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Roses Bloom In Ashes [MsBlom/DarkDreamer9110]

MsBloom

MsBloom

Moonchild
Joined
Jul 24, 2020
Location
Northern Europe
This story idea came to me as a way to process my own grief and other feelings around the recent murder of 16-year-old trans girl Brianna Ghey. The story will include themes of transphobia, loss, grief, and moving forward after tragedy. Reader discretion is advised if any of those things might hit too close to home for you.

It had been almost six months now since her twin brother Leo had been found slumped over on the floor in a public bathroom, wedged in between the toilet and the wall, with the needle still sticking out of his arm. It had been an accident waiting to happen. Molly knew it and their mother knew it. Everyone knew it was just a matter of time before the police would come knocking on the door with the news that he had been found dead, either from an overdose or that he had been murdered.

Leo's life had spiralled down hill fast after having been outed everywhere from Instagram to Facebook, as gay. He'd gone into deep depression, switched schools several times but it kept coming back to haunt him. New Haven might be home to one of the most prestigious universities in the US but the people were closed-minded and eventually Leo was simply gone one day, leaving nothing behind but a handwritten note on the fridge that he ha gone to New York where perhaps he might finally escape the bullying and be who he truly was.

By then he was sadly already heavily addicted to all manner of substances, from cheap alcohol to heroin. There had even been a time when he had called Molly at three in the morning because he had been arrested for prostitution, another time they had called from the hospital to let Molly and their mother know that he had been badly beaten.

And yet … the day the NHPD knocked on their door with the news of his death Molly had broken into a hysterical sob. She had felt something was wrong and when given the news it felt like half of herself had died with him. He was after all her twin.

The support group for grieving siblings met 7:30 pm every Tuesday at the Book Trader Café and as of the last few weeks Molly had begun to arrive early to help set up the chairs, make coffee and be there to welcome the other members of the group as they arrived.
"We've got a newcomer tonight," Gary said, the organiser of the group and only surviving child of the café's owner Dahlia who ran a similar support group for parents who had lost a child on Thursdays.
"I was thinking that since you've been with the group for a while that maybe you could be her support contact."
Molly nodded and poured a fresh pot of coffee into the thermos before setting out a cake, almost fresh out of the oven, cut into eight equal pieces just as the first of the group's members began to arrive. As they helped themselves to coffee and cake Molly's attention was drawn to a young woman outside the door. It must be the newcomer Gary had mentioned.
 
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Shannon LeVay had spent the last month effectively on suicide watch, mostly either numb in shock, sobbing hysterically in grief, or screaming in rage, depending on exactly when one happened to encounter her. She had narrowly avoided a psychiatric stay, mostly because her grief counselor had been very forgiving about some of the extremely violent things Shannon had often been screaming at the top of her lungs, simply asking afterwards each time if Shannon truly would enact such violence. The script was obvious, the answer rote memory. But it was enough.


Three weeks ago, the grief counselor had suggested a group for grieving siblings at a cafe near the campus. It had taken three weeks for Shannon to get up the nerve to go. Hell, she was still hesitant to go anywhere. She may not have been as visibly trans as Addie had been, but she was out to enough people that someone unsavory might have heard about her. And with the state of affairs in the country, and especially after what had happened to Addie, it was entirely reasonable for Shannon to be properly paranoid.

Addison LeVay, Shannon's older sister, had been murdered in broad daylight, practically in public, not far from the campus. Stabbed repeatedly and left to die.

Addison and Shannon had been close their whole lives, with Addison only a couple years older than Shannon. When Addison had come out as a transgender woman at 16, it had started Shannon questioning her own gender identity, and the next year she had also come out as a trans woman. It had been a rough road for them both, even though their parents had been accepting. The two had been bullied and harassed.

When Addison had gotten into Yale, Shannon and their parents had been so proud. And then Shannon had followed in Addison's footsteps. And now Addie was dead.

Shannon found herself hesitating at the cafe doors. One last furtive glance around, making sure no one outside was especially paying attention to her, and she walked in, walking over to the young woman near the door.

"Hi. I, uh, I'm here about the grief support group." She said with a forced smile. "Is this the right place?"
 
It was like seeing a reflection of herself watching the devastated young woman hesitate to enter. Molly had been there herself, outside that very door, hesitating, in tears. She remember having walked away the first time she had stood there, walked away in a cloud of despair feeling utterly empty, deprived of a part of herself. She also remembered Gary catching up with her, his hand on her shoulder and how he had told her that he understood if she wasn't ready but he would keep a spot open for her for the week after and the one after that. She could come back whenever she was ready. He had also given her his phone number, in case she needed to vent to someone, anyone. She had called him that same night and mostly sobbed hysterically for about an hour. She had called him every evening for a week but still she had hesitated to go in the next Tuesday. That time though, before she walked away Gary had come out, placed a comforting arm around her and led her inside.

She was on her way to do the very same for the woman outside when she looked around herself and came inside.
"Hi. You're in the right place then. I'm Molly."
She gently placed a hand on the tall woman's shoulder and guided her towards the coffee while at the same time introducing her to the others, all in all five other people.
"And that's Gary over there behind the counter," she said and nodded in his direction.
"He started this group after he lost his sister to cancer three years ago. He kind of leads the group. Now how do you take your coffee?"
Molly had taken two mugs from the table and was filling up one while waiting for the newcomer's reply.
 
Shannon nearly flinched away as the woman extended a hand to her shoulder, but as it became clear no harm was forthcoming, she smiled again, nodding as she was guided to the coffee station and the others were introduced.

Soon hers was the only name not given, and she sighed. "First of all, I like my coffee with all the cream and sugar. Second, I'm Shannon." She said softly, then glanced around the room, eyes flitting over the people there. She took a breath. "Shannon LeVay. My sister, Addie, she—" Shannon's voice failed her as she spoke. There. It was out there now. Her last name wasn't common, and anyone local who had been reading or watching the news had probably seen at least one article about the murder of Addison LeVay.

A new strength welled up inside her as she recognized that everyone would likely have already heard both about Addie's identity and the nature of her death. They all probably knew. They all probably had the reason of Addison's murder right in front of them and weren't going to acknowledge it, not unless Shannon forced it to be addressed. "Addison was murdered for being transgender." Shannon said. "Just like I am."

There. Done with the worst of it. Her identity, her sister's identity, and why her sister was dead.
 
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Having prepared Shannon's coffee according to her request Molly poured one for herself without anything. She put two pieces of cake on a plate each and turned around to offer the young woman one when she spoke her last name. Of course she had read about it in the papers, and seen it all over Instagram as well. It had in many ways reminded her of how her brother had been treated, all the bullying and hate he had suffered was a story similar to that of Addison LeVay and even though, as far as she knew, her brother had not been trans the reasons were also quite similar, small-minded haters. Of course the too fates differed in one very significant way. Leo had not been murdered, at least not as far ass anyone had suggested. The police had asked her privately if she knew of any reason why he might possibly have committed suicide, which she had not wanted to admit as a possibility but the more she had thought about it and talked about it both in the group and with Gary, and despite him not having left behind a note of any kind (something she couldn't imagine him not doing) the more likely an explanation it had seemed. It didn't matter either way though He was gone and no explanation of why he had died would bring him back nor would it bring Addison back if and when her killer/s were put away for twenty five to life but it would be a form of closure for her family.

Gary nodded to acknowledge the information and asked everyone to sit down. He had of course known in advance, at least about who it was Shannon had lost and since he was a dedicated reader of the news he had of course known how. The one reason he had not mentioned it was because he felt that it was not his information to give out but Shannon's.
"I am so sorry for your loss Shannon," he said as he himself sat down and leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees, folding his fingers into each other.
"Tonight, as we have a newcomer among us why don't we go around and introduce ourselves and tell her, and each other as much or as little as we wish about who we lost. Why don't you start Anna," he said and turned to look at a woman in her late twenties, early thirties, sitting next to him.
"Hi. I'm Anna and I lost my brother four months ago in a motorcycle accident," she said and attempted a smile at the group but it looked more like a grimace.
And so they went round the circle and Shannon would learn that Henry (26) had lost his brother to open heart surgery, Claire (23) had lost her sister to a complicated c-section where it had basically been a choice between the baby or the mother, Maggie (20) had lost her younger brother to suicide. He had hung himself in her closet and it was Maggie who had found him, and James (22) had lost his sister to a drunk driver after a party.
Lastly it was Molly's turn.
"Hi. I'm Molly and I lost my twin brother to an overdose of heroin. Probably by accident but it can't be ruled out that it was suicide."

The circle now complete Gary once more turned to Shannon.
"This circle is a safe place. Anything you say here stays here. There is no judgement for anything you may or may not feel with regards to your loss. There is only support."
He cleared his throat and glanced at Molly.
"Speaking of which," he continued and looked back at Shannon.
"Two hours per week is of course not even close to enough to process the loss of a loved one and for this reason we have a support buddy system in place, someone you can call inbetween meetings to vent or talk about a happy memory, or just cry. Molly here has been with us for a little more than five months now and I have asked her if she would be your support buddy."
"And I said that of course I would," Molly filled in and gave Shannon a nod.
"I'll give you my number after the meeting," she added.
 
The circle of introductions completed, Shannon, now sitting down with the group, smiled as Gary spoke. She glanced at Molly and nodded. "That ... That sounds good." She said, glancing around the group again.

"So you all already know now. My sister, just 21, a college student with her whole life and dreams and future ahead of her, the person who helped my egg hatch, who helped me learn I was trans, my best friend, was murdered for being a trans woman. Not far from here, actually."

She shook her head. "Broad daylight. She was stabbed seven times in broad fucking daylight, in a public fucking PARK! That's the fucked part. There are people out there who don't understand that trans people are an endangered group. They're actually literally just about killing us in the streets!"

Her fists clenched, and she was shaking visibly as her voice dropped in pitch, almost becoming a low growl. "I haven't left my dorm without protection since. Every time I leave, I wonder, is this the time I don't come back? Is this the time my parents get a call that their only surviving child has met the same fate as their eldest? Hell, I was terrified about people seeing me coming here! I wonder if I'm being stalked, if the unassuming guy walking towards me has clocked me as trans and is gonna fucking murder me or if he's just gonna walk on past. Every. Single. Time."

She paused, tears forming in her eyes. "There are so many people who hate us for just daring to exist. So many people who enable that. So many people with massive platforms actively supporting trans genocide. So many people emboldened by those platforms to pass laws that make our existence, our expression of our identity, even knowledge about our existence, fucking illegal!"

She rose to her feet, still trembling, knuckles white, nails digging into her palms, voice cracking and catching on the sobs occasionally making themselves known. "I am beyond angry. I am beyond hurt. I am beyond devastated. I am enraged. If I ever meet the bastard who killed Addie, if I ever meet any of the transphobes and TERFs who have helped this environment of hatred form and fester ... I will KILL them! With my bare fucking hands if I must! I want them to know PAIN, and I want them to know FEAR, and I want them to DIE! I want them to die screaming in fear and pain and CHOKING ON THEIR OWN BLOOD LIKE MY SISTER DIED! Trans people are in a war for SURVIVAL! It's time we acted like it! It's time we fought back, time we showed them transphobic views are a DEATH SENTENCE to them! Get me to Scotland. Get me to Scotland and I will MURDER that fucking TERF bitch Rowling. And I won't even have to go into women's spaces to do it! Just cut her fucking throat in the street!"

The tears were flowing freely, her eyes puffy and red, her face a similar shade. She glanced around the room. Her next words were quiet, almot lost to the sobs. "My sister is dead and I want vengeance. My sister is dead and all I can think is how much I want to make a difference by dropping bodies."

She sank back into her chair, burying her face in her hands as the sobs finally took over completely.
 
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The intensity of Shannon's outburst was unexpected. Of course there had been similar scenes from James among others who had made similar vows regarding the driver who had run his sister down without even trying to stop and then just sped away leaving her to die in the arms of her friend. That had been four months earlier and the driver was caught and behind bars. Still, as he said, while that gave a small amount of closure and vindication it didn't really feel fair that the alcoholic asshole still drew breath when his sister didn't. He had been angry, almost to the same degree as Shannon was. They had of course all been angry when they first joined the group but unlike James, and Maggie who after reading her brother's last text messages had wanted to make his bullies pay, they didn't really have anyone to blame, except perhaps god, if they believed in such an abstract concept. Even Molly herself had put a lot of blame on the bullies that drove Leo to drugs and she had wanted to hurt them badly as well, so badly in fact she had actually assaulted one of them and been sentenced to six months of community service for it.

They all knew about Addison of course, at least about her murder. There had been quite a stir about the murder in the press and social media where she had in some articles and posts had been both misgendered and even dead named, in some cases it was perhaps without intent to cause harm, a simple case of ignorance with regards to trans issues but in far more cases it was intended to have that very effect, mostly by women which Molly figured might relate to the comments about the dangers of allowing males into female spaces, a comment even she had taken offence to. Neither she nor any of the others could relate to Shannon's fear of being next though. Molly could understand it, on a strictly intellectual level, especially in the light of what had happened to Addison, but emotionally it was really impossible to put herself in Shannon's shoes. Still though she was the one who stood up and with her arms out offered Shannon a comforting hug should she want one.
 
Shannon's sobs abated, and she gladly accepted the hug, then wiped her eyes. "Sorry. I just ... It's still ... You hear about this sort of stuff, and you think how terrible it is that your community is under attack. But you never expect it to affect you directly. And then suddenly your sister has been fucking murdered in broad daylight. I know it's only been a month. My counselor says it's gonna take a long time to heal, that I can't force it. But it still ... I just wish I could turn off the pain, the anger, the hurt." She said, sighing.

"And the way the media treats us, the way they deadname, misgender, and just try to other us ... It feels like all we are is a chance for a provocative story for their ratings game bullshit." She sighed again. "Sorry. I know that's not what this group is for."
 
Molly just held Shannon and let her sob against their shoulder and listened to her both as she talked about the pain and about her anger at the media and the way they had covered the story.
"I'm sure there are more accurate accounts of it out there, on social media and more liberal press. The trans community at least must have positive things to say about your sister," she eventually whispered into Shannon's ear and then held her at arms length.
"Tell you what. Tonight we binge out on ice cream, raw cookie dough and whisky, if you like. All while browsing the web for a more fitting epitaph for your sister than what mainstream media has put out."
She nodded quizzically as if asking for confirmation from the sobbing blob of a woman in front of her.
"Who knows. I might even end up writing a song about her."
 
Shannon nodded as Molly whispered in her ear. After being moved to arm's length, she listened as Molly spoke, offering to hang out with her and have a girls' night binging and looking for better epitaphs. Shannon smiled weakly, nodding. "Maybe not alcohol. I did that a few days after ... After it happened. Got absolutely shitfaced. Our —my, I guess, now— roommate says she had to actually lock the knives up to keep me from ... Well, taking a permanent option out of dealing with my grief. I honestly can't remember that night ... Or most of the next day and a half."

She nodded. "I already know where we'll find at least one good one. Addison was on the school's newspaper/journalism staff. They wrote something about her. I haven't ... I haven't read it. I haven't been able to bring myself to. I only know about it because ... They interviewed me for it. And our parents."

Molly's suggestion of writing a song about her got a genuine smile. "But you didn't know her. I don't ... How would you hope to do her justice?"
 
Molly more than knew what Shannon was talking about. She had basically lived on alcohol for a week after her twin died and yes there ha been times when there had been no desire greater in her world than to follow him permanently. Life without him had just seemed utterly pointless. Her three years older cousin Deanna had moved in with her temporarily to make sure she didn't. She had followed her everywhere, even to the bathroom. She had only just moved back to her fiance about a week earlier.

Life still seemed utterly pointless without Leo but, in parts with help from the support group and many sobbing late night calls to Gary, she had found two reasons to stay among the living rather than joining her twin brother. The support group was one because after a while she had felt that it was a place where she could do some good, where she could help people like herself and it was one night after having taken up much of the group's allotted time that she realised the other reason. She was going to live for them both, herself and Leo. That was the best way to honour his life, to not only remember him but to let him continue living, through her.

"I understand Shannon, trust me I do, I've been there myself, but I will be right there with you, getting just as shitfaced and making sure the knives stay away from you, as well as any potentially broken glasses or bottles, listening and comforting. We'll start with the School paper and take it from there. That's how I will do her justice, and from anything and everything you tell me about her."

She put an arm around Shannon's shoulder and gave a nod to Gary and the rest of the group.
"C'mon. I actually don't live that far from here, and there's a liquor store and a seven eleven on the way."
 
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Shannon glanced at Molly as the other woman reassured her about making sure nothing dangerous got into Shannon's hands while they were drinking. "Promise me." She said softly. "Promise me you won't let me hurt myself." She said.

The way Molly assured her she was going to do her research to write the song, starting with the school paper on Addison and anything and everything Shannon told her, got a smile. She nodded. "Sounds like a plan. And I can ... I can see if any of her other friends want to help you out as well. They might know things I didn't, have stories about her I don't." She said, following Molly to the door.
 
It would have been easy to say something cliché and catchy like: Cross my heart and hope to die, or offer her a Pinky Swear but in the end all Molly said was: "Promise!"

On the way back to her apartment Molly stopped first at a liquor store and bought a bottle of Four Roses Bourbon and then picked up a large bucket of Rocky Road and whatever Ice cream Shannon preferred without saying much of anything.

As they stepped inside her small attic apartment two things became very obvious, the first being that Molly was not a stickler for tidying up. There were clothes strewn across the floor and most of the furniture, just a worn down sofa with a small rickety coffee table with only three legs, the fourth was made up of old leather bound books, a scattered selection of an encyclopedia (if one examined them closer), an unmade bed in one corner or the room with a small side table. The other thing that became obvious was that was that music definitely was Molly's main focus. Among the otherwise old and scruffy furniture was a high end stereo in pristine condition surrounded by shelves upon shelves of records, both on CD and on vinyl and if one was to examine them more closely they covered a broad spectrum of styles and age, going back to the 40's all the way up to present day. There were two electric guitars (a Satin Cherry Gibson ES 335, a Heritage Cherry Gibson SG Standard and next to them a Tobacco Burst Gibson Thunderbird Bass guitar and next to them an Orange Crush 12 Combo and an Orange Crush Bass 100 Combo) all of which took up a large part of the small apartment.

Another thing one might perhaps notice rather quickly was the large television hooked up to a laptop that in turn seemed to extend towards the musical equipment.

"Right, so the place is a bit of a mess but I'm sure you can find somewhere clean to sit," Molly said and cleared the coffee table, set the bags down on it and went to the kitchenette to wash two glasses for them to drink from and two spoons with which to eat the ice cream.
 
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Liquor and ice cream (Shannon had ultimately selected cookie dough flavor) in hand, they had made their way to Molly's apartment. It was immediately apparent that Molly clearly wasn't too worried about presentability, but obviously valued her music and instruments, which stood out for how well-kept they were. She got herself settled on the sofa, clearing a small patch off to sit on, and smiled when Molly returned with the glasses and spoons.

"So ... You're really into music, huh?" She asked. "I mean, you said you wrote songs, but, well, this," she swept her hand in the direction of Molly's instruments, "is pretty hugely impressive."
 
"Yea. It began as a extra-curricular activity in like primary school. I started taking guitar lessons and soon realised I was quite good so I was probably like maybe 11 when I started a band, with kids a few years older because there were no kids my age good enough really. Back then of course I only had the one Les Paul, Standard Gold top. I still have it but at the rehearsal space I rent a few blocks away, along with the rest of my gear. Maybe you've heard of us. Earthlings vs Angels. We've done a few relatively big gigs and have a few songs up on Spotify, Bandcamp, Soundcloud and a few live videos on YouTube. We can watch one some day maybe but tonight is about you and Addison."

She poured two rather large servings of whisky into the glasses and raised her own.
"To those we've lost, to their memory, and fuck those who took them from us," she said and made a face before downing the whisky all in one go as if it had been a shot.
 
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Molly's explanation of her love of music got a nod, and then Shannon froze for a moment when Molly mentioned the band name. Then she was moving on, mentioning that tonight was supposed to be about Shannon and Addison.

She raised her glass at Molly's toast. "I'll drink to that." She said, then downed the drink. "So, Earthlings vs Angels? Yeah, I've definitely heard of you. Addison was actually a fan, honestly. She got to go to one of your shows a while back. Loved it. Would not shut up about it. Made me listen to all your music."

A smile crossed her face. "If there's an afterlife, she's up there probably freaking out that you're gonna do a song about her. I can't think of a better tribute than her favorite band doing that."

She popped open her ice cream, nodding. "Addison wanted to be a journalist. She wanted to be a voice for her community. She came out at 16. And I followed not long after. I've always been following her. And now she's gone. Nobody to lead me. No footsteps to follow anymore."
 
"A fan huh?" Molly said and without really asking lit a cigarette.
"Even more reason to write a tribute song to her."
She poured another glass for them both and go up to get her semi-acoustic ES335.
"So what did you think of us after she made you listen to all the music we have out there?" she asked and strummed a few chords as if looking for one that stuck.
"I mean, I know it can be a bit on the extreme side, certainly not for everyone, but hey, where's the fun in that huh?"
She then tried a few riffs and variations on some sort of musical theme.
 
Shannon eyed the cigarette, then shrugged. "Hell, if we're doing vices tonight, give me one of those." She said.

At Molly's question, she smiled. "It's intense, sure. But I rather liked it. I see why she did."

Listening to Molly strum on the guitar, Shannon smiled as she took the second glass, this time pacing herself. "Finding a tune?" She asked.

"So, anyways, you wanted to know about Addison. What do you want to know?"
 
Molly stopped her strumming and reached for the pack of cigarettes, holding it out to Shannon and then offering her a lighter.
"Yea it is pretty intense, loud and kinda messy at times but then again, so, I've been told, am I."
She chuckled and downed her second glass much the same way she had the first.
"It's more like finding ... I dunno ... a chord or riff that sticks with me. Like with your sister, right, I feel it should be a lament of sorts but also reflect the violence of her death, the trauma I wish I wasn't certain she had suffered up to that moment for simply being who she was. Maybe something like this on the bass."
She played a slow but long winding riff on the fifth and sixth strings and then struck two hard, dissonant, chords, one striking downwards and the other striking upwards before resuming the riff again.
"So, just like y'know what was she like as a person, like behind social media? What was her journey to becoming who she truly was rather than who she was assigned to be at birth?"
 
Shannon smiled as she lit the cigarette, taking a drag and following that with a long swig of the liquor. "Addison was ... She was 16 when she came out. She'd been ... Dealing with a lot of depression and shit. But after, she was happier. Our parents, they were amazingly receptive. Nearly took the school district to court over things when the school was being ... Difficult."

She paused, finishing her glass and refilling it. "So there was one guy in particular, kept being a real shit to her. Deadnaming, misgendering, slurs every chance he got. One day he's talking shit just off school grounds, goading her, telling her to fight him and that he bet she'd swing like a girl. He takes a swing at her. She dodges it, he falls forward flat on his face from overreaching, breaks his nose on the pavement. She looks at him, smirks, says, "at least when I swing I hit my target," and walks away like a fuckin queen. Fucker never bothered her again."
 
"So maybe something about Caterpillars, or maybe an ugly duckling reference, or both?" Molly said, half to herself and half to Shannon and played the riff she'd been toying with before, a bit slower.
"Like a caterpillar from its cocoon / she emerged happy and bright / from the darkness of dysphoria," she half sang half spoke, almost like some sort of slow melodic rap.

She then looked up, dug into the ice cream and titled her head to the side with a smile at Addison's comment to her bully.
"I know the type. Leo had his share of bullies too back in high school. Being ever so slightly older, 11 minutes to be exact, I took my duties as big sis quite seriously and got into so many fights we both ended up having to change schools a few times."
She poured another glass for herself and nudged the bottle towards Shannon in case she wanted another as well. She didn't want to make her feel like she had to keep up.

She then repeated those three lines and ended them with a few loud chords, like before.
"This is where the drums and bass would come in," she said and did a four bars crescendo.
"Deadnamed, Misgendered, Slurs at every turn."
Her voice was harsher, louder, angrier and so were the chords to match the words but they were delivered in the same half sung, half spoken melodic rap style.
 
Shannon nodded at Molly's suggestion. "She always did like the caterpillar/butterfly analogy." She confirmed, then nodded along as Molly played out the riff with some experimental lyrics. "That's pretty good." She said with a smile.

Molly's comments about her own experiences protecting her brother from bullies got another smile. Shannon refilled her glass, taking a long swig and draining about half of it as she listened to the next couple of lyrics. "Yeah, I'm loving this." She said

"Anyways, what you said about looking out for your brother ... Addie was the same way. Hell, after I came out, there was a time at summer camp where she got in a fight with this girl who was bullying me. Addie nearly got kicked out and almost had charges pressed against her until the camp directors and the bitch's parents saw the video that showed the girl attack me first. Kicked me right in the crotch. Kept kicking after I went down. Addie hears my cry, comes charging over, tackles this girl, and just ... One punch. That's all Addie throws. One punch, right to the girl's jaw, knocks her out cold. Addie gets up off her, looks around, and says, "Anyone fucks with Shannon fucks with me. Anyone who fucks with me gets what this bitch got." It was glorious."

She frowned. "Addie was always there to keep me safe. Always able to take on anyone, anything, any time, any place. My guardian angel, my protector. And now ... If someone could kill her ... I could be next. And easier." She said, voice breaking up as tears formed in her eyes."
 
Molly focused on the ice cream for a while, spooned some of it into the whisky and downed in a big mouthful.
"Try it," she suggested.
"It is absolutely delicious."
She then refilled her glass again.

"Yea I was that person to Leo, his guardian angel, sort of, burnt wings and reeking of smoke but still. He wasn't exactly able to defend himself and y'know what. I sometimes think our wires were crossed in the womb, and he came out a girl and I came out a boy. Like not that I actually want to be male or anything, though I do at times like to imagine myself with a cock, but I always was the more masculine of us and he was the more feminine of us."

As Shannon began to tear up Molly put her guitar down and moved in a little closer.
"Is it ok if I give you a hug? I've been told I've got great shoulders for crying on."
 
Shannon had watched Molly's experiment with the ice cream and whiskey with interest, and upon Molly's approval, she shrugged and repeated it herself. "Yeah, that's, uh, that's definitely something." She said after trying it.

She listened as Molly spoke about thinking she and her twin had gotten their wires crossed in utero and occasionally wondering what having a cock was like. She chuckled. "Right. The totally cis woman tendency to think about having a dick." She teased.

When Molly asked about giving her a hug, Shannon nodded, opening her arms for the incoming hug.
 
After a long comforting hug and soft strokes of Shannon's hair Molly sat back up and took out two more cigarettes, placed one between her lips and offered the other to Shannon.
"Well can you blame us. As a transwoman you at least know, just as I, a cis woman know what it is like to have a vagina, something I am sure a lot of men have at some point wondered about," she then began to respond to Shannon's comment, which had of course been made in jest rather than delivered with bitter sarcasm.
" I mean sure, I've got substitutes for one that I sometimes use, both with my girlfriends and for my more private pleasures. In fact I've got quite a collection, but still ... it can never be the same as actually having one."
She took a deep drag on the cigarette and released the smoke slowly through her nostrils she leaned back against Shannon, in a perhaps more intimate gesture than might be entirely appropriate, she continued.
"Remember back when you began to realise you were a girl and not a boy?" she asked rhetorically.
"You must have wondered what it felt like to have real breasts and a vagina, right?"
She looked up at Shannon to make sure she wasn't stepping on her toes because her intentions were certainly not to hurt her new friend's feelings in any way.
"I think it is a natural part of discovering our true gender to have those thoughts as we go through puberty. Some find that they are, if not happy then at least comfortable with what they were born with, such as myself, even though I am in many other ways quite masculine, others, like yourself don't."
She took another long pensive drag on the cigarette and let it slowly slip between her half parted lips.
"It's just like how we discover out sexuality really, we imagine and maybe experiment, some come out and embrace whatever their sexuality might be, others are afraid to, or ashamed, if it doesn't fit the expectations of their social context. Some go their whole lives before realising what it was that didn't feel right about their relationships. I know this woman in her late fifties who after nearly 30 years of being married to a man, having three kids with him, and I suppose on some level loving him, fell in love with their neighbour's wife and realised what had been missing from her life all that time."
She now looked back up at Shannon and giggled.
"I talk too much huh?"
 
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