Exhausted.
I'm very heavily pregnant at the moment, due early in December. I'd feel festive if I wasn't so tired! This year I'm trying to reconnect with my family a bit, since I just spent the holidays with my now-husband last year (up to and including accidentally setting my oven on fire last Thanksgiving due to a leaking roaster pan) and I must admit, even with as much trouble as I've had with my family in previous years and gripes I currently have, I've missed it.
The holidays were always the domain of my foster mother, who always made things magical when my brother and I were growing up, and she passed away suddenly two summers ago, and my brother was diagnosed with terminal cancer shortly before my wedding. I admit I feel quite a void with her gone and despite the long prognosis he's received, anticipatory grief over my brother; I have no one to ask how to do certain things anymore, and even sadder, she never got to meet my unborn son. And I feel, even though I'm not Christian and neither is my husband, my boy deserves to experience the magic I did growing up with my foster mother during the holidays.
I guess you could say that's one of my tributes to the woman who raised me, and with my brother's time limited, I should cherish every moment I have with him even more. Now that I'm older and am about to start a family, I think it might be high time to make my own traditions, with homage paid to ones I've practiced for decades with my foster mother.
So, I guess, to answer the question, aside from being tired, I feel... hopeful? Nostalgic?