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Moon
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2022
- Location
- Juggalo City
In the words of a friend of mine, "This isn't the airport. You don't have to announce your departure." But here I go anyway.
I guess there's no use in keeping a secret anymore, even if I never tried to hide it: This is Chap. This is my joke account that I created back during April Fools 2022, one of the last few truly fun and carefree times I had on this site. There's some small irony in this account being the one I use to send this message through, but given the circumstances, I'm sure y'all can understand. I always did love absurdity and it doesn't get much more absurd than this.
As some of you might know or might have seen with the interview with Lydia, I recently got banned for reasons I still don't fully understand. I guess I have some things to say, things that have been swirling around my head for months and even more so in the last few days. So, I'm going to say them here. I suppose it might get deleted. Oh well.
My time on BMR is and was incredibly unlikely. I signed up on a whim, a couple days after my birthday in 2021. That was still during the pandemic and I was looking for a place to act as a conduit for my creativity. I wasn't a big smut writer and I nearly left the site a few days after joining because of how prevalent the smut was (and anime; sorry, not sorry). I ended up staying after I was approached by a few like-minded people who wanted to write some good stories. From there, well… Things spiraled. Some of my very best writing and art have been hosted here. BMR acted not only as a conduit, but a catalyst. I can truly say it made me a better writer with a better handle on my creative process. It changed the way I create things on a base level.
For a long time, BMR was very important to me. It still is, even if my sense of enchantment has given way to far less fuzzy wuzzy feelings; never learn how the sausage is made, folks. Not only was it one of the most creatively rewarding places I had ever been, but I had made a lot of good friends here too; people from all over the world, people who I would have never met otherwise.
In my time here, I've seen a lot happen. I've seen a few different staff shake-ups, mostly to the detriment of the site. I helped lead a fight against the admins to get RetroJapan a position on the Design Team (to Solo: You were right, even if some of the reasons were wrong. I was wrong, even if my intentions were good. I'm sorry.) I've written some wonderful words and created some wonderful groups that I hope will have a lasting impact on the site and show exactly what this place can be with the right people involved. I tried to get the site to change its stance on allowing pedophilia (still stand by every bit of that and every word I said), tried to have a Story Focused request forum created (and even though that never happened, I'm very happy to see the Nonsexual Roleplay forum at least existing), and made things prettier with my art designs along the way (you're welcome, bozos).
And there's the kicker: In a little over two years, I've done a lot. I've poured myself into this place. I've put forth a lot of effort that could have been used elsewhere. And for what? And, even more so, why? For a place that actively plays host to pedophiles, people who want to fuck animals, and a thousand other things that actively disgust me? Why have I bothered? Why have I let myself be so involved? Why have I wasted my time?
And I guess it all comes back to what I said above: This place, as unlikely as it might be, was very important to me. It mattered. The friendships I made here mattered. The writing I did here mattered. It all mattered, even if it shouldn't have.
I guess this is really just an attempt to write out my feelings, an attempt to glean some form of closure. This whole getting banned (and effectively betrayed by someone who I would have considered a good friend) thing has been hard for me. I place a lot of value on friendships and how other people see me, so this is low-key a nightmare for me from a mental standpoint. It's always hard for me to open up to people and put myself out there, so this just kinda punctuates that difficulty. It hurts a lot, is what I'm saying. I had already withdrawn from BMR for a whole slew of reasons, from disagreeing with the direction of the site to not feeling like I belonged anymore, but even so. It's embarrassing to know my time here, whatever it's worth, is tarnished for reasons I still can't even wrap my head around. That sucks, man. That sucks a lot.
I'm going to miss this place, for all the problems and bellyaches I had with it.
To those of you that I made friends with while I was here, I want you to know that I love each and every one of you dearly. I mean that. You're the only reason I stayed as long as I did and I hope we stay in contact, even if we don't have this place in common anymore.
Thanks for the memories, BMR. I'll send you out with a song, for old time's sake.
love,
chap
I guess there's no use in keeping a secret anymore, even if I never tried to hide it: This is Chap. This is my joke account that I created back during April Fools 2022, one of the last few truly fun and carefree times I had on this site. There's some small irony in this account being the one I use to send this message through, but given the circumstances, I'm sure y'all can understand. I always did love absurdity and it doesn't get much more absurd than this.
As some of you might know or might have seen with the interview with Lydia, I recently got banned for reasons I still don't fully understand. I guess I have some things to say, things that have been swirling around my head for months and even more so in the last few days. So, I'm going to say them here. I suppose it might get deleted. Oh well.
My time on BMR is and was incredibly unlikely. I signed up on a whim, a couple days after my birthday in 2021. That was still during the pandemic and I was looking for a place to act as a conduit for my creativity. I wasn't a big smut writer and I nearly left the site a few days after joining because of how prevalent the smut was (and anime; sorry, not sorry). I ended up staying after I was approached by a few like-minded people who wanted to write some good stories. From there, well… Things spiraled. Some of my very best writing and art have been hosted here. BMR acted not only as a conduit, but a catalyst. I can truly say it made me a better writer with a better handle on my creative process. It changed the way I create things on a base level.
For a long time, BMR was very important to me. It still is, even if my sense of enchantment has given way to far less fuzzy wuzzy feelings; never learn how the sausage is made, folks. Not only was it one of the most creatively rewarding places I had ever been, but I had made a lot of good friends here too; people from all over the world, people who I would have never met otherwise.
In my time here, I've seen a lot happen. I've seen a few different staff shake-ups, mostly to the detriment of the site. I helped lead a fight against the admins to get RetroJapan a position on the Design Team (to Solo: You were right, even if some of the reasons were wrong. I was wrong, even if my intentions were good. I'm sorry.) I've written some wonderful words and created some wonderful groups that I hope will have a lasting impact on the site and show exactly what this place can be with the right people involved. I tried to get the site to change its stance on allowing pedophilia (still stand by every bit of that and every word I said), tried to have a Story Focused request forum created (and even though that never happened, I'm very happy to see the Nonsexual Roleplay forum at least existing), and made things prettier with my art designs along the way (you're welcome, bozos).
And there's the kicker: In a little over two years, I've done a lot. I've poured myself into this place. I've put forth a lot of effort that could have been used elsewhere. And for what? And, even more so, why? For a place that actively plays host to pedophiles, people who want to fuck animals, and a thousand other things that actively disgust me? Why have I bothered? Why have I let myself be so involved? Why have I wasted my time?
And I guess it all comes back to what I said above: This place, as unlikely as it might be, was very important to me. It mattered. The friendships I made here mattered. The writing I did here mattered. It all mattered, even if it shouldn't have.
I guess this is really just an attempt to write out my feelings, an attempt to glean some form of closure. This whole getting banned (and effectively betrayed by someone who I would have considered a good friend) thing has been hard for me. I place a lot of value on friendships and how other people see me, so this is low-key a nightmare for me from a mental standpoint. It's always hard for me to open up to people and put myself out there, so this just kinda punctuates that difficulty. It hurts a lot, is what I'm saying. I had already withdrawn from BMR for a whole slew of reasons, from disagreeing with the direction of the site to not feeling like I belonged anymore, but even so. It's embarrassing to know my time here, whatever it's worth, is tarnished for reasons I still can't even wrap my head around. That sucks, man. That sucks a lot.
I'm going to miss this place, for all the problems and bellyaches I had with it.
To those of you that I made friends with while I was here, I want you to know that I love each and every one of you dearly. I mean that. You're the only reason I stayed as long as I did and I hope we stay in contact, even if we don't have this place in common anymore.
Thanks for the memories, BMR. I'll send you out with a song, for old time's sake.
love,
chap
Nah, kidding. No need to apologize for water that's long since been under the bridge. For what it's worth, my opinions were what they were while keeping the welfare of the site in mind, so we probably have more in common than we would have ever thought.
