to be?
That's what you get for thinking you're unique
So poor, but I'm so wealthy
Need help, but you can't help me
What else can the world sell me?
Tell me lies, I still buy them like they're going out of stock,
But I know it's not healthy..."
Their father spiraled into a cycle of self-destruction, drowning his sorrows in alcohol until Vincent sometimes wondered if he might drink himself to death. Yet, by that point, Vincent found himself numb to the chaos unfolding around him. Their parents, once pillars of stability, had turned their backs on them, leaving Vincent and Gemma to fend for themselves in a world that seemed intent on breaking them.With a steely resolve, Vincent shouldered the responsibility of caring for Gemma, taking on odd jobs like mowing lawns to earn money for her daycare. He shielded her from their father's toxic presence, ensuring she was never left alone to bear the brunt of his verbal assaults. The wounds inflicted by words cut deeper than any physical blow, especially when they came from the lips of a father who should have been a source of love and protection.
The agony of witnessing Gemma's tears, her innocent heart shattered by the venomous words that poisoned their home, tore at Vincent's soul. He held her close, soothing her fears in the dead of night, his unwavering presence a beacon of comfort in a world tainted by bitterness. The weight of their parents' neglect bore down on him, a burden he carried with a heavy heart as he struggled to make sense of a childhood marred by pain and abandonment.
As he sat vigil by Gemma's side, watching over her as she slept when she was much younger, Vincent grappled with the weight of his promises. The vow to love and protect her against all odds echoed in his ears, a solemn pledge he made in the face of uncertainty and turmoil. The anger that simmered beneath the surface threatened to consume him, a seething rage born from years of betrayal and disappointment.
At the age of 17, Vincent reached a breaking point, confronting their father with a fierce determination to shield Gemma from further harm. He lashed out, his words a sharp rebuke against the man who had failed them time and time again. The confrontation laid bare the deep-seated pain that festered within him, the raw emotions bubbling to the surface in a torrent of resentment and grief.
In the face of his father's indifference, Vincent stood his ground, refusing to back down in the face of cruelty and neglect. The tears that welled up went unnoticed, overshadowed by the hollow ache in his chest, a void that threatened to swallow him whole. In that moment of confrontation, Vincent grappled with the harsh reality of his past, the shattered illusions of family and love that now lay in ruins around him.
"Late nights get the best of me,
They know how to get to me,
Suicide thoughts come and go like a guest to me
But I don't want to die, I just want get relief
So don't talk to me like you think I'm so successful
What is success when hope has left you?
I am not a spokesman, I'm a broken record
I'm sick of doing interviews because I hate myself,
Come across like it's so easy.
But I feel like you don't need me,
When I feel like you don't need me,
Then I feel like you don't see me,
And my life has no meaning; drain me
Hands out, trying to ask for love
But when I get it, I just pass it up
Throw it away and think about it later
Digging through the trash like I'm looking for drugs
Wish I could give you what you needed, but I can't
I'm scared because I hate myself..."
They know how to get to me,
Suicide thoughts come and go like a guest to me
But I don't want to die, I just want get relief
So don't talk to me like you think I'm so successful
What is success when hope has left you?
I am not a spokesman, I'm a broken record
I'm sick of doing interviews because I hate myself,
Come across like it's so easy.
But I feel like you don't need me,
When I feel like you don't need me,
Then I feel like you don't see me,
And my life has no meaning; drain me
Hands out, trying to ask for love
But when I get it, I just pass it up
Throw it away and think about it later
Digging through the trash like I'm looking for drugs
Wish I could give you what you needed, but I can't
I'm scared because I hate myself..."
Vincent's eyes squeezed shut, tears tracing a path down his cheeks, the weight on his chest feeling unbearable at times. He grappled with a relentless fear, questioning whether he had imparted the values and lessons to Gemma that she would have learned in a conventional family setting. The burden of uncertainty weighed heavily on him, his own grasp on what was right and wrong wavering in the face of his own doubts and insecurities. A sense of despair crept in, whispering that he was merely a shape-shifter, adapting to the roles he thought he should play without a true sense of self.
Despite moments of levity where he could make Gemma laugh or smile with a clever remark, a shadow of doubt lingered, haunting his thoughts. He wrestled with the fear that she might resent him for falling short as the role model he aspired to be. The idea of offering her the chance at a more stable and loving environment, possibly through adoption, tugged at his heartstrings. He grappled with the internal turmoil of juggling multiple rolesβbrother, parental figureβuncertain of where one identity ended and the other began. The weight of his responsibilities bore down on him, blurring the lines between support and hindrance in Gemma's life.
Caught in a whirlwind of conflicting emotions, he found himself drawn to Gemma in ways he couldn't quite explain. A single glance from her could captivate his attention, the sight of her moving through the room sending his heart into uncharted territory. Mixed with shame and confusion, the subtle scent of her perfume would envelop him, clouding his senses in a haze of intoxicating allure. Working late into the evening, coming home at 7:00, became a way to distance himself from the tumultuous emotions that Gemma's presence stirred within him. The profound effect she had on him left him grappling with a maze of emotions he struggled to navigate or comprehend.
"I walk through the ashes of my passions,
Reminiscing with the baggage in my casket,
Get lost in the questions I can't answer,
Can't stand who I am, but it doesn't matter.
We scream to be free, but I stay captured.
Knee-deep in defeat of my own actions,
Feel weak, but the peace that I keep lacking
and it keeps speaking to me, but I feel like I can't have it..."
Reminiscing with the baggage in my casket,
Get lost in the questions I can't answer,
Can't stand who I am, but it doesn't matter.
We scream to be free, but I stay captured.
Knee-deep in defeat of my own actions,
Feel weak, but the peace that I keep lacking
and it keeps speaking to me, but I feel like I can't have it..."
Vincent left his laptop open, a canvas for his thoughts and worries, as he made his way down the dimly lit hallway to the shared bathroom nestled between his and Gemma's rooms. His towering six-foot-five frame moved with a fluid grace, his wiry yet athletic build exuding an understated strength. Each breath caused his chest and stomach to ripple softly, a testament to the disciplined athleticism that defined his physique. With a tousled crop of dark hair and piercing gray eyes that seemed to radiate an inner light, his appearance possessed a striking and almost exotic allure.
Entering the steam-filled shower, he cranked the water to scalding temperatures, the heat cascading over his body as he leaned against the tiled wall. Despite the soothing rush of water, his mind remained a tumultuous sea of conflicting emotions, grappling with doubts and insecurities that threatened to overwhelm him. The tattoos that adorned his shoulders and chest now tinged with a reddish hue under the hot water, a tangible reminder of the stories etched into his skin. His forearms, adorned with intricate sleeves of ink, bore witness to a past written in symbols and designs.
Emerging from the shower, he dried off with a light touch before slipping into a fresh pair of boxers and loose-fitting boot-cut jeans that draped casually over his narrow hips. The air around him carried a hint of woodsy cinnamon balm, its spicy notes mingling with the scent of aromatic herbs to enhance his already masculine aura. With each step, his scent lingered in the air, a subtle yet intoxicating blend that enveloped him in a cloak of allure.
Beads of water trailed down the contours of his sculpted physique, tracing a path from his firm pectorals to the sinewy muscles that rippled over his abdomen, disappearing beneath the waistband of his jeans. His damp hair, slicked back but still dripping with droplets, framed his chiseled jawline adorned with a well-maintained dark stubble. As he glanced up, his stormy gray eyes met Gemma's gaze, the silent exchange charged with unspoken emotions.
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