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There's a different kind of softness to Alessa's eyes as she listens to Iliro. Hearing him say he doesn't want the happiness of mates hurts her more than she would ever admit; Alessa wants Lorsan to have the kind of happiness she never can again, the companionship of a mate. But the historian can't do anything about the violent beginnings of her best friend's mating. All she can do is care for him, and now care for his mate, too.

"I will take you, Iliro. And I will stay with you. This needs to be a mostly private conversation, so I will stay in the entry." Alessa steps down from the dais, approaching the human and extending one front foot. Gently but firmly, her claws wraps around him. Inwardly, she's pleased to feel he's been gaining some weight back. In a great leap and a rush of air, Alessa pushes off, heading upward to Lorsan's den.

The landing is light, and Alessa sets Iliro down gently. With Lorsan able to heat his own body, his burnt orange tapestry has been tied aside to let light from the main cavern in. Lorsan is curled tightly in the nesting bowl at the caverns center, and it takes a moment to realize his head is tucked under one wing. He hasn't quite fallen asleep yet, so with sluggish movements, his neck moves, head coming into view.

That movement seems to take a lot of effort, as Lorsan very soon sets his head on the edge of the bowl. His brush with death is still evident in his continuing exhaustion, and the dullness of his scales. Spending time in the basking pits is good for dragon scales polishing, but its been days since he'd been brought up. He's also been unable to go to the bathing pools, so there's a lingering smell of unwashed dragon, kind of like sour leather. It's faint though, as Alessa has done her best to keep Lorsan mostly clean. Those silver eyes are unfocused at first, but eventually, with a fair amount of blinking, their gaze focuses on the visiting pair.

"Alessa, you're already back. What-?" A sharp intake of breath, and those tired eyes widen. "Iliro..." Even Lorsan's deep, rich voice is tired, and raspy from little use; Alessa and the other dragons had kept telling him not to talk, to just rest.
 
The flight up is enough to have Iliro thinking twice; he almost asks Alessa to turn around and take him back as he clings to her with his eyes shut tight. He hates flying, hates it so much, and now he's being forced to get used to it by this horrible thing Lorsan has done to him.

The landing may be light but it still makes Iliro's stomach swoop unconfortably and theres a moment where he thinks he might puke but it passes.And then there's Lorsan, waking up slowly and moving his head to look at them and no, no no no he's coming too close he's going to-

His back hits Alessa's side and he realizes he can hear his breath wheezing in and out of his chest. Iliro swallows thickly and forces hinself to step away from Alessa's side and walk closer, slowly, to the nest. It's like walking to his own execution and his face turns faintly green as he approaches. About twenty feet away he stops, his body trembling slightly as he forces himself to look into Lorsan's silver eyes. For a long moment he doesn't say anything, his mind occupied with commanding himself not to turn and run.

"Don't say anything, and don't move." He finally grits out. "If you make a move I'll run. If you say anything I'm gonna lose my nerve so just. Just be quiet and be still." He lets out a shaky breath and clenches his hands into fists. "I wanted you to suffer. I wanted you to go through every nughtmare the universe could conceive for you. You didn't just r... rape-" He chokes on the word and almost does lose his nerve, but he forces himself to stand and power on. "-me... you destroyed me. Everything I worked so hard for, you took from me. Worst of all was my freedom. I'm trapped in this with you now because of your people's magic. If you had just been a human I could kill you and leave and be the better for it. But apparently no one knows what could happen to a human mate and I don't want to find out, so. Trapped. I worked..." His face screws up with anger, and he shakes his head. "I worked so fucking hard to make myself into something from nothing. not just the magic but everything that came with being a human in a position of power. I bled and fought an sacrificed, and you ruined everything. I can never go back!" Thats what bothers him the most, being trapped here. "If I do, and they find out what you did, they won't care what I am or was. You turned me from the Archmage into nothing but a dragon's consort. They'll try to use me to hurt you, however they can. I will never forgive you." Iliro sighs, and wraps his arms around himself to try and quell some of the shaking.

"But... I'm gonna try to get over it." He says this part quietly. "If this is my life now, I don't want to spend it miserable and hurting. So I'm not going to forgive you but I am going to... try to live with you, and what you've done. I'm gonna try and help you come up with a way to stop the war, I'm gonna learn about your people, I'm gonna try and figure out how to make this work. You have to do the same, because right now..." He sighs and shakes his head again. "Right now we're just killing each other with this cycle of blame and misery and self loathing. So we both have to get over it and move on. I have conditions; I don't ever want to be alone with you, for one. But... we can figure it out once you're better." Steeling himself, Iliro walks slowly to Lorsan's head and lifts a hand, hesitating. After a moment, he lays it on the dragon's snout. "Okay?"
 
Alessa hums encouragingly when Iliro backs into her, the very tip of her tail touching the human's hip in support. She settles down as Iliro walks forward, quietly watching. Lorsan, as exhausted as he is, looks like he wants to cry. But he does as he's told, laying still as a statue. He listens, so attentive to every word leaving his mate's mouth. Each word drives the already existing stake deeper into his heart. He caused this. He created this suffering, and even though he's happy to see Iliro looking more healthy than when he'd left the caves, Lorsan can see Iliro is still on the slightly too thin side.

A fresh wave of heavy guilt passes through the maging bond, but it's abruptly cut off as Lorsan rushes to do as asked, at least as much as he can. Every dragon gets taught how to close off the mating bond, and it's like Lorsan has just slammed a window shut. But there's cracks in the window, and the guilt still leaks through, only now it's dull.

When Iliro steps forward and lays his hand on Lorsan's snout, the dragon's eyes dilate widely just like they did the first day they met. He sucks in a deep breath through his nostrils like a drowning man finally getting oxygen, and a shudder runs through his entire body. That simple touch and Iliro's scent have the silent black dragon shaking, his scales rattling. Several more deep breaths, but otherwise, Lorsan doesn't move. It's almost like he's having some sort of inner battle. It's almost two minutes before Lorsan calms, his eyelids drooping halfway. Somehow, he looks even more tired. But he says nothing; Iliro told him not to.
 
It hurts to be this physically close to the creature that savaged him, but seeing the way the dragon works so hard to obey Iliro is... comforting, in a way. At the very least, Lorsan is listening to him, hearing him, understanding him, and that makes this whole ordeal somewhat easier.

His thumb rubs gently over the curve of the dragon's snout before his hand falls away. "That's all I have to say." He takes a few steps back, though he's not as far away as he had been during his speech, and gives Lorsan a tentative smile. "Thank you for letting me get through that. If you have anything to say, I'd hear you out now."
 
Lorsan almost looks distressed when Iliro steps back, but he holds to his place. The most movement to happen is the scales around his jaw flexing. The tentative smile calms him somewhat. When asked if he has anything to say, the muscles in his jaw clench repeatedly as he struggles for words.

"Iliro, I.. I know my apologies are worth nothing, and I would never ask you to forgive me for the sin I've committed against you. That never should have happened, you didn't deserve that. If I could go back in time and change what I did, I would." Lorsan clamps his jaws shut as he coughs. The tiniest puffs of smoke leak between his lips from flames smothered within his mouth – an unfortunate side effect of any dragon coughing. "However, even amidst dragons, magic that manipulates the flow of time does not exist. So, I will spend eternity doing everything I can.. to.. to make you more.. comfortable.." Exhaustion sets in, and his words get quieter and quieter, until they trail off. Lorsan's silver eyes close, and his head, though resting on the floor, tilts sideways as he passes out.
 
There's a little bit of guilt that flares up when Lorsan almost immediately passes out after his short apology. Iliro stands there for a moment, just watching the dragon breathe, before he takes a few hesitant steps forward, closing the distance between them once more. His hand comes up to rest on Lorsan's nose again, lightly, not wanting to disturb him and get his arm bitten off. He still can't figure out how to control just how open or shut the link is, but it feels open on his end right now, so he tries to push his feelings onto his forced mate. How he wants Lorsan to rest, and to heal. He tries to let Lorsan feel that while he's still afraid, there's no malice in him anymore.

He just wants Lorsan to get better, so they can work this out.

He pats the dragon's snout awkwardly and turns away, walking back to Alessa and gratefully clinging to her leg as she flies him back down. When they land, his legs are shaky from the terrifying drop and glide, but he manages to stay upright. "Thank you." He tells her, sincerely. "And thank you for sticking around." Abruptly tired himself, he runs a hand over his face and looks to his cave, a grimace suddenly coming over his features. "I know the others still don't trust me, but I have no magic and not intent to do anything harmful. Do you think I could get a new hanging to cover the cave entrance? It'd be nice to sleep without suspicious stares on the back of my neck."
 
Back on the ground, Alessa makes sure Iliro is steady before stepping back to settle on the ground. It's just easier to speak with the human in dragon form when she's not standing. "You are very brave, Iliro. I could smell your fear the entire time we were up there, and I'm proud of you for seeing it through." There's a little hum to her voice.

When asked about a new tapestry, Alessa seems to think for a moment. Then she stands, nodding her head. "Yes, I can see about that. However, don't go asking to have your icebox fixed. I may trust you, but if I allow you to have another ice crystal, there will be problems amidst the Clan." Alessa gently nudges Iliro with her nose. "Go sleep, and eat. It will be a couple of days before a new tapestry is ready for you "
 
It's still very strange to him that the dragon is so casual now, when a week ago she had been ready to bite his head off. He gives her a weak smile and reaches up to pat her snout affectionately. "I feel like I've done little else but sleep since I got here." He tries to joke. He, of course, doesn't mention that most of his sleeping had been a traumatic defense mechanism.

Still, he is tired out from the conversation, and his bed is looking very appealing right now. He doesn't go for it right away, instead finding some of the food that Alessa brings him and sitting down at his stone table to eat. As he eats, he reads one of the books borrowed from Lorsan's dwelling, learning more about the nuances of dragon history and custom. When he's done, he sighs and wishes for the millionth time that he hadn't broken his cold box; he'd give anything to roast some meat right now, or maybe make a hearty stew. Of course, he had brought this on himself, and he's not about to complain to anyone about his lack of flavorful options. After he eats, he watches the dragons in the pits, and is awash with a feeling of extreme loneliness.

He may have no privacy here, he may speak to Alessa and Treya and the twins, but...

Iliro wishes, very much, that he could visit his home, even for a bit. Wander around the tented markets, stroll along the banks of the Silver River. Hell, he'd even attend court if it meant he could be in a place where people at least pretended to like you, even if it was just to gain favor. Here, even with the lady dragons he has come to make tentative friendships with, he is separate. Alone.

Shaking his head at his melancholy state, Iliro falls into bed and sleeps heavily.
 
The next morning, Alessa is there to rouse Iliro from his bed. She's brought him something new to eat – grilled meat seasoned with some kind of sweet herb and honey glaze. With it is a side of bread and a thick piece of cheese on it, and a fresh waterskin. She sets this on the table, then walks over to pull the blankets off Iliro's body.

"Wake up, time to get out of bed. Now that you've put on some weight, and you're almost eating normal meal sizes, it's time to gain some muscles." Alessa takes Iliro's hands and pulls him upright, then throws fresh clothing on his lap. It's a thinner material, more form fitted.
 
Alessa seems to delight in startling him awake, and he is completely helpless against her morning assaults. She's there to throw close at his face and inform him of his lack of muscles and all he can do is groggily stumble out of bed to the table and flop into one of the stiff chairs. He shakes his head tiredly and pats his cheek to try and wake himself up, and it takes him a full minute to process what is in front of him.

Suddenly, his meager appetite grows exponentially. The food just looks and smells so good, and he blinks up at her with surprise and gratitude before he starts eating. His stomach still wants to revolt when he takes too big of a bite, or eats too quickly, but it's delicious and he manages to eat his way through a significant portion, making small talk with Alessa before he frowns and looks up at her. "Wait... you said it's time to gain muscles. What do you mean?" He gives her a bewildered sort of look.
 
Alessa laughs lightly at the way Iliro digs into the high protein meal. While he can't be trusted with crystals or sharp objects yet, it's time to get some really meals into the human. When questioned about what she meant, Alessa grins. It's that same grin that let's Iliro know she has a plan to force him into interactions.

"It's the next step on the road to recovery. That beautiful thing called exercise." Alessa laughs again, shaking her head. "With Lorsan getting better, I can start my lessons with the dragonets again. Which means I won't be able to give you things to do. And we can't have you just sitting around all day. So, I arranged a coach of sorts for you."
 
Instantly his appetite is gone and his expression becomes worried. Iliro lowers his gaze to the plate, and pulls his bread apart, lifting it to his mouth only to hold it there for a moment. Slowly, he sets it back down and looks up at her with that worried expression. "A coach. Another dragon." His head turns and he gazes out at the basking pits, where he often sees the other dragons shooting mistrustful, or even openly hostile looks in his direction. Right now, no one seems to be paying attention to him, but the idea of going out there and exercising... And Alessa will be busy with the little ones... if something goes wrong, he'll have no one around to help him.

"Alessa..." He murmurs, chewing the inside of his cheek. "I don't know... I... Maybe it's best if I don't." It's a weak argument, and he knows Alessa won't let him out of this. She's determined to make him do things, to not hide in his cave, no matter how badly he just wants to stay in the small, dark alcove. His fingers anxiously tear apart the bread into tiny pieces. "And you... you'll be with the little ones. Are..." He sucks in a shaky breath and looks up at her again. "They all look at me like they want to rip me in half, Alessa... They don't trust me. I imagine the only reason one of them hasn't killed me yet is because of Lorsan. I shouldn't bother them, force myself on them. I can..." He looks back at his plate, ashamed of his own cowardice. "I can start doing my stretches again and... work out in here..."
 
Alessa shakes her head, folding her arms over her chest. She looks pointedly at the unfinished plate of food. "Eat, Iliro. I knew you'd try to find some excuse to not do this, but for the unforeseen future, you're stuck here. And you practically bleed loneliness. The healers can't spend all their time with you, and the dragonets need to resume their lessons."

Alessa walks over behind Iliro, pulling the human's braided hair away from his face. "You can't hide forever, Iliro. You need to make friends. And the dragon I picked will make a good friend. As for everyone's hatred, you can't make amends if you hide away in your cave. Nayru has already forgiven you, give the Clan the same chance."
 
His stomach is in knots again, and suddenly the food doesn't look so appetizing. His hands rub nervously against his thighs, now that he has pulverized the bread and left it in scraps on his plate. "I'm not... hiding." He tries to argue, even though that's a lie. He knows he is burdening her and the healers, but the thought of putting his life in any more clawed hands makes him want to curl up in one of those abandoned rooms he had found and wait everyone out.

Reluctantly, he picks at his food again, and manages a few more bites before it becomes unbearable. "This... this coach." His leg is bouncing beneath the table, a clear sign of his nerves. "What are they called?" He asks.

Things with names are always less frightening than the unknown.
 
Alessa sighs and sets her hands on Iliro's shoulders. She quiet for a moment, then moves back into his view. "His name is Calder. And for your peace of mind, he is mated. But that's his story to tell, when you two become friends." Alessa holds out her hand, gesturing for Iliro to take it.

"Come on, let's get you dressed, and I'll take you to meet him. Please, just give it a chance, and don't just run away at the first opportunity." Alessa pulls Iliro to his feet once he takes her hand, leading him back over to the bed. "Now, do you want my help, or can you be a big boy and dress yourself?" She's clearly teasing.
 
Iliro has gained enough of his old dignity back to flush with mortification at her teasing, and he rolls his eyes with a long-suffering sigh before he elbows her gently. "You're insufferable." He murmurs, though he too is clearly teasing.

The clothes she has brought him are much more suited for physical activity. He usually prefers his clothes light and loose, to allow for the more liquid movements sometimes required of magic casting. He pulls them on, still trying not to feel self-concious of the open view anyone could have of him, and slips on his shoes.

Still clearly anxious, he rubs his hands together and nods to Alessa, then follows her out of the cave.

"Nayru is..." He's played with the dragonets from a distance, but he's still too afraid to get close to them, lest the adults take it as a sign of aggression and intervene. "Nayru is doing okay, then? He's healthy? He seems like it, when I watch them, but... but he's alright?" He asks, guilt hanging like a thick aura around him.
 
Alessa turns her back as Iliro dresses, laughing. When he's ready, she walks out of the cavern with him. She's glad the clothing fits; she'd guessed at his size. Alessa smiles slightly when asked about the now disfigured dragonet. "Hes doing well. All healed, and adjusting more quickly than anyone could have guessed. Children have the incredible ability to forgive, Iliro. Just as you said to Lorsan yesterday, you need to move on from the guilt."

Alessa leads Iliro towards the open section of ground in front of the dais. She's looking around, her expression becoming one of exasperation. "He's late.." Five minutes pass before a rush of wind signals a landing dragon. A bright blue male, small for an adult, and with paler blue edging to all his scales. That same paler blue rims his eyes and mouth, making it appear as though he has makeup. Small extra claws mark the joints and ends of his wings. He looks rattled, but pleased with himself. "Apologies for the tardiness! Ginta didn't want to let me leave the cavern. Grumpy old dragon wanted to f–" The blue dragon finally notices Iliro and males a very quick word change. "Cuddle."
 
Iliro can't help but edge behind Alessa, his mind immediately jumping right to Calder cutting through him with angry words and an icy glare. He feels naked being this far into the open area in the cavern and stares at the ground as they wait. Calder is very handsome, his coloring fascinating to see, but Iliro's anxiety won't let him do anything but fret behind Alessa. Even the almost slip-up doesn't help to ease his tension, and siddenly his mind wants to remind him about how he'd screamed for help, and though he knew they'd all heard, no one had come.

Iliro swallows down his fears and forces himself to look up at Calder. He has no idea what to say, so he clears his throat and takes a step out from behind Alessa. "It... it's alright. It's a pleasure to meet you. Thank you for..." He still has no idea what exactly this is goingnto entail. "This." he finishes weakly.
 
Alessa folds her hands together in front of her, giving Calder an admonishing look. All the dragons know what happened to Iliro, and Alessa had already warned against Calder saying anything remotely intimate. Calder has the grace to duck his head. "It's nice to meet you, as well, Iliro." Calder's voice is friendly enough, and he doesn't have that sake angry glare most of the other dragons do.

"Calder is Nayru's uncle, Iliro. His mother's brother. He's also one of the best hunters we have. He's good at diving between trees." Calder grins, but on a dragon's face, the expression looks threatening. "Hes also one of the most prideful." That's a blow to the ego, and the grin fades into what can only be described as a pout.
 
Shame and fear crawl like magma up his body, converging on his face. He feels faint, and Calder's expression doesn't help.

"I..." His breath is coming deliberately slow as his fear quickens his pulse. How could she pair him with one of the little dragon's blood? The ones who would probably be most happy to see him killed? Iliro takes an involuntary step back, his eyes on his feet as his mind screams at him to run. Poor Lorsan is probably feeling all his fear and anxiety right now because he still can't figure out how to control his end of the bond.

His eyes are wide and a little watery as he looks at Alessa with a small sense of betrayal, wondering why she thought this would be a good idea. Knowing she wom't let him out of it, though, he looks nervously at Calder. "I'm sorry." He hadn't meant to say it, but he does, and he gulps. "I am... truly, sorry for what I did. I never would have intentionally hurt a child. I... i thought it was Lorsan coming through the curtain."
 
Alessa can smell the panic the moment it starts, and she turns around to grasp Iliro's hands, preventing him from running. "Iliro, look at me. Breathe. If you panic now, Lorsan will come looking, and he doesn't have the strength to fly yet. You said it yourself, you can't control your bond yet." Alessa rubs her thumbs soothingly across the back of Iliro's hands. "Deep breaths, calm."

Seeing the panic, and Alessa trying to calm and focus the human, Calder makes the wise choice to shift to human form. Incredibly, he's shorter than Iliro, barely more than five feet tall. Probably the shortest adult dragon in the entire Clan. He's blond, hair kept long to his shoulders, and unkempt, as if he just uses his fingers to brush it. Bright blue eyes show empathy and concern. He's shirtless, as most male dragons in human form are, wearing a pair of fitted brown leggings. Most notable on his runner's build frame is the large teeth shaped scars wrapping around the majority of his left shoulder; across the base of his neck, reaching halfway down his chest and shoulderblade, and partially down his bicep. It's as if he'd been bitten by another dragon while in human form, though the scars don't quite seem wide spread enough for it to have been an adult dragon. "You don't have to apologize, Iliro. I think you've done plenty enough of that. I know you're remorseful, that's enough for me."
 
Of course Calder wouldn't immediately kill him; maybe not with Alessa watching. There's no guarantee he won't do so later, when Iliro's guard is dropped. He could easily make it look like an accident. He lifts his weary, emotionally drained gaze to Alessa's face. Though he tries to take her advice, his body remains tightly strung. He doesn't want to do this, but he knows Alessa won't let him back out.

His eyes flick over to Calder when he speaks, but he doesn't respond immediately; doesn't trust himself to do so. After a moment, he takes a deep breath and slips his hands out of Alessa's grip, looking at her for a moment longer with trepidation before he turns to Calder. "Alright. I... I don't know exactly what you have in mind." He admits, and that's probably what's making him most nervous. "Alessa said you were to train me? But..." He looks back at her, then back to Calder. "She was rather light on the details of what that meant, though." He winces, remembering what Alessa had said about his diving skills. "You aren't taking me flying, are you?"
 
Calder smiles when Iliro seems to relax, then laughs when asked about flying. "For one, you don't have wings, so that wouldn't be helpful as exercise for you. And two, anyone with eyes can see how uncomfortable you are with that idea." Calder shakes his head, blond hair swaying around his face.

"No, I had other things in mind. Muscle building, movement. For today, we're going to clean up a new cavern the earth dragons dug out. It's going to be used as a new combat training grounds, seeing as the previous one collapsed last month." As Calder speaks, Alessa takes the opportunity to walk away. "But everything we do today will be exercise, so we're going to jog to the cavern. We'll rest when you need to, so don't push yourself to the point of passing out."
 
Cardio is fine. The ex-Archmage always enjoyed his walks or jogs in the gardens back home, and cardio was important for building up the endurance necessary for spellcasting. Of course, he had enjoyed it before he'd been raped to within an inch of his life and had a breakdown wherein he'd almost killed himself.

Still, it's better, far better, than Calder suggesting they spar. He casts one last nervous look at Alessa's back before he nods to Calder. "Lead the way."

He follows behind Calder, keeping a steady pace and concentrating on his breathing. The last serious exercise he had engaged in had been running away from Larson, and that had been an exhausting death sprint up a mountain of stairs and down the twisting tunnels. He's tired before they make it, his breath coming sharper than it normally would, but he was in good enough shape before this whole debacle that he doesn't completely embarrass himself. When they get there though he has to lean heavily against a boulder and clutch at the stitch in his side as he catches his breath. Once he has, he straightens up and wipes the sweat from his face. "A few weeks and I'm already out of shape." He laughs weakly at the lame joke, then shakes his head. "Cleanup, then?" He asks, still panting a little. "Like carrying away the dirt they dug up?"
 
Calder isn't even sweating when they arrive at the new cavern, and he grins and chuckles as Iliro struggles to catch his breath. He'd been watching Iliro the whole jog, and would have slowed to a walk if not for the look of determination on the human's face. He laughs more heartily when the human asks about dirt. "Not exactly."

Calder leads Iliro through the six foot long entry tunnel into the new, vast cavern. The floor is littered with large rocks and boulders of various sizes. "This is what we're clearing away. Normally, this duty would fall to the teen dragonets. However, due to.." Calder pauses, then rubs the back of his neck. "Circumstances, they've fallen behind in their lessons. So now it falls to us, as requested by Alessa. And for now, Alessa is acting Clan leader."
 
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