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Random quote thread

"This noose is made from black licorice. Unless you hate black licorice. Then it's made from red licorice. Person who doesn't know from delicious." -Item description in Kingdom of Loathing
 
"What if I want 'Dry Pussy'?" - Me commenting on the drink "Wet Pussy" at the Dillo. I also suggested "Hard Dick."
 
"Fuck you, I'm through. I want nothing more from you, my sanity is wearing thin. Irate, I hate, you determined your own fate. Now everything is caving. Fuck your history, your tragedy, your misery, but most of all.... FUCK YOU!"-Damageplan, Fuck You
 
"Well, boys, our monochromatic friend's in danger. Looks like we have a job to do."
[directing Private]
"Captain's Log: Embarking into hostile environment. Kowalski! We'll need to win the hearts and the minds of the natives. Rico! We'll need special tactical equipment. We're gonna face extreme peril. Private probably won't survive."
[Private's crayon tip breaks off and he looks up in shock]
- Skipper the Penguin Madagascar
 
doom29169 said:
"Well, boys, our monochromatic friend's in danger. Looks like we have a job to do."
[directing Private]
"Captain's Log: Embarking into hostile environment. Kowalski! We'll need to win the hearts and the minds of the natives. Rico! We'll need special tactical equipment. We're gonna face extreme peril. Private probably won't survive."
[Private's crayon tip breaks off and he looks up in shock]
- Skipper the Penguin Madagascar

"Where do you giants come from?"
"Well, we're from New York and-"
*forced to stop talking*
"All hail, The New York Giants!"
"NEW YORK GIANTS"

-Alex and the lemurs, Madagascar
 
I cannot afford to sacrifice the essential in the hope of acquiring the superfluous. - Pushkin
 
Jen: You fucked my mother!
Mir: I was about to fuck your mother, I didn't actually put it in her, so you can't be mad
 
Considering how foolishly people act and how pleasantly they prattle, perhaps it would be better for the world if they talked more and did less. - W. Somerset Maugham
 
After seeing some PDA. "If I wanted to see porn, I would download it." - Me
 
HST "We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a saltshaker half-full of cocaine, a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers... Also, a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls. Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get locked into a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can. The only thing that really worried me was the ether. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge, and I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon."
 
"...it is not the big events that hurt the most but rather the smallest questionable shift in tone at the end of a spoken word that can plow most deeply into the heart." - Steve Martin
 
‎"The mind is its own place and in itself / Can make a Heaven of Hell, a
Hell of Heaven... Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven!" Paradise Lost
 
"When I am dead, lay me in a mound. Raise a stone for all to see, runes carved to my memory." Amon Amarth: Runes to My Memory.
 
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