Patreon LogoYour support makes Blue Moon possible (Patreon)

Request Thread Critique

Archmagos Issac

Sir Ser Issac of Clarke of Chad the II
Joined
Apr 6, 2014
Location
The Forge World of Mars
00e8423c4f819ec24193d026a38def73.png

f395a0c69314e907b5943b839403fb74.png



A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away . . . .

Hello my fellow nerds, I am Archmagos Issac but you can call me simply Issac. This thread if you couldn't tell is dedicated to my need to tell stories in the Star Wars universe. Let's start however with a bit about me so you know who you're getting involved with

ABOUT ME:
I am a 27 year old Male and I've been doing RPs since I was at least 12 or 13. In short, that's a loooooong time to be writing. I've improved little by little with every work I've done and have only learned to love writing more and more. I can post anywhere from 2 fairly well done paragraphs to full blown walls of text. Honestly it comes down to a two simple things: what my partner gives me and what my muse gives me. I make it a good habit to try and match whatever my partner gives me so if you give me one simple paragraph, you're likely gonna get one in return.

If you're looking for my kinks than by all means browse my F-list. I only JUST made one though so if it doesn't work, please let me know

WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR:
I'm looking for fellow fans of the IP with a love of writing and story telling. Perhaps most importantly I would like my partners to be willing to communicate with me. What I mean by that is if something comes up, if you can't post, if you can't continue the RP for any reason, let me know! I'm not gonna get bent outta shape, I'm not gonna hound you, I understand completely. Take your time, say good bye, do whatever. Just please tell me so I can stop eyeballing my inbox in the hopes that I'll get a reply.

Communication also means planning, brainstorming, talking with me about the story and it's characters. I LOVE partners that want to plan and have ideas. This is our story after all and I want us to have our own touches on it all. Don't be afraid to suggest something, ask questions, anything. Worst I'll do is give the equivalent of no and that's that but you'll find I rarely outright say no. I want this to be our story and most of the time I'll either compromise or I'll just outright love your suggestion and start discussing how we incorporate it in.

The last thing I ask of my partners is to please be patient. Understand I work a job that has me working 12 hours a day, 5 days a week, and bouncing back and forth between a 6am-6pm shift, and a 6pm-6am shift. I can be a bit busy sometimes and sometimes outright forgetful either because of work or my own brain chemistry keeping me distracted. If I don't reply, give any indication of what's going on, whatever, please feel free to reach out. Most likely I need a gentle nudge and I'll be back at it immediately


PLOTS:


3694c8e6b25ea55588d66197c69c1d01.png


Setting: The Sequel Trilogy (Retelling anyway)
Characters: Pilots for the New Republic


With the destruction of the the Second Death Star came the eventual collapse of the Empire itself. The Battle of Endor heralded the end of the Empire and the rise of the New Republic, but not the end of conflict or struggle. The time for rebuilding and restructuring had begun and it was now time for this New Republic to demonstrate that it could replace the Empire as a galactic force. Alas though, rarely does any new government rise fully realized and fully supported. While there were indeed supporters amongst the people, senators, and others across the galaxy; a government requires armies and people to fight for said government and to combat the agendas of those who'd take advantage of the chaos and those who escaped the fall of the Empire. While the New Republic began it's rebuilding, it needed individuals who were not only able to enforce the law but able to be flexible enough to operate on their own with little to no support until the New Republic can step in.

Thus came the Rangers of the New Republic; pilots and soldiers who are given the authority to dole out justice as they see fit with the flexibility to go where they are needed and where they please. They are the peacekeepers of the New Republic. For 30 years, these rangers have operated throughout the galaxy. Many within the Outer Rim dealing with pirates, crime lords, and remnants of the Imperials. However, the Rangers have been hearing murmurs of something within the Unknown Regions gaining traction. Supporters of the political movement known as the First Order have been discovered with knowledge, documents, and supplies that all point to something growing within these uncharted areas: a threat that could bury the New Republic. The senators and politicians don't wish to begin hostilities based on such claims though. To start a war before the New Republic has even gotten a chance to stand up on it's own plans a potentially costly conflict that can't be afforded.

Something is on the horizon, and the Rangers are perhaps the only ones prepared to do anything.....


space
91c29e5941088d74d29c6484419f6fbe.png


Setting: The Original Trilogy
Characters:
Vroll Kross, Mandalorian Smuggler
Rescued Slave


Smugglers, the rogue traders of the Galaxy. The outlaws able to run blockades, move cargo deemed illegal, and all without being caught; assuming of course they are good smugglers that is. When the Galactic Empire came about, the need for smugglers had become more necessary than ever. Things that were once deemed normal had suddenly became outlawed, forbidden, and thus more valuable. Someone needs to move that cargo, someone needs to run those blockades, someone needs to be crazy enough or brave enough to do what's necessary. Though a bit of greed helps too.

Vroll is something of an oddity among the surviving Mandalorians. While many became bounty hunters or opted to hide in the shadows after the Night of a Thousand Tears, Vroll used his training and talents to instead become a smuggler. He'd been taught to act as a scout, a hunter, to be able to recognize patterns and paths that others might not see. That talent became useful in looking for weaknesses in a blockade, recognizing routes of ships, and exploiting that. That knowledge has made him quite good at his job as well. With the rise in business, Vroll had been eventually approached by one of the crime lords of the Hutt Cartel. He'd been tasked with finding and smuggling an artifact located on the planet of Moraband in a once lost tomb. At first, Vroll didn't ask any questions. Go to Moraband, find the artifact, deliver it to the Hutts. Simple enough. That changed after he'd found the artifact, a Holodisk; and ran into trouble every step of the way. What had he gotten his hands on? What was on this disk that was so important

Eventually, he'd managed to make it to Nal Hutta with the cargo in hand. He handed over the disk and been offered a night to rest. Then came the next wrinkle; a slave of the Hutts. Vroll had no interest in spending a night with the slave, especially not when she'd been ordered to kill him in his sleep. Despite that, the two talked and this slave girl revealed what was so important about that holodisk: a map to a long forgotten vault with who knew what sort of riches inside. She had a proposal that would benefit them both: she got the disk and brought it to him, he took her with him and away from the Hutts, and together they'd hunt down that vault and split whatever they found right down the middle.

How could he refuse?


MORE PLOTS TO COME!
 
Really love what you did, actually. I would just implement a few minor formatting touches....

00e8423c4f819ec24193d026a38def73.png

f395a0c69314e907b5943b839403fb74.png


A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away . . . .
About Me
I s s a c
Twenty-Seven
Male x Female
10+ years writing
Paragraphs to Novella

Click here for my F-list
About You
I'm looking for fellow fans of the IP with a love of writing and story telling. Perhaps most importantly I would like my partners to be willing to communicate with me. What I mean by that is if something comes up, if you can't post, if you can't continue the RP for any reason, let me know! I'm not gonna get bent outta shape, I'm not gonna hound you, I understand completely. Take your time, say good bye, do whatever. Just please tell me so I can stop eyeballing my inbox in the hopes that I'll get a reply.

Communication also means planning, brainstorming, talking with me about the story and it's characters. I LOVE partners that want to plan and have ideas. This is our story after all and I want us to have our own touches on it all. Don't be afraid to suggest something, ask questions, anything. Worst I'll do is give the equivalent of no and that's that but you'll find I rarely outright say no. I want this to be our story and most of the time I'll either compromise or I'll just outright love your suggestion and start discussing how we incorporate it in.
The last thing I ask of my partners is to please be patient. Understand I work a job that has me working 12 hours a day, 5 days a week, and bouncing back and forth between a 6am-6pm shift, and a 6pm-6am shift. I can be a bit busy sometimes and sometimes outright forgetful either because of work or my own brain chemistry keeping me distracted. If I don't reply, give any indication of what's going on, whatever, please feel free to reach out. Most likely I need a gentle nudge and I'll be back at it immediately.


1Op6FMR.png


3694c8e6b25ea55588d66197c69c1d01.png

Setting: The Sequel Trilogy Characters: Pilots for the New Republic
Prompt
With the destruction of the the Second Death Star came the eventual collapse of the Empire itself. The Battle of Endor heralded the end of the Empire and the rise of the New Republic, but not the end of conflict or struggle. The time for rebuilding and restructuring had begun and it was now time for this New Republic to demonstrate that it could replace the Empire as a galactic force. Alas though, rarely does any new government rise fully realized and fully supported. While there were indeed supporters amongst the people, senators, and others across the galaxy; a government requires armies and people to fight for said government and to combat the agendas of those who'd take advantage of the chaos and those who escaped the fall of the Empire. While the New Republic began it's rebuilding, it needed individuals who were not only able to enforce the law but able to be flexible enough to operate on their own with little to no support until the New Republic can step in.

Thus came the Rangers of the New Republic; pilots and soldiers who are given the authority to dole out justice as they see fit with the flexibility to go where they are needed and where they please. They are the peacekeepers of the New Republic. For 30 years, these rangers have operated throughout the galaxy. Many within the Outer Rim dealing with pirates, crime lords, and remnants of the Imperials. However, the Rangers have been hearing murmurs of something within the Unknown Regions gaining traction. Supporters of the political movement known as the First Order have been discovered with knowledge, documents, and supplies that all point to something growing within these uncharted areas: a threat that could bury the New Republic. The senators and politicians don't wish to begin hostilities based on such claims though. To start a war before the New Republic has even gotten a chance to stand up on it's own plans a potentially costly conflict that can't be afforded.

Something is on the horizon, and the Rangers are perhaps the only ones prepared to do anything.....

91c29e5941088d74d29c6484419f6fbe.png

Setting: Original Trilogy Characters: Vroll Kross, Mandalorian, Smuggler, Rescued Slave
Prompt
Smugglers, the rogue traders of the Galaxy. The outlaws able to run blockades, move cargo deemed illegal, and all without being caught; assuming of course they are good smugglers that is. When the Galactic Empire came about, the need for smugglers had become more necessary than ever. Things that were once deemed normal had suddenly became outlawed, forbidden, and thus more valuable. Someone needs to move that cargo, someone needs to run those blockades, someone needs to be crazy enough or brave enough to do what's necessary. Though a bit of greed helps too.

Vroll is something of an oddity among the surviving Mandalorians. While many became bounty hunters or opted to hide in the shadows after the Night of a Thousand Tears, Vroll used his training and talents to instead become a smuggler. He'd been taught to act as a scout, a hunter, to be able to recognize patterns and paths that others might not see. That talent became useful in looking for weaknesses in a blockade, recognizing routes of ships, and exploiting that. That knowledge has made him quite good at his job as well. With the rise in business, Vroll had been eventually approached by one of the crime lords of the Hutt Cartel. He'd been tasked with finding and smuggling an artifact located on the planet of Moraband in a once lost tomb. At first, Vroll didn't ask any questions. Go to Moraband, find the artifact, deliver it to the Hutts. Simple enough. That changed after he'd found the artifact, a Holodisk; and ran into trouble every step of the way. What had he gotten his hands on? What was on this disk that was so important

Eventually, he'd managed to make it to Nal Hutta with the cargo in hand. He handed over the disk and been offered a night to rest. Then came the next wrinkle; a slave of the Hutts. Vroll had no interest in spending a night with the slave, especially not when she'd been ordered to kill him in his sleep. Despite that, the two talked and this slave girl revealed what was so important about that holodisk: a map to a long forgotten vault with who knew what sort of riches inside. She had a proposal that would benefit them both: she got the disk and brought it to him, he took her with him and away from the Hutts, and together they'd hunt down that vault and split whatever they found right down the middle.

How could he refuse
?



[CENTER][IMG width="437px"]https://fontmeme.com/permalink/220721/00e8423c4f819ec24193d026a38def73.png[/IMG][/CENTER] [HR=3][/HR] [CENTER][IMG width="569px"]https://fontmeme.com/permalink/230103/f395a0c69314e907b5943b839403fb74.png[/IMG] [SIZE=7][FONT=times new roman][I]A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away . . . . [/I][/FONT][/SIZE][/CENTER] [INDENT][/INDENT] [accordion=510px|bcenter][slide=About Me|center][CENTER][FONT=times new roman][SIZE=7]I s s a c[/SIZE] [SIZE=5]Twenty-Seven Male x Female 10+ years writing Paragraphs to Novella[/SIZE][/FONT] [SIZE=5][COLOR=rgb(204, 204, 204)][FONT=times new roman] [URL='https://www.f-list.net/c/archmagos%20issac']Click here for my F-list[/URL][/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE][/CENTER] [/SLIDE][SLIDE=About You|center][SIZE=5][COLOR=rgb(209, 213, 216)][FONT=times new roman]I'm looking for fellow fans of the IP with a love of writing and story telling. Perhaps most importantly I would like my partners to be willing to communicate with me. What I mean by that is if something comes up, if you can't post, if you can't continue the RP for any reason, let me know! I'm not gonna get bent outta shape, I'm not gonna hound you, I understand completely. Take your time, say good bye, do whatever. Just please tell me so I can stop eyeballing my inbox in the hopes that I'll get a reply. [/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE] [JUSTIFY] [SIZE=5][COLOR=rgb(209, 213, 216)][FONT=times new roman]Communication also means planning, brainstorming, talking with me about the story and it's characters. I [B][U]LOVE[/U][/B] partners that want to plan and have ideas. This is our story after all and I want us to have our own touches on it all. Don't be afraid to suggest something, ask questions, anything. Worst I'll do is give the equivalent of no and that's that but you'll find I rarely outright say no. I want this to be our story and most of the time I'll either compromise or I'll just outright love your suggestion and start discussing how we incorporate it in.[/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE] [/JUSTIFY] [SIZE=5][COLOR=rgb(209, 213, 216)][FONT=times new roman]The last thing I ask of my partners is to please be patient. Understand I work a job that has me working 12 hours a day, 5 days a week, and bouncing back and forth between a 6am-6pm shift, and a 6pm-6am shift. I can be a bit busy sometimes and sometimes outright forgetful either because of work or my own brain chemistry keeping me distracted. If I don't reply, give any indication of what's going on, whatever, please feel free to reach out. Most likely I need a gentle nudge and I'll be back at it immediately.[/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE][/SLIDE][/ACCORDION] [CENTER][IMG width="345px"]https://i.imgur.com/1Op6FMR.png[/IMG] [IMG width="602px"]https://fontmeme.com/permalink/230103/3694c8e6b25ea55588d66197c69c1d01.png[/IMG] [B][FONT=times new roman][SIZE=4]Setting: [/SIZE][/FONT][/B][FONT=times new roman][SIZE=4]The Sequel Trilogy[COLOR=rgb(0, 0, 0)] █[/COLOR] [B]Characters: [/B][/SIZE][/FONT][URL='https://cdn.donmai.us/sample/ea/46/__star_wars_drawn_by_darek_zabrocki__sample-ea46222120159b68822d583daeac998b.jpg'][FONT=times new roman][SIZE=4]Pilots for the New Republic[/SIZE][/FONT][/URL][/CENTER] [accordion=bcenter|600px][slide=Prompt|center][FONT=times new roman][SIZE=5]With the destruction of the the Second Death Star came the eventual collapse of the Empire itself. The Battle of Endor heralded the end of the Empire and the rise of the New Republic, but not the end of conflict or struggle. The time for rebuilding and restructuring had begun and it was now time for this New Republic to demonstrate that it could replace the Empire as a galactic force. Alas though, rarely does any new government rise fully realized and fully supported. While there were indeed supporters amongst the people, senators, and others across the galaxy; a government requires armies and people to fight for said government and to combat the agendas of those who'd take advantage of the chaos and those who escaped the fall of the Empire. While the New Republic began it's rebuilding, it needed individuals who were not only able to enforce the law but able to be flexible enough to operate on their own with little to no support until the New Republic can step in. Thus came the Rangers of the New Republic; pilots and soldiers who are given the authority to dole out justice as they see fit with the flexibility to go where they are needed and where they please. They are the peacekeepers of the New Republic. For 30 years, these rangers have operated throughout the galaxy. Many within the Outer Rim dealing with pirates, crime lords, and remnants of the Imperials. However, the Rangers have been hearing murmurs of something within the Unknown Regions gaining traction. Supporters of the political movement known as the First Order have been discovered with knowledge, documents, and supplies that all point to something growing within these uncharted areas: a threat that could bury the New Republic. The senators and politicians don't wish to begin hostilities based on such claims though. To start a war before the New Republic has even gotten a chance to stand up on it's own plans a potentially costly conflict that can't be afforded. Something is on the horizon, and the Rangers are perhaps the only ones prepared to do anything.....[/SIZE][/FONT] [/slide][/accordion] [CENTER][IMG]https://fontmeme.com/permalink/230103/91c29e5941088d74d29c6484419f6fbe.png[/IMG] [B][FONT=times new roman][SIZE=4]Setting: [/SIZE][/FONT][/B][SIZE=4][FONT=times new roman]Original Trilogy [COLOR=rgb(0, 0, 0)]█[/COLOR] [B]Characters: [/B][URL='https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D6Z1zlVX4AIq8CZ.jpg']Vroll Kross[/URL], Mandalorian, Smuggler, Rescued Slave[/FONT][/SIZE][/CENTER] [accordion=bcenter|600px][slide=Prompt|center][FONT=times new roman][SIZE=5]Smugglers, the rogue traders of the Galaxy. The outlaws able to run blockades, move cargo deemed illegal, and all without being caught; assuming of course they are good smugglers that is. When the Galactic Empire came about, the need for smugglers had become more necessary than ever. Things that were once deemed normal had suddenly became outlawed, forbidden, and thus more valuable. Someone needs to move that cargo, someone needs to run those blockades, someone needs to be crazy enough or brave enough to do what's necessary. Though a bit of greed helps too. Vroll is something of an oddity among the surviving Mandalorians. While many became bounty hunters or opted to hide in the shadows after the Night of a Thousand Tears, Vroll used his training and talents to instead become a smuggler. He'd been taught to act as a scout, a hunter, to be able to recognize patterns and paths that others might not see. That talent became useful in looking for weaknesses in a blockade, recognizing routes of ships, and exploiting that. That knowledge has made him quite good at his job as well. With the rise in business, Vroll had been eventually approached by one of the crime lords of the Hutt Cartel. He'd been tasked with finding and smuggling an artifact located on the planet of Moraband in a once lost tomb. At first, Vroll didn't ask any questions. Go to Moraband, find the artifact, deliver it to the Hutts. Simple enough. That changed after he'd found the artifact, a Holodisk; and ran into trouble every step of the way. What had he gotten his hands on? What was on this disk that was so important Eventually, he'd managed to make it to Nal Hutta with the cargo in hand. He handed over the disk and been offered a night to rest. Then came the next wrinkle; a slave of the Hutts. Vroll had no interest in spending a night with the slave, especially not when she'd been ordered to kill him in his sleep. Despite that, the two talked and this slave girl revealed what was so important about that holodisk: a map to a long forgotten vault with who knew what sort of riches inside. She had a proposal that would benefit them both: she got the disk and brought it to him, he took her with him and away from the Hutts, and together they'd hunt down that vault and split whatever they found right down the middle. How could he refuse[/SIZE][/FONT]?[/SLIDE][/ACCORDION]
 
Lemme know if you need any help with the code and good luck (▔▀ ‿ ▔▀ )ლ ▂▂⌇
 
I like shorter prompts, and I don't write fandom, so take this with a grain of salt 😅
  • prompt vs summarize: the definition of prompt according to Dictionary.com is "(of an event or fact) cause or bring about (an action or feeling)". These aren't prompts for writers. They're auditions for readers. I don't know much about Star Wars but it kind of feels like you've got it all figured out and just need to fill the cast. Remember, prompts are meant to inspire and invite collaboration, not script. I would save most of these narrative details you want to write for when you actually get a bite
  • open it up: you like Star Wars and you wanna write Star Wars, which means you gotta wait for Star Wars. Limiting your plays to a particular fandom is hit or miss here, but I call miss because it really puts you at the mercy of that fanbase. This thread is only going to appeal to your fellow 'Star Wars nerds', you know? What if you opened some of these pairings (pilots, Mandalorian-esque, Smugglers, Rescued Slaves) to an original setting or more "alternate" Star Wars universe?
 
Last edited:
I think the format is really nice, especially with Retrojapan's enhancements. One thing I would however add is, beside the "about me/you" sections, a "writing style" header: your prompts clearly describe the story that you want to write, but I can't find how you'd want to write them. Are you looking for a slow-burn drama or a quick-paced adventure? Something short- or long-term? You linked your F-list, but I can't immediately see how much of an erotic aspect you want these stories to have; would it be a minor element or the focus of the plot?

Most request threads I've seen also list where they usually write, e.g. in PMs, a thread, or somewhere else.

I also agree with Retro that you might want to slim your prompts down and leave them more open-ended. Though I've personally had good experiences with requests featuring a single fandom, keeping your prompts concise should help maintain the attention of the few that'd be drawn to your thread, and if you leave a lot of room for their ideas they'd likely feel more encouraged to brainstorm with you. Perhaps take some inspiration from the movies' opening crawls and note how well they set up a story in so few words.

I hope that helps!
 
Fair point as well. I probably should mention somewhere in the thread where I'd prefer RPing and mentioning that these are all more story focused rather than erotica focused.

I suppose I should also re-read some of these prompts and see how I can slim them down. My brain tends to focus on as many details as possible and tends to forget "Only what's the most important. What's necessary, what's filler?"
 
Back
Top Bottom